I wish all Ubisoft executives and Bobby Kotick a very f**k you go to jail.

Things we missed last week: Apparently HUGE in Japan, the Suika Game aka "that thing with the watermelons" came out worldwide. It doesn't have English text. Lay on, MacDuff.

This week is abnormally large by most standards - the tracking list has the highest "starting" total of the year, and even... Read more...

Definitely not a cloud version, we can say that.

Hogwarts Legacy releases on Nintendo Switch this November after successfull launches on PS5, PS4, Xbox One, and Xbox Series systems. It is a graphically demanding game so the Switch version has always been a bit of a question mark. Today, thanks to a new pre-order page on the eShop, we have our first look at the Switch version of the game. Take a look at the screenshots below.

It's Sonic's 30th anniversary, and the blue blur is so, SO screwed.

Things we missed last week: Early Konami puzzle (???) game Loco-Motion came to the platform under its Japanese name Guttang Gottong.

Ordinarily this week would be on a down note, which would be due to a game that glorifies drunk driving already being out following up with a game focused on Sonic's... Read more...

Martinet out, a new fresh face in.

We appear to have the new voice of Mario in next week's Super Mario Bros. Wonder.

In a post on Twitter (the site now known as X for some insane reason), voice actor Kevin Afghani confirmed he was the new voice of both Mario and Luigi in Wonder.

Incredibly proud to have voiced Mario and Luigi in Super Mario Bros. Wonder. Thanks to Nintendo for inviting me into the Flower Kingdom!

Kotick goes away in 80 days with a golden parachute instead of today in handcuffs.

After multiple government delays, the Microsoft acquisition of Activision Blizzard (King) has finally closed.

The deal, announced on January 18, 2022 closed this morning and saw the Xbox manufacturer acquire the Call of Duty behemoth for US$68.7bn. Integration will begin immediately, and notorious ABK CEO Robert "Bobby" Kotick will leave the combined company on January 1.

Riccitello to Sony (e5)

A recent controversial change to the pricing structure of the Unity engine has apparently led to the ouster of the company's CEO/president/chairman.

Unity have announced in a press release that CEO John Riccitello (ex of Electronic Arts) has resigned as CEO, president, chairman, and member of the... Read more...

Now that Batman is doing the Batusi in December, it's good to know that we still have some heroes left - a whole company, actually.

Things we missed last week: Darius II in the Archives.

I had a whole slew of references to the goddamned Batman lined up for this week's column, but then quality interceded to push those back to the end of November's column. (Good.) Left scrambling to fill the spot, we'll give the honour this week... Read more...

Fully pulling the plug on a generation.

Nintendo will be discontinuing online services for 3DS and Wii U in early Spring of next year.

Announced today at midnight eastern US time, Nintendo is planning to shut down all online communication for its previous-generation systems in early April 2024. A specific end date and time will be announced... Read more...

One less charge to worry about on the old Bat Credit Card.

A major Switch release originally targeting next week has been delayed past US Thanksgiving.

In social media posts this morning, publisher WB Games announced that the Batman Arkham Trilogy - originally slated for release next Thursday, Oct 12 - would now launch on December 1. The publisher cited "wanting to give Switch gamers the best possible experience" for the delay.

Maybe the return of Detective Pikachu means we'll be able to find the Nintendo Seal of Quality.

Things we missed last week: We were one last second delay in North America (Vampire: The Masquerade - Swansong delaying to December) from setting a new record for releases in the region. As it was, we still tied the record at 67.

After we thought it was dead for several years, Detective Pikachu... Read more...

You've suffered through Port Town II, now you get to try the original.

The track count in F-Zero 99 has doubled.

A forthcoming update (due tomorrow) to the September 14 Direct shadowdrop will add the five Queen League tracks - Mute City II, Port Town I, Red Canyon I, White Land I and II - to the game, including the option to race them in Grand Prix mode. White Land I was previously available in the "Expert Tracks" mode.

The title formerly known as Chicken Wiggle Workshop has had a hell of a road.

It took several years and a name change, but the former Chicken Wiggle Workshop now has a release date.

Following a 2018 Kickstarter campaign, backers have been notified by publisher Atooi that the title now known as Hatch Tales will release on March 28 - roughly six years to the day of the original... Read more...

..since this is the 35th cup, I guess it's not surprising that it isn't Mario themed.

Just because we have F-Zero 99 doesn't mean the other Switch Online exclusive freebie isn't done getting updates.

Tetris 99 has announced the 35th Maximus Cup this weekend will be themed around Xenoblade Chronicles 3, and will run from the traditional Friday morning 3 a.m. to Tuesday morning at 2:59 a.m. EDT. Earning 100 points will unlock the Xenoblade Chronicles 3 theme to possibly replace the Game Boy Tetris theme.

Now this is a 7.5 you can set your watch to.

Thousand Year Door isn't the only RPG getting remastered on Switch next year.

NIS America have announced a remaster of 2015's Legend of Legacy - the 3DS title originally created by FuRyu and published initially by Atlus - will be available on Switch among other platforms "early next year". Preorders... Read more...

I asked my mom like Kamiya said, she wondered why I was calling at 5 a.m.

One of the founding creators behind Platinum has left the studio after nearly 16 years.

In a post on Twitter (the social media site now known as X for some infantile reason), Platinum was the first to confirm the departure effective October 12 (two weeks from Thursday):

pic.twitter.com/GHiSugPF42

Remember when "the summer of too many games" had nothing? Well, welcome to the Autumn of Too Many Games.

Things we missed last week: It was a good week for classic shooters, with Strike Gunner in the Archives and the Telenet Shooting Collection getting localized.

A couple of years ago, the last week of the quarter had 50 releases and ended up with a record-at-the-time 60. This week's opening bid in... Read more...

...wait, this had MINIGAMES?

The next addition to the Expansion Pack may cause some historic multiplayer.

Kirby and the Amazing Mirror has been revealed as the next game in the Game Boy Advance library, launching on September 29. The 2004 platformer was in the original wave of GBA announcements.

The trailer (below) shows off four player online play for both the main story and some minigames.

Wait, a Trails series we can get in on the ground floor on?

Things we missed last week: Well, we predicted the Direct which added NSO subscription incentive F-Zero 99, strategy title Wartales, racing sequel Horizon Chase 2, and rhythm shitpost Trombone Champ. The Archives title, added in the educational section of every prison ever, is Jail Break from Konami.

The good news is, there's still enough time for it to get a second lotcheck review.

After being threatened on an annual basis for the last three summers, there is now a date attached to the remaster of Plumbers Don't Wear Ties.

In an announcement on Twitter, the service now known as X for some moronic reason, publisher Limited Run Games confirmed that the notorious FMV game would release digitally on December 8. The announcement was accompanied by the official opening of physical preorders for the game next Friday.

This list is pretty sus, and we're not just saying that because it has an Aspyr game.

Other 3rd party announcements from today's Direct: