Topic: E3 2017: REGGIE GOES MEGATON

[Order.RSS]

Here's what my uncle who works at Nintendo told me:

They [Nintendo] go to E3 anyway and are just denying things to make a giant surprise out of it, a surprise to outdo the Sega Saturn even! It'll be just one not-too-long video, tailor-made for screaming Youtube "reaction channels" stuffed to the brim with announcements.

First they show off ARMS again with some graphics claiming how alive the online community is, ends with a slow-mo punch and cuts to a character in Spla2n flying away into a pool of ink! "Oh dang son those transitions, we in for a good one", the entranced audience collectively realises. Swoosh out from some ink-looking goop out comes.... Mario Odyssey! There's goop in that game too!

Mario runs over some grassy fields, camera pans up to the Sun, pans a bit further... two suns?! Pans down... ohhhhh it's Xenoblade! Releasedate is Thanksgiving, surpreso h8rz! Images of swords clashing in Xeno... or is it... Fire Emblem Warriors y'all! Camera zooms into the face of Marth, we see the sword in first person now but, oh heckity yeah it's Skyrim!

Skyrim Dude looks at the ground at some leaves, those details! Wait, are the leaves alive? It's a new type of Pikmin with "2018" on a can next to it, awesome! A giant alien herbivore makes its way towards the trembling Pikmin... and explodes in a blue flash?! SAMUS ARAN REPORTIN FOR D00TY, PEW PEW PEW lasers fly everywhere, the orchestral music has changed to tacky dubstep now, wait hang on... some of those blue lasers look like... blue arrows! Kid Icarus confirmed?! (They don't show anything else to send messageboards into meltdown), but the camera races along with the arrows and lasers... they're targetting an Arwing!

Team Star Fox appear in hot pursuit of an unknown vehicle in the distance, the tacky dubstep gets an even tackier 90ies rock guitar on top, camera catches up... it's the Blue Falcon ooooooohhhh duuuudeeesss but who's inside? WHAT THE ICE CLIMBERS THAT'S SO CRAY

The audience is allowed to catch its breath as the camera moves to a birds-eye view... hang on a sec... all the characters we've seen so far are converging, they're all headed for a single place that looks suspiciously like an item-less Final Destination. SMA5H CONFIRMED MEGATONZZZZZ

Dozens of mics are dropped from the ceiling, in health & safety concerning fashion, people look under their seats AND it's the first issue of a newly relaunched Nintendo Power! eBay crashes instantly.

[King of Twitch]

Reminds me of the Melee intro.

The best part:

Dozens of mics are dropped from the ceiling

HYPE GET

[Wah]

Not gonna lie, i saw Mettaton in the title not megaton.

[Evan_B]

Not gonna lie, I saw Metatron in the title.

Presentation starts with Atlus logo

"DESTROY THE FILTH THAT WOULD DENY OUR LORD!"

Hundreds of Metatron swarm Nintendo's headquarters in Kyoto, murdering many developers. Miyamoto is shown working on a new IP: his own MOBA, and sits back in his chair, satisfied. "If this isn't the crowning achievement of my career, I don't know what is..." he says, before a Metatron bursts into his office and incinerates him.

Aonuma is discussing the next Zelda game with the team. "We've done the ocean, we've done the sky, we've done the trains... there's only one place left to go... SPACE!" The team applauds briefly before meeting a similar fater as Metatrons swarm in.

Sakurai  is busy working on the next Smash Bros., and dies right before completing it. The Metatron enter his office, only to leave disappointed upon seeing his lifeless corpse.

Reggie is there, for some reason. "Listen, I want you guys to make another Metroid as much as the fans do, but the truth is, the games just don't sell. 'Samus Aran?' More like, 'Who gives a damn?'" He is brutally beaten to death.

Tetsuya Takahashi submits a script for Xenoblade Chronicles X-2, and the Metatrons solemnly acknowledge him as he leaves the building.

Finally, when the entire building has been trashed, the Metatron seem satisfied. "NOW WE CAN COMMENCE OUR LAUNCH LINEUP."

CUT TO:

Tokyo Mirage Sessions Flat FE: Dancing All Night!
Etrian Odyssey Retold 1 and 2: The Remasters of the Remasters
Shin Megami Tensei V: MORE TOKYO. MORE ODIN. MORE BEELZEBUB. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, MORE DAGDA.
Persona Who? The Party Board Game featuring all of your favorite characters!
Post-Traumatic Team Disorder: A Visual Novel with intuitive Joy Con controls that has you psychologically evaluating all of the Trauma Team characters
And lastly, who could for get the reboot of the classic Wacky Races for the NES?!