Topic: Basic Driving Rules!

[nitsu niflheim]

Just for Fun!


Basic Rules for Driving in Suburban Maryland


Turn signals will give away your next move.  A real Marylander never uses them.

Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you.  If you do, the space will be filled by someone else who will flip you off.

In PG County, crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."

The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign.  No one expects it and it will inevitable result in you being rear-ended.  If you want your insurance company to pay for a new bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange and white barricades.

Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible, to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake petal pulsates.  For those without ABS, this is a time to stretch the legs.

Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.  It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable in the DC area during rush hour.

Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that another driver flashing his high beams behind you shouldn't think that he can go faster from your position

Please remember that there is no such things as an alternate route during rush-hour traffic.

Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even someone changing a tire.

Learn to swerve abruptly.  Maryland is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to DPT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers reflexes and keep them on their toes.

It is tradition here to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

Never take a green light at face value.  Always look right and left before proceeding.

Remember that the goal of every driver is to get their first, by whatever means necessary.

Real Maryland female drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

Real Maryland male drivers can remove their girlfriend's pantyhose and bra at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

Pick your nose while driving your car.  You are invisible there.

In the Maryland area, flipping someone the bird is considered a friendly salute.  The gesture should always be returned.

Never pay attention to a "Yield" sign.  It is the responsibility of those who are already in the lane to watch for you and anticipate you gunning into traffic.

If you are an immigrant to the Unites States, you are allowed to drive wherever and however you please.  We're just so darn happy to have you here, we'll be willing to stay out of your way.

If you come upon a car signaling for a left turn on a one-lane road: instead of driving around the stopped car, drive up really fast then break just inches from their bumper.  Honk.  Flip them off.  Make a big production of having to drive around them.  Flip them off one more time for good measure.

[oohhboy]

If that is even remotely true I am so not ever going there. Ever.  

[ThePerm]

also...be scared oohboy..they drive on the right side of the road!!!!! OMFG accidents await!

[Termin8Anakin]

Holy sh*t. Is this for real?

We were in the States like 7 years ago, and my dad was fined for not having an international licence.
You yanks and canucks drive on the wrong side of the road.

[AdvancedGamer]

You actually think this is for real? It's just a joke. And a very funny one. HA HA HA.  I was laughing so hard. Very good job nitsujdark.

[nitsu niflheim]

It is a joke but the sad thing is that a lot of people obivously drive like that.  You either drive like a maniac or have to anticipate 70 pound rocks being thrown at you while you're driving.

[Ian Sane]

"You yanks and canucks drive on the wrong side of the road."

Yeah but since we all drive on the wrong side it balances out.  As long as everyone breaks the rules we're okay.  

Here's a few extra rules I would add:

When using a cel-phone while driving make sure to make an obvious signal to the other drivers so that they know you're on the phone and they shouldn't disturb you.  Popular signals include driving at least 30 under the speed limit, driving at least 30 over the speed limit, driving through red lights, and weaving in and out of the oncoming lane.  The more important the phone call the more obvious the signal should be.

Yellow lights mean go faster.

Remember that insurance is useless unless you have an accident.  Therefore it's important to routinely trick people into hitting you so as to make sure your insurance isn't going to waste.  Remember that no matter how unpredictable you were driving as long as they hit you it's their fault.

Make sure to turn your head when talking to the passenger next to you.  Keeping your eyes on the road is rude to the other person.  You should always make eye contact so they can acknowledge that you're listening.

And a bonus rule for pedestrians:
Never cross the street at a crosswalk at an intersection.  It's just an inconvienence for people trying to turn.  Instead make sure to dart in front of traffic regardless of how close to the crosswalk you are.

[Termin8Anakin]

There's a funny ass commercial about driving while talking on a mobile phone here:

Instructor: Ok, now pull away from the curb....good.
Now drive at a safe speed....good.
*phone rings*
Oh, there's the phone. Go ahead and reach for it.
*girl reaches for phone in back seat*
Take your eyes of the road.
*girl looks for phone*
Good. Now say hello.
girl: Oh hi!
instructor: now don't pay attention to the road.
Oops! Swerve onto the curb and knock over the bins.
*car swerves onto curb*

Hahaha. Hilarious.
 

[Grey Ninja]

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And a bonus rule for pedestrians:
Never cross the street at a crosswalk at an intersection. It's just an inconvienence for people trying to turn. Instead make sure to dart in front of traffic regardless of how close to the crosswalk you are.

That's me and half of Canada.  

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We were in the States like 7 years ago, and my dad was fined for not having an international licence.
You yanks and canucks drive on the wrong side of the road.

No, we drive on the RIGHT side of the road.  You guys drive on the WRONG aka LEFT side of the road.  That's just nuts.

[Termin8Anakin]

I KNEW one of you guys were gonna use the whole right/left/wrong thing!

[Grey Ninja]

Yeah.  It's a common fear among people who drive on the wrong side of the road.  

[ThePerm]

Well considering automobiles were mainly devloped in the United States, Germany, and Britain. The question is why do peole drive i nthe right in the United States and most of Europe?

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Valley/8414/drive-right.htm

im sure in an onhorse sword battle most americans would be screwed...but im left handed....

also to measuremnts. I prefer metric measurements for measurign volume, however i beleive the metric measuremtns for Temperature are fucked up. The metric measurement for teperature is based on what temperature water freezes and what temperature water boils. In theory that sounds like it would be a perfect measurement system. However since the distance between boiling and freezing are so greatly apart and it will never reach boiling point in nature(well hopefully not) it leans to a certain direction and is flawed. The Farenheit measuremnt systems seems to be based on what temperatures YOU will DIE in(or perhaps you feel comfortable in). Where 0 your gettin pretty close to freezing to death and 100 your gettign close to gettign secodn degree sunburns and/or heat stroke and dehydration(i live in 120°F temperature..however i stay inside because where i live you can quickly get heatstroke, also when i lived in idaho when it was 0-negative 15 wheather you coudl easily freeze to death).

as for distance, i think distance is a very unimportant measuremnt. Really anyoen could use both standards and have no problem. I mean off the top of my head a mile is 2.62 killometers. Obviously a kilometer is 1000 meters and so on and so on. I would have to say metric has the mathematic advantage if your going to be doing architecture and using division and stuff. However, really here in america we dont connect miles to feet and inches...miles are pretty much for driving and running, and feet and inches are for measuring people and basic small things around the house. For instance im 5 feet 10 inches and thats 177.8 centimeters...now feet are very easy measurement to follow when measuring people
the average person is in between 5 and 6 feet and an inch is 1.5 cm. So measurign people is absolutely easy because their is a big unit that is about 30.48 cm and a little unit. However im damnign both systems and excepting my own standard...i shall combine the best of both metric and enlish system of measurements i am creatign the pF or perm feet. I am 5'10'' by english standards but i am 7pF by my standards. In my standard we use the inch as the base and 10 inches is 1 permfeet(pF). 10 permfeet is a super permfeet(spF). 10 superpermfeet is a megapermfeet(mPf). and 10 megapermfeet is an ultrapermfeet(upF)

now for weight...just like how you could like kilometers or miles easily weight can go both ways. But once again im going to damn the system of measuremnts. I weight 180 pounds and that is 81.6466 Kilograms.
We will once again use an english measurement as the base unit. 1 pound is still one pound. 10 pounds is a superpound, 10 superpounds is a megapound, 10 megapounds is an ultrapound.
so if im 180 pounds english i am 1 mega pound and 8 superpounds.

Now everyone figure out your permfeet height and your permweight.

[Matt]

That's basically how people drive everywhere.

[Grey Ninja]

That was an interesting read.  Who would have thought that someone could have screwed up the logical practice of driving on the right side of the road so badly?

As for the Metric system, I am a Canadian, and I was an Engineering Student for my first year of University.  I had to become familiar with the imperial system of measurement in that year, and I have to say that it is the most stupid form of measurement ever made.  I also like Celsius, as the measurement system makes sense to me, and you can actually do chemistry with it.  (not something you can do with fahrenheit)

-273.5C = everything freezes solid.
-40C = Dead of winter in Northern BC cold.
-20C = REALLY cold  (but still safe to go outside in a sweater and jeans)
0C    = water freezes
20C  = nice
40C  = warm (you don't catch me outside)
50C  = In an oven on the equator warm.
100C = water boils

[Termin8Anakin]

-273.5C = everything freezes solid.
Yeah, that's something called Kelvin or something, i forget,

-40C = Dead of winter in Northern BC cold.
Holy Sh*t, how cold does it get there?

-20C = REALLY cold (but still safe to go outside in a sweater and jeans)
We have snow and all, but NO ONE goes out in a sweater and jeans when its this cold.

0C = water freezes
self exlanatory.

20C = nice
it's around 19C now, and it's pretty chilly. but then i AM only wearing a shirt and my boxers.

40C = warm (you don't catch me outside)
warm? WARM? That's f**king hot! If it's 40C everyone does jack all cause it's too hot! I mean, 30C is too hot for us! Good how you said you won't be outside though. THat at least makes sense.

50C = In an oven on the equator warm.
I turn into a ball of sweat, Senator Kelly style.

100C = water boils
self explanatory.


In other word, metric rules.
Why doesn;t the US, Canada and anyone else who uses the imperial system just get with the times?
Hey Ninja, I'm just having some fun here, comprende?
Theres no one online right now.

[oohhboy]

What is a Quater Pounder then?

Hehe, I had to say that.

The metric system internationally is called S.I. unit or System International. It is internationally regonized because it's units are compatiable with each other allowing for simple formulas which would not have been possible under the imperial system. I also works with water quite well.

0 Kelvin is absolute zero. If one could take an object to absolute zero, the object no longer exists.

The metric system is based off a meter which was marked down by Neopolian on a stick and weight is based off a liter which is 1 m3 which weights one Kg. It was established because Neopolian was sick of having 12 different ways to measure the same thing over 12 different states. So go thank the French.

The imperial system is just that. It was formaly based off the lenght of the king's/queen's foot. It would change everytime the leadership changed untl it was made into a standard of measurement.

The metric system or S.I. has all the advantages in all areas in terms of ease of use and has great protablity international eg, write something in metric and every scienist in the wrld would undestand what you are saying.

[Termin8Anakin]

gp metric.
but we must all understand that by particiapating in this metric/imperial system discussion, we are now officially classified as nerds, unless you need to learn it cause you do a science, in that case, i am the only nerd here.
DAMMIT!

[oohhboy]

Yeah thats right Biotch. Muahahahahaahaha!!!!!!

Got to play Burnout 2, must.....

[nitsu niflheim]

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Originally posted by: Termin8Anakin
gp metric.
but we must all understand that by particiapating in this metric/imperial system discussion, we are now officially classified as nerds, unless you need to learn it cause you do a science, in that case, i am the only nerd here.
DAMMIT!

Well, you know what they say.  "Nerd's will inherit the earth."  I call Europe.

[Grey Ninja]

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-273.5C = everything freezes solid.

Yeah, that's something called Kelvin or something, i forget,

I think I might be off by 0.3C, I am not so sure. (pulls periodic table out of pocket)... It's -273.15... I was off by a bit more than I thought.  It's called Absolute Zero, and it's the temperature at which all motion stops.  It cannot be found in nature, although some parts of space get very close to it.  That temperature is where Kelvin starts off, and it increments at the same rate as Celcius.

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-40C = Dead of winter in Northern BC cold.
Holy Sh*t, how cold does it get there?

At that temperature, the air starts to freeze.  I find it to be extremely hard to breathe, so I stay indoors.  It gets that cold on a couple days of the year.  Look up Brady Ranch on a Canadian Online Atlas.  That's where I used to live.  Apparently my home is a place of historical significance, as it appears on a lot of maps.  It gets that cold frequently very late at night.

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-20C = REALLY cold (but still safe to go outside in a sweater and jeans)
We have snow and all, but NO ONE goes out in a sweater and jeans when its this cold.

Canadians are a tougher lot.  As long as there is no wind, I dress the same pretty much year round.  I frequently go outside in the winter with nothing more than a sweater or a light jacket.  It's kind of funny watching the foreigners walking around bundled up like Eskimo though.  

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0C = water freezes
self exlanatory.

Isn't Celcius nice?  

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20C = nice
it's around 19C now, and it's pretty chilly. but then i AM only wearing a shirt and my boxers.

As long as that blasted sun isn't out, 20C is nice.  We Canadians are used to a colder climate methinks.  

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40C = warm (you don't catch me outside)
warm? WARM? That's f**king hot! If it's 40C everyone does jack all cause it's too hot! I mean, 30C is too hot for us! Good how you said you won't be outside though. THat at least makes sense.

You don't catch me outside at 30C either.    I did go to a place once where the temperature got higher than 40C though.  I had the idea that I would walk uptown.  I didn't make it more than 10 blocks before I found myself holed up in a Toys R Us at the water fountain, afraid to go back outside.  I can usually handle 35C though, as long as it's not for an extended period of time.

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50C = In an oven on the equator warm.
I turn into a ball of sweat, Senator Kelly style.

Fair 'nuff.  I have never seen temperatures that hot myself.  

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100C = water boils
self explanatory.

Damn metric is cool.

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In other word, metric rules.
Why doesn;t the US, Canada and anyone else who uses the imperial system just get with the times?
Hey Ninja, I'm just having some fun here, comprende?
Theres no one online right now.

Yeah, I have that problem a lot too.    But I think I should mention that Canada switched to the Metric System decades ago.  We still call our burgers "quarter pounders", and a 2x4 is still a 2x4, but hardly anyone knows the Imperial System really well, although we still use it in specific places.  (height, weight, sometimes distance).  It's kind of strange going to the States, as all the roadsigns are in miles, and it gives you the sense that far things are really close, as the numbers go down at a REALLY slow rate.    In Canada, you just take the distance to your destination, and divide by about 100 to figure out how long it takes to get to your destination  (Bitshift 2 to the left.  Kilometers>>2).  In the US, you have to divide by 60... try doing that one in your head while driving.

Ok... it's 427 Miles to our next destination... anyone have any freaking clue how long it takes to get there?  

[nitsu niflheim]

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Canadians are a tougher lot. As long as there is no wind, I dress the same pretty much year round. I frequently go outside in the winter with nothing more than a sweater or a light jacket. It's kind of funny watching the foreigners walking around bundled up like Eskimo though.

Um... doesn't your bum get cold.  I mean shouldn't you at least wear pants?

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Ok... it's 427 Miles to our next destination... anyone have any freaking clue how long it takes to get there?

One hour if your vehicle of choice went 427 miles per hour.  Really this much math makes me really glad I'm not in school anymore.

But If I leave home (So. Maryland) at 5 in the a.m., going south to Georgia, (by way of Atlanta) I can get there between 5 to 5:30 in the p.m, the same day.  Going through Virgina, North and South Carolina.  That of course is only stopping for gas and the occasional bathroom break.  I can do the trip with one bathroom break on the way down and none on the way home. So for me it's about 12 hours.

[ThePerm]

7-8 hours for 427 miles an hour assumign im traveling 60 as you ffigured we'd divide it by ..considering 60was(now 75) is the most coomon speed limit on highways. Lets put it this way you have to examine this as a cultural thing. Theoretically you could easily teach the American public the metric system...(well actually every american should know the metric system) however implemting it as a standard would be a difficulty. A cultural difficulty.

Take for example the Japanese. It has been well documented that peoplee in Japan don't treat tiem with much importance...well at least the past(think about it the past is the past and is no longer important). They don't keep track of previous hours and couldnt specifically give you dates or times from events past. If you ask them when a specific event happened and because their culture doesnt put any interest into past temporal specification they will simple say "oh, it happened in the past" rather then giving a specific time. Korean exchange students commonly become frustrated because this little cultural difference.

now lets look at the way the average Amercian uses their system of measurement. Feet and Miles and Inches.
In the mind of peopel who use the English system of measurments miles and feet and inches are completely disconnected...a mile is 5000 somthign or other feet...no one here really cares how long it is..they just know visually how long it is... as a child in the car its relatively unimportant. Your not driving...you dont care. Well when I got to about 7th grade they started makign us run long distances. A mile is slightly longer then 2 and a half tiems aroudn the 1000 meter track...hey wait...thats a kilometer track(like i said its a cultural thing..why they call it the 1000 meter track and not the kilometer track..i have no clue..dont care). Anyways as for peopel percieivign miles to go by really slow...people who use miles percieve kilometers to go by extra fast. Its a perception thing.

and ways to perception of feet and inches. When using these people use them for very few applications. Measuring people...seeing if your furniture will fit if you move it...house repair..pretty mcuh a limited application.

weight....well measuremtn of weight is pretty much irrelevent again. Arguing which one is better is really like arguing which base unit do you like more....no one will argue that. Thats pretty rediculous. There is an illogically created unit like the ton...but how many things does the average person weight that is a ton?

i already elaberated on temperature. Farenheight is great to set your air conditioner to, and it is very much set towards your comfort level. iv been told 30 celsius is a bit hot. Well i live in 49 celsius(120°F) wheather!  Damn! yesterday i nealy dehydrated trying to turn the damn lawnmower on! Anywyas ill elaberate on the range
(0 cold-100hot) really simple. However let me go into my experience with taking chemistry. By default chemist use
Celcius and Kelvin..perfectly fine with me..however then we had to do the most annoyign ass conversions(time consuming and a bitch). The illogical problem is if no chemists use the other system of measuremnt then why in the fuck do we need to do conversions for! Anyways I passed the class but it was a real bitch. I share Grey Ninja's hatred for system conversions but i beleive that it is totaly possible for anyone to accept MULTIPLE types of measurement systems for different applications.

now for liquid measurement...i have no idea how the system works here..i use the metric system for cooking and measuring water...i guess i use gallons for my car's gas and milk..but those are the only two applicable uses for it. I don't think it would be a problem for peopel to use metric for these applicaitons...but as soon as that would happen someone(for gas not milk..i buy liters of milk as well) would charge as much for the liter of gas as is currently charged for a gallon(parts of mexico)

so, one wonders what broght all this up? Well the damn Neopolian article. But as i said we only use the system because there is no problem using the other sytems or combining systems or spreadign systems to different applications. And also Grey Ninja..id prolyl look normal in Canada. I had no problem in the freezing(well understood to be) wheather in Idaho and I laugh at my freidns when their shiverign like a vibraotor in a porno video when its only 16°C. I cant stand the heat though. Is rediculously hot here in Yuma, but i fair alot better then i did when i first moved here. Its kidna funny though that you think 30°C is a temperature that you wouldn't want to be caught in..my house is usually that temperature..and its a comfortable temperature to me though when you get into 90°F(32°C..only two units..this is what im talkign about using farenheight for you AC)it becomes uncomfortable. 100°F(37°C) its pretty hot,and like is said its gets on average 49°C here if i just go outside and its just insane. We call this place the place that was left over when God made Hell for good reaosn.

but yeah rambling... let the whole world join hands and sing Row Row Row your boat....!

[ThePerm]

oh crap how long did i take to write that? If only i had that type of ambition in school....It would have to be more refined gramtically and syntacticly. But it gets a point across.