Topic: I have a date on Thursday. WHAT DO

[Oblivion]

I haven't really gone a date with someone I didn't really know beforehand. And considering who I am, I'm nervous as hell. I need advice! You guys are all married and **** and I figure you know what you're doing.

[UncleBob]

My wife and I went to see The Ninth Gate on our first date.  We left less than halfway through.

So... go see a horrible movie?

[Khushrenada]

Not completely bad advice. I read a couple years ago that if you take a date on a movie, its best to see a movie that doesn't require much thinking and can soon be forgotten. One that you can quickly review as that was fun or that was nice or even that was a stinker and move on. The idea being that if you go and see something weird or complex or start getting into some kind of philosophical discussion afterwards, it could turn the other person off as they could see as being incompatible with their way of thinking on things or come off as too serious or different. Of course, that mainly was applied to early first dates. After you get to know and start accepting each other, then you can watch whatever the heck you want.

Frankly, I don't care. I'd take a date to see 8-1/2 early on just to see what they think of it. If they liked it or could at least have an appreciation for it, it would right away give me more of a connection with the person. I have a love of cinema and with 8-1/2 being a black and white Italian "arthouse" film, it would serve as a good test as to whether that is something they'd want to engage in with me.

But the main thing is, and the real advice I would give is, just get to know the other person first of all and let them know you. If they ask you some questions, make an effort to throw in some extra details. Where do you live? You could give your address or you could say an apartment building but then you leave the other person having to ask more questions on it or keep searching for something you can converse about. If you were to say "I live in a house on 123 street which is great because its 3 blocks from the library so I can walk there all the time and there is this great club I like to go to about 6 blocks away", then you've given the other person some extra info that maybe they can see a common interest in or want to ask more about to keep the conversation flowing. Even if the answer is "I live in a townhouse but its awful because my neighbors keep getting into fights in the middle of the night. Two weeks ago, the police even came because of it." Right there, you've opened up possibilities for other avenues for the conversation to keep going whether it be further details on the neighbors, for her to mention some kind of renting horror story and build on that for awhile or if you are thinking of getting a new place and what you would be looking for. If you just said you lived in a townhouse and its good, you dead end the conversation.

Women care about socializing and if you can carry on and have some good conversations, you should be alright. It's about getting to know each other so ask her questions too but don't worry if things get sidetracked. Much like how a thread here on these forums can go way off-topic, conversations can do the same thing and travel all over but that just helps add more fuel to the fire and broadens the scope of things to talk about. My first instinct with anyone I meet is to stay low-key and not say much while assessing them. It's sort of an application of game strategy into real life like keeping your cards close to your chest. With a date or a romantic interest, I had an epiphany where I realized that if things were to go forward or lead to marriage, eventually we'd have to share and would share many intimate details about ourselves with each other and put our trust in each other so why hold back and be cautious and reserved? Better to start out a bit open then anyways since I'd have to be for it to work. I'm not saying you air all your dirty laundry right away or reveal all your dark thoughts and secrets but rather that you just aren't afraid to state your opinion on things or share your views in case it hurts her supposed opinion of you. You can't read her thoughts so you don't know what her opinion actually is of you whether you stay cautious or not. Thus, better to be open so that she can form the correct opinion of who you really are.

Finally, just know who you are and be confident in that fact. If you like cats but don't like dogs, if you like Pepsi and don't like Coke, whatever it is that you care about and don't care about, just be at peace with it. If that means that you and her aren't compatible, so be it. But better to figure it out sooner than attempt to be something you are not and have it fail later. I've met girls where you talk about things but there is just no spark. Her interests didn't interest me, I'd open up a bit myself and share my point of view on things but it didn't seem to connect with her and you just knew it would be a struggle to go on so just move on. Don't view it as your last or only chance at finding love because it won't be.

[Oblivion]

Well, we already picked the open mic night at the local coffee house as our date. We don't plan on singing or anything, but just hanging out and ****. I'll be picking her up on Thursday around 8.


Thank you for the awesome advice Khush. As always, everything you say makes complete sense. Of course, I'm sure I will forget all of it the second the date actually starts.

[Adrock]

I'd avoid a movie on a first date because you spend a lot of time not looking at or engaging the other person (unless you're that ass who talks throughout the movie in which case, I hate you). I prefer conversation. That's just me though.

If she's into some of the same stuff you're into, don't dwell on it. It's nice to have things in common, but focusing too much on one or two things makes you seem boring. Keep the conversation moving and allow it to flow organically even if you're excited about common interests. There will be plenty of time for that if the rest of the date goes well and you go out again. I had a coworker who was into cosplay and she went on a date with a dude who would not leave that alone. That was a turn off for her. There's so much to a person, good and bad. You really should try to get a feel for what all that is. She might like video games.......... then, turn out to be a killer of children. But I guess if you're into that?

I have a personal rule that I don't say anything on a first date that I wouldn't want someone saying to my mother. While trying to get a feel for this person, it gives you a line not to cross, whatever that may be. Just remember that you probably don't know this person very well. She needs to learn how you are just the same as you need to learn how she is. Push an issue too far and you end up alienating her and probably looking like a total wang. Be open and honest but understand the boundaries of getting to know someone.

I'd recommend not sleeping with someone on a first date, not that there's anything inherently wrong with it. The problem is that it may complicate things, not that it always does. No one I've ever known who has slept with someone on a first date has ever reported good news afterwards. It can get really ridiculous where she might think that you think she's easy, even though you both did the same thing. That actually happens and it's absurd 100% of the time.

Most of all, don't lie. Besides the fact that most people suck at it (and that everyone hates being lied to), if going out with this person goes anywhere and leads to something more serious, she will find out eventually. That is a waste of everyone's time.

Anyway, best of luck to you.

[Nile Boogie Returns]

Movies are safe especially if you're the nervous type. An open mic works very well too. You don't have to be the focal point of the evening and it allows you to jump in when the time is opportune to converse or wink or crack a joke. Dinner dates suck when you don't know the person very well, unless you have a big kinda personality...then it really doesn't matter. You spend too much time trying to get to know someone and not look like a fool eating "wrong" or having rice and broccoli stuck in your grill.






Good luck on thursday!

[BranDonk Kong]

French tickler.

[marvel_moviefan_2012]

Be yourself, if your a nervous guy she is going to figure that out anyways, so try to relax and just be natural if your compatible great if not don't fret she isn't the one move on to the next. The best advice I can give is take things slow, don't use the first date a an excuse to jump into a brand new girlfriend right away, it's always better to go slow than to get hurt trying to force something that isn't happening. And smile, have fun and be polite don't fall into the trap that guys have to be dicks to impress a girl.

[Fatty The Hutt]

Listen. Really listen. It is harder than you think.

[Ceric]

Here's the advice I got for the first date with my Wife:

"Don't buy the Orange Push Pops because, you make a mess of them."

In a more realistic sense I probably avoid messy foods.  At a coffee house that mean some deserts and things that have whip cream on them.  I planned something relatively elaborate going to a fairly big park with a pseudo picnic and feeding the ducks.  I forgot the bread.  On the date is not the time to panic about the bread.  Its the time to roll with the punches.  After words you can panic about forgetting the bread for the ducks.

[nickmitch]

Know where the ice cream shoppes are in the vicinity and what time they close.  In case she wants ice cream after the open mic.

Also, clean your living space beforehand: it'll clear your mind.

[Oblivion]

Thanks everyone! my first hurdle before the date is power cleaning my very shitty car.

[Ceric]

Thanks everyone! my first hurdle before the date is power cleaning my very shitty car.

Yeah that probably be a good thing.

[Phil]

I have no advice to give. I just want to wish you the best of luck and to have fun.

[nickmitch]

From personal experience: keep jokes mild at first.  Make a general one that's not too complicated or a pun to start.  Also, avoid being too dirty (sometimes "that's what she said" jokes can break that mold) to start.  If she's laughing, keep it up and slowly push the envelope.

[Stogi]

My advice to you is to picture it like this: Nothing about this is serious. None of it. So go out and have fun with someone you barely know. There are no goals, no bases, no need for any pressure at all. Go out to Open Mic night and sing if you want to and dance if you want to. Love life and the fact that you are living it and she will too.


Enjoy.

[Phil]

Good luck tonight, Oblivion! 

[Oblivion]

Thanks Phil and everyone else for the kind words! I'll be sure to regal everyone with the details tonight.


Unless of course, I'm busy enjoying myself long into the night.

[nickmitch]

Anyone else metaphorically drowning in suspense?

No?

Ok.

[BlackNMild2k1]

If he doesn't report back, I'm gonna assume it went horribly wrong and he was too embarrassed to mention it again.

If he does report back, I'm gonna assume it went horribly wrong, and now he is probably lying about the events that took place to make himself look and feel better.

[NWR_insanolord]

It may have been some kind of trap and he's currently tied up in the back of her car.

[Oblivion]

Man, wouldn't that just be the worst sort of luck?

It actually went really well. Turns out she was more nervous than me, so that made me feel at ease, and conversation came more naturally until we were joking around and **** for a good five hours.

Not a particular exciting story, but for me, it was really nice to do that sort of thing.

[Ceric]

Man, wouldn't that just be the worst sort of luck?

It actually went really well. Turns out she was more nervous than me, so that made me feel at ease, and conversation came more naturally until we were joking around and **** for a good five hours.

Not a particular exciting story, but for me, it was really nice to do that sort of thing.

Did you secure the Second outing?

[Oblivion]

Yes, I did. We'll be going out again sometime next week.

[Ceric]