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Reader Reviews / Hell is Playing a Sonic game in 2024

« on: April 02, 2024, 12:54:42 AM »

Why.

Why.

Why do I do this to myself? It's past the point of morbid curiosity at this point- it has to be putrefied curiosity, or perhaps, post-mortem curiosity. Or maybe I'm just a cheap sick loser who saw Sonic Superstars on sale for 25 bucks and, after hearing the mild response it received in the form of "uh, yeah, don't get it full price but it's okay I suppose," I decided to test fate once again and throw myself into the realm of kusoge masking as some legacy franchise.

But you see, in subjecting myself to yet another form of torture, I have come out stronger. I know that Sonic can no longer hurt me. Every attempt at a new innovative 3D platforming style has failed, spectacularly, but I still held out hope for 2D Sonic. Even though Sonic Mania was frankly just kind of okay, I believed in my heart of hearts that Sonic Team could take a good hard look at what people liked from that game and maybe implement it in a new Sonic title.

So what did people like in Sonic Mania?

• Good Art Style?
• Good Music?
• Clearly Defined Level Gimmicks?
• A Lack of Pinball Mechanics every two goddamn seconds?

Sonic Superstars has none of these things. And now I know that I will never play a Sonic the Hedgehog game again.

I'm so tired of bad Mega Drive synths being used for nostalgia bait. I'm so tired of 90s zigzags and primary color menu screens. I have never cared about Fang the Sniper, and after playing this game, I never will care about Fang the Sniper. But I just can't stand the idea of spectacle over control any more.

Sonic Superstars allows you to play as "the gang," which should baffle those of us old enough to remember when Sega made a big deal about Sonic being the only playable character in Sonic the Hedgehog 4. Hey, that was garbage too, but how is Sonic Superstars in comparison? Well, it's better. Sonic actually moves like he did in the old game, which isn't like, a huge feat considering some guy managed to do it several years ago. But There's tiny little changes to other members of the cast that make this game harder to control and enjoy, though. It's weird stuff that maybe only someone who is a psychopath that played Sonic 3 and Knuckles a lot. As a big Knuckles fan, I was disappointed.

There are a few things that piss me off about Sonic Superstars. First of all, the art style is plasticky in a similar vein to New Super Mario Bros., but those games had good level design. The revolutionary new zones are all pretty awful thematically, and arguably remixes of classic level themes. Like, Mania had a train. It had a newsprint garden. It had a funky 90's themed music city. This game has... an island. A jungle. An ice. A FUCKING PINBALL "Carnival" but it's just Casino Night- apparently this gets spooky in act 2 but since the graphics have no sense of personality, it was barely noticeable. The utter lack of effort in making inventive level themes is insane.

I mean, I'm just going to go off on the art style for a second, because I cannot believe Sonic Mania beats this game from a visual standpoint. How are we living in a world where Sonic's brand has multiple excellent cases of animation formats and this is the art style they choose for the latest 2D platformer? It's definitely indicative of the developer's previous works, but I had a section planned for a dramatic reveal later in this rant, so I'm not going to mention them here. Oh, and speaking of aesthetic inconsistency, how do you make a Sonic game WHERE NONE OF THE MUSIC IS GOOD?! Sound design as a whole is migraine-inducing.

The level gimmicks in this game are always annoying because they slow things down or are just poorly designed. Some are literally worse versions of gimmicks that have existed in older games- there's rocket sections that you can't control, there's drilling sections with rocks in the sand meant to... slow you down? There's slippy slides that make you... slippy slide. There's one gimmick in zone called Press Factory that felt unique- where the floor continuously bounces you in timed intervals- but these are the rare exception in a sea of just... bland ****. But for each new gimmick and idea, there's something that has already been done, and likely even better. Too many of these gimmicks result in auto-running sequences, which is the antithesis of fun- I like when I build up speed in classic Sonic games because launching myself off of a ramp whenever I wanted was a thrilling unknown- would I even end up in a part of the level that was functional? Old Sonic games actually accounted for this. Superstars does not.

Oh, the stages are also like, seven minutes long. I hate it.

Special/bonus stages! Hey, you want to stop playing a mediocre platformer and instead play some of the most aggravating special stages ever? Okay, let's reach into the old nostalgia bag and see which one we're- what's that? Everyone loves blue spheres? Everyone would gladly do more blue spheres? There's rarely a new special mode that's better than blue spheres? Oh, let's bring back the rotating mazes from Sonic 1 that sucked and give them more cheap gimmicks and then create a web-slinging emerald chase game that is never explained thoroughly in any way and is extremely frustrating! Whoo!

What's worse is that, if you fail the rotating mazes, you just keep doing the same one over and over. And you might say "well, that way you can practice them and get better!" They are not fun. They give you a bad in-game currency that you can use to by costumes, because apparently that's why people play Sonic games.

"But what about the Emerald Powers, Evan? I was promised Emerald Powers! I deserve Emerald Powers!" They too are also bad, and because the stage design is so bad, developer Arzest (of Yoshi's New Island fame!) decided to telegraph when exactly you should use them, because they also only recharge every time you hit a goalpost checkpoint so god forbid you want to experiment with them all over. Oh, also many of them are stupid and highly situational and once activated will help you complete a very simple challenge and then they will last entirely too long. Like, sometimes the telegraphed "use (x) Emerald Power here!" indicator pops up, you use the power, and you just... get a medal. The only challenge was actively selecting one of these tools. God, it sucks so bad.

I should mention that you get about 3-5 second of inactivity when you transition from a special/bonus stage, which is a minor inconvenience that really adds up.

The bosses. Dear god, where to begin? Some are painfully long, some have weaknesses that utilize mechanics that are never telegraphed throughout the entire fight, and some will just... kill you randomly for no reason. I'll be honest, the malice that fuels this rant was started by a mini-boss in Golden Capital, which is a giant rampaging piggy bank that... steals all of your rings at the start of the battle. I'm sorry, what? Why would you do that? How is that fun? Every obstacle it throws at you can just instantly kill you. Since so many bosses have brief periods of vulnerability, also, and the game is really bad at letting you know which bosses this applies to and which do not. See, Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze got away with having long, insane boss battles because it was a good game. Sonic Superstars is not.

I did not finish Sonic Frontiers because, at a certain point, I knew what the rest of the game would be, and my obsessive compulsive tendencies would not allow me to do anything less than clear each of the game's bad open-zones of all their collectibles. I frankly thought that would be a waste of my time. But I just stopped playing Sonic Superstars because I wasn't having fun. Like, I don't need to be good at a game in order to have fun- I beat the entirety of Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze and got my ass handed to me the entire time. I played Sonic Colors and was happy to return to stages because they were small and short and offered easily telegraphed goals.

I just gave up. I have no will to continue. If Sega refuses to put any effort into Sonic games, why should I?

It's funny that Sonic Superstars came out the same year as Super Mario Bros. Wonder, because I have done everything in my power to avoid playing both of them because I wasn't sure I could justify a 60 dollar platformer. But I know deep in my soul that I would probably feel better after playing Wonder at full price much more than Superstars at 25 bucks. But that's just a theory- a game etc. etc.

I gotta end this review on a banger zinger like last year's review. Dear god, I can't believe I did this same thing last year. Uh, okay, here it goes:

Play Toree 3D, Toree 2, Toree Genesis, or the upcoming Toree Saturn. They understand Sonic the Hedgehog better than anything Sega has put out in the last decade.

**** this.

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General Gaming / The Great(?) Video Game Spreadsheet Project: Year 32 Challenge!

« on: September 04, 2023, 03:34:43 PM »

Current Weighted Top Twenty (as of 9/11/2023):

• VVVVVV (4.47)
• Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 (4.42)
• Crawl (4.36)
• Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (4.30)
• The Swapper (4.28)
• Inscryption (4.25)
• Roller Coaster Tycoon (4.23)
• Dandara (4.21)
• Mr. Driller Drill Land (4.21)
• Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (4.19)
• ARMS (4.19)
• Skwish (4.17)
• UNSIGHTED (4.17)
• Tetris Effect Connected (4.16)
• Kirby's Air Ride (4.15)
• Pick Pack Pup (4.12)
• Toree 2 (4.12)
• Toree 3D (4.12)
• Paper Mario TTYD (4.11)
• Lucah: Born of a Dream (4.10)

I've heard talk of these forums being unused. Of Discord emerging as the clear victor over old message boards. Well, I'm here to say that, without old message boards, we wouldn't have places to post unhinged rants like the one I'm about to engage in. You might argue I could toss this over onto r/gaming. I say, yeah, I guess I could. But it feels more at home here.

Having spent the last few years writing for a video game website, I had the privilege of playing a bunch of review copies of games, some of which I probably never would have picked up with my own money. This also led to me playing a bit fast and loose with the money I was saving not-buying those review copy games. Long story short, I generated a healthy backlog. One large enough to likely last me the rest of my days. This is concerning to me, seeing as I know the slow march of time will mean new games will be released in the future that I might want to play.

So, I decided to spend an entire year foregoing new video game purchases, starting on my birthday. We're several days in now, and I'm turning back to my backlog and making sure I give games their proper due over the next year, in the hopes of clearing things out and learning to appreciate what I've got, rather than what society insists I need.

But what does this have to do with spreadsheets? Well, I'm glad you asked. Since I delved into making weird inventories of what I own, I also started doing a bit of ranking of games. This got a bit messy, but it adds another layer of satisfaction when I beat a game, or put a game down for completion. Some games I end up bouncing off, and as a result, they might appear played, but not beaten on my spreadsheet. I can live with that.

How does one rank video games? Well, you're asking a mentally unwell person that question, so you better expect the unexpected answer. I should mention, I actually have two spreadsheets, one for all video games, the other strictly for RPGs, as they are the lion's share of the games I've played in my lifetime, and my personal ranking of RPGs involves evaluating some genre staples and finding trends that don't necessarily align with my overall video game ranking criteria. In any case, I broke down my rankings into six categories, each possessing a scale from 1-5:

GAMEPLAY: An admittedly nebulous label, this seeks to evaluate the breadth and complexity of the overall gameplay experience. Games that rely largely on a single type of mechanic or possess gimmicky, unpolished gameplay elements score low in this category, while more complex games with a variety of gameplay types or well-explored gameplay concepts score higher.
CONTROLS: Essentially, whether or not a game possesses tight and thoughtfully considered control schemes, as well as whether or not controls are customizable. This factors in the notion of developers making player control deliberately difficult or otherwise.
ART: Largely pertaining to visual aesthetics, this is a sterile way of evaluating art, but does have a bit of subjective reasoning. Game art that lacks consistency across elements or comes across as generic or serviceable score lower, with higher scoring games possessing strong aesthetics- not necessarily lifelike visuals.
SOUND DESIGN: Again, a sterile way of evaluating music at its lower rankings, but becoming more subjective on the higher end of the scale. It's music and sound design as a whole.
PACING: This one is contentious, for sure. I love RPGs, but I know for a fact that many of them are not good about respecting the player's time... or being disrespectful in service of presenting a more grand adventure. Do the narrative/gameplay/novelties of the experience seem intentionally spaced out for player enjoyment or appreciation?

Now, the finer requirements for scoring high and low in these categories are more of a toss-up, and while I've tried to be very objective in delineating them, ultimately, each one caps out at a 5 amounting to "standout for the genre." No matter how hard I try, stripping these numerical values of an interpretative aspect feels impossible. However, I have slightly modified things to another extent: weighting values based on my personal preferences. The distribution is as follows:
CONTROLS: 16%
MUSIC: 19%
ART: 19%
GAMEPLAY: 24%
PACING: 18%
STORY/WRITING: 5%

This is not to say I think art and music comprise 38% of an overall game experience, but I do value them more than control options and strong pacing. The latter category is something I think we, as consumers, have a complicated relationship with, though you'll find that my top 20 has a number of very brisk experiences. As for writing, you might find it surprising that I value it so little. In short, I think most video game writing is pretty bad, with occasional bursts of originality and appropriate flair. Some of the best video games I have played have pretty minimal writing, so this category is more about whether the writing is appropriate for the project, and how generic or unpolished the final product appears to be.
In any case, here are some curious notes, as the spreadsheet does go beyond just weighted and unweighted averages: (This list curated on 9/4/2023, subject to change in a year)

• My admittedly meager Steam library and PC games are very underrepresented on this list, which is something I hope to update in the near future. I'm missing a number of classics like Roller Coaster Tycoon, Age of Empires, and Starcraft, to name a few.
• Either I'm a nice guy or my ranking criteria are far too lenient, but a whopping 336 games out of the currently-listed 494 are rated a 3.00 or higher, unweighted. In contrast, my weighted preferences put 309 out of 494 at a 3.00 or above.
• For more precision, 37 games score a 4 or higher.
• There is a range of 22 unique average scores out of 495 games. There is a range of 208 unique average weighted scores, though this number is impacted by the amount of unique calculations factoring in weighted percentages. I will need to streamline this calculation in the future.
• 11 games have, in my opinion, a 5 out of 5 Control Scheme.
• 40 games have 5 out of 5 Sound Design.
• 48 games have 5 out of 5 Art/Aesthetics.
• 3 games have 5 out of 5 Gameplay. Yikes! They are: Mr. Driller Drill Land, Hand of Fate 2, and Tears of the Kingdom.
• 28 games have 5 out of 5 Pacing.
• 12 games have 5 out of 5 Writing.
• The top three averages on the sheet are 3.17 (67), 2.83 (61), and 3.33 (54).

All of these notes are based on weighted averages:

• The top three most frequently recurring genres in my top 20 are platformers (5) and party/competitive games (5), and Role Playing Games (3).
• The lowest rated game I loved was Dokapon Kingdom (2.61). See, I enjoy average games!
• The highest rated game I liked was Dandara, which I think demands a replay for re-evaluation. I do really enjoy the ideas in Dandara but there were a couple of instances where I was a bit underwhelmed. The lowest rated game I liked was Metroid: Other M (2.16).
• I have a category of preference called "meh," and the highest and lowest games rated in this category are Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (3.61) and Sonic Heroes (2.03), respectively.
• The highest rated game I disliked was Crypt of the Necrodancer (3.65). I totally get what the game is trying to do but I think mastering its systems requires a single-minded obsession and a punishing reaction time. The lowest rated game I disliked was The Atla Archives (1.67). A recent release, I can't forgive its poor design, but I do know that it is an early effort from an ambitious and green developer.
• The highest rated game that I hated was Arc of Alchemist (2.61). Kind of shocked it even got that. The lowest rated game is Witch and Hero (1.65). This is a very mean ranking and is entirely based on buyer's remorse.

Here's the kicker. There's a backlog sheet on here, as well, and it contains a whopping 156 games. Some are near finished, but I don't feel confident enough adding them to the ranking sheet. 82 of these games remain literally unplayed, while the other 74 have been started or are in some progress. I need to sink a comfortable amount of time into a roguelike before I feel I can properly add it to the ranking sheet. Some of the near-finished games require a second look before adding them to the ranking sheet- I do not personally feel I need to complete a game to add it to the ranking sheet.

I do not know how I got to this point of having such a disgustingly large backlog, but I want to claw my way out of it, one way or another. I understand that having a bunch of RPGs and multiplayer/endless games in my backlog won't help that battle, but it is one I am committed to tackling, at least for the next calendar year.

If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, feel free to leave them here. May the gods have mercy on me.

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NWR Forums Discord / It’s Time for Evan_B to End

« on: March 07, 2023, 02:43:02 PM »

I guess I’ve officially graduated to “old coot” status, because I remember when message forums were my favorite form of communication regarding the things I love AND also the most popular means of doing so. Back in those days, I felt like I had established rapport, familiarity, and maybe sometimes a likable persona. And I’m gonna be real with you all, Discord is just too… chaotic for my tastes. Don’t get me started on Reddit, where you can make a perfectly rational point and get your karma nuked to oblivion because people don’t like factual statements.

It’s hard out here for a straight, white introverted video game enthusiast. Especially one with an English Teaching Degree, because then he thinks he’s funny. And of course, humor has a great deal to do with initial likability, which is established through familiarity.

I am here to apologize for my behavior. My statements were made in jest, and that the main issue with such intentions comes from the cold, hard fact that I’m not very funny. My best joke was the prediction that Khushrenada had a duplicate account- turns out I was five, maybe six years out in terms of being accurate. But I think I have just never been able to tow a proper line between flippant generalizations about the overall quality of consumer products and soul-crushing, semantics-oriented critical analysis. Maybe I’m not good at either. Please, don’t respond with positive or negative affirmations- the former makes me look pathetic and the latter makes me look dense. Let’s just settle on, “he sure as hell is good at self-deprecating comments!”

I’ve always been looking for my clan on the Internet. Some group that can stomach my insane tendencies and maybe even anticipate them, while similarly offering their own amusing explorations and musings. Articles like Pokepal’s replay of Pokémon titles, to me, is “the stuff.” I love the weird stuff. Like, remember that time I tried making a webcomic? Yeah, that sucked. But, whether or not the community at large appreciates or even acknowledges those efforts calls into question their purpose. Admittedly, I was away for a while, which might have made my prodigal son schtick hard to stomach, or regard the other anything other than indifference. I had been writing for another website because no one here thought anything I had contributed was of merit. Again, there’s no need to argue this point, it’s been explicitly stated to me on multiple occurrences and I’m not out here fishing for compliments. So I should have read the room, or rather, I guess I should have “read the Discord.” I’m a relic of a bygone era, a forum member who wasn’t really contributing to the forum.

But old habits die hard, and I find the NWR forums a particularly hard habit to quit. I might pop in every now and then to provide a succinct comment on other people’s posts- I definitely won’t post lengthy forum topics, because that causes more trouble than it’s worth. But I don’t want to be looked at like a Miyamoto-like figure whose head was so far up his own ass he couldn’t see the truth for what it was: I tried making a joke, it wasn’t appreciated, I should have thought more deeply about why no one would care.

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NWR Forums Discord / It’s Time for Fire Emblem to End

« on: January 18, 2023, 09:51:05 AM »

So I feel that I have to post this subject here, for fear that it will be moderated/deleted/considered spam on other parts of the forum.

Lately, I have seen an overwhelming sentiment (see: my two mentions of the subject on the NWR Discord) regarding the retirement of the Fire Emblem series. Let’s face it, these games should have ended with Awakening, as that title put us all to sleep with its irreverent characters and broken strategic mechanics. At the time, Intelligent Systems was looking for new ways to breathe life into the series, and they rather foolishly chose “doubling down on relationships and getting that guy who designed Travis Touchdown” instead of “Fire Emblem, but on Mars.” Yes, this was actually something they considered. Just think, rather than having to resort to a post on this thriving message board about ending this series, we could have been playing Fire EmbleMars for the last decade, ushering in a new and fresh Martian intellectual property, instead of this broken down, creaky medieval cosplay. I think some guy who is friends with Donald Theriault said it best when he declared: “[We, the people who want more games like the currently-underperforming Mario + Rabbids are] starting to feel a bit disillusioned with the current split between Classic and Casual modes.” Yes, my guy. Fire Emblem has become nothing more than a game for, as the elite gamers say, “Filthy Casuals.” And if you’re going to prioritize that crop for four games straight (excluding, of course, the brilliant Shadows of Valentia, a remake of the classic Fire Emblem title that never left Japan but I pirated anyway), why not just quit while you’re ahead?

The sad thing is, we have allowed Intelligent Systems to get away with these war crimes for so long, we have neglected the times where they have actually made good games. No, we’re definitely not talking about Paper Mario. Remember Code Name S.T.E.A.M.? No? Of course you don’t, you puerile, franchise-obsessed doofus. Let me put it in terms you might understand: Remember the game that New Nintendo 3DS owners could scan their Lucina Amiibo into so that they could view her proportions in a Silver Age comics art style? Ah, now THAT rings a bell. Yup, that game underperformed, which not only proves my point that good games are being ignored due to not being a part of a franchise, but it also proves another completely unrelated point, which is that the inclusion of Fire Emblem characters provides no sales impetus for quality products. Case in point? Tokyo Mirage Sessions. Yeah, that game wasn’t made by Intelligent Systems, but it DID feature Fire Emblem characters. Guess what happened to it? That’s right. Nothing. Because not even my stellar opinion on the game could save it from being widely recognized as a display of how Fire Emblem ruins everything.

We have to all agree that this needs to stop. Google “should Fire Emblem end?” And you know what you’ll see? A bunch of people talking about Three Houses on Reddit. Why is this the case? Shouldn’t we be discussing the end of Breath of the Wild instead? Maybe we would, if Fire Emblem had come to a conclusion ten years ago. Some guy at Nintendo recently said “you know what? [Maybe] [Fire Emblem] needs [to end].” And I agree. Hell, I know we all agree. So let’s just end it. Let’s not buy Fire Emblem: The Five Year Engagement. Let’s take a stand against games appealing to a wide audience of people and get back to enjoying niche releases like 1-2 Switch, or else Fire Emblem will ruin everything.

This post was brought to you by Squarespace. When I’m complaining about things on the internet, I often ask myself, “why don’t you just make your own website, and moderate it ruthlessly, so that people who disagree with you can be silenced?” But we all don’t have forty-four billion dollars laying around, so maybe make a website with Squarespace instead? Yeah. **** YEAH! Now you can read about how Paper Mario sucks on my website: https://Papermarredbyintsys.com/buybugfables/ whenever you want! And the best part? It’s free. Not building a website, no. They didn’t have to pay me anything to write this ad. But maybe you’ll pay them the ninety-something dollars you were going to spend on the Fire Emblem: Engage Collector’s Edition to partially cover the costs of building a website with Squarespace? Maybe? Squarespace: Because I said so.

5

Reader Reviews / Hell is Playing a Sonic game in 2023

« on: January 03, 2023, 12:46:01 PM »

Sonic Frontiers is pathetic.

It’s so sad to see a developer straddle the line of parody so close, yet refuse to commit to the bit. A character once known to compete with Mario due to the unique charms of his platforming physics and nineties attitude has since become the butt of any number of transitioning-to-3D punchlines. But here we are in 2023, only a stone’s toss from the launch of Sonic Frontiers, and the Blue Blur has abandoned competing with Mario in favor of aping the open-world conventions established by Zelda, which were a refined take on the Assassin’s Creed design methodology. That’s right, Sonic Frontiers is an Assassin’s Creed knock-off. Here we are.

One could argue that Breath of the Wild exists as a stop gap in the lineage, as Frontiers certainly utilizes its Shrine-focused goalposts as a progression gate. A glance at any one of the five Starfall Island maps, however, reveals Frontiers to be the offspring of Ubisoft’s waypoint-and-icon laden stealth parkour series. Now, if Frontiers had taken the free-form movement systems of the Assassin’s Creed games and implemented them into expanse environments rather than its heavily peppered map screens, I might be singing a somewhat different tune. The fact is, Sonic has desperately needed a tune-up regarding maneuvering three dimensional spaces since Unleashed presented the twitchy-reaction, boost-reliant gameplay that we consider “modern.” Sonic Lost World experimented with parkour, but Sonic fans decried it for lacking momentum and having a run button (yes, it also lazily drew upon Super Mario Galaxy in level design and gimmickry, too). It’s a shame that system was so quickly abandoned in favor of a mirthless retread of modern Sonic stage design in Sonic Forces, because it at least had potential. The controls that exist here are… well, highly modifiable, which is a jarring design concession because it seems that Sonic Team themselves aren’t entirely certain the way they’ve designed this game is optimal, and have instead resigned to letting players figure out their own idea of what Sonic should feel like as he moves throughout the world.

So yes, you can modify the acceleration, top speed, and turning sensitivities for Sonic as he boosts across these big old islands. These movement controls are only for when you aren’t engaged in any actual platforming, however, because Frontiers uses free-floating, cookie-cutter stage design elements to lock players into boost pads, springs, rails, and rings as often as it can. While I can at least respect the idea that the Memory Token map icons clue players into where they should be searching for platforming elements, the actual platforming itself is devoid of player input. You’ll need to use your homing attack. And jump from rail to rail. And that’s… pretty much it. Well, you will have to hold forward, too, because failing to do so will cause Sonic to come to a dead stop, which is yet another instance of Sonic Team abandoning momentum in favor of… roller coaster thrills? I don’t know. This is only further emphasized by the Cyberspace levels, which are reused level structures from previous Sonic games utilizing the game’s wonky control scheme. These levels are hilariously underbaked, as you’ll find traditional elements of Sonic game design like homing attack chains and maintaining boosts are actually counterintuitive to achieving S-Rank times. Jumping kills any sort of speed, let alone double jumping, though both have insane whipping turning radiuses that can throw you off of your intended path. Instead of midair boosting giving you a wild burst of forward momentum, it results in a lazy lunge that can only be mitigated through close execution near the ground. Holding the stomp button will cause the player to bounce, which can accidentally cause either of the aforementioned aerial moves to activate. Oh, and homing attacks can be chained, but you’ll need to avoid executing it on enemies, as it results in a pregnant, skyward bounce. It’s almost commendable in how this moveset goes against series conventions and clashes with the level design, but I can’t honestly believe that Sonic Team meant for this result.

All of these mechanics work fine in the “overworld,” as the platforming challenges there rarely require the player to steer or even extend their distance via jumping. But there’s another reason these elements don’t really feature much when exploring the Starfall Islands, and that’s because this game has combat, baby. Nothing spectacular, mind you. A very generous parry here, a number of silly and extremely situational attack inputs there. I’ll be honest, no combat scenario is colorful enough to require a majority of these attack inputs, with many enemy types possessing gimmicky puzzle solutions. Some enemies require careful homing attacks, while others must be stomped upon. Cyloop allows you to break enemy guards and launch them for aerial follow-ups. Good luck positioning the camera so you can make a wide enough loop around the swarms that engage you.

I get that Sonic is a runner, but the combat mechanics don’t really emphasize this. There are a few roaming mini bosses that must be engaged with at high speeds, but that opens up other weird control contrivances that I don’t want to bother complaining about.

Ah, what the hell. I’ll complain about them anyway.

Squid must be approached from the rear on a strange, light-based trail that follows behind it, but once you’ve boarded this scrolling platform, Sonic starts to auto run and can only move in quicksteps. Some of these mini bosses, like Strider and Shark, are simple rail-switching or quick-timing pattern memorizations before entering into an uninspired melee combat phase, while others like Asura feel so mechanically jarring it’s hard to imagine what the intended perfect approach might be. Ultimately, the combo system doesn’t feel fully-implemented and the parry is so forgiving that its defining feature is how long you can hold it, stopping any sense of kinetic action in favor of a perfect guard.

I don’t know what to think of this game. Everything is underbaked, from the complexity of platforming to the quality of objectives. Why do I need to Cyloop piles of grass in order to unlock a portion of the map? Why do I need to herd these little Korok critters in order to get a Chaos Emerald? Why is everything broken into tiny, simplistic goals rather than combining elements together for substantial, satisfactory challenge?

Why?

Because these are the lessons that Sonic Team has learned from other open world titles. Yes, like Zelda, they can slap stickers on that term and retitle it an “open zone” challenge or whatever, but the truth is as clear as the skybox in Frontiers, at least in the first three seconds, before all the platforming assets pop in. Sonic Team believes that boiling these objectives down to singular tasks that are not engaging will make the player feel as if the tools they possess are varied in application, when even Ubisoft’s own Breath of the Wild clone Immortals: Fenyx Rising knew that more complex objectives create a stronger sense of reward. It’s like they learned the wrong lesson from Super Mario Odyssey: the haphazard placement of Power Moons was the takeaway rather than Mario possessing a momentum-based rolling platforming input. And that game even had sensible platforming segments.

All I have learned in playing Sonic Frontiers is that my decision to ignore Sonic after playing Lost World was a valid one, and that I am an idiot who did not heed my own advice. The sad thing is, if the game simply committed to the bit that it’s so close to grasping- namely, Sonic being trapped in a simulation that is a bare-bones amalgamation of open world industry trends- I might have appreciated it as a bit of self-aware commentary. But no, this is the product of a lengthy development process. A genuine attempt to make a good game. Is it good? No. It’s mediocre. And honestly, that’s pretty par for the course with Sonic, which is why Frontiers does nothing to further the narrative surrounding Sonic titles. It won’t improve with future updates. It won’t improve substantially with the next installment, and even if it does, we’ll be asking ourselves if that sequel is of the standard of quality that games of this era have already set, failing to account for the products that a hypothetical future has gifted us. Simply put, Sonic the Hedgehog is a series about a very fast creature who simply can’t keep up with the times, and I find that hilarious and sad.

EDIT: Back by popular(?) demand!

6

NWR Forums Discord / Pap Smear: The Organic Kin

« on: July 09, 2020, 09:53:20 PM »

I have awakened from my thousand-year slumber to say...

Paper Mario still sucks.

*Returns to bed*

7

Reader Reviews / A Response to the Disparity in YIIK Reviews

« on: January 18, 2019, 12:40:58 AM »

Or this.

8

Reader Reviews / 2018 In Review

« on: January 03, 2019, 02:32:19 PM »

Looking back on the year, there are some games that I will never understand. Some may think that this is because I am overly critical, and they are most likely correct in some regard. I am also extremely aware of my own tastes and I know that, when I am unable to understand a game, that likely means I cannot glean any particular pleasure satisfaction from it. So when writing this list, I have done so with some very specific criteria in mind: it is highly subjective and reflects the titles that I have played in 2018, which means it is ultimately limited in exposure and scope. However, the games featured also represent the sort of year that I have experienced- one where I have avoided major, landmark titles in favor of more niche experiences. Likewise, this will feature several titles that existed before 2018, and that's okay. I try to be as fiscally responsible as possible, which sometimes means not picking up games the day they release.

Lastly, I'm the sort of person who feels suspense in list form is a silly concept. If you'd like to hear my particular thoughts on any of these games, just type the name into your search bar:

Crawl
Hyper Light Drifter
The Alliance Alive
Dandara
Kingdom: Two Crowns
Cosmic Star Heroine
Hand of Fate 2
Etrian Odyssey V
Slap City
Hollow Knight

10 ) Crawl
In an age where party games have gone the way of Jackbox, this surprising, chunky, and raw roguelike took me by surprise in all the right ways. Crawl's macabre, yet simplistic aesthetic allows for ridiculously expressive animation that lends a great deal of personality to each enemy and player character. Its inventive premise- survive as long as you can while your friends possess monsters and traps in order to kill you- is simple enough to be understood, but it's paired with a complex and enjoyable customization system that allows for various builds and approaches. Sure, Crawl can be unfair at times, but all four players are always playing, which means there's always something to do, whether it's leveling up your monsters or dropping slimes into a room in order to impede player progress.

9 ) Hyper Light Drifter
Yes, Hyper Light Drifter is good. With the additional challenges that released with the Switch port, it has even more neat secrets to find and battles to fight. The game's wonderful aesthetics, pulsating soundtrack, and its precision combat that rewards a mixture of both ranged and melee approaches make this a title worth checking out, if only to take note of the more novel elements of game design. Even so, there's a bit too much wall hugging and awkward camera tricks to make this indie title feel flawless- or, at least, as flawless as some other titles that appear later on this list.

8 ) The Alliance Alive
Many enjoy the Role-playing genre due to the ability to watch the numbers predictably climb and to familiarize themselves with a small group of characters. FuRyu's The Alliance Alive is not like this, utilizing the groundwork established in their previous release The Legend of Legacy to enhance and complicate their combat system. With each of the impressively large main cast able to enter a number of different stances and distribute their experience into a variety of abilities, the possibilities are anything but straightforward. Add in some meaningful overworld exploration, a neat guild support system, and dungeons that seek to steadily enhance challenge with some of the most difficult enemies, and you have a 3DS classic that shouldn't be forgotten, despite its unfortunate obscurity.

7 ) Dandara
In terms of games feeling and doing something unique, Dandara takes the cake. This non-linear action platformer mixes claustrophobic movement area with all manner of enemies, each with their own attack and movement patterns. Dandara is a puzzle more than anything- how can one move throughout the environment without taking damage, but also firing back? Its dreamlike soundtrack and incredible boss battles only sweeten the deal, and it makes me excited to see what developer Long Hat House has in store for the future.

6 ) Kingdom: Two Crowns
Having actually played Kingdom for the first time very recently, the New Lands version of the game already had me excited for this co-operative, campaign-oriented sequel. However, the end result was even better than I had imagined- new tech trees, unit types, mounts, and aesthetic upgrades that offered the definitive mellow-yet-methodical kingdom simulator. Plus, winter doesn't last forever, which is pretty nice. The co-operative elements also allow for further strategy and planning, which is good, considering the endgame's brutal difficulty.

5 ) Cosmic Star Heroine
I finally got around to picking up Zeboyd Games' love letter to 16-bit RPGs, and I was not disappointed. As a huge fan of both Chrono Trigger and Phantasy Star, I can say with confidence that Cosmic Star Heroine is neither of these things- however, it doesn't have to be. This game feels as if it was developed alongside such classics, and features enough unique combat mechanics, charming characters and dialogue, and of course, a fabulous soundtrack to stand toe to toe with other classics. As far as independent titles go, Cosmic Star Heroine is one of the best examples of how to do nostalgia correct- by paying homage with aesthetics and offering up something entirely different.

4 ) Hand of Fate 2
When I attempt describing Hand of Fate to those unfamiliar, the best I can come up with is "card/board game-based rogue-lite." Hand of Fate utilizes all the best parts of a board game- the dice rolls, card draws, and square-by-square navigation- in order to create a variety of scenarios that are just structured enough to become familiar with. Still, these elements are shuffled together with a selection of the player's own choice of cards, which means anything can happen once a campaign has started. Fortunately, the game is topped off by a tight, committal combat system that breaks up some of the narrative turns and offers intense and thrilling challenge. While it may not be everyone's cup of tea, it is one of the most fascinating and different Role-playing games I've experienced in a while.

3 ) Etrian Odyssey V: Beyond the Myth
Although Nippon Ichi Software tried their hand- and succeeded- at a first-person dungeon crawler this year with Labyrinth of Refrain on Nintendo Switch, Atlus proves once again that their years of experience with Etrian Odyssey puts them leagues above the rest. With excellent pacing and new innovations to the map-making systems, EOV takes a step away from the more broken combinations of teams and focuses instead on crafting highly specialized characters well-equipped for certain scenarios. The puzzle mechanics found in each dungeon are also excellent, and boss battles are packed with neat gimmicks that can be circumvented through proper team-building and environmental manipulation. It's a classic Etrian Odyssey title, through and through, and with Nexus on the way in 2019, it's becoming harder and harder to say goodbye to this touchscreen-centric Role-playing series.


2 ) Slap City
If you had told me that I would be falling in love with not one, but two platform fighters this year, I would have questioned your sanity. However, the folks at Ludosity have crafted an immaculate Smash Bros-like game with Slap City. A crossover of the team's many franchises, you won't be able to find epic battles between Business Casual Man and Fishbunjin anywhere else. With all eight of its initial roster slots filled this year, I am eagerly anticipating more additions. Each Slap City character feels like a combination of the best traits of some Smash veterans, or a completely new and fantastic sort of character archetype. Its ludicrously low pricing only sweetens the deal, and makes me hope for some sort of console port so that more people can be exposed to this fighting masterpiece.

1 ) Hollow Knight
Hollow Knight is good. Actually, Hollow Knight is GREAT. It is quite possibly one of the most absurdly-priced games out there, offering hours of content featuring a massive world, intense boss fights, unique metroidvania mechanics, an amazing soundtrack, and lovely aesthetics. There is a great deal of enemy variety, and the objective of the game often changes in order to keep you on your toes. Whether you're hoarding money for a particularly expensive piece of equipment, attempting to transport a flower without getting touched, or liberating the dreaming spirits of Hollownest, there's something to do in Hollow Knight. You can try your hand at some brutal platforming, or test your mettle in the coliseum. You can fight mantises or bees. You can choose from a few endings, depending on how much of the game you think you can handle. It is an incredibly full-featured creature, and I had a delight giving it a go. Now, we await the DLC!

Of course, I usually do a little something extra for my year review. I like to choose a game of the year, something that truly lit up my life in all the best ways. The only problem is, I ended up playing a game that is scheduled for release in 2019, and it ended up being my game of the year for 2018. All I can do is list the name, and hope that you look forward to when the review embargo lifts, when I have the chance to share this magical title with you.

Game of the Year: YIIK: A Postmodern RPG

9

NWR Forums Discord / Stop trying to make A SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE happen.

« on: September 07, 2018, 08:15:50 PM »

It's NEVER going to happen!

Also we have enough dogs in Smash
Also I don’t want a library of old Nintendo games with online functionality
ALSO DEAR GOD STOP THE FANART
ALSO, MACH RIDER MAIN REPORTING
ALSO, BANJO KAZOOIE, GENO, DECIDUEYE, SORA, AND ESPECIALLY THAT DOGSHIT CHARACTER WALUIGI ARE NEVER HAPPENING

10

Nintendo Gaming / Blade Strangers: Smash Bros. for the games you've never heard of!

« on: May 10, 2018, 10:13:48 PM »

Since the most popular (coughandmostoverratedcough) indie character has been added to the roster, I guess it's acceptable to talk about BLADE STRANGERS!

Developer Studio Saizensen of Umihara Kawase and Code of Princess fame(?) has teamed up with Nicalis to deliver a cross over fighting game with simple inputs, a high skill-ceiling, and yes, a bunch of characters you may or may not know. The characters were first rendered in 3D and put into various key frames for animation and then redrawn as sprites, giving them a high-detail, yet consistent look.

The current (supposedly final) roster:

• Curly Brace (Cave Story)
• Quote (Cave Story)
• Solange (Code of Princess)
• Ali (Code of Princess)
• Liongate (Code of Princess)
• Master T (Code of Princess)
• Kawase (Umihara Kawase)
• Noko (Umihara Kawase)
• Emiko (Umihara Kawase)
• Gunvolt (Azure Striker Gunvolt)
• Isaac (The Binding Of Isaac)
• Shovel Knight (Shovel Knight)
• Lina (original)
• Helen (original)

Each character has three color schemes and a home stage. Make no mistake, although this game is said to have approachable controls, it is still a classic fighting game in nature and will feature advanced techniques. That being said, is anyone else interested in this? I'd post videos except embedding on this forum is a complex and unrewarding prospect. As a budding FGC hipster, I will definitely be picking this up, so if you're down for some matches, holler at me.

11

NWR Forums Discord / I own a PSTV now. Are we using thread titles to communicate with each other now?

« on: February 17, 2018, 02:11:23 AM »

Because we might as well just go to Discord if they're going to be that restricted.

Or Twitter.

12

NWR Forums Discord / Never Forget the day Shaymin took an extended hiatus from the Funhouse.

« on: February 16, 2018, 10:52:14 PM »

Presented without...

13

NWR Forums Discord / A Place for Me to Dump Dumb Threads

« on: February 16, 2018, 09:40:09 PM »

One PS thread! Two PS threads! THREE PS threads! AH HA HA!

I just wanted their to be some aesthetic consistency. Let it live its course until one of the other threads is bumped.

14

NWR Forums Discord / How do I James Jones?

« on: February 06, 2018, 11:04:12 PM »

Please help me escape the sickening pit of despair that is Jon Lindemann.

15

Reader Reviews / Monolith Makes Worlds: An Analysis of the Xenoblade Series

« on: January 15, 2018, 07:25:31 PM »

Greetings. If you wish to view the disparate portions of this analysis, you can do so by visiting the following links:
Monolith Makes Worlds Part 1: Xenoblade Chronicles

Monolith Makes Worlds Part 2: Xenoblade Chronicles X

Monolith Makes Worlds Part 2: Xenoblade Chronicles 2

Monolith Makes Worlds Part 4: Xenoblade Chronicles 3

16

Nintendo Gaming / Xenoblade Chronicles 2: How is Monolith Soft so Monolithic?

« on: November 29, 2017, 05:26:29 PM »

I'm surprised that, with the release of this game only two days away, there is absolutely no discussion of this title.

That's right, the original innovator of "big world with collection quests" on Nintendo consoles is back for another round with a fiery sequel(?)! Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is all about a boy and his blade, who is a super special blade, trust me, because its red and has a Zohar on it. So! Let's highlight some of the key elements, shall we?

Exploration:
A major difference, and perhaps a key factor in the speedy development of the title, is the segmented nature of the world. Each different biome is actually atop a flying creature called a Titan, proof that, in any sequel, more is better. Titans vary in size, and many are used as airships to travel from one place to the next.

While time of day will affect the ecosystem, another element is the cloud sea itself, which has rising and falling tides that will allow access to certain areas. Likewise, there are diving points where Rex will be able to recover materials and other surprises...

Combat:
Some new innovations to combat mean that Arts selection is... easier, I guess. But it's more committal in regards to positioning and auto-attack combo chaining, in addition to a revelation regarding secondary and tertiary "levels" of specific blade arts. Not only will raising a blade art level in combat change its effects, but it can be chained with party blade arts into even more devastating attacks. Chain attacks from the first Xenoblade also make a return, although with an added layer of complexity found in the blade art chaining.

With less of a focus on equipment, the main area of customization comes from Blades themselves, as each character can wield up to three at a time, switching between them in combat. A fun aesthetic note is that, as with several character designs, Monolith reached out to prolific Japanese character designers and artists to create a vast amount of unique designs for rare Blades that can be found throughout the world.

Quests:
According to hands-on experience, the quest system in Xenoblade 2 is even more streamlined than XCX, with objective markers and character portraits featured. If you have excess Blades that are of a weaker level, you can rent them out to a mercenary group in order to complete missions on their own and improve their abilities. there's a specific Titan full of Nopon merchants with special accessories for your party members, and even townspeople may be suspicious and challenge you to battles.

Aside from these aspects, there are some elements of the story that I find particularly curious, but I won't go into any storyline specifics, as two major points that I would consider rather spoiler-ish were revealed in the last Direct. Is anyone planning on picking this up? I'll admit, I told myself I would pick up a Switch when Monolith's next project was announced, which was at the Switch reveal last year, so... yeah.

17

NWR Forums Discord / I'm as IAN SANE as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!

« on: April 28, 2017, 05:40:11 PM »

Listen, I'm not the kind of person who likes to go on a account-ending rampage twice, you know. I like to think I'm reasonable, and often good natured. But I swear to his lord and savior Miyamoto, I just don't get you people anymore.

No NES Classics for you? No news of online features? No indie releases RIGHT NOW WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED THEM? Well, I better just say it's Nintendo and not me, right? Because a ASSASSINS CREED DONKEY KONG GAME is the logical choice in this day and age, RIGHT?! BECAUSE IF MY PARTY GAME HAS MORE THAN THREE MINIGAMES THAT COULD BE MISINTERPRETED AS JERKING OFF ITS NOT WORTH FIFTY SMACKERS, RIGHT?!?!?!?!??

Well, let me try to paint a picture for you all. A time when Nintendo wasn't doing well and the only people you heard complaining about it were named Ian Sane and broodwars. It was a simpler time. A time when all earthly frustrations regarding the discussion of video games could be neatly directed towards a handful of skeptics, rather than, oh, I don't know, the people risking their livelihood day in and day out to bring you the entertainment products that you incessantly bitch and moan about. BUT NOW, I struggle to pinpoint a single offender. Maybe it's the guy with the Prisma avatar who posts editorials all the time. Maybe it's the guy (maybe girl?) who can't get excited about ARMS with the Fire Emblem guy (maybe girl?) as his avatar. Maybe it's the dinosaur person who thinks a purposefully clunky action RPG is too purposefully clunky. Maybe it's the guy who thinks Guacamelee is a better Metroid game than Metroid. Do you see what I'm saying here?

And when I look to some grand-standing figurehead behind this all, the source of displeasure that I used to be able to rely on, I find him instead enjoying Breath of the Wild. Which, let's be honest, is an 8/10 at best and can't top the masterpiece that is Super Mario 3D Land. UP is DOWN! BLACK is WHITE! Sorry, no, black is blue and white is orange- now for only $149.99. But do you see my problem, here? Do you see why I'm upset?

I have but one recommendation for you all. CHEER THE **** UP. I already have to deal with misery and depression in the real world, I don't come on this friggin' online message board to indulge in sorrow any further. Having trouble with the wife that's causing you to be grumpy online? SUCK IT UP AND APOLOGIZE. Suffering from identity crisis because of too many name changes? STREAMLINE YOUR IMAGE. Accidentally popped in Shovel Knight and realized it's a shitty action platformer with a great soundtrack? PLAY A DIFFERENT GAME. Stop being a bunch of sad sacks on my MIYAMOTO-DAMN TURF.

18

NWR Forums Discord / The Futility of Arguing Against an Individual With a Specific Agenda

« on: April 13, 2017, 06:30:03 PM »

 It is somewhat unfortunate that slavery and racial tension continues to remain at the forefront of the narrative of the United States of America. However, the development of a capitalist nation whose birth was so heavily reliant on the idea of freedom had little other choice in the matter, especially when its conceptualization was so deeply entrenched in such a delicious sense of hypocrisy. While many literary critics have been quick to point out the enduring moral dilemma as it reoccurs throughout American literature, many have used this lens as an attempt to justify the strengths and decry the flaws of a number of works. One such example that continues to experience intense scrutiny is Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, a cynical, whimsical, and satirical odyssey throughout the heartland of the United States of America. Many would champion protagonist Huckleberry Finn as either an enlightened humanitarian or a racist product of the time, but that would be missing the point of the novel. Twain may touch on matters of slavery and race, though his scope is far greater, hoping to reflect on the nature of mankind from the perspective of a young spectator, not fully-convinced of the goodness or injustice of civilization either way.
   While some attest to this as the true satirical purpose of Huck's journey, others like Jane Smiley fail to grasp this idea, instead decrying Huck as a deeply flawed hero with a warped sense of morality. In her article “Say It Ain't So, Huck: Second Thoughts On Mark Twain's 'Masterpiece',” Smiley attacks Hemingway's claim that all American Literature stems from Twain's work, if only because of its flaccid moral lessons and utter failure of a final act. As a simple celebration of humanity through a lens of Americana, it is forgiven for Huck's questionable treatment of Jim, although she finds the non-character in the African American himself far worse, as Jim is nothing more than a sidekick and enabler for Huck and the other passengers on the raft. While some of these claims seem to hold merit, Smiley then proceeds to highlight Uncle Tom's Cabin as a far more poignant and effective American novel, brushed aside by Twain's unpolished epic. She goes as far to state that the characters of Stowe's novel are far more honest in their depiction, and Tom a more worthy archetype of racial suffering than Jim could ever hope to be. However, Twain's position as a male writer and the enduring controversy around Huck Finn have pushed Stowe's work to the side and robbed her work of its rightful position on either equal or greater standing with Twain's own.
   Not only does this argument mercilessly pick apart Twain's work simply because it does not champion equality in a manner that fits its author's particular views, but it also features a disproportionate amount of praise for Stowe's work. While both have their place in the American canon, there are numerous references to the importance of Uncle Tom's Cabin as a vehicle for the abolition of slavery within Smiley's analysis. If hoping to drive home the importance of race relations and slavery in America, Smiley fails to grasp the legacy Stowe's work already possessed post-Civil War. However, her argument hinges on the idea that American literature centralizes around slavery and race. This is not to say they are not important topics in the American canon, but Twain's work uses them instead as a platform for a higher level of contemplation regarding the goodness of civilization and humanity. His work lends itself to a larger audience by contextualizing human ignorance and the importance of the individual (or perhaps, lack thereof) in the American theater, allowing the reader to see Huck's own perception of the absurdity that lies in human nature as a boy on the fringes of American society himself. Just because Stowe's characters lean on the ugly truths of racial superiority more heavily and voice their opinions of slavery more strongly does not make them more or less representative of the American mindset.
   To deny that Stowe's work is one that attempts to address a specific aspect of the American conversation would be dishonest, as Stowe made her views and opinions clear through the novel and strove to enact change with her words. Some of Uncle Tom's claims and impact have diminished because of its purpose and success as an abolitionist vehicle. Twain's philosophy and perspective are universal in nature, tackling human cruelty and dishonesty on a broader scale, and his work is saved- or preserved- somewhat by its date of publication. Twain sought to remind the American people that racial stigma and supremacy would not cease with the closing of the Civil War, just as acts of inhumanity and ignorance would not cease in spite of new lessons and information learned. Indeed, the continued debate over its use of derogatory terminology continues to remind us of this fact today. However, Smiley insists that its absurdity lacks reality, and that the cruelty of human existence is better represented in Stowe's work. While Uncle Tom's Cabin does feature more brutality, it is undercut by Stowe's sentimentality and romantic tendencies. Twain's usage of vernacular, especially that which is more representative of his characters and much less stereotypical, grounds his absurdity in the muddy waters of the Mississippi. A case can be made for both, certainly, but Smiley's stance seems unfounded.
   Though her harsh critique of the closing chapters in Twain's novel is an opinion that is shared by many, Smiley neglects- or perhaps, avoids- the reality of the closing moments in Huck's adventure. The story does not wrap itself up perfectly, as is the case in Stowe's work. There is an uncertainty towards the fate of civilized life that still beats strong in Huck's heart, whereas Stowe imagines idyllic and ultimately unrealistic endgames for all of her characters. Smiley insists that Uncle Tom's Cabin is a book she would prefer her children read, but is also quick to dismiss its flaws: Stowe's fluctuating opinions on the removal of the African American from the country and their return to a sovereign nation, the numerous negative stereotypes established within her work that persist today, and its sentimental conclusion. It would seem that Smiley has a very narrow-minded view of what American literature should encompass as subject material, however, and arguing against that point, as well as offering any alternative interpretations of either Twain or Stowe's material, would prove fruitless. If race and slavery are the primary subject and should take the place of Twain's own discussion as a jumping point for the American conversation, then matters of the individual's worth have already been resolved, after all. What remains true, however, is the fat that slavery and matters of racial discrimination are results of the larger discussion of humanity and civilization, but it seems that no other work in the American canon provides as clear insight into this matter than Stowe's own. I guess. I dunno.

...I thought this was relevant.

19

NWR Forums Discord / The "If Hammer Time! reads the first post of this thread, he loses" game!

« on: April 06, 2017, 12:46:17 AM »

Greetings fellow users, and welcome to a game of my own design! Well, unless your name is Hammer Time!. Then you'd better scroll your little bar all the way down to the bottom of this post and past all my warning signs! See, I've been stewing an idea for a low-committal, chance-based, absolute bullshit forum game of my own! Welcome to:

"If [Insert User] reads the first post of this thread, he loses!"
So what are the rules of this game? Well, the first post of the thread will contain a conversation topic of the thread starter's choice, and obviously, the person in the thread title can't read it! But everyone else can, and its their goal to continuously post about that topic and create a conversation among themselves, giving subtle hints, while the person in the thread title attempts to guess just what the subject of that first post actually was! That's right, you might think its a game about trying to screw over Hammer Time!, but if you all post and play poorly, you'll be screwing over yourselves! It's the entirety of NWR versus the user in the title, and we'll see how long- or how dumb- that user is as they attempt to figure out the subject of the thread!

If Hammer Time! is still reading this post, I'm sorry, but you've already lost.

IF YOUR NAME IS HAMMER TIME!, THIS IS YOUR FIRST WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!





IF YOUR NAME IS HAMMER TIME!, THIS IS YOUR SECOND WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!





IF YOUR NAME IS HAMMER TIME!, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!




The subject of this thread is how many title changes Hammer Time! has gone through as a member on this site. It can be over any amount or specific interval of time.





IF YOUR NAME IS HAMMER TIME!, THIS IS A REMINDER: SPOILERS ABOVE!





IF YOUR NAME IS HAMMER TIME!, THIS IS A GENTLE NUDGING: SPOILERS ABOVE!




Okay, that's enough of that nonsense.
Good luck, and may the best user win!

20

Reader Reviews / A Review of Breath of the Wild: DLC RELEASED!

« on: March 18, 2017, 12:37:51 PM »

This either.

21

NWR Forums Discord / The "If Khushrenada reads the first post of this thread, he loses" game!

« on: February 27, 2017, 10:07:05 PM »

Greetings fellow users, and welcome to a game of my own design! Well, unless your name is Khushrenada. Then you'd better scroll your little bar all the way down to the bottom of this post and past all my warning signs! Yes, I know you've all been wondering: now that Evan_B has been banned, when will he start bringing out the hard-hitting thread titles and golden content that befits such a rapscallion of such status? Well, I suppose it would be right now. See, I've been stewing an idea for a low-committal, chance-based, absolute bullshit forum game of my own ever since my eyes first rested upon my glorious loss in the latest Safe Words! I too want to get in on some of that action, so I'll be starting my own series called:

"If [Insert User] reads the first post of this thread, he loses!"
Whew! I have been waiting with bated breath to announce that one. So what are the rules of this game? Well, the first post of the thread will contain a conversation topic of the thread starter's choice, and obviously, the person in the thread title can't read it! But everyone else can, and its their goal to continuously post about that topic and create a conversation among themselves, giving subtle hints, while the person in the thread title attempts to guess just what the subject of that first post actually was! That's right, you might think its a game about trying to screw over Khushrenada, but if you all post and play poorly, you'll be screwing over yourselves! It's the entirety of NWR versus the user in the title, and we'll see how long- or how dumb- that user is as they attempt to figure out the subject of the thread!

If Khushrenada is still reading this post, it's okay buddy, I'm putting up the "SPOILER" warnings now, so you'll still have a chance to win the game! Everybody ready?

IF YOUR NAME IS KHUSHRENADA, THIS IS YOUR FIRST WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!





IF YOUR NAME IS KHUSHRENADA, THIS IS YOUR SECOND WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!





IF YOUR NAME IS KHUSHRENADA, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!




The subject of this thread will be how Khushrenada has already lost by reading the rules of the game. Let this be a warning to all of those that play in the future: you can't read ANY of the first post! Duh.





IF YOUR NAME IS KHUSHRENADA, THIS IS A REMINDER: SPOILERS ABOVE!





IF YOUR NAME IS KHUSHRENADA, THIS IS A GENTLE NUDGING: SPOILERS ABOVE!




Okay, that's enough of that nonsense.
Good luck, and may the best user win!

22

NWR Forums Discord / I know why the banned user sings.

« on: February 17, 2017, 01:45:30 AM »

Okay, I'm about to get really serious here, and I know it's the Funhouse, but honestly, I'm just scared and disappointed, but mostly, I'm just so angry that I needed to come out and say this somewhere. There's going to be some pretty raucous language here, so even though I find all of this hard to bear, I hope you'll stick through until the end.


There's relatively few things in this world that mean a great deal to me. Sure, my family will always be important, and getting a good education and entering into a career are long-term goals. I might even want to start a family of my own, someday. But sometimes, I go onto this fucking message board and I see the kind of absolute horse **** that makes me fear for my future children. I mean, there's a lot to be afraid of nowadays. Technology has given rise to an ever-present feeling of awareness, and that brings anxiety with it.


"But Evan," You smugly remark, sipping your weird 9-Volt Coffee Mug because he's such an important and relevant character in whatever bizarro universe you hail from, "You should just raise your children responsibly and gradually integrate technology in their lives. Allow them to enjoy the outdoors! Let them bask in the warm glow of ignorance."


Well that would be all fucking well-and-good if I hadn't already witnessed the sort of atrocities that are being shared in and around places like this. There's this creeping feeling that, someday, my children are going to be curiously browsing the web, or whatever virtual-reality PlayStation VR first-person hallway simulator they turn the internet into in the next 20-25 years, and they're going to stumble upon the kind of horrors I have already seen. I mean, look at me, am I perfect? Hell no, Pokepal tweeted my rant about Smash Bros. being a steaming pile of **** out to some twitter handle and my reputation pretty much crumbled to fucking dust after that. But I can at least manage, you know? At least I have a crappy webcomic I can fall back on to spout my opinions through.


No, I worry that they're going to come across the fucking alternative facts or whatever the hell you want to call what people post on this site and think that it's true. God forbid, they go out of their way to follow the advice of what some of you monsters claim. To be frank: I don't want to raise little Shulk and Rosalina and Luma B in a world where people actually have the gall to enjoy Paper fucking Mario Color Splash. And honestly, I don't get why you all just sit back in your preferred furnishings and LET PEOPLE POST ABOUT THAT KIND OF ****. Are you out of your damned minds? Have you seen the kinds of tripe people are spouting? "I actually enjoyed Sticker Star," and "You get to increase your paint bucket, so battles have a purpose!" You can't just SAY those things to someone who hasn't played them, you get it? You might be the tipping point! You might get them invested in something their heart isn't ready to handle! I try to keep myself as pure as I can these days, especially after having hit the Sticker Star sauce back in my college days, but the fact that you would willingly post positive impressions of something that I don't like, and will never like because I will never play it, it's just... gosh.

WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE ACCEPT THE LORD AND SAVIOR THOUSAND YEAR DOOR INTO YOUR HEART? And don't even get me started on that "Mario and Luigi is superior" bullshit. BOTH series have ARGUABLY ONLY HAD TWO GOOD ENTRIES, and I SURE AS HELL AIN'T TALKING ABOUT PARTNERS IN CRIME AND SUPER PAPER MARIO!


What's worse is this- I'm subjected to this hellish torment by the bumps. Mother of christmas, the fucking bumps. Reminding me that, yes, this dumpster fire of an "action adventure" game might just be your last Wii U purchase and, Miyamoto-willing, maybe even be considered the swan song of the console. It makes me physically ill. Not digitally ill, mind you, I'm not trying to amass a hard-drive of illnesses that I can't even transfer to the next console because WHO GIVES A **** ABOUT BACKWARDS COMPATIBILITY THESE DAYS?!


I'm sick of trying to be the last bastion of positive energy on a board that seems to be hell-bent on systematically breaking down my soul. I won't let you bump that damn thread with positive impressions ever again. You are mocking me. NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'LL START POSTING NEGATIVE IMPRESSIONS OF MINISH CAP AND I'LL HAVE TO TAKE MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS.


If you ever, EVER think about liking something that I don't like because you've actually experienced it and I haven't ever again, I will wage a war of ****-posting on this site so terrible, so unspeakably vicious, it would make Lucario tremble in his kangaroo-loving apron, or whatever the hell he wears.


...Color Splash sucks.

23

NWR Forums Discord / Is anyone else really Khushrenada after this week?

« on: January 30, 2017, 11:24:33 PM »

I mean, not to sound dupist or anything, but I was expecting a little more.

24

NWR Forums Discord / NintendoWorldReport has disappointed me.

« on: January 14, 2017, 03:53:48 PM »

Here I am, excited as hell about ARMS, Zelda, Snipperclips, Sonic Mania, Rime, Syberia, and Splatootie, and all the rest of this forum can do is complain about how expensive this thing is?! I'm sorry, where we're all of you people when the PS4 launched at 400, or the xBox launched at 500? I guess you spent all your money on those superior platforms and now you're poor.

Well excuse me for actually having the means to buy a Switch. And what the heck is with people wanting more than one dock? Can't muster the energy to move the thing to another tv? This is another brilliant strategy Nintendo is implementing to bring motion back into video games and you're all complaining about it???

Well, I guess I'll be the only one posting in the Switch discussion threads unless people want to be negative nancies and talk about something they don't even own. I haven't been this flustered since our Lord and Savior Neal Ronaghon gave Mario Kart 8 a terrible score. I'm tired of not-liking things other people like until I start to like them and everyone SWITCHES their opinion on it!

*snaps*

25

Nintendo Gaming / Don't rename topics about a dead game.

« on: January 13, 2017, 12:07:04 PM »

ARMS was another attempt by Nintendo to justify its usage of motion controls and cordless, independently operating controller concept. By creating a competitive boxing game where punches could be curved to give players a heightened sense of control. Nintendo also designed he game for multiple control schemes so that players tentative about motion controls could have options and the potential for two-player came with a single Switch.

Players promptly denounced the Joy Con method of play and embraced the alternative because of its consistency of input and their original disdain.

If you would like to discuss ARMS, I highly recommend the ARMS discord, which has plenty of tips, tricks, and valuable information on weapon types and character gimmicks. Or, you know. Make another thread.