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The Fire Emblem Three Houses Sorting Hat Quiz

by Donald Theriault - July 11, 2019, 8:00 am PDT
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At heart, we’re all secretly Black Eagles.

We’re about two weeks out from Fire Emblem: Three Houses, and there’s a lot of people who have to make a very difficult choice. If the developers aren’t exaggerating - and based on some conversations with our reviewer, they’re not - you’re going to be dealing with the house and its lord for upwards of 80 hours.

So who do you pick?

If you’re still on the fence, we’ve prepared a quiz that should help make the decision a little clearer. Keep track of your answers as you go.

Question 1: Your house leader will inevitably be added to Smash Bros, either as Ultimate DLC or in a sequel. Aside from a different weapon, what do they bring to the table?

  1. A whole bunch of memes about being upside down
  2. Another dark haired pretty boy
  3. An original female Fire Emblem character
  4. I’m taking my talents to Playstation All Stars Battle Royale 2

Q2: What’s your reaction upon winning something?

  1. "How the hell did THAT happen?"
  2. "Hmph. Inevitable."
  3. "Good job, everyone."
  4. I am a member of the 2019 Toronto Blue Jays and therefore do not understand the question

Q3: Who is the greatest tactician in the Fire Emblem universe?

  1. Mark
  2. Soren
  3. Robin
  4. Kris

Q4: When you hear "Linhardt", what immediately comes to mind?

  1. A person who seems nice
  2. An annoying pest
  3. A loyal soldier
  4. Those two people that are responsible for like, 2000 orbs in Fire Emblem Heroes

Q5: Which path did (or would) you choose in Fire Emblem Fates?

  1. Birthright, because I wanted to get through a story
  2. Conquest, because it's right there in the name
  3. Revelations, because I wanted to have all of the characters
  4. The Japanese version, so I could touch faces

Q6: In Pokémon, I usually pick (blank) as my starter.

  1. The Grass type
  2. The Fire type
  3. The Water type
  4. Agumon

Q7: I took one of these quizzes before and the sorting hat said my Hogwarts house was...

  1. Hufflepuff
  2. Gryffindor
  3. Ravenclaw
  4. Walking up to a line of book purchasers and yelling the infamous book 6 spoiler

Q8: I skipped out on the limited edition for Three Houses because...

  1. I accidentally bled out from the pins that came with Shadows of Valentia's limited edition
  2. Why would I spend any more on this game than I have to?
  3. Only comes with a sound selection instead of the entire OST
  4. I own at least one Halo cat helmet and I'm still paying it off

Q9: How would you describe your combat style?

  1. Snipe with arrows
  2. Put someone's eye out with a lance
  3. Magic is everything
  4. Ready... set... RUN AWAY!!!

Q10: Byleth (the teacher) is a sword user. How do you want to relate to them?

  1. Just want to hang out with them
  2. I need to dominate them
  3. I'll take their advice
  4. Rule 34

If you mostly answered A: You’re pretty laid back, and want to just have fun. Claude’s Golden Deer await.

If you mostly answered B: Dmitri wants YOU to join the Blue Lions, because you’re a hardass and have a bit of a hero complex.

If you mostly answered C: Edelgard would like to welcome you to the nest of the Black Eagles. You’re loyal, and maybe a little depressed.

If you mostly answered D: Unfortunately, Langrisser is coming to Switch next year. Maybe that’s more your speed.

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