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Community Forums => General Chat => Topic started by: Oblivion on June 04, 2013, 02:00:21 AM
Title: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Oblivion on June 04, 2013, 02:00:21 AM
It's not exactly been diagnosed by a professional, but I feel immensely depressed. Its been creeping on me for the last few years, but now its finally crashing down on me like a wave.
I broke up with my long time girlfriend recently, and all of my friends seem to act as if I'm a burden to be around. I'm extremely apprehensive of my future and whether or not I can survive the future and (so far) imaginary hardships.
I was feeling pretty suicidal a few weeks ago and told someone on here, who thankfully contacted the admins so they could contact my local police department. Seeing the cops at my door wanting to talk to me sure was a wake up call at the time, but that shock is starting to wear off. I still thank those who were involved for what they did.
I know this is just the stupid angst of an angry 18 year old who's problems are probably less severe than what you are facing, but it's all I know. Please understand that.
Even though it's very sad that I have to admit this to a bunch of internet strangers who don't give two shits about me, I feel like this is the only place I can publicly admit something like this without everyone I know trying to make me feel better and only making it worse.
I just needed to write it down and get it out of my system. I feel a little bit better after writing this so maybe that's a good sign.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: ThePerm on June 04, 2013, 04:01:44 AM
I don't know what to say except life is tough, but ultimately it is worth living.
There was a time I was stuck on the side of a cliff while hiking, which in Arizona is no fucking joke. I was stuck there for a good 30 minutes. I couldn't crawl up. My only choice was to slide down and grab some trees before falling off the cliff and then pull myself up and shimmy to more manageable ground. I'm lucky i didn't break my limb in the process. My life flashed before my eyes a series of times in the process. **** was real. I wasn't thinking about any of the bullshit that depresses me on a regular basis. I was thinking about the "Now". In those moments of survival I felt great for escaping my danger.
Right now I work for a call center. It is miserable. It is not the first time I've worked in a call center. I look up from my cubicle and the colors are muted. I work 14 miles away from where I live. So normally it takes me an hour to get to work. I waste my time driving to a place I hate, where I'm rated like I'm some RPG character. I have to play games with my schedule. I try to get out of staring at the computer screen as much as I can. I get voluntary time off every once in a while. My time has become more valuable to me then money, because it is a fleeting resource. Usually I get VTO for 30 minutes, which speed along fast. If I can get an hour and a half than great, because then I have enough time to leave and get something to eat that isn't terrible. If I dont get much time in my shift to eat I have to resort to eating the terrible food in the vending machine. I get paid 9 dollars an hour for all of this. I have the option of a bonus, but only if I make a perfect stats.
Most of the time my job consists of reviewing bills with my clients customers. The company is a telecommunications network of which I wont name. You probably have their services if you live on the east coast. A lot of customers I would rate as illiterate because their bills are clear as day. The ruminate of petty things. I can check what they pay, when they pay. Often I credit customers who have legitimate problems with their bills. A good third of the customers are just plain dumb. I find myself in heated arguments. I stay calm most of the time, but on occasion everyone will get pissed the **** off. I feel like an actor sometimes. I really want to rip their heads off, but I can't swear, I can't tell them off. I have walked out of work after 3 calls in the past 6 months. I don't get paid for this bullshit. I think to myself, if I can do this **** I can do anything.
One of my disappointments in life was that my going to college didn't get me anywhere. They call them starving artists for a reason. On my days off I don't spend a lot of time consuming entertainment. I have been trying for a couple of months to work on projects in my spare time. Most likely I have a case of adhd. Which makes it hard for me to keep to one project at a time. I have a bloodbath of projects in my wake that have gone nowhere. I think they are all great, but I probably need two or three other people to work on them with me. During my week I only have 2 days of freedom from the cult of money. They speed fast. I try to make the best of my day.
of which I have found people to be generally unreliable. Most people seem to be passively wasting their lives away at work. I avoided this for a number of years, but it was inevitable I would need to do it to make some sort of progress in my life. I can't seem to find a good group of collaborators. Everyone seems to think that I am going to do all the work for them, and that they can just latch onto my coattails. Which is why as friends in a group we've just managed to stay in our static state within Danté's cold circle of hell. I'm just annoyed I have little support on anything. I think about moving myself to see if I can find an egalitarian system of altruistic development. Maybe I just know the wrong people and need to rid myself of their toxicity. I have friends who want to start a project, but if they are just going to sit at home and smoke weed every 22 minutes then we're going to get nowhere. I try to initiate stuff, but they find excuses to hold it off and not do anything. It is even their idea originally. I try to take initiative, but I feel like I'm the strongest link in a pathetically weak chain. In any case I want to be the weakest link for a change. I do have some friends who have potential and talent though, but we haven't figured out what to collaborate on. I feel like I'm in some crazy metal band.
As far as relationships go, my biggest problem is I am picky. Ultimately, the opposite sex is picky as well. Every once in a while I fool around with someone who is unattractive just to temporarily satisfy some natural need. Ultimately I have little time for them and I really don't want to waste my time with fickle drama. I do desire a good steady relationship, but it has been a while and I must be permanently scarred from the last time. I've also been scarred from potential relationships that went nowhere. My quantity has been much greater than my quality. Relationships don't get me down anymore though. They are the least of my worries.
Very often while I am in my waking life I think about 1984, Metropolis, and dystopic future. In some way I feel like this is already the reality. I feel like I am part of some gross mass manipulation.
Recently, I got into a car accident. I was just driving and a car got out of nowhere. The other driver was making a left turn into a hotel parking lot across 2 lanes. My vision of the other car was obstructed by another lane of cars. Ultimately the other drive should have made sure he was absolutely clear of my lane before he darted out. Thats what the cop said. That sounded right to me as well. The accident didn't shake me up, I wasn't in shock. I didn't have a flashback. It was nothing to me, just some regular **** that everyone goes through. I'm 29 and had never been in an accident, but you think it would shake me up. The thing I was more worried about was if I would get fired from work for being late.
Still, I have an optimistic outlook that I will one day pull myself out of this meager existence and climb up to greatness.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: RABicle on June 04, 2013, 05:41:48 AM
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Tlon on June 04, 2013, 08:16:24 AM
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Tlon on June 04, 2013, 08:21:03 AM
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sheeple.png)
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Tlon on June 04, 2013, 08:31:42 AM
High Def : http://www.nfb.ca/film/necktie/ (http://www.nfb.ca/film/necktie/)
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: UncleBob on June 04, 2013, 09:12:28 AM
I don't have much to add to the OP, but for those who don't know RABicle's post, Ally did a wonderful err... "essay" on depression that perfectly captures what depression is. People who haven't actually suffered from depression (like the real, overpowering depression) seem to have a complete misunderstanding of what it is like.
The dead goldfish analogy is pure genius and I really feel that Ally should win some kind of award for her ability to put depression into words (and pictures) that anyone can comprehend.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Ceric on June 04, 2013, 09:42:00 AM
Well I'm going to chime in.
I'm 30 and no where near where I wanted to be by this time. I have a "Good" Job, as in statistically speaking I make about double the median income which I have no idea how. In all reality I dread coming to work because its not interesting and I'm treated worst than a piece of liver on the plate of a 6 year old. The funny thing is that company doesn't realize it as all.
Even though I make "good" money and the Misses works as well I live in a terribly designed house, its like wearing shoes all the time that are 1 size to small, because that is what I can afford. Comparatively speaking I'm suppose to be Upper Middle Class but, can only afford a Lower Middle Class life.
My Family is more of a burden then a joy. I'm fairly sure I married wrong. Married too similar to me in the ways that I should have found an opposite and found an opposite in the ways that should probably have been similar.
I have to many pets so its a burden to go places. My Son is strong willed and stubborn. I have mixed feelings on culling that because in the Real World he is going to need those skills to make it up the corporate ladder unlike his father.
On the social side I don't have any real friends. Though my threshold for going from Good Acquittance to Friend maybe is too high. It boils down to if I was moving and I asked for some help would they say yes. I didn't think that was too high but I am mistaken. My natural state of being seems to burn bridges.
Recently went to church and the Pastor asked a question about the Tone of the speaker in the lesson this week. I answered and was immediately asked by the Pastor what I did for a living. My Answer seemed to indicate that my view of the world was so different that it had to have been trained. I have a hard time finding like minds.
My luck runs weird. I'll get the drop I need in a game first time sometime but mostly I'll get it way after I should. I once killed about 40 monsters to get 2 of an item with 40% drop rate. RNG doesn't err to my favor but, thats pretty common. My luck tends to pull my Life slightly below the middle.
I tend to start projects and have them well planned but, despite my best effort fate seems to come into play and they don't get finished. It seems the closer I am to finishing the less inclined I am too. Though thats just me.
I am talented at what I do at work. I'm not talented at anything really practical for the world outside of work and at that only the non-social aspect of the in-work portion. Even though I'm talented doesn't equal success because its not in the social graces.
In the end though I trace most of my issues to only 1 constant and that's me. I am the one who made the decisions. I am the who made the plans. I am the one who did the actions. Unfortunately despite my best efforts I am the one that can't seem to effect change.
Probably the most frustrating thing of all of it is on paper I am doing well. So why am I not truly successful? What makes it so that I can't keep my house from looking like its 3 people, 4 pets, and a Mini Tornado living there? Build up enough good will and respect that one event wouldn't blow it away? Be Interesting? I can take comfort in knowing that out in the world their are other people like me. Well maybe...
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: RABicle on June 04, 2013, 10:23:42 AM
Quote
I tend to start projects and have them well planned but, despite my best effort fate seems to come into play and they don't get finished. It seems the closer I am to finishing the less inclined I am too. Though thats just me.
That's everyone, or more accurately, that's me too. The 80/20 principle. My life. I do it with university assignments. It's the ultimate in self sabotage. I am 26 and still have not completed the undergraduate I began in 2006.
Anyway a video from the exiled Ty arrived on my desk this morning. In addition to decapitating an effigy of TJ Spyke and calling for more militant action in Ankara he suggested that Oblivion get off the pit of unnhappiness that is NWR, get some vitamin d in him and possibly consider moving to Japan or South East Asia.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Ceric on June 04, 2013, 10:43:51 AM
Yeah in college I had an English essay to write and I literally got distracted by being bored.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Oblivion on June 04, 2013, 10:48:35 AM
Why Japan or Asia?
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: RABicle on June 04, 2013, 10:54:09 AM
Because the American dream is dead. Just look at Ceric and ThePerms' stories. It doesn't get better, it gets worse. Former PGC regular Deguello has a Psychology degree with honours and can't get a job selling slushie. I think Ty only likes Japan because he's a weeaboo, but you can live a life of relaxation (mentally) and comfort in Laos or Thailand jsut by being white and male.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Ceric on June 04, 2013, 10:56:41 AM
Personally like to go to Germany or Canada.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: ThePerm on June 04, 2013, 01:02:35 PM
I was going to post the "this is water" video when I woke up. I saw it shortly before the accident. I was thinking had I been 19 I would have been crying and freaked out in this situation. But we just sort of waited around for the police to come and sat in the sun and chatted. We joked about how you always just see people waiting around in these situations and it was glad insurance companies handled these situation. We were just glad everyone was ok.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Ceric on June 04, 2013, 01:13:46 PM
You'd be surprised. My first Wreck was when I was 16-17. I was driving home from school when the person in front of me suddenly stopped, ironically I actually knew them. I swerved to the open lane to my right but, then I get bumped by the person behind me. I was literally an inch away from being totally out of the path of everyone. My car was the one that received the most damage in the end the bumper went like this \___/. Since all are cars were drivable we pulled the whole assembly to the Ingles parking lot besides us while we waited for the police. Good thing too. The Police officer came down from Sevierville to Farragut which is about an hour or so. You don't want to block a lane of Kingston Pike for an hour. (Be like stopping a 1 lane of a 2 lane Interstate.) I continued to drive that car like that through most of college. Until being lent a Probe and then I bought the Neon. Great car but I got Swindled when I bought it. I tried to return it the next day but they wouldn't let me. Now I know that that was illegal.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Caterkiller on June 04, 2013, 01:34:32 PM
Life is tough man. I certainly don't know real depression but the last 2 years have been really tough for me.
Thank goodness I have a great wife and daughter or man I don't know where I'd be right now. When I was 18 I had all these big dreams! I just started training in Wushu and I just started as Spider-Man. I was on top of the world! Still not much has happened in between now and then that I feel really propelled me forward. I'm going to start name dropping so bare with me. Wu Bin, Jet Li's only teacher was so proud of me, a foreigner, for teaching high quality wushu and sticking to a system that didn't rely on tricks. He used to stand in the balcony of my school and just looked so proud. Jacky Chan walks in say's similar things before we all go work on Rush Hour 3. I taught the son of a man named Scott Ma, he was in and choreographed Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. He would leave work early to come and watch me teach, he was always telling me what a great a teacher I was and one day I would do these great things. You know just people filling my head with grand ideas.
I trained with Marc Dacascos often before he left and got a little bigger. Used to train with Ray Park, Darth Maul, before Heroes and GI Joe took him away. Michael J White was always in and out the door talking about this big project he wanted to do and I was promised a trip to china to go work on it. I wasn't good enough to go and it turned out to be crap anyway.
My personal students, Tiphany Pham, is Piper on that Nick show Bucket and Skinner's Epic Adventures. I watched her grow her skill and career right before my eyes. Another student of mine Brian F, his wife is Nancy Gribble, he is in every commercial known to man, and was recently the Lawyer who ate poison frogs in Grimm. I mean it goes on and on like that.
I watch these people, some of which are good friends of mine and I feel like I can never be as successful as they are. It's very depressing to me. Then when I finally get a bone thrown to me and I get hired for what ever movie, commercial or what ever, I ultimately get cut. I swear it's a curse. Now when I get a job I don't even like to talk about it to my wife because I feel like even if I shoot something when it actually airs i'll be left on the editing room floor.
Then 2 years ago we lost our wushu school/production studio. I was the right hand man to my head coach and he moved back to china for a while. We always knew I would inherit the school, but not like that. I rented out of raggedy little places, until I found a place decent enough. But it's so hard to gain new students with out a place of my own. They walk in and see some multi racial black guy and wonder if I'm really the teacher. They don't see flipping and tumbling and assume what I teach isn't authentic. All the while my guys who finally earned their black belts after about 5 years just got too busy with school/work/life and are gone. It was like $500 a month just gone cause they finally passed that mile stone. They had only just joined the club to really try and make it to greatness and then just gone. I love my intermediate guys and my beginners, but I love my advanced guys so much and it's like a dagger through my heart to just have them gone.
Then last week I learned they are auctioning off everything in my old school. Pictures, weapons, all things sentimental, what ever it was to be sold off. http://www.fleetwoodauctioncenter.com/cgi-bin/mnlist.cgi?fleetwood5/category/ALL (http://www.fleetwoodauctioncenter.com/cgi-bin/mnlist.cgi?fleetwood5/category/ALL)
It took me 3 days to get things out of there and every time I walked in the building I just wanted to cry and wushu chop every competitor and rival that showed up. There were people in there just being so disrespectful to my personal history it was rage inducing. Still, I felt if anyone got things out of there I was glad it was more wushu people. Look at 633 and you can see what the inside of the school looked like. It took us so long to build it up that way.
In the last 3 years I do my taxes and just notice with each year I make less and less. It's extremely depressing and sometimes I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thankfully though my family, friends and students are super supportive and I know i'll climb out of this hole eventually. In the middle of it all I know how hard it is. Add into that a chronic injury that keeps me from moving to hard or too fast and I just feel like i'm failing at life.
Oblivion I don't know what to tell you personally. I'm no doctor and my depression certainly doesn't go that far. But I will tell you this, with women, or men, who ever you decide to date and ultimately break up with, there will be another some day. I remember how hard it was to take being dumped when I was like 19. Man I thought i'd never get it over it. Makes you feel sick to your stomach just thinking about her right? Yeah, but it will pass. Just trust me. And tomorrow darn it, you never know who you're gonna meet. I'm dead serious, man there is always tomorrow.
I was never the type that was as angry as you would come off as sometimes here on the forums, but I remember just kind of taking a personal philosophy of "well, it always works out in the end." I swear that has calmed me down a million times over, cause when I really thought about everything that stressed me way the heck out, by the time it was all said and done, everything was just fine and I lived on.
Thinking about it now. I realized I don't listen to the music that I used to listen to when I was upset. Be right back, if your a child at heart like me, maybe these will help.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Ian Sane on June 04, 2013, 01:41:46 PM
There was one point in my life where the idea of suicide entered my thoughts. It was after a relationship ended, one where we would talk of "when" we got married, not "if". The pain was so great and overwhelming I didn't know how I could continue with life. But one thing truly pushed suicide aside for me permanently and it was pretty selfish and somewhat immature, but it worked. It appealed to my rebellious side. If I killed myself, "they" won. "They" could be my ex-girlfriend specifically, society, the world, God, the devil, the universe, whatever. For whatever was making me depressed, I was not going to let it win out of sheer spite.
A few years later I went though several years of depression, due to relationship problems and a crisis of faith. I would like to say that things will get better and you won't be depressed any more. I figured that was the cure to what ailed me; my life wasn't going so well so naturally if things got better I wouldn't be depressed anymore. That still makes sense to me and seems completely logical. However it didn't work like that. My life is really no different than it was then. It seems like I just got used to things, like how scratching your knee made you cry as a child but not as an adult. While I would prefer if things just got better, at least I can handle things as is. I guess I have adapted emotionally.
So while I would love to say "don't worry things will get better", I can't and the people who would tell me that stuff drove me nuts because they seemed so full of **** at worst and at best just did not relate to my situation because for them things just luckily always have gotten better (my life worked like that until I was about 25; I thought it was normal but now I know it's just blind luck). What I can say is that for me I adapted emotionally where depression was not dominating my life anymore. So maybe things will get better, maybe they won't, but you won't feel this way forever.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Caterkiller on June 04, 2013, 02:06:06 PM
The Bear Necessities. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08NlhjpVFsU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08NlhjpVFsU)
Find Your Voice. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNoZRjXPtQE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNoZRjXPtQE)
How do I post the video directly in the comments?
Any way, yeah, these songs honestly put a 27 year old like me in a good mood. I have an itunes play list with a lot of songs like these titled "inspirational" for just such an occasion.
It's obvious that everyone else goes through crap but it's nice I suppose to know that you aren't alone. Misery loves company right?
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Oblivion on June 04, 2013, 02:19:34 PM
What Ian Sane said near the end of his last post is something I never thought about before. Comparing this to a scrape on the knee as a young child versus an adult is quite similar to how I'm feeling right now. Maybe right now it feels like the worst pain in the world, but I might start to get "used" to it have and a higher "pain tolerence" as I get older.
Also, I'm less pained by my breakup, and more pained with the realization that she was my only friend. I relied on her for friendship, so when she was out of my life, I had (and still have) no one else to confide in. I'm most certainly an extrovert, but a shy one. I have trouble making friends even though I crave it.
And yes, Bear Necessities always gets a smile out of me. I feel the same way with certain other songs too, thanks.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Ceric on June 04, 2013, 03:06:05 PM
Ian's right. Things don't get better naturally. They just change.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Pixelated Pixies on June 04, 2013, 04:02:54 PM
Personally, I do feel that it can sometimes be a comfort to hear that other people have similar anxieties and inhibitions. I certainly appreciate where many of you are coming from and think that discussions of this kind don't happen nearly enough.
I myself am a crippling introvert who has no friends, no career prospects and no money, and unfortunately feelings of depression are not uncommon to be. The only advice I can give you is to try to do something that you enjoy, something that you love. It doesn't have to be a career and it doesn't have to save your life. I'm also not talking about dulling your senses with video games, tv or alcohol (although, let's be honest, those can help too), but rather something that you value and makes you feel constructive. For my father it was making models. For me it's playing guitar (albiet poorly) and running. Many people will find that their heads are invariably dragged back to places they'd prefer not to go, but all you can do is try to enjoy the small things and take the big things as they come.
Sometimes I also find it useful to tell myself
"F*** this S***!"
Sometimes being angry at something, or nothing, helps focus the mind and pull you out of that place.
Well, that's my platitude for the day. I can never talk about this kind of stuff without coming off like a self help book, lol.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: ShyGuy on June 04, 2013, 04:41:09 PM
I was depressed a long time ago for about six years over a broken heart and I didn't even realize it until it was over. I snapped out of it when I saw that my friends had worse lives and were in a more positive state of mind.
Now I'm a lot less stress than I used to be. Heck, I've almost died twice in the last year and a half and it doesn't bother me.
Two key components of my philosophy of living:
1. There are more important things for me to do with my life than work towards personal happiness.
2. I do not fear death.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Caterkiller on June 04, 2013, 05:57:44 PM
Freakin Shy Guy. Now that is a real man talking.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: TJ Spyke on June 04, 2013, 06:55:20 PM
I am glad you aren't feeling suicidal again. Wish I could add more, but I think it's been covered by now. You will be OK. As much as people here like to sometimes rag on each other, you are always free to talk about serious stuff like here and get real answers.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: lolmonade on June 04, 2013, 09:42:22 PM
Oblivion, it's unfair to dismiss how you're feeling because you're " an angry 18 year old who's problems are probably less severe than what you are facing". That age is a difficult transitioning period for a lot of people, and just because there are people "worse off than you" doesn't mean your struggle is insignificant.
Being 18 can suck really hard, especially given your circumstances (I had similar experiences at that age). I don't know enough about your personal situation to provide detailed suggestions, but I can offer input that once you're able to move on from it, so many of the struggles you had in the past will not only seem trivial in retrospect, but provide you with much-needed experience and perspective going into future hardships/struggles down the road that will make those future challenges much more manageable.
I don't know your living situation or if depression is a true representation of what you're feeling, but even if you don't have health insurance, there are places you can get assistance for covering the cost of a psychologist. Clinical depression isn't the only thing these trained professionals take patients for, and they can certainly be good for a professional, unbiased ear to listen and ask questions that may be able to give you a different perspective on how you're feeling, and how to approach the troubles you're encountering.
Regardless of what you choose to do, I wish you all the best while you work out these issues.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Oblivion on June 05, 2013, 12:55:27 AM
That is another reason of my anxiety/depression/whatever you want to call it. I fear death. A lot. I think about it every day. Just today during work I was wondering what would happen if a guy came in and shot up the place. What would I do? Would I run and hide in the bulletproof room in the back? Would I try and "be a hero"? Or would I die senselessly, and not do the things I wanted to do? I also welcome it sometimes, but I guess that goes without saying in this case.
Oblivion, it's unfair to dismiss how you're feeling because you're " an angry 18 year old who's problems are probably less severe than what you are facing". That age is a difficult transitioning period for a lot of people, and just because there are people "worse off than you" doesn't mean your struggle is insignificant.
Being 18 can suck really hard, especially given your circumstances (I had similar experiences at that age). I don't know enough about your personal situation to provide detailed suggestions, but I can offer input that once you're able to move on from it, so many of the struggles you had in the past will not only seem trivial in retrospect, but provide you with much-needed experience and perspective going into future hardships/struggles down the road that will make those future challenges much more manageable.
I don't know your living situation or if depression is a true representation of what you're feeling, but even if you don't have health insurance, there are places you can get assistance for covering the cost of a psychologist. Clinical depression isn't the only thing these trained professionals take patients for, and they can certainly be good for a professional, unbiased ear to listen and ask questions that may be able to give you a different perspective on how you're feeling, and how to approach the troubles you're encountering.
Regardless of what you choose to do, I wish you all the best while you work out these issues.
Thank you. I may not have depression, but I have some issue that I need to work out. I would rather not talk to a professional simply because I was trying to defeat this issue on my own. I feel like I don't need professional help, just the help of a friend. Now, if I could actually find one of those elusive things, I'd be golden...
I am glad you aren't feeling suicidal again. Wish I could add more, but I think it's been covered by now. You will be OK. As much as people here like to sometimes rag on each other, you are always free to talk about serious stuff like here and get real answers.
I was really worried what some of you would say. Maybe I'm glad SUPER is banned during all this. :P:
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: UncleBob on June 05, 2013, 07:49:51 AM
Maybe I'm glad SUPER is banned during all this. :P:
Dude... harsh.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Shaymin on June 05, 2013, 09:33:13 AM
I've had similar feelings... honestly, for nearly three years now. My work at the time provided a few free sessions with a cognitive therapist, but that was just shuffling deck chairs on my own personal Titanic. (It didn't help that I lost that job at the same time). Honestly, I was at a point last year where the only thing keeping me going was having a roommate who actually gave a **** and something that I had gotten involved in at the same time.
I still haven't gotten a formal diagnosis because I can't find a psychologist/psychiatrist in my area who is available on weekends. I know there's SOMETHING wrong with me, I just don't know what it is.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Ceric on June 05, 2013, 09:48:37 AM
I still haven't gotten a formal diagnosis because I can't find a psychologist/psychiatrist in my area who is available on weekends. I know there's SOMETHING wrong with me, I just don't know what it is.
That really gets me. It is easier for me to get a Gun then it is to go see a Mental Professional.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Oblivion on June 05, 2013, 10:41:25 AM
Maybe I'm glad SUPER is banned during all this. :P: :
Dude... harsh.
It was mostly a joke, but I'd hate to see what he'd do to this thread if he was here. I don't know what he did to get banned, so maybe my joke was in bad taste.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Fatty The Hutt on June 05, 2013, 11:36:13 AM
Oblivion, I know exactly I feel like I might know where you are at. I have been through a couple of bad bouts of depression in my life, the first around your age (about 21) and precipitated by a bad break-up. It is very difficult to see the other side, but you will get through this my friend. I hope I can call you friend.
I can make a few suggestions. Make of them what you will: 1. Get help. Find a psychiatrist or psychologist and initiate formal therapy. Try going through your family doctor or a walk-in clinic (maybe at at university campus) to get a referral or suggestions for how to access mental health professionals for little or no money. It can be done. Don't just Google it, go through a health-care professional. You will qualify for a referral, of that I am sure. You have already had a police intervention. This is a very difficult step to take, just to have to deal with the logistics of getting the ball rolling, but the sooner you do it, the sooner you will be on the road. Don't fart around with "being a man". There is no shame in seeking professional help. They know their sh*t and their whole raison d'etre is helping folks just like you. Do it. Do it now.
2. Exercise. I am a lazy fat-ass so I recognize the hypocrisy of this recommendation. But, it is true: regular exercise reduces stress and improves your mental well-being. This is straight-up body chemistry at work. There is a crap-ton of research that proves the point. Don't read it, you don't need to. Just exercise regularly. Aerobic exercise is probably best for you right now. Get huffin and puffin, at least three times a week, at least 25 minutes each time. Maybe go to the SPCA and offer to take one of their big dogs for a jog. They'll love you for it.
3. Volunteer. This will have a triple benefit: It will get you out of the house and doing something instead of dwelling on your depressed state; it will get you out into society with other people (very important to not remain too isolated); it will get you doing something selfless and altruistic which will make you feel good about yourself and others. It is festival season in many places and they always need volunteers. So do libraries, museums, community theatre groups, sport events or "fun-runs", etc. No experience required and no pressure to please some dick-hole of a boss just to get your paycheque. Plus, it is great for the resume and gets you some nifty benefits like the ability to see performances for free or get free T-shirts and food.
This post is already too long but other suggestions include eating well (keep up those fruits, veggies and low-fat proteins!) and distracting yourself by reading, listening to books on tape or old radio shows. Go hang out at the library once or twice a week and partake of the many services and goods. Pull books, magazines, CDs, DVDs, etc. randomly from the shelves and check them out on-site. Chat with the librarians and get them to help you find cool **** that you always wanted to explore. There's nothing quite like browsing the shelves with no pre-conceived notion of what you're looking for and just picking stuff up and checking it out. Lose yourself (and your troubles) for awhile. You won't regret it.
Lastly, keep coming here and chatting with our little online family. We like you. We want to talk to you. We want to argue with you and bust your balls and make extreme sandwiches and dumb jokes. What are friends for?
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: nickmitch on June 05, 2013, 07:45:14 PM
I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope you can snap out of it. I'm glad you were able to get some help from these forums. It really speaks to the strength of community we have here.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: oohhboy on June 05, 2013, 09:56:07 PM
Sorry for taking awhile before coming in here to give a hand, I had to take the time to seriously think and feel about this.
*Special note*While thoughts of suicide is a red flag, not all depression regardless of how deep it maybe have suicidal thoughts. Like any condition, it has a range of symptoms. Waiting for the suicide red flag for help means you are catching yourself or someone else just before they go over the cliff!
I have actually been depressed for the last 15 years in one state or another and it wasn't until last year that I finally found out what I had. For me depression was being permanently burning out. This had happened in school where my grades had collapsed and no one had noticed or cared, including me. To me I was just "Burnt out". Until I crashed again last year after getting fired from a **** job I was living inside one big giant insanity effect. It wasn't until my case worker looking into my unemployment had talked to me for 30 seconds before she figured out something was wrong and got me to get mental health help.
My depression wasn't just have mental symptoms. I was always tired, no matter how much exercise I did I didn't improve. I was having so much trouble mentally focusing, my eyes was having trouble focusing properly. When people spoke to me it sounded like the adults in the Snoopy cartoons. My reflexes had become nonexistent and losing the moment and having short time skips wasn't uncommon even in the middle of something extremely important, like say flying a plane. It even bleed into the forum posts where I was either writing extremely insightful lucid posts or typing out mismatched sentences. Getting to sleep was hard, but when I did I slept long and never woke up refreshed. I had lost half my IQ points.
My emotional range had 3 discreet settings. Angry, indifferent, Hyena laugh. Joy the **** was that? Sad, nope. Tired isn't an emotion. Connecting with people? Not happening. Suicidal? Nope, I had something much, much worse. Suicide for me is wussing out, letting "Them" win. If I was going to go, I am taking people with me. Had I been in America, you would have read about me after I had gone off on a shooting spree. Here in New Zealand, guns are quite a bit harder to get and nowhere as tactical as the stuff in the US. So any plan to do large amounts of personnel damage was out of the question besides badly made bombs. So yeah, I have some insight as to why some people go nuts.
Until medication, nothing helped. Therapy didn't help since I couldn't think straight and get into thought endless loops. Exercise didn't help. Working, doing stuff, distracting myself didn't help. Eating well made no difference. I had declined medication initially after my diagnosis thinking it made me a less of a person. I was so wrong it wasn't funny. Medication is my key to get out of the chain and ball on my mind. It lets me be me. There are side effects, but the side effects are a fair exchange. I tried stepping down from my current dosage, but that was a mess and a half.
So the plan now is to figure out whether what you are going through is chronic like me or it's something that will pass in time. It is not a question of will power and there is no "Snapping out of it". I am sorry to dump on you nickmitch a little, but hoping or telling people to "Snap out of it" is actually a bad thing to do. It's actually one of the worse thing to can tell a depressive while trying to help them as it forces a feeling that it is their fault for feeling terrible which only reinforce the negative loop.
Oblivion. This is not your fault. You are going through some bad times and it doesn't matter how relatively bad it is compared to everyone else. Even if you don't/can't get professional help talking about it does help and you have already taken the first step. If you want to talk about it more in private, feel free to give me a PM and I will make the time to have a chat with you on Skype/Steam and pass on what I have learned from therapy.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone (Please be serious)
Post by: Oblivion on June 05, 2013, 10:51:09 PM
Damn, I can't believe how supportive you guys are being. I always thought the community here was kind of mean and cutthroat, but I've been proven wrong. I apologize for any sort of asshole behavior I've participated in in the last two or so years I've been a member here.
Oblivion. This is not your fault. You are going through some bad times and it doesn't matter how relatively bad it is compared to everyone else. Even if you don't/can't get professional help talking about it does help and you have already taken the first step. If you want to talk about it more in private, feel free to give me a PM and I will make the time to have a chat with you on Skype/Steam and pass on what I have learned from therapy.
Thanks for the offer, man. I might take you up on that offer sometime.
Once again, thanks to everyone and their supportive words. Seeing that you guys also have similar experiences (or in some cases, worse) and manage to pull through has really been eye opening.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: pokepal148 on June 06, 2013, 12:04:41 PM
this only proves what a mess the mental health system is in the US. i am lucky to live near the Mayo Clinic in a city that might as well be renamed Mayowood once IBM packs its bags...
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Oblivion on June 06, 2013, 02:14:23 PM
this only proves what a mess the mental health system is in the US. i am lucky to live near the Mayo Clinic in a city that might as well be renamed Mayowood once IBM packs its bags...
What are you talking about? For once, can you just think before you post please?
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: pokepal148 on June 06, 2013, 02:55:43 PM
Rochester MN, the third largest city in MN (thanks to Mayo and the the now failing IBM) and honestly, with recent politics in the MN area, its likely to become hospital city...
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: TJ Spyke on June 06, 2013, 07:34:48 PM
Where did you get the figure that Rochester, Minnesota is the 3rd largest city in the United States? Because it is not even close. Hell, New York State alone has 4 cities with people. I think you mean the 3rd largest city in Minnesota (which is factually true).
And while the mental health system in the US could be a lot better, nothing posted here has been any indication of the quality of it.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: oohhboy on June 06, 2013, 09:47:19 PM
This thread is NOT the place to be shouting USAUSAUSA!
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Halbred on June 07, 2013, 09:44:06 PM
Sometimes I'm surprised I haven't fallen into depression myself, what with the Cystic Fibrosis, diabetes, brain abscess (two years ago), loss of creative outlets, and recurring hospitalizations. HOWEVER, my wife and family claim I became depressed while my wife was away at grad school. This may be true, and I may still be dealing with it, even though she's back now.
Just general feelings of anger, cynicism and resentment (more than usual). Not sure if that counts as depression, but it's definitely noticeable.
Oh wait, and we can't forget the recent revelation that I might develop thyroid cancer!
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: oohhboy on June 07, 2013, 11:12:44 PM
If you are in the bubble it is very hard to tell without outside help. Looks like you have always had an outside anchor to keep you stable and pull you out when you slipped in. Your feelings might not be depression, but it's on the road towards isolation and eventual long term depression. Go hug your wife and thank her for her support. Break the cycle before it does become a problem.
I think Ty only likes Japan because he's a weeaboo, but you can live a life of relaxation (mentally) and comfort in Laos or Thailand jsut by being white and male.
This depresses me because a few years ago when I went to Japan, Ty was giving me tips and said something along the lines of "due you don't have to do anything, the chicks will love you just because you're a white american." When I told him I wasn't white, he compensated with "ok, so you'll be like a suave (insert name of Spanish dude from Resident EVil 4 here" which was good for a lol but it stayed with me during the trip and brought down my mood when I realized;
a. I was in a stale relationship and felt the most attractive and heavy I've ever been. b. No one in Japan gave a **** about me which just made it feel like my bleak existence in the US just followed me there. b. Because I wasn't white I'd probably never get a cushy job teaching english there; apparently they pay good money for english teachers there. You don't have to know a lick of Japanese, they set you up with pre-furnished housing and all.. but I didn't have the funds to make the move and had to go back to a dead end job.
I've had low points on and off throughout the years. Some of which I've already ranted about here. The older I get the more I realized, **** just happens. Thoughts of suicide used to scare me but I feel like these days I must just be getting numb to it. Sometimes I have a suicidal thought and just laugh it off.
Although I thought I'd moved on to a better job, and recently started a better relationship (a little year after being dumped from a 5 year relationship, on our anniversary, via email while I was starting my promotion...), I still feel like **** sometimes. My job is starting to get worse, between medical bills, car repairs on my old car, owing $1500 on my taxes, and buying a new (pre-owned) car.. I feel like I'm broke. They're building a new bridge that I have to take to my job which is 21 miles away and are talking about raising tolls from $5 (1 way) to $14 (both ways) and the fear of having to leave this job to find something closer to home which HOPEFULLY at least pays the same scares the **** out of me. I hate thinking about the future these days..
But i realized something. I was feeling insignificant but realized we are all insignificant, everything we do will ultimately be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. this earth will keep spinning for millions of years before the sun gives out, so enjoy the fucking ride. Yeah you're going to have days, weeks, months, years that SUCK but its part of the ride. Without the bleak the light at the end of the tunnel wouldn't look so damn bright. I'm not saying just pretend you're okay and put on a fake smile and march into the world. **** no. embrace your depression, burn yourself out on it. One day you'll wake up so tired of being miserable that you'll get numb to it. Then you'll be bored of being numb and find something that breaks the monotony. Either you'll push yourself to find it or come across it by accident. For me, it was dusting off my guitar again. I started giving lessons to a complete beginner, so it was okay that I was a little rusty, now I'm doing things I never could have done the last time I played regularly. It's fun, it brings joy to me. With or without friends.
You do need friends though, it helps. Trust me though, I know how hard it is to go without and how hard it is making new ones. There are 3 people I'd ever considered best friends; one became a doctor so I only see him about 2 times a year. The other moved mid-west to start a family. The last was a toxic asshole that I'm glad I dumped from my life. I'm envious of the 1st two but after some serious discussions with them, I've learned that they envy parts of my life too. It shows me everyone goes through this. When you feel the most alone, realize that you're not actually alone. Just look at this thread, we're all here not just for you; for each other. That's why I love this place. I don't go to any other forum because mostly everyone here is a good person, and a better friend.
Oblivion: if you ever want someone to talk to, shoot me a PM. I don't really skype and I don't think I've ever used my Wii U video chat; I've never really video chatted with anyone so its uncomfortable for me.. but you can PM me, message me on gmail, facebook, twitter or even send me a text man. Don't make me post my phone# in my sig like unclebob.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: EasyCure on June 07, 2013, 11:57:03 PM
Also, the thought of Caterkiller crying and wushu-chopping someone is both sad and hilarious. For a wushu master, Caterkiller always comes off as the kind of dude you just want to hug and pat on the head :D.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Caterkiller on June 08, 2013, 02:48:39 AM
Thanks EasyCure!
You know it's really interesting looking deeper into everyone's life. It just goes to show we all go through something, some of us go through tougher things than others. That's some really hard stuff Halbred, I hope you pull through.
Its easy to give advice and easy to listen, but how hard is it to really take it? I propose we keep tabs on each other. Lets examine one another's issues and what they want, set short term goals and see if going after these things with other forum members on our backs will make us actually do them and in turn feel a little more satisfied with the world around us.
Or maybe not. Who wants a free living room or office wushu lesson to relieve stress? Lets Skype it or Wii U video chat! Come on! My oldest student was 85 years old when he earned his black belt!
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ceric on June 08, 2013, 07:23:08 AM
I would take you up on that except I was reduced to sleeping on the Kitchen floor this morning because it was the only space in my house where there wasn't someone else sleeping that had enough room for me to lay down.
The animals have practically claimed my side of the bed as of late. I'm seriously considering going to a hotel tonight so I can get a good night's sleep.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: EasyCure on June 08, 2013, 10:57:51 AM
You know it's really interesting looking deeper into everyone's life. It just goes to show we all go through something, some of us go through tougher things than others. That's some really hard stuff Halbred, I hope you pull through.
Its easy to give advice and easy to listen, but how hard is it to really take it? I propose we keep tabs on each other. Lets examine one another's issues and what they want, set short term goals and see if going after these things with other forum members on our backs will make us actually do them and in turn feel a little more satisfied with the world around us.
Or maybe not. Who wants a free living room or office wushu lesson to relieve stress? Lets Skype it or Wii U video chat! Come on! My oldest student was 85 years old when he earned his black belt!
that seems like way too much work and I no longer want you as my friend.
I would take you up on that except I was reduced to sleeping on the Kitchen floor this morning because it was the only space in my house where there wasn't someone else sleeping that had enough room for me to lay down.
The animals have practically claimed my side of the bed as of late. I'm seriously considering going to a hotel tonight so I can get a good night's sleep.
make sure to look under the fridge for corn and laugh your heart out :D
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Nile Boogie Returns on June 10, 2013, 11:23:12 AM
Depression has a cure, unfortunately unlike other more clinical diseases, its different for everyone. The most important thing i can say to you my friend is that "as long as there is a cure then there is hope". NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.
Be Well
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ceric on June 11, 2013, 07:01:06 PM
I got hung up on during a job interview today. I missed a question I knew. I have no future prospects at the moment. If I lose my current job I couldn't get another one. I'm really good at what I do. I'm just so very very very very bad at interacting with other human beings I can't get past an interview. No matter how hard I try and how hard I practice I just can't relate to other people in a way causes a connection. I'm sure its fairly obvious on the forums. I'm just here aren't I. No different then the blue theme. Just another fixture.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Oblivion on June 12, 2013, 01:16:14 AM
Dude, you're an awesome part of the forums, and I had fun with you the one time I played Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate. I'm not good at words of encouragement, but I'm sure you are not as bad as you say you are.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Sundoulos on June 12, 2013, 07:44:10 AM
I got hung up on during a job interview today. I missed a question I knew. I have no future prospects at the moment. If I lose my current job I couldn't get another one. I'm really good at what I do. I'm just so very very very very bad at interacting with other human beings I can't get past an interview. No matter how hard I try and how hard I practice I just can't relate to other people in a way causes a connection. I'm sure its fairly obvious on the forums. I'm just here aren't I. No different then the blue theme. Just another fixture.
That's terrible. Sorry to hear about that. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that any company who has an interviewer that would hang up on someone giving the interview isn't probably a company that you would want to be at, anyway. I guess that doesn't help your immediate situation, though. For what it's worth, though I don't know you personally, from what I've heard on NFR and what I've seen you post on the forums, you don't strike me as someone who is bad at interaction.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ceric on June 12, 2013, 08:41:59 AM
Thanks Guys.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Sarail on June 14, 2013, 12:49:25 AM
Ceric,
You can be ANYthing you want to be, my friend. Don't let some two-cent scrub tell you otherwise.
If only monster hunting could be a real, professional career...
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: EasyCure on June 14, 2013, 01:08:04 PM
Cleric should pitch a show to Discovery Channel
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ceric on June 14, 2013, 02:12:32 PM
Lord knows I watch enough of their products at my house.
haha I just realized my phone auto-corrected Ceric to "cleric" sorry bro!
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Minsc on June 16, 2013, 09:09:06 AM
I don't claim to have ever been down to the point of others but, like anyone, I've had my rough times. Something I do have which many younger people don't is experience which is something that only comes in time. In order to gain experience you must have the willingness to venture into the scary unknown. Here's a post I made on another forum, it'll help give a bit of backstory.
Quote
Hey there krambigmac, Since you are you and have to find your own way I'll instead share my own story. Well, parts of it. ;)
I was the shy and loner type. Back in school I did not participate in school events and sports if I didn't have to. Avoided getting up in front of the class (terrified me) and never went to the prom. After graduating high school (2000) I spent about five years on the fence before enrolling in a plumbing program at college. Prior to this my only work experience was on the family farm. So yeah, no real opportunities to work on my sociability. Here I am 25 years old, virgin, and with no clue stepping out in "the world". I had a lot of learning to do and a lot of self imposed pressure on how I was supposed to be. Learning to think for my self was difficult. Making the phone calls and doing what needed to be done to sign up to this plumbing program took a lot of courage on my part. I suppose one has to start somewhere eh?
Fast forward to working out on the job plumbing, more learning. Since I was not well traveled I did not know my way around. As a result I'd find way to avoid having to take the van to get materials, coffee, etc. Oh it was nerve wracking taking the van. On the job I had to learn to take responsibility, by this I mean owning up to my mistakes. Really, it was one of the most difficult things for me to learn to do.
Throughout this time I discovered Facebook. There were positives and negatives to this. We all know what the negatives are so I'll focus on the former. ;) Facebook allowed me to find avenues to "get out". I wanted to go places and meet people but had no clue where to start. The geek and nerd in me zeroed in on an Anime convention in Moncton, New Brunswick. That was that, I went on to take my first solo trip off my home province of Prince Edward Island. Definitely stressful but worth the experience and certainly needed. The Facebook/anime convention combination lead to my first non-grade school crush. Long story short it didn't work out the "way I planned".
The combination of the stresses at work, trying to "get" a girlfriend, finding places to belong, and not speaking of what I was bothered by left me mentally exhausted and beaten. My breaking point was when she said no, my illusion of reality was finally shattered. It was some rough times. Not talking about my problems had become such an engrained habit I was physically unable to speak of them when the time came.
I went to the doctor followed by a psychiatrist and was prescribed a couple different low doses of medication over a period of two years. Looking back I honestly can't if the medication helped. Around April 2011 stopped taking the pills, without I noticed the absence of a certain "haze" on my mind. What I found to work was dealing with my problems before things built up to the breaking point. The last breaking point was late summer 2011, I haven't gotten close to that point since. Barring a death in the in the immediate family I don't expect to.
Here's what I learned throughout my experiences.
- The people around you are not as perfect as they seem. They have their own problems, just like me. - It's going to be difficult venturing into something unfamiliar, no way around it. Especially when you are just beginning. The more experiences you have the easier life becomes. You'd be surprised how a simple skill learned in one area of life can easily be applied to another. - Being a 31 year old virgin isn't so bad. I'm not stuck in a terrible marriage. ;) Now I just go out an learn the social skills I need to. It's no longer a matter of if I meet her but a matter of when. :D - Life gets better if you build on your successes. Looking back over the past six years I can mentally plot an upward graph of things I can do now which I could not before. For example, two years ago I could hardly walk in to a bar alone without being overly nervous. Now I'm learning to sit myself down at random tables and strike up conversations. It's awesome. - You are never done learning. NEVER.
Am I where I want to be in life? Nope, not by a long shot. There are still so many things I restrain myself from doing and old habits do creep. The worst is behind me though. The best one can do is neither live in the past or the future, only the present. One can look to the past for guidance or forward to the future however the choices one makes in the present are the most important.
Edit:
Quote from: krambigmac on June 04, 2013, 06:43:45 am (http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/forum/welcome-to-the-forum/finding-work-you-love-or-even-like-(1st-post)/msg92100/#msg92100)Well I had my first session Saturday after weeks of searching. Lots of paperwork that I wish I could have completed beforehand rather than on her clock but for a first appointment, I guess it wasn't bad. Going again this Saturday and then who knows. Another good weekend visiting my and my wife's family but I can't seem to shake the Sunday evening blues. I feel a little better just having an outlet so hopefully this will get the ball rolling for me.
I believe this right there is the most important thing.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: MukiDA on June 18, 2013, 02:55:06 AM
This one's a bit general, but I seriously hope it helps someone. Anyone.
GET HELP. This has probably been all over the place, but there's more to it than that.
Look at things analytically, if you need to. Depression is about on par with "my stomach hurts" as far as symptoms are concerned, in that it could be ANYTHING.
You might feel empty inside. You might feel sadness. You might feel an epitimal feeling as if your life has been a failure up to this point with NOTHING objective to back it up (good job, great time with family/friends, never feel physically sick, etc.)
And as a result, the cause could be anything: You could have social issues You could have a treatable chemical imbalance You might be having a reaction from a recent, seemingly trivial dietary change .... or environmental.
If you have ANY medical and therapeutic options, LOOK THEM UP. If you just feel like life is crappy, you can work on that. If you feel that you can't explain why you feel this way, HAVE IT LOOKED IT. The problem with attempting to diagnose a problem that may be in your brain is that it's in YOUR BRAIN. Your ability to ascertain the root cause IS NOT RELIABLE. Please, for the sake of yourself, and anyone close to you that you care about, get an independent opinion.
And, realistically, (especially if any of them spout silly fucking bullshit like "what do you have to be depressed about") not from fucking family or friends. Unless their training says otherwise, they're no more qualified to treat depression than they are to treat a fucking ulcer.
</PSA>
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Oblivion on June 18, 2013, 02:59:27 AM
I cannot talk to those kinds of people though. Trust me, I've tried. All I can think about when talking to them is how they are psychoanalyzing me and how they getting paid to listen to me bitch about my life, and how they could easily say something out their ass and still get paid.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: EasyCure on June 18, 2013, 07:52:44 PM
I cannot talk to those kinds of people though. Trust me, I've tried. All I can think about when talking to them is how they are psychoanalyzing me and how they getting paid to listen to me bitch about my life, and how they could easily say something out their ass and still get paid.
pretty much ;)
There's something oddly comforting about spilling my guts to a complete stranger online than to any professional who will likely "mhm" me until I leave/pay.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: MukiDA on June 19, 2013, 07:21:33 AM
Remember, I didn't just mean psychologists. If you have options to see a medical doctor, check with one as well. Just because you've had traumatic events doesn't mean you should rule out a condition that it's bringing out.
> I know this is just the stupid angst of an angry 18 year old who's problems are probably less severe than what you are facing, but it's all I know. Please understand that.
I hope it's just that. In any case like this we can all hope it's just that, because that one can be healed by time. I'm not the judging type, especially for depression. But please, make sure it's "just" that.
You're young. And I don't mean, "you're young, so what you're going through isn't important", or even "you're young, you'll think this is silly in a few years". You're young, and a lot of the things that can significant effect on your state of mind, even at 18, are still in development. You're at one of the most dangerous periods of life for anyone, statistically speaking. Talk to people, take care of yourself, do something. Don't ever let yourself fall into a lonely cycle of self-discussion. I'm sure there's plenty of people here who can speak from experience that this will not help your mental health.
Also, if it helps, so far as I've ascertained, psychologists don't psychoanalyze you unless they're dipshits still in college for psychology. If they're being paid by the hour, chances are they're looking for a cause. But again, I'm definitely in the "medical experience > psychological experience" by an order of magnitude, so please check with a medical doctor, first.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: shingi_70 on July 05, 2013, 10:49:57 AM
I'm not really depressed (though i am pretty self conscious), but sometimes I'm shy/Akward and a bit anti social. Anyone have any tips to help overcome these problems. I mean once I come out of my shell i'm a pretty friendly guy but i can be quiet/timid upon first meeting people.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: RABicle on July 05, 2013, 10:55:17 AM
Alcohol and other drugs.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ian Sane on July 05, 2013, 12:00:32 PM
I was much more shy and anti-social when I was younger and I made a conscious effort to address it. Essentially I just made an effort to be more social. Simple things like responding to "How are you?" with "Good. And how are you?" instead of just "Good." and cutting the conversation short made a huge difference. At first I was very awkward and probably came across as weirdo a few times but with practice it just became easier and more comfortable. You just need to practice, and that includes screwing up a few times, and unfortunately shyness can block you from trying in the first place.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: oohhboy on July 05, 2013, 12:49:03 PM
Clubs. Clubs of any kind, social, S&M, sports, DND, it doesn't matter. Well, maybe not night clubs. Everyone going to a club has the same goal as you when you go to a club which you have an interest in. Unless you're a total dickbag, which from your posts are not, you will be just fine. There is a spot of caveat emptor, some clubs are run by egoistical nut jobs that operate one just so they can have their personal fiefdom. Just be on the look out for that and you should be fine.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Oblivion on July 05, 2013, 02:43:46 PM
Clubs. Clubs of any kind, social, S&M, sports, DND, it doesn't matter. Well, maybe not night clubs. Everyone going to a club has the same goal as you when you go to a club which you have an interest in. Unless you're a total dickbag, which from your posts are not, you will be just fine. There is a spot of caveat emptor, some clubs are run by egoistical nut jobs that operate one just so they can have their personal fiefdom. Just be on the look out for that and you should be fine.
A bondage club?
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: oohhboy on July 05, 2013, 03:06:08 PM
Half joke, half serious.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Dasmos on July 05, 2013, 10:59:43 PM
I'd recommend getting to know new people in situations you're comfortable in; like if you're meeting someone for the first time, but you're already with a bunch of friends, go and make an effort. If things get weird you can just fade back into your group of friends haha! But yeah like Ian said, make a conscious effort in all social situations, whether it's talking to a cashier, shop attendant what have you.
But if you really want to have no chance but to burst out of that shell; travel alone. You have to talk and get to know people, or you're gonna have a lousy time. Everybody on holiday is already in a really relaxed and positive mood so it's easy!
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: EasyCure on July 06, 2013, 05:46:05 PM
I'm not really depressed (though i am pretty self conscious), but sometimes I'm shy/Akward and a bit anti social. Anyone have any tips to help overcome these problems. I mean once I come out of my shell i'm a pretty friendly guy but i can be quiet/timid upon first meeting people.
Its OK guys, I've got this one.
First you need to go to Winters and ask Dr. Andonuts for the Skyrunner. You'll take this to Summers where you contact a local sailor to help you cross the sea into the foreign land of Scaraba. Hopefully his wife doesn't need you to snap her out of the stoic daze she's in or else you have to take a magic tart acid trip.
Anyhow, once in Scaraba locate the Dungeon Man and borrow his yellow submarine (the color is coincidental, so I've been told) to go further south to the Deep Darkness.
If you survive the swamps you'll arrive at Tenda village, just ask the Tenda chief, he should have the Book on Overcoming Shyness. Unless he doesn't. In that case find one of Talarama's monkeys, learn to teleport, head back to your home town and check the local library.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ceric on July 06, 2013, 08:19:44 PM
I'm not really depressed (though i am pretty self conscious), but sometimes I'm shy/Akward and a bit anti social. Anyone have any tips to help overcome these problems. I mean once I come out of my shell i'm a pretty friendly guy but i can be quiet/timid upon first meeting people.
Its OK guys, I've got this one.
First you need to go to Winters and ask Dr. Andonuts for the Skyrunner. You'll take this to Summers where you contact a local sailor to help you cross the sea into the foreign land of Scaraba. Hopefully his wife doesn't need you to snap her out of the stoic daze she's in or else you have to take a magic tart acid trip.
Anyhow, once in Scaraba locate the Dungeon Man and borrow his yellow submarine (the color is coincidental, so I've been told) to go further south to the Deep Darkness.
If you survive the swamps you'll arrive at Tenda village, just ask the Tenda chief, he should have the Book on Overcoming Shyness. Unless he doesn't. In that case find one of Talarama's monkeys, learn to teleport, head back to your home town and check the local library.
Seriously Enough, What helps me is being safe in the knowledge that the majority of people that I talk to I will never run across again. Unfortunately while that makes me steadfast with random strangers I can possibly have an IBS attack in situations where their are strangers I know I'm going to have to interact with on a longer term basis. I'm working through that.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: shingi_70 on July 07, 2013, 02:54:01 PM
So after class yesterday I met up with one of my friends and went to a BBQ with him and another guy. I was reluctant thinking it was going to be a big overwhelming party (not really a bad thing but I feel werid at big parties when i only know 1 person.) Turns out the girl hosting the party had only invited about tweleve people and it was pretty small and we mostly in the basement playing videos games. I was still a bit shy not really wanting to play but after I started playing I got a bit better. I totally got my assed kicked at MVC3 losing every match though I did pretty well playing with MODOK. It wasn't till we started playing SOul Caliber 5 and I went beast mode from Mitsurugi. I probably got the best audible applause when playing with my friend I got a perfect despite walking over to play with the girl's dog with the TV behind me. Than we played some Nartuo while people filled me in on everything I miseed. (I haven't kept up with the series since the end of the first series.) Hit it off with the girl but I'm pretty sure my boy Brandon CB'd me.Despite that was pretty fun got some streetpasses and I'll probably be going with the ground to Youmacon the big anime Expo in my state.
I did find it funny are listening to last week's RFN and just general feeling toward Fable III from the harcore gamer. Everyone at the party really liked the game one guy even saying how awesome it was that the game was free. The girls really enjoyed the series being a WRPG that was one part Zelda and Skyrim. (I've read before that due to bundles Fable is actually pretty popular despite being pretty shallow gameplay wise, personally I think the charms of the setting and writing over shadow that.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Oblivion on July 07, 2013, 04:03:44 PM
What did Brandon do to cock block you?
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ceric on July 07, 2013, 05:59:49 PM
I don't know how I feel about that. I only really have 1 real experience with that but, she was pretty high on the Hot/Crazy scale so in the long run I think I was better off.
Which was around long before How I Met Your Mother.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Stogi on July 08, 2013, 06:09:20 PM
Pretty much avoided this thread except to check it out every time Rabicle posted.
The most important question people need to ask themselves is how do you view yourself? You will meet people every single day in your life if you choose to, and if you don't understand yourself, you will crumble when a hint of insincerity wafts your way. For people talk; but people talk a lot and people talk a lot about themselves and others. If you were to actually look at them and listen, you could see that most people are as soft as cotton panties. If you slapped most people, it would sound like glass breaking. I don't care how "amazing" their facebook page is.
I've actually ran an experiment to see exactly how fake people can be. I've gone to the grocery story....nothing fancy, just the story in both a classy suit and warm ups. Both times I was cordial, charming, witty, and all around a nice person. Now why was it that my conversations were much shorter with random people or store clerks when I was wearing warm-ups compared to when I was wearing a suit? The answer is obvious and that's pretty much how most of the world works....if you let it.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ceric on July 08, 2013, 06:46:56 PM
So Barney was right. We should wear suits?
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Stogi on July 09, 2013, 10:14:42 AM
ha "grocery story"
Every time I've seen someone who has mentioned Barney or "Suit up" while wearing a suit has looked desperate. Their suit didn't fit right; they were with someone else equally desperate in a suit; they were still drinking shitty beer.
I don't like to wear full suits, but I do like blazers. But even then, it's only because it gives me an advantage and not because it makes me feel better. I'm at my most comfortable in an Arabic robe, and while I do where it from time to time, you can see the distinct disadvantage in wearing it.
And I've finally read the OP and depression is exactly how you describe; slow and wave-like. The only cure that I know of is determination. You don't need to look deep into your life and determine your hopes and dreams. You simply need to look forward to the next day. Find those first two steps towards the rest of your life. You don't need to have it all figured out. Life isn't like that anyway. Just find those first few steps. Small or not they will help give you the determination to keep moving forward.
Life can be very satisfying when you start to accomplish in the most minuscule of goals.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Ceric on July 09, 2013, 11:34:53 AM
... Life can be very satisfying when you start to accomplish in the most minuscule of goals.
I have more on suits but I'm going to branch a thread out for that.
It can also kick you in the junk when those minuscule goals fight back hard. I had a hard time with the simple task of hanging 3 lights this weekend too almost all of my weekend.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: shingi_70 on July 27, 2013, 03:14:52 PM
So the Meijer I worked at opened up this week and only two days into working on the floor I feel much more confident in speaking. (having to talk and assist people all day). Also becoming more social outside of work as a result. No class today and me and my classmate skye spent a few hours just talking and smoking.
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Wah on July 28, 2013, 09:33:56 PM
I'am 15 and get a's and b's But with maths i always get a d, In life there's just some things your're good at and some not ;)
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Morari on July 31, 2013, 12:33:12 PM
THIS POST HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION
--Bureau of Internet Morality
Title: Re: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone
Post by: Oblivion on July 31, 2013, 01:54:56 PM
