I 'member arcades.
http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/review/48895/eternum-ex-switch-eshop-review-faq
I tried writing a proper, formal review of Eternum EX but it was incredibly dry so Iâm going back to this format (examples here and here).
Hello! Iâm back to ask you about new video games.
Fantasticâthis will give me a chance to take a break reading Julian Jaynesâ The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind. Not that youâd know anything about that.
No, of course not.
But to your point, I have, in fact, been playing a new Switch game called Eternum EX. Itâs a platformer that seeks to evoke the arcade games youâd find in the back corner of your local Pizza Hut or Round Table (Editorâs Note: Is Round Table some sort of Alaska thing? Did yâall not have Ground Rounds?) when arcade machines were still popular.
Ah, those halcyon days of yore. I âmember those days. Tell me more about this nostalgia-inspiring Switch game.You control an aging wizard, Sir Arthur, and your goal is to collect all of the treasure chests in a room without being killed by monsters or environmental hazards. Once you succeed in this task, you move Arthur to an exit portal and go on to the next stage, which has a different layout. Every fifth stage is a âboss stageâ in which Arthur must climb a vertical tower and then fight a boss.
That sounds pretty nifty. It must be a great two-player competitive game.
Youâd think so, seeing as Eternum EX is all about duplicating old arcade gameplay (by the way, Nintendo clearly doesn't edit these game profiles) but this is a solo adventure, which is kind of disappointing because without a second player to compete with, the game becomes very repetitive very quickly.
Are there any wrinkles to treasure-hunting that might spice things up?
There are, yes. Enemies change from stage to stage. Various power-ups appear that give you bonus points, a timed fireball spell, a sort of fireball grenade, more time, etc. If you collect all the EXTRA letters, you get a 1-up, not that 1-ups arenât fairly routine items on their own. Plus, the treasure hunting has an interesting risk/reward twist: if youâre able, you can bump a treasure chest from below (a la Vs. Mario Bros.) one or two times to increase its point value. Green chests must be opened this way, but with normal red chests, itâs totally optional.
Whatâs the âriskâ part of that?
Sir Arthur is on a fairly strict time limit in each stage, so doing a lot of bumping tends to run the clock.
That sounds kind of cool. What are the enemies like?
Things like goblins, zombies, golems, bats, and the occasional deadly eggplant.
Sorry, I must have misheard that last one.
You did notâthe weirdest enemy in the game is a floating eggplant monster with a toothy maw. Enemies tend to wander the stages at randomâyour primary concern is that there are always a lot of them. Thankfully, Sir Arthur wields a mean, uh, stick, so he can deliver a fatal melee attack to enemies that are right in front of him. Goblins burrow out of the ground and have a tendency to do so either directly under Sir Arthur or where heâs about to land from a jump, which tends to feel cheap, but this IS supposed to be a lost arcade game from the early â90s.
Tell me about the tower climb stages.
You donât have to collect any treasure, which is cool, but there are still power-ups to grab. Tower climbs are basically vertical obstacle courses. Youâll be avoiding a lot of fireballs. If you take your time and are mindful of your surroundings, youâll get through them fine. And then thereâs the boss.
How are the bosses?
Theyâre surprisingly engaging, though once you hit the third boss Arthurâs inability to attack at a distance and single hit point start to become a concern.
Wait, you canât take any hits?
No, and once you lose all your lives, itâs curtains. You can continue (more on this in a second) but youâll have to reclimb the tower and retry the boss. It would be nice if one of the various power-ups that Sir Arthur finds gave him temporary armor or something. Just let the guy absorb a hit.
That sounds less fun but, again, old arcade game from the early â90s.
Right. Itâs just that thereâs a reason those games went extinct. When you start a new game, you can choose âHomeâ or âArcadeâ modes. The former saves your progress between stages but only gives you three continues while the latter does not save your progress but provides unlimited continues. This is an interesting duality that I appreciateâitâs the kind of thing youâd see in the home console port of an arcade game from that era. Oh, and there are leaderboards that function as a modern âHigh Scoreâ screen, so thatâs something, although they're only viewable after you have a Game Over.
Right.
I like the graphicsâtheyâre 16-bit sprites, and Arthur controls well. The music is fine but forgettable.
Man, this game needed a two-player mode.
It really did.
Should I go out and play it?
I donât know, man. Itâs one of those games where there isnât much technically wrong with it, but it feels like a relic today that kind of wears out its welcome pretty quickly. When was the last time you played Bubble Bobble or Snow Bros. by yourself?
I mean Bubble Bobble was on the NES Classic, so pretty recently.
How long did it hold your attention?
Not that long.
Exactly. Bubble Bobble is a great game when youâre playing with another player. By yourself, it gets old pretty quickly. Thatâs the feeling I get with Eternum EX. Some people might love it to death and might go for the top of the leaderboards, but on the whole, Iâm pretty âmehâ about the whole thing.
Thatâs too bad.
It is, because I feel like thereâs a good game here. It replicates the spirit of that Pizza Hut arcade bank almost to a T. It would be like I played VVVVVV and understood what it was going for and recognize that it was successful in that goal but it just didnât grab me. Well, VVVVVV grabbed me. Eternum EX didnât.
Wrap it up, I have other people to haunt.
If you really long for those days of playing Street Fighter II and Metal Slug while you wait for your Book It groupâs pizza to come out, you might want to give Eternum EX a look. I feel like it needs a two-player mode to keep things fresh because otherwise it runs out of steam pretty quickly.