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« on: November 07, 2007, 04:38:33 AM »
Alright I am ready to lose what dignity one can have on the internet...
First of all, I should describe for you what kinda person I think I am. I consider myself fairly considerate of other people, I find myself listening to my friends and not necessarily giving them advice but simply helping them regardless of whether they ask or not. Sometimes I am confident I over volunteer, I don't mind too much. I think it can make me look desperate or something I don't know.
The other side of this, is that I am pretty dammed opinionated. I like to talk about politics, religion, music, whatever I may be lucky enough to have discuss-able knowledge of. That may not really seem like a problem, I am rather vocal if the topic is brought up though. Now here is my first possible problem(that I can see), I assumed that in life we are to learn not to judge someone based off of their words and their opinions but rather their actions. Now to the story:
I have a fair amount of friends, they all seem semi-close. I entered pretty late into the group. Anyway, we all make fun of each other a lot, seemingly regardless of the sensitivity of the issue. I was taken back by this tendency when I first joined the group. Ultimately I practice it a little now but not as much as everyone else. I don't think that is because it isn't funny, it is. It isn't as funny as other humor styles I enjoy more. So my tendency to kinda not have as much fun making fun of everyone seems to have been a contributor to my slow isolation. Another contributor is that what I enjoy are not what many others enjoy, I enjoy nintendo products, programming, and music. Now my music I am pretty opinionated about, my favorite is Pink Floyd, I don't listen to much else outside of that genre. What I am basically saying is that I don't have a whole lot in common with my friends, which sucks cause I like them. But my lack of having things in common and my opinionated-ness seems to be an isolator. I am okay with that isolator though. haha
Now, I assumed that we made fun of each other under the understanding that we are all friends and respect each other. Why should I let someone make fun of me who doesn't respect and isn't friend, right? My main problem stems from that. one of the guys that hangs out with us, we can call him Bill, is one of the major contributors to pointing out what he thinks people's faults are and drags you around by them. Again that is fine, but it slowly got rather excessive with me, I believe this to have honestly extended from our very opposing views on politics and believe it or not, SNES versus Genesis.
Here is where it gets worse, we were debating SNES and Genesis. Now I love me some Genesis, but the influence that SNES had on the industry is undeniable. I really thought that we were just discussing it. Anyway as the debate/discussion was nearing a close, he made some comment, I don't really know what it was. I know in the nature of the words that began the sentence, it was directed at me. I said to him "what did you say". He said he "wasn't going to repeat it because it was over my head and I wouldn't understand", then he continues to role his eyes at me and looks away! Thats a kicker for me, I can't recall every saying anything that rude to some in my entire adult life(but I am only 21 :p). Anyway, to me, when someone is willing to speak to me like that, that is immediately tells me he doesn't respect me. Now remember that the making fun of was getting more excessive? It was getting real bad now, he was even saying that I was in love with one of our other friends girl friends! He wouldn't drop it, he was always saying it. Anyway one night, he wouldn't shut the hell up, I started getting real pissed off at him and was yelling and getting pretty mad in front of everybody. I exclaimed that this isn't appropriate that he make fun of me under these circumstances, all that stuff. He didn't stop, I really wanted to punch him, but I wasn't sure how all my other friends were gonna react, plus that would have really isolated me as he is well liked in the group.
Now as a result of that, the isolation has hit an all time high, those friends I thought were my friends are lying about hanging out so that I don't show up, things like that. I have tried talking to several of them, I just get stuff like "you need to just drop it and let Bill make fun of you, if you didn't react like that, he wouldn't do it." etc. But how can I do that? Where is my self-respect if I allow that to occur? I just can't allow that. Now that my "friends" are lying to me, how can I considered myself respected by them?! How does that make them my friends?
Bill tells me I am arrogant and judgmental. I know I am opinionated, but does that transfer to arrogance and a judgmental tendency? It may appear as such, but simply I assume that those are my words and should not be affecting someone enough to not respect me and what I do for them. I have fixed Bill's computer for free, picked him up from the bar ect. All that stuff before, but my words are to influential they seem to make him believe that I am not very smart. Again actions versus words.
I am considering finding new friends, but I need your help. Am I holding my self-respect too high? I understand that is possible that I don't know the whole story, is there an answer you can give that doesn't require you to know the whole story? I could never know if I am wrong, or simply don't understand.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you,
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