Community Forums => I'M BACK => Topic started by: UncleBob on May 16, 2014, 08:11:04 PM
Title: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: UncleBob on May 16, 2014, 08:11:04 PM
Wow. This game blows chunks, hard core.
There's like, no Mario, no karts, no nothing. There's not even an icon on the Wii U menu to play this game.
Nintendo couldn't even be bothered to put artwork on the disc. Or a disc. Or a case for the disc.
This is the worst Mario Kart yet. At least in previous Mario Karts, I could play something. There's nothing to play here. I can't play online, I can't play battle mode, I can't play online battle mode. I can't chat with people I don't know while racing, I can't chat with people I do know while racing, I can't chat with people I don't know in lobbies, I can't chat with people I do know in lobbies. None of my controllers seem to make Mario Kart play any better. I have A Wii Remote, Wii Remote with Nunchuk, Wii Remote with Wii Wheel, Classic Controller, Pro Controller, Tablet Controller... yet no Mario and no Kart. Not even a button on the middle of the tablet with a horn to honk. Nothing.
These courses are so lame. Hell, Nintendo, up-rez the courts from previous games and throw 'em on a disc... something! This is a prime example of everything that's wrong with Nintendo. They don't even try anymore. This is the least amount of effort possible. Throw up some marketing buzz about Mario Kart 8, then don't even give me a Mario Kart game to play.
I score this game a 0.5/10. I mean, it *is* a Nintendo game, after all - so even if there's no game to play, I have to give it a few extra points for the sake of being a Nintendo title.
Someone submit this review to Metacritic now.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: NWR_insanolord on May 16, 2014, 08:15:47 PM
That just sounds awful. I don't know why anyone would want an experience like the one you're having with Mario Kart 8.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Oblivion on May 16, 2014, 08:17:38 PM
I give your review a 7.5.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: NWR_insanolord on May 16, 2014, 08:19:57 PM
You're only giving UncleBob a 7.5 for shock value. You're taking more points off him than others did for the same criticisms.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Oblivion on May 16, 2014, 08:24:03 PM
Oh god, you're right! I only gave him a 7.5 as clickbate ( ;D ) and to lower the Metacritic score of the funhouse.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: lolmonade on May 16, 2014, 08:39:27 PM
Unclebob….I think you forgot to take your copy of Pac Man World Rally out of your system. And to take your medication.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: NWR_insanolord on May 16, 2014, 08:42:19 PM
Mario Kart is just old and stale. They're not doing anything new at all. What we really need is a reboot of the Sonic R franchise. Now THAT was innovative.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Stratos on May 16, 2014, 08:43:45 PM
Are you sure this isn't a review of Crash Team Racing? Because that was my exact impression of that game.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: NWR_insanolord on May 16, 2014, 08:45:40 PM
You take that back! Crash Team Racing is *LITERALLY* the greatest game ever. Way better than Mario Kart 8, for sure.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Phil on May 16, 2014, 10:33:40 PM
Have you ever reviewed a game by just watching a Let's Play video? I wonder if anyone here has done that. Well, it wasn't me. Not on THIS site anyway. :cool;
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: NWR_Neal on May 17, 2014, 12:08:30 AM
How could you? You're a Funhouse user and the Funhouse needs every hit thread it can get right now. Traffic on it has been really slow. That ridiculous score is kicking the Funhouse while its down. Frankly, I think this thread gets a 10 out of 10 and it is the best thread made in the Funhouse ever.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Stratos on May 17, 2014, 08:35:53 PM
Khush has sold out. He was bribed to give the Funhouse a 10 out of 10. He has traded his journalistic integrity for a Snickers bar.
Never compromise your moral compass for click bait. The content should drive the clicks.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Shaymin on May 18, 2014, 01:54:49 AM
I find myself trapped in some madman's game that I give a 1... out of five.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: BranDonk Kong on May 18, 2014, 09:13:46 AM
You've got the whole world...in your hands.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Phil on May 18, 2014, 10:14:05 AM
I'm pretty sure 7.5 still gets a "would bang" from most people.
A 7.5 is one you wanna marry. 10s never have any personality. Anything under a 7 and you're just settling.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Stratos on May 18, 2014, 12:06:59 PM
But I don't want to marry Mario Kart 8. She will leave me like the last one did with a bunch of hungry achievements to feed that require her online mode, which she disabled on the way out the door.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Khushrenada on May 18, 2014, 01:40:46 PM
I've never played your mom, but you're just a troll if you're giving her less than a 9.
That's more like it.
Some guys can only give a 6.
. . .or so I've heard.
Some guys would be lucky to be able to give a 6. Most women wouldn't know what to do with a 9.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Stratos on May 19, 2014, 06:30:02 PM
I have changed my rating of this thread to a 6.9 on the Funhouse Scale.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on May 19, 2014, 07:18:27 PM
That equals FUN for everyone, no matter how you play it.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Stratos on May 19, 2014, 08:13:37 PM
It is the Funhouse Gold Standard of Fun®*
*Fun may not perform as advertised. The advice of this board is not intended to be any sort of legal, accounting, medical, or other professional advice. Members are expected to seek the advice of a trained professional before attempting to perform any of the activities described in this program.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: NWR_insanolord on May 24, 2014, 09:14:06 PM
At first I thought a 7.5 was being unnecessarily harsh to the game, but now that we're hearing more about the game's frame rate i think a 7.5 isn't nearly critical enough.
Title: Re: My Mario Kart 8 Review
Post by: Phil on May 24, 2014, 09:19:11 PM
