Post by: JonLeung on January 09, 2007, 07:26:52 AM
I couldn't care less what some of you guys think, I've pretty much made up my mind, I just feel like typing this out.
Okay, here's the thing. I met this girl (let's call her Ada, as in Ada Wong of RE4, because in some ways she looks like her) three and a half years ago when I had just shortly before that been promoted to supervisor at Playdium and she had returned to work after a hiatus of a year or two. I could bore you with the hokeyness of how when she walked into the room time slowed down to a near-stop, and I really felt like I knew her from somewhere before and yadda yadda yadda. You get it - I was entranced. Witty, cute, smart, etc.
Thing is, she had recently started seeing a guy at the time - let's call him Wesker - a few weeks before that, who had actually started work at the same place just a week before (different position though). Me and Ada got along real well, (I remember one day, not that much later, in fact, she suddenly hugged me for the first time for no apparent reason which really surprised me) and everyone knew that I liked her, even before I did, probably. Even Wesker wasn't so braindead and he figured this out soon enough too, and he tried to get another girl - let's call her Ashley - to go out with me instead of Ada when he knew we were going to go see Once Upon A Time In Mexico together for her birthday. Once, Wesker was caught cheating on Ada (apparently I missed a big fight in the crew room since I didn't work that day), and she forgave him the day later. There were always rumours that Wesker was a "player" and many co-workers thought that Ada would be better off with me, but she stuck by Wesker, even though she said many times that she didn't think she'd ever marry a guy like him.
I quit work there a few months later but I still visited Playdium on Saturdays when I had time since she tended to work then, and of course when I heard that it was closing I made an effort to be there every week. Even now to the present we're good friends - as good as any of my real-life friends are with me, anyway. Probably one of my best friends now, even. We communicate most often online, but because she's always so busy it seems we only actually see each other once every couple months when she's available away from studies and work. We've gone for coffee multiple times, a few movies (including March of the Penguins...she loves penguins), and even dinner, but she's still with Wesker.
This weekend, Ada, Ashley (who I mentioned above), and one guy (he doesn't need a pseudonym but we can call him Luis) are all coming over to play some Wii. Then Luis will leave 'cause he can't stay for long, and Ada and Ashley and I will go for dinner at a Japanese restaurant nearby.
I'm wondering if I should tell Ashley to go to the bathroom for like ten minutes so I can tell Ada how I feel.
I want her to know that I like her (DUH, she can't be that oblivious...maybe) but that maybe I'm wasting my time. If she doesn't like me back, that's fine, and we're mature enough not to let this awkwardness screw up our friendship, since we are good friends, I'd say. Over three years is unhealthy to infatuate.
I figure that if I can confidently tell her that she means the world to me but that I'm man enough to move on since I'm getting nowhere with her, she might at least appreciate my confidence (which I generally lack and is likely my least appealing quality). I don't know if she's actually oblivious, or never considered me because I never explicitly told her so she stuck with Wesker even though he's cheated on her more than once supposedly. I could say that if she ever loses Wesker for whatever reason, but wants some guy, that if she could ever consider me, I'd be the happiest guy in the world, but for now I won't be so monogamous on my crushes since it's a waste of my time and my life.
Is that a good approach? I'm not saying I'm giving up on her, but I'm telling her I'm not going to bank all my happiness on her any longer since she still hasn't been more than just a friend. Then she knows but doesn't feel pressured to either increase or decrease our friendship.
Or am I wrong?
YES I'M AN EMO LOSER WHINER VIRGIN SHU'UP.
Post by: Bill Aurion on January 09, 2007, 07:58:15 AM
I wish you luck! ^_^
Post by: Ceric on January 09, 2007, 08:02:26 AM
I eventually just had to move on. There was another girl that I had met when I first got to college that I was interested in. We were ok friends and I had lost touch when she changed major. Well it just so happened that we started running into each other because we had a class in the same building back to back so I saw her as she was walking to class, I later find out that was not a coincidence. I decided to take a chance and ask her out. I was so sure of my rejection at that point that I knew what I do if she said no but not if she said yes. To make a long story short and allow me to talk about other parts later she said yes and she eventually became my Wife.
So while I was dating my future wife the original girl I was close friends with said I had started to become a jerk and we drifted apart partially because she couldn't handle that she was no longer one of the most important people in my life. It's a touchy subject to this day.
Once its blunt and out there your relationship with her will change. It won't stay the same. More then likely for the better. If she lets you go you don't have to wonder & if she pulls you closer you "won" I guess. You might just lose her but that won't be exactly terrible either in the long run. Well it might... The reason I married my wife was not because I was madly in love with her. It was because I never wanted to have her out of my life. So in summary.
Yes its great that you will get up the gumption to tell her and put your cards on the table.
I don't think asking Ashley to go to the bathroom why you do this is the best way.
Personally I think you should try to do it when its just her and you someplace special or not hokey. Someplace that you wouldn't be embarrassed to hear the tale again because this will be a big even more then likely considering the above message.
(I'm a fine one to talk. I ended up proposing in a Walmart McDonald's in a sky blue suit coat while my wife was on break. I had a big elaborate plan for how I was going to do it and circumstances made that unavailable and that just sort of happened. So know its always the sky blue suitcoat and the McDonalds... I offered to redo it but she won't let me...)
Also its good to ask friends for advice but if you are really emo can you teach my grass to cut itself?
Post by: UltimatePartyBear on January 09, 2007, 08:03:10 AM
Post by: vudu on January 09, 2007, 08:14:18 AM
Post by: Kairon on January 09, 2007, 08:15:54 AM
~Carmine "Cai" M. Red
Kairon@aol.com
Post by: Pale on January 09, 2007, 08:19:18 AM
Post by: nitsu niflheim on January 09, 2007, 08:25:23 AM
Post by: Ian Sane on January 09, 2007, 08:32:16 AM
I don't think "Ada" is going to go for it, which is too bad. But you still have to try because it will make you feel better. You'll know you tried so you'll never regret not telling her. You won't think about what might have been because you will have done everything in your control. Treat it like a salespitch, request an immediate answer ("I have to think about it" means "no") and make sure to talk to her during the last time you see her for the evening. If you get shot down you don't want to spend the next several hours with her.
Post by: IceCold on January 09, 2007, 08:43:55 AM
QuoteWIN!! That knife battle would be cooler though... remember, it's all about the context sensitive buttons.
Originally posted by: nitsu niflheim
use your rocket launcher to take out "wesker" and then "ada" will be all yours.
I agree with whoever else said it; it's all about timing. Pick a time when it's just the two of you, and you should probably wait until the end of the meal.
The rest is up to you, though.. good luck!
Post by: Ceric on January 09, 2007, 08:49:35 AM
Post by: Nick DiMola on January 09, 2007, 08:52:16 AM
My fiancee and I became great friends for a few months after a failed date. Sometime down the line she saw our extreme compatibility and becoming a couple was almost a no brainer. Perhaps Ada sees that type of compatibility with you and would like to make the friendship into something more. Also consider that Wesker might be an even bigger douche than you realize and Ada is afraid something will happen to her if she leaves him. Definitely go for it though and make sure to pour out your heart. Even if she says no, at least it isn't always on your mind and you can move on and look for someone else (which may not be a terrible thing, there are many other fish in the sea).
In any case, best of luck, you'll do just fine.
Post by: KnowsNothing on January 09, 2007, 09:03:29 AM
Ada = Pam
Wesker = Roy
Post by: IceCold on January 09, 2007, 09:06:10 AM
Post by: ShyGuy on January 09, 2007, 09:52:50 AM
Post by: JonLeung on January 09, 2007, 10:09:33 AM
Sorry for pre-accusing you of being a locking bully, Pale. :P
And she is like Ada, except she's not a leggy model. She's short. But oh-so-cute, even if she can't do a leggy flip-kick thing.
I'll consider finding a better place and time, but if I do decide to make mention of something this Saturday, it's going to be a long week... >_< I don't want this to drag on much longer in any case.
*sigh*
Post by: vudu on January 09, 2007, 10:56:40 AM
Plus, if you really wanted to get emo you could threaten to crash the car unless she dated you. Many a love has blossomed like that.
Post by: segagamer12 on January 09, 2007, 12:49:23 PM
Post by: IceCold on January 09, 2007, 12:50:23 PM
Post by: Rancid Planet on January 09, 2007, 01:22:37 PM
--------------------
Scenarios for your pimping skills:
1.) She says "You're so great" or "You're so funny" = You say "I know".
And say it stone cold. We're talking like Han right before he gets the carbonite bath in Empire. Say it cold. "I know".
2.) She asks you about an outfit and how it looks on her, asks how her butt looks in her pants, asks you ANYTHING about how she looks = You should always first seriously answer her and then tell her how much better she'd look naked. Then smile so you don't look like a stalker or something. She'll laugh and say how funny you are = you say "I know".
3.) Anytime you get the chance, rail on every guy she knows. Her dad, her brothers, any guy she works with, any guy that ever dated her, hell anyone she went to grade school with. Slam them at all costs. And then remind her of why you kick way more ass then them. Do it in a cute way though. This is when you want to be clever. Remind her that you're also smarter than them too.
4.) If she asks for a favor of any kind = YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SAY NO. Always. You aren't her "freind" and you don't want to be. You are a PIMP and pimps always say no...at first. Make her beg for your assitance. Then you can say yes. But establish a condition. Anything. Tell her she has to cook you dinner in exchange for picking her up after work or helping her move or whatever.
And when you finish helping her out and she says "Thanks you're so great!" say "I KNOW" and then turn and walk away.
------------------
Follow these examples ONLY if you want her to rip your clothes off and devour you whole.
Post by: JonLeung on January 09, 2007, 03:24:15 PM
Post by: bustin98 on January 09, 2007, 03:30:00 PM
I wouldn't say be a pimp, but thats close. You need to say how you feel, what you want from her, and what she'll get out of it (in so many words). And if she blows you off, its not a big deal and go on enjoying the rest of the time together because you really won't impress if you turn teary eyed or walk away or something.
When it comes down to it, if you can't bring yourself to be calm and collected when you open up your feelings, then she ain't the one. No matter how much you want it to be different.
And don't stew over the act of telling her. Man, the nights I spent pining over a girl that I didn't have the guts to open my mouth to. All the worry and anxiety. All for nothing. So, make a decision to open your mouth, then let it slide to the back of your mind, and when the time comes, just do it.
I should add that this post may have been too blunt. Jon, whatever happens, just have fun. Life isn't worth anything less.
Post by: Caliban on January 09, 2007, 04:02:24 PM
A few days ago I was this close to reveal myself to this girl. I've been talking with her for over a year at my part-time job, and I've had my eyes on her way before we even started talking. So a few days ago, both of us were alone on break and I was going to and then *insert interruption*...well I just didn't have time to say it, and I won't see her for a while...but enough of my adventures.
Jon, go and reveal yourself to her with a DON! You will only have regrets if you haven't lived your life to the fullest. (I love too much of One Piece, sorry)
Post by: Shecky on January 09, 2007, 04:25:30 PM
Just hand her some flowers while yelling "Daaaaaa!!!!"
(I read nothing of this thread)
Post by: willie1234 on January 09, 2007, 06:45:37 PM
Seriously, I've never seen a guy getting mushing and pouring his heart out working (it only works after your already going out, and even then in rare conditions).
Post by: willie1234 on January 09, 2007, 06:46:47 PM
Post by: Rancid Planet on January 09, 2007, 08:03:17 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: JonLeung
I take it RP is mostly kidding. I want to be cool, not cold.
Actually that was about as serious as I get. Take that for whatever it's worth.
What I described to you are ideal situations for you to be a pimp in. Those situations might not always occur and of course if you've already boned up and "acted like yourself" around her then none of the pimp stuff would work to that large of a degree anyway. Save the pimping for a girl you don't know. Someone you can fool...then nail like a piece of wood. Trust me it will work.
As for your current situation you still need to be a pimp. Women aren't complicated and neither are men. Men want a girl who acts interested in them and women want a laid back, super confident guy. It makes them more relaxed and that's what all women are after in the end, comfort. So make her comfortable, get her relaxed, use some pimpatude...then ask her to go for a ride on the old baloney pony. You'll be in like Harley Quinn in no time.
Oh, but even if you're confident and STILL get shot down, always remember you have to KEEP being confident even afterwards. You know, adopt the attitude of "You know you want me". I know it sounds like it would be irratating and it would be to another hetero guy that was around. But forget those clowns because you're not trying to get THEIR panties off are you? But I assure you that if there is one quality that works for wooing all females it is confidence.
So use your skills and if it doesn't work out then just show her your pimp hand and walk. If you walk away at the right moment under the right circumstances you'll have a better than average shot at her showing up at your doorstep and being all like "I messed up. I really wanna be with you" then the panties will shoot off so fast you'll think the elastic snapped.
Post by: King of Twitch on January 09, 2007, 10:24:31 PM
Try setting off some dominoes by sabotaging their relationship first. Ask about her relationship with whisker, instill doubts in her mind; request assistance from her friends if necessary. Keep setting up the dominoes until you lose patience.
Definitely take the plunge one-on-one in a neutral location. Cut to the chase like others said and don't spend a lot of time at the movies or other fun things; do ice cream or walk around the mall, something light so you can get your thoughts straight. 3 years is a long time, you deserve a definitive answer.
Post by: couchmonkey on January 10, 2007, 03:19:18 AM
Speaking of which, my own love life is TEH SUCKS, so I don't have any real advice, I just find the psychology behind the whole "pimp" style of dating interesting.
Post by: Hostile Creation on January 10, 2007, 05:55:32 AM
Don't go to a gaming forum looking for advice on girls. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life.
Post by: Ian Sane on January 10, 2007, 06:16:20 AM
And if you just aren't that confident in real life there are ways to improve it. One thing that really helped me out was taking a public speaking class. It improved my confidence in virtually all social situations. And then I practiced by putting myself in situations where I had to interact more with people. That's made me more outgoing, more comfortable in social situations, and thus more confident.
Post by: Caliban on January 10, 2007, 06:42:10 AM
Quote
Originally posted by: Hostile Creation
I'll give you some advice once a get back from class, but a quick bit of advice:
Don't go to a gaming forum looking for advice on girls. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life.
In that case he can also skip your advice.
Post by: Pale on January 10, 2007, 06:54:24 AM
Quote
Originally posted by: CalibanQuote
Originally posted by: Hostile Creation
I'll give you some advice once a get back from class, but a quick bit of advice:
Don't go to a gaming forum looking for advice on girls. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life.
In that case he can also skip your advice.
segmentation fault
Post by: JonLeung on January 10, 2007, 09:04:02 AM
Girls are just...I dunno. Do I sigh or BLARGG? It's so frustrating sometimes.
Post by: Hostile Creation on January 10, 2007, 10:46:53 AM
Anyway, my primary suggestion is that you don't come on too strong. Don't say you've been thinking about her since she was with Wecker, that you've liked her a whole WHOLE lot, for three years going. After you've been dating for a while, a few months, you quietly confess that you've liked her all this time. And who knows, maybe she'll say the same.
But for now, just tell her that you like her, maybe mention that it's been for a while but certainly don't stress it. Girls like flattery, not stalkery. Ask if she wants to go on a date some time, pause, and then say "And this time without Ashley". Or something to that effect. Nothing fancy. If she likes you, she'll go out with you. If not, overdoing it won't help.
Also, I wouldn't mention that she reminds you of a video game character that you're attracted to. Not even after a few months.
Post by: Rancid Planet on January 10, 2007, 11:50:21 AM
What planet do you freaks live on?
Anyway I hope everyone's advice helps you Jon. Pages of conflicting strategy always help me out. I work in the defense department for the federal government.
Post by: vudu on January 10, 2007, 11:51:43 AM
Post by: Caliban on January 10, 2007, 12:43:19 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: PaleQuote
Originally posted by: CalibanQuote
Originally posted by: Hostile Creation
I'll give you some advice once a get back from class, but a quick bit of advice:
Don't go to a gaming forum looking for advice on girls. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life.
In that case he can also skip your advice.
segmentation fault
Pale, I have no idea what you meant by that, but if by segmentation fault you meant my fault in that I did not see the smiley(sp?) which was indicating some kind of "just kidding" then I apologize because I did truly not see/read it. I always disregard smilies.
Post by: JonLeung on January 10, 2007, 03:21:09 PM
Post by: S-U-P-E-R on January 10, 2007, 04:00:24 PM
Post by: Shecky on January 10, 2007, 04:24:06 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: CalibanQuote
Originally posted by: PaleQuote
Originally posted by: CalibanQuote
Originally posted by: Hostile Creation
Don't go to a gaming forum looking for advice on girls. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life.
In that case he can also skip your advice.
segmentation fault
Pale, I have no idea what you meant by that, but if by segmentation fault you meant my fault in that I did not see the smiley(sp?) which was indicating some kind of "just kidding" then I apologize because I did truly not see/read it. I always disregard smilies.
My opinion:
kill -s SIGSEGV 19309
This sentence is a lie.
The next sentence is true.
The previous sentence is false.
(it's a computer thing sometimes used in geek humor when something contorts the mind such as the comment by Caliban or the statements above)
Post by: wandering on January 10, 2007, 05:28:24 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: Ian Sane
In my experience the only time I've ever successfully had a girl become my girlfriend is when from the get-go I established myself as interested in them. There was no "just friends" period.
I wish romance was more like it was in the movies. You know, the girl and the guy like each other, but won't admit it to each other or themselves - they think of themselves as rivals, in fact. But then, one night, they surprise themselves by kissing, and aww isn't so sweet. In real life, the people who think it works that way find themselves well into their forties, and still waiting for that "right person"...not dating, hanging around other people's kids as a kind of poor substitute for having any of their own.
Quote
what might have been
*sighs wistfully*
Post by: JonLeung on January 11, 2007, 01:24:49 AM
I'd prefer the latter (two more hours and dinner) but that means that I can't shake Ashley. Guess I'll have to tell Ada some other time, but you guys were suggesting that anyway.
Post by: couchmonkey on January 11, 2007, 03:00:44 AM
Quote
Originally posted by: Hostile Creation
Also, I wouldn't mention that she reminds you of a video game character that you're attracted to. Not even after a few months.
I should have come here for advice a long time ago!
Post by: Ceric on January 11, 2007, 08:19:35 AM
Post by: JonLeung on January 12, 2007, 01:48:28 AM
My parents are more hyped to see Ada because they probably have high hopes for her. Well, I do too, but they've never met her before. I hope they don't embarrass me - or her. I suppose there would be another benefit to moving out... >_<
Post by: couchmonkey on January 12, 2007, 06:52:09 AM
Nah, I was begin silly. A lot of things in life remind me of video games and vice versa, but not women.
Wait, so does this mean dinner is on, or not? I'm confused. Good luck anyway.
Post by: decoyman on January 12, 2007, 07:55:27 AM
HOWEVER, I've done this sort of thing once before, and it's why I'm married today. Not everything went to plan, but the general idea got across. I can't resist a short re-cap...
I'd planned it to be all sorts of dramatic... It was winter break in the dorms. She was leaving for France the next morning. I had come back to school solely to talk with her. I brought a car, something which neither of us usually had access to during school time, and that was my hook. I called her up, saying, "Hey, I got a car, let's go drive!" Unfortunately, she was with a friend instead of alone, so we all went out together, a friend of mine included too (so I wasn't outnumbered). We drove out and looked at Christmas lights for an hour or so, then came back.
We said bye at that point, but I hadn't gotten to talk to her about what I REALLY wanted to talk to her about... I had mentioned that I wanted to give her a mixed CD for making the flight more entertaining, and so asked if she wanted to come over and pick it up later. When she came by later that night, we talked a bit, then I went and said everything I wanted to say. We ended up talking through the night into morning, and she only left after her friend called to say she was there to pick her up to take to the airport.
Needless to say, the night was a success: we had agreed to start dating when she got back for the next semester. While she was away for that month, we chatted online and sent e-mails back and forth, and then I arranged to pick her up (flowers in hand) at the airport when she came back into town.
Now, my more lengthy advice to you... the things that made this work for me were:
1. We were friends, comfortable together and accustomed to hanging out.
2. Our attraction was mutual, even though we'd both been hiding it (or attempting to), and we were both single.
3. I didn't come on too strong (which could've scared her off), nor was I wishy-washy about it (which could've likewise driven her away). I was assertive and direct about my feelings. I don't remember everything I said, but it doesn't hurt to have a plan in advance, which is what I did. NO NOTECARDS THOUGH.
4. I avoided stupid clichés when talking about my feelings. (No "I want to carry you away on a white stallion!1one" or "I could gaze into your eyes forever <3" lines.)
So, In your case, it's more complicated because she's dating someone, but at least he's a jerk. Just sincerely and confidently be yourself, have a semblance of a plan, and you should do fine. Whatever happens is what's supposed to happen. If you give it your best, at least you'll know and can get on with life whatever the result.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you, Jon. You'll have to let us know how it all goes!
Post by: JonLeung on January 13, 2007, 05:58:52 PM
And it was a good time.
Ashley was there, too. However, I made no effort to shoo her.
By what might have been a stroke of luck, she had to go to the bathroom near the end of the meal anyway.
However, I didn't think much about saying anything to Ada about certain feelings. It didn't feel like the right time.
Ah, well.
Also, earlier in the day, when we (Luis and Ada and I) were playing Wii (Ashley couldn't make it), Ada got a call on her cell phone, which she left the room to answer. She was visibly upset (she had been weeping) about something when she returned to the room, but she went to the bathroom and cleaned up and didn't say anything about what she heard, nor did she want to talk about it when I asked her later other than confirming that she was fine. Weird.
When Luis left at 4 I was hoping to have two hours alone with her before dinner since the reservation was at 6. But she also had to leave, something about having to swap cars with her family or something. I trust that something was up, but I didn't like how what should have been two hours of alone-time with her was taken away. We met up at the restaurant, now with Ashley in tow, and it was a good evening so I shouldn't complain.
It would've been nice if she felt that she could trust me with her problem. It would've been nice if we had two hours alone. It would've been nice if we had that at dinner, too. But even so, it's hard to say that today would've been the right time to say anything.
Looks like I have no choice now but to worry about this some other time. >_<
Thanks for all your advice, guys! It might come in handy one day.
Post by: segagamer12 on January 15, 2007, 04:23:39 AM
Post by: Ceric on January 17, 2007, 04:31:05 AM
Post by: Guitar Smasher on January 22, 2007, 09:53:05 AM
Post by: JonLeung on March 18, 2007, 03:04:17 PM
I've been having trouble getting a hold of Ada lately but I know she's busy with school. Recently, a lot of people I know have joined Facebook, so I'm just a couple clicks away from Wesker's profile.
I didn't mean to snoop (well...I don't really want to think I'm snooping) but in the past little while his relationship status has been "It's Complicated" and just now I noticed it's changed to "Single" and his "looking for:" thing says "Anything he can get". In other words, it really seems like he's no longer with Ada as of very recently.
I did email Ada in a simple sort of chat-type email yesterday, which was before this revelation, but it was an innocent one so I don't think she would take it as odd if the breakup did happen today or yesterday, nor do I think it could be the push that broke up the relationship (that would be flattering myself, however I do know that Wesker has gone through Ada's email before and he knows I like her). In any case, if/when the conversation does continue (email, Facebook, Windows Live Messenger, phone, in person, whatever), is it a good idea to mention Wesker or her current possible availability at all? Or should I just remind her (without being too obvious) that I'm always there at least as a friend and maybe let that lead into something?
Mentioning that she was with Wesker was always a common response if our conversation headed in a particular direction. Now she can't say that she's with Wesker, but if she says she's with someone else or flat-out not interested in me, I think that would be more painful than her classic response.
But then again it's not about my pain. At the moment, she's probably not feeling too good. How can I turn this bad scene into an opportunity for the two of us to get together?
Post by: 18 Days on March 18, 2007, 04:22:28 PM
Unfortunately, facebook never details the whole story. You are going to have to become a detective and interrogate everyone to glean all the details surrounding their relationship. If that means being upfront with Ada, so be it.
Post by: Shift Key on March 18, 2007, 08:04:20 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: JonLeung
How can I turn this bad scene into an opportunity for the two of us to get together?
Moral support. But I guess this depends on actually seeing her online/in person/whatever.
If she's not willing to open up, ask her how she's doing. Mention that you saw Wesker's facebook yadayadayada. Once things are out in the open, go from there.
Post by: Hostile Creation on March 18, 2007, 08:25:24 PM
Honestly, I'd just be real blunt about it. Ask her out. "Do you want to go out sometime?" Maybe prelude that with "Are you and Wesker still together?", but I don't think that's necessary, and it could make things awkward.
However, you do want to establish that things are definitely over between them. So I agree with what 18 Days said.
Post by: ShyGuy on March 18, 2007, 08:31:38 PM
Post by: JonLeung on March 19, 2007, 01:41:21 PM
Post by: 18 Days on March 20, 2007, 04:17:41 AM
Hey guys is this true love?
Post by: ShyGuy on March 20, 2007, 06:07:13 AM
Post by: Pale on March 20, 2007, 06:36:00 AM
Post by: 18 Days on March 20, 2007, 06:41:29 AM
Post by: JonLeung on March 20, 2007, 12:37:08 PM
Post by: JonLeung on June 23, 2007, 11:37:47 AM
I guess me and "Ada" are going our separate ways...
I took it surprisingly well, but that doesn't mean I'm not unhappy about it.
*whine*
Post by: nickmitch on June 23, 2007, 12:07:25 PM
Post by: Kairon on June 23, 2007, 02:53:31 PM
Quote
From the movie Starship Troopers:
Ace Levy: Ain't it great how they want to be your friend right after they rip your guts out?
Post by: 18 Days on June 24, 2007, 02:21:38 AM
Post by: JonLeung on June 24, 2007, 03:12:59 AM
I either have to make more effort into figuring out what's possible with someone a whole lot sooner, or to stop being so monogamous with my crushes. >_<
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on June 24, 2007, 07:23:47 AM
The one thing women love is a man that already has a woman(women)
Post by: Kairon on June 25, 2007, 07:06:59 AM
Quote
Originally posted by: BlackNMild2k1
Be a more of a player, and always keep your options open.
The one thing women love is a man that already has a woman(women)
How does that work, I mean, biological-imperative-speaking? Maybe a man who already has a woman is actively demonstrating the ability to provide for her, which demonstrates his successful genes in the process?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on June 25, 2007, 07:34:39 AM
If you can show your confidence in yourself by being genuinely entertaining by being able to hold a conversation and/or being funny mixed in with a little sexual suggestiveness and flirtation, it can go along way.
for example:
If guy A ignores girls X, Y and Z because he has a crush on girl J, but girl J ignored his advances for guy C
Then guy A better re-evaluate his options, cause if he starts successfully flirting with girls X, Y & Z his stock immediately raises the attentions of girls H, I & J. Now that girl J takes notice of guy A, she might come flirt with him just out of curiosity of what girls X, Y & Z have found so interesting.
I see this happen all the time. If guy A plays his cards right, he can have fun with X, Y, Z & most importantly J.
Post by: Kairon on June 25, 2007, 07:48:22 AM
Works the other way too. A typical way of getting a guy's attention when he's being hardheaded is to inspire his jealousy by going out with someone else, thus making the guy (knucklehead) realize that he really wanted you all along, and that he's gonna have to prove it now.
Post by: EasyCure on June 25, 2007, 07:49:27 AM
i've been in similar situations and they've ended the way yours have, and yes it hurts but guess what? you lived to see another day. give it time and it wont hurt and you'll realize you gained something from the experience so thought things didnt turn out the way you wanted, you still won out.
next time you'll be able to say something sooner and have the hardened skin to let any rejection roll right on off, but you'll also have that confidence instilled in you that even if your pour your heart out to someone and they "reject" you initially, they'll pick up on that confidence and it might just spark something.
i think the problem with this Ada was you just waited too long, so be sure that doesnt happen next time.
next time you meet a girl you can have fun with, even if you dont have (or think you'll ever have) feelings for her, treat her as if you did cuz you never know what could happen in either of your heads and hearts.
my curren gf was just a friend who i met at a friends birthday party last year, when i had a gf of 2 years already. we bonded and started geting a lil closer but i didnt think it would turn into anything more than a friendship, especially since i wasnt single at the time. when that relationship ended she was there for me, just like i was there for hers when a potential relationship of hers ended, and one day it hit me.. this is the type of girl i could be with, this is the type of girl i SHOULD be with.
one day i found the confidence to say something (albiet i had a few drinks to help me find it) and i told her new years day:
"look i always thought you were cute and the closer we got the more i felt i should be with someone like you. whose more like you than you? a physical attraction is there, a small emotional bond is there too.. so why not try to start something and see where it ends up? you might not feel the same way and probably think im crazy but i'd be kinking myself if i didnt say anything.."
she was quiet for a moment and basically said "im so glad you said something cuz i never would have" and we've been together since. my only regret about that was i said what i did over the phone because i couldnt see her in person, so i couldnt see her reaction or take her in my arms etc etc.
we've been together since, spent my birthday, yesterday, all day together and i've never been happier with anyone or closer with anyone than i am with her. i mentioned before i had a gf of 2 years when i met this new girl and in all that time.. working together in the same place and seeing eachother EVERY SINGLE DAY.. i never once felt as close and open with her as i do with my new girl.
sometimes you just gotta take the jump man.
(sorry for rambling)
Post by: nickmitch on June 26, 2007, 12:39:33 PM
Post by: EasyCure on June 27, 2007, 06:17:53 AM
date rape is wrong but Sublime makes it sound so right
Post by: ShineGet887 on June 29, 2007, 01:46:56 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: JonLeung
Seriously, is Pale going to come around and lock this up?
I couldn't care less what some of you guys think, I've pretty much made up my mind, I just feel like typing this out.
Okay, here's the thing. I met this girl (let's call her Ada, as in Ada Wong of RE4, because in some ways she looks like her) three and a half years ago when I had just shortly before that been promoted to supervisor at Playdium and she had returned to work after a hiatus of a year or two. I could bore you with the hokeyness of how when she walked into the room time slowed down to a near-stop, and I really felt like I knew her from somewhere before and yadda yadda yadda. You get it - I was entranced. Witty, cute, smart, etc.
Thing is, she had recently started seeing a guy at the time - let's call him Wesker - a few weeks before that, who had actually started work at the same place just a week before (different position though). Me and Ada got along real well, (I remember one day, not that much later, in fact, she suddenly hugged me for the first time for no apparent reason which really surprised me) and everyone knew that I liked her, even before I did, probably. Even Wesker wasn't so braindead and he figured this out soon enough too, and he tried to get another girl - let's call her Ashley - to go out with me instead of Ada when he knew we were going to go see Once Upon A Time In Mexico together for her birthday. Once, Wesker was caught cheating on Ada (apparently I missed a big fight in the crew room since I didn't work that day), and she forgave him the day later. There were always rumours that Wesker was a "player" and many co-workers thought that Ada would be better off with me, but she stuck by Wesker, even though she said many times that she didn't think she'd ever marry a guy like him.
I quit work there a few months later but I still visited Playdium on Saturdays when I had time since she tended to work then, and of course when I heard that it was closing I made an effort to be there every week. Even now to the present we're good friends - as good as any of my real-life friends are with me, anyway. Probably one of my best friends now, even. We communicate most often online, but because she's always so busy it seems we only actually see each other once every couple months when she's available away from studies and work. We've gone for coffee multiple times, a few movies (including March of the Penguins...she loves penguins), and even dinner, but she's still with Wesker.
This weekend, Ada, Ashley (who I mentioned above), and one guy (he doesn't need a pseudonym but we can call him Luis) are all coming over to play some Wii. Then Luis will leave 'cause he can't stay for long, and Ada and Ashley and I will go for dinner at a Japanese restaurant nearby.
I'm wondering if I should tell Ashley to go to the bathroom for like ten minutes so I can tell Ada how I feel.
I want her to know that I like her (DUH, she can't be that oblivious...maybe) but that maybe I'm wasting my time. If she doesn't like me back, that's fine, and we're mature enough not to let this awkwardness screw up our friendship, since we are good friends, I'd say. Over three years is unhealthy to infatuate.
I figure that if I can confidently tell her that she means the world to me but that I'm man enough to move on since I'm getting nowhere with her, she might at least appreciate my confidence (which I generally lack and is likely my least appealing quality). I don't know if she's actually oblivious, or never considered me because I never explicitly told her so she stuck with Wesker even though he's cheated on her more than once supposedly. I could say that if she ever loses Wesker for whatever reason, but wants some guy, that if she could ever consider me, I'd be the happiest guy in the world, but for now I won't be so monogamous on my crushes since it's a waste of my time and my life.
Is that a good approach? I'm not saying I'm giving up on her, but I'm telling her I'm not going to bank all my happiness on her any longer since she still hasn't been more than just a friend. Then she knows but doesn't feel pressured to either increase or decrease our friendship.
Or am I wrong?
YES I'M AN EMO LOSER WHINER VIRGIN SHU'UP.
I hate to be the bad guy of this thread, but give up, it's not worth your time. Why do I say this? Because I've experienced this personally and seen it happen many, many times, and none of those times ended with a " Happily ever after " ending. Thing about it is, you've solidified your position in her mind as a friend, which is damn near impossible to escape, and while she may -seem- interested, she's more or less using you as a crutch. Now, that's not to say that she's doing it on purpose, hell, women are built that way.
In my opinion, the best thing you can do is move on and avoid investing any more feelings in this individual than you already have.
Post by: ShineGet887 on June 29, 2007, 01:51:07 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: JonLeung
I'm sure no one cares, but earlier this week we had the dreaded "just friends" talk.
I guess me and "Ada" are going our separate ways...
I took it surprisingly well, but that doesn't mean I'm not unhappy about it.
*whine*
Guess I should've read the entire thread. Sorry man, I know what it feels like, but the best thing for you to do is to hop back up on the saddle.
Some tips:
1.) Be rude
2.) Disregard their feelings at almost every turn.
3.) Don't reveal too much of yourself to them in the beginning
Those are more or less guide lines I use, but what it all boils down to is genuinely not caring one way or the other. I've found that I've been most successful with women when I'm busy with 10 million other things in my life, why? Because I'm not focusing on it and taking a leisurely approach to the situation.
All in all man, just be yourself and live life, I've found that if you do that, things tend to fall into place.
Post by: Mario on June 29, 2007, 05:51:26 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: Kairon
Works the other way too. A typical way of getting a guy's attention when he's being hardheaded is to inspire his jealousy by going out with someone else, thus making the guy (knucklehead) realize that he really wanted you all along, and that he's gonna have to prove it now.
Not really, it just makes her more likely to have an STD
Post by: Kairon on June 29, 2007, 09:58:44 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: MarioQuote
Originally posted by: Kairon
Works the other way too. A typical way of getting a guy's attention when he's being hardheaded is to inspire his jealousy by going out with someone else, thus making the guy (knucklehead) realize that he really wanted you all along, and that he's gonna have to prove it now.
Not really, it just makes her more likely to have an STD
What? But it always works like that in the romance novels I read and the chick flicks I watch!
Post by: GoldenPhoenix on June 29, 2007, 11:10:01 PM
Post by: Kairon on June 30, 2007, 01:02:13 AM
Quote
"I do assure you, Sir, that I have no pretension whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a respectable man."
Post by: ShineGet887 on July 01, 2007, 03:28:38 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenix
I refuse to read anymore sexist generalizations.
I don't know if you were referencing me as part of that group, but I fail to see how my advice for him to be himself and improve other aspects of his life can be determined as sexist. There's nothing sexist about anything I was saying, and if you'd like, I could turn it around and be just as " sexist " towards males.
Post by: that Baby guy on July 01, 2007, 04:10:19 PM
Buy her candy and flowers!
J/K GP, J/K.
My serious girl advice? Don't listen to the group consensus, and make your own decisions about who you are interested in your love life. I browsed over the initial part of what you wrote, though I've read it before, but this time, I noticed that you mentioned your fellow employees all thought the girl you should go out with was Ada. Trust me when I say that listening to people for advice on who to date doesn't work, because the person who knows you best is you. So far, I've had three relationships that other people have suggested I be in, and the first two were terrible. The third was a little bit more successful, but mostly because I took my time getting to know her better first, and she was head-over-heels for me. The relationship degenerated pretty quickly, though, partially because a lot of the people around me pressured me into it sooner than we should have gotten together, and she wasn't prepared to contribute to a mutual relationship. As it turns out, one of the people guiding me into most of these relationships was actually using me as a scapegoat to avoid admitting that he was homosexual. He would focus on trying to set me up as a way to divert attention from his dating life before he came out.
The point: Make your own decisions when choosing who to date, and the speed that your relationship travels. If you take advice on healthy relationships, get it from those who are in successful relationships that you admire. By this, I don't mean hints on good dates, or dating tips and ideas, I mean what kind of person you should look for and who would make you happy. If someone attempts to coerce you into dating someone you aren't interested in or only are a little interested in, just take your time and do what you feel is right, not what he or she suggests. That's my 2 bits.
Oh, and if someone is in a happy relationship, don't mess with that. It just causes extra stress for the couple, and could really screw with their happiness.
Also, you seem too infatuated. Try to imagine what a relationship with Ada would be like, and you'll probably see that it would be nothing special, that you're just caught up on a girl you can't have. I think most of us have been through that phase before, and the sooner you realize it, the better off you are. If you dwell too long on the girl, it really could affect your outlook on a whole lot of things.
Post by: ShineGet887 on July 01, 2007, 04:38:40 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: thatguy
Oh no! A girl is upset! Whatever shall we do?
Buy her candy and flowers!
J/K GP, J/K.
My serious girl advice? Don't listen to the group consensus, and make your own decisions about who you are interested in your love life. I browsed over the initial part of what you wrote, though I've read it before, but this time, I noticed that you mentioned your fellow employees all thought the girl you should go out with was Ada. Trust me when I say that listening to people for advice on who to date doesn't work, because the person who knows you best is you. So far, I've had three relationships that other people have suggested I be in, and the first two were terrible. The third was a little bit more successful, but mostly because I took my time getting to know her better first, and she was head-over-heels for me. The relationship degenerated pretty quickly, though, partially because a lot of the people around me pressured me into it sooner than we should have gotten together, and she wasn't prepared to contribute to a mutual relationship. As it turns out, one of the people guiding me into most of these relationships was actually using me as a scapegoat to avoid admitting that he was homosexual. He would focus on trying to set me up as a way to divert attention from his dating life before he came out.
The point: Make your own decisions when choosing who to date, and the speed that your relationship travels. If you take advice on healthy relationships, get it from those who are in successful relationships that you admire. By this, I don't mean hints on good dates, or dating tips and ideas, I mean what kind of person you should look for and who would make you happy. If someone attempts to coerce you into dating someone you aren't interested in or only are a little interested in, just take your time and do what you feel is right, not what he or she suggests. That's my 2 bits.
Oh, and if someone is in a happy relationship, don't mess with that. It just causes extra stress for the couple, and could really screw with their happiness.
Also, you seem too infatuated. Try to imagine what a relationship with Ada would be like, and you'll probably see that it would be nothing special, that you're just caught up on a girl you can't have. I think most of us have been through that phase before, and the sooner you realize it, the better off you are. If you dwell too long on the girl, it really could affect your outlook on a whole lot of things.
I guess one thing I could add to this is: Do NOT be afraid to be alone if you get involved a bad relationship. This may seem too far down the line for now, but it can be applied to your current situation aswell. Why do I bring this up? Because I wasted a year and a half of my life with a girl I couldn't stand, and only a month ago got out of it for good. Did it suck detaching from a person I manipulated myself into believing was special to me? Yeah, a lot, but as the days went by, I saw what little effect she had on my every day life.
The same thing applies here.
Post by: GoldenPhoenix on July 01, 2007, 08:19:35 PM
Quote
Thing about it is, you've solidified your position in her mind as a friend, which is damn near impossible to escape, and while she may -seem- interested, she's more or less using you as a crutch. Now, that's not to say that she's doing it on purpose, hell, women are built that way.
Sounds pretty sexist to me, and for your tips if any guy was rude to me that would be it, and I know I'm not the only one. Everyone is different and while there may be a tendency DO NOT generalize every guy or girl acting the same way. Also you want some advice, be yourself and don't be phony. If things are going to work you need be yourself, because you can't put up a fake facade forever if things continue. If after spending time with each other, and things don't click or she isn't impressed by your real self then I say move on. Personally I prefer things to go really slowly, I want to get to know the person well before I would even consider anything more, and that is why I like going to dinner or something where we can just talk. I'm sorry but movies don't cut it, especially in the beginning because you aren't getting to know each other and your attention is focused towards the movie.
Post by: Kairon on July 01, 2007, 08:32:39 PM
Post by: GoldenPhoenix on July 01, 2007, 08:34:33 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: Kairon
I guess things are getting too cynical when you assume you have to lie to get someone to like you.
You see it SOOO much though, when people try to impress you. The people I like the most are ones that are themselves and don't seem like they are putting on a show for me (which sadly can be hard to find).
Post by: Smoke39 on July 01, 2007, 09:05:26 PM
Post by: Kairon on July 01, 2007, 09:08:29 PM
Post by: ShineGet887 on July 03, 2007, 03:02:18 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Thing about it is, you've solidified your position in her mind as a friend, which is damn near impossible to escape, and while she may -seem- interested, she's more or less using you as a crutch. Now, that's not to say that she's doing it on purpose, hell, women are built that way.
Sounds pretty sexist to me, and for your tips if any guy was rude to me that would be it, and I know I'm not the only one. Everyone is different and while there may be a tendency DO NOT generalize every guy or girl acting the same way. Also you want some advice, be yourself and don't be phony. If things are going to work you need be yourself, because you can't put up a fake facade forever if things continue. If after spending time with each other, and things don't click or she isn't impressed by your real self then I say move on. Personally I prefer things to go really slowly, I want to get to know the person well before I would even consider anything more, and that is why I like going to dinner or something where we can just talk. I'm sorry but movies don't cut it, especially in the beginning because you aren't getting to know each other and your attention is focused towards the movie.
Did I not exercise that to him at the end of my post? My attitude is an extension of my personality, and one that I left dormant due to society's ideas of how women should be treated. Don't get me wrong, I don't hit or verbally abuse anybody, but I'll be damned if I put anybody on a pedestal, especially just because of their gender.
As for what you quoted me on, I stand by that and I will continue to. Why? Because I have a lot of experience dating women, experience that you don't have, and I can view the gender from a non-biased perspective. Believe it or not, I've done a lot of research on this subject, and I recomend you do some aswell. If you'd like, I could write up a short list of books that you could pick up and read in your spare time, and I guarantee that none of them are " sexist ".
Another thing, when I spoke of women being " built that way ", I was talking about how they react on a subconscious level when faced with this sort of situation, because that reaction generally becomes what they feel.
Post by: GoldenPhoenix on July 03, 2007, 03:06:14 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: ShineGet887Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Thing about it is, you've solidified your position in her mind as a friend, which is damn near impossible to escape, and while she may -seem- interested, she's more or less using you as a crutch. Now, that's not to say that she's doing it on purpose, hell, women are built that way.
Sounds pretty sexist to me, and for your tips if any guy was rude to me that would be it, and I know I'm not the only one. Everyone is different and while there may be a tendency DO NOT generalize every guy or girl acting the same way. Also you want some advice, be yourself and don't be phony. If things are going to work you need be yourself, because you can't put up a fake facade forever if things continue. If after spending time with each other, and things don't click or she isn't impressed by your real self then I say move on. Personally I prefer things to go really slowly, I want to get to know the person well before I would even consider anything more, and that is why I like going to dinner or something where we can just talk. I'm sorry but movies don't cut it, especially in the beginning because you aren't getting to know each other and your attention is focused towards the movie.
Did I not exercise that to him at the end of my post? My attitude is an extension of my personality, and one that I left dormant due to society's ideas of how women should be treated. Don't get me wrong, I don't hit or verbally abuse anybody, but I'll be damned if I put anybody on a pedestal, especially just because of their gender.
As for what you quoted me on, I stand by that and I will continue to. Why? Because I have a lot of experience dating women, experience that you don't have, and I can view the gender from a non-biased perspective. Believe it or not, I've done a lot of research on this subject, and I recomend you do some aswell. If you'd like, I could write up a short list of books that you could pick up and read in your spare time, and I guarantee that none of them are " sexist ".
Another thing, when I spoke of women being " built that way ", I was talking about how they react on a subconscious level when faced with this sort of situation, because that reaction generally becomes what they feel.
Guess you know more than me right? I could find a short list of books that say the opposite, heck I could find cultures that roles for men and women are flipped. I get the impression you are very bitter and have had bad experiences, but don't insult us all because of it (maybe you've had too much dating experience).
Post by: ShineGet887 on July 03, 2007, 03:13:22 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Originally posted by: ShineGet887Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Thing about it is, you've solidified your position in her mind as a friend, which is damn near impossible to escape, and while she may -seem- interested, she's more or less using you as a crutch. Now, that's not to say that she's doing it on purpose, hell, women are built that way.
Sounds pretty sexist to me, and for your tips if any guy was rude to me that would be it, and I know I'm not the only one. Everyone is different and while there may be a tendency DO NOT generalize every guy or girl acting the same way. Also you want some advice, be yourself and don't be phony. If things are going to work you need be yourself, because you can't put up a fake facade forever if things continue. If after spending time with each other, and things don't click or she isn't impressed by your real self then I say move on. Personally I prefer things to go really slowly, I want to get to know the person well before I would even consider anything more, and that is why I like going to dinner or something where we can just talk. I'm sorry but movies don't cut it, especially in the beginning because you aren't getting to know each other and your attention is focused towards the movie.
Did I not exercise that to him at the end of my post? My attitude is an extension of my personality, and one that I left dormant due to society's ideas of how women should be treated. Don't get me wrong, I don't hit or verbally abuse anybody, but I'll be damned if I put anybody on a pedestal, especially just because of their gender.
As for what you quoted me on, I stand by that and I will continue to. Why? Because I have a lot of experience dating women, experience that you don't have, and I can view the gender from a non-biased perspective. Believe it or not, I've done a lot of research on this subject, and I recomend you do some aswell. If you'd like, I could write up a short list of books that you could pick up and read in your spare time, and I guarantee that none of them are " sexist ".
Another thing, when I spoke of women being " built that way ", I was talking about how they react on a subconscious level when faced with this sort of situation, because that reaction generally becomes what they feel.
Guess you know more than me right? I could find a short list of books that say the opposite, heck I could find cultures that roles for men and women are flipped. I get the impression you are very bitter and have had bad experiences, but don't insult us all because of it (maybe you've had too much dating experience).
What gives you the impression that I'm bitter or upset in the least? Let alone that I have a grudge against women? I'll be the first to tell you that I've had a very good dating life and that most of the girls I've seen for an extended period of time have been mature, intelligent, and well-rounded people. The only one who's taking what I'm saying the wrong way is you, and as noted before, I never said that men are any better. If you'd like me to start a thread or make a post here reflecting males in the same light I'd be happy to.
I don't get how you turned this whole thing into a men vs women debate, because I never intended it to be one, seeing as how arguments like that are pointless and stupid. What I don't appreciate is you making assumptions about my private life, seeing as how I've done nothing of the sort to you, so I'd like to ask you to stop and continue the discussion.
Post by: GoldenPhoenix on July 03, 2007, 03:22:14 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: ShineGet887Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Originally posted by: ShineGet887Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Thing about it is, you've solidified your position in her mind as a friend, which is damn near impossible to escape, and while she may -seem- interested, she's more or less using you as a crutch. Now, that's not to say that she's doing it on purpose, hell, women are built that way.
Sounds pretty sexist to me, and for your tips if any guy was rude to me that would be it, and I know I'm not the only one. Everyone is different and while there may be a tendency DO NOT generalize every guy or girl acting the same way. Also you want some advice, be yourself and don't be phony. If things are going to work you need be yourself, because you can't put up a fake facade forever if things continue. If after spending time with each other, and things don't click or she isn't impressed by your real self then I say move on. Personally I prefer things to go really slowly, I want to get to know the person well before I would even consider anything more, and that is why I like going to dinner or something where we can just talk. I'm sorry but movies don't cut it, especially in the beginning because you aren't getting to know each other and your attention is focused towards the movie.
Did I not exercise that to him at the end of my post? My attitude is an extension of my personality, and one that I left dormant due to society's ideas of how women should be treated. Don't get me wrong, I don't hit or verbally abuse anybody, but I'll be damned if I put anybody on a pedestal, especially just because of their gender.
As for what you quoted me on, I stand by that and I will continue to. Why? Because I have a lot of experience dating women, experience that you don't have, and I can view the gender from a non-biased perspective. Believe it or not, I've done a lot of research on this subject, and I recomend you do some aswell. If you'd like, I could write up a short list of books that you could pick up and read in your spare time, and I guarantee that none of them are " sexist ".
Another thing, when I spoke of women being " built that way ", I was talking about how they react on a subconscious level when faced with this sort of situation, because that reaction generally becomes what they feel.
Guess you know more than me right? I could find a short list of books that say the opposite, heck I could find cultures that roles for men and women are flipped. I get the impression you are very bitter and have had bad experiences, but don't insult us all because of it (maybe you've had too much dating experience).
What gives you the impression that I'm bitter or upset in the least? Let alone that I have a grudge against women? I'll be the first to tell you that I've had a very good dating life and that most of the girls I've seen for an extended period of time have been mature, intelligent, and well-rounded people. The only one who's taking what I'm saying the wrong way is you, and as noted before, I never said that men are any better. If you'd like me to start a thread or make a post here reflecting males in the same light I'd be happy to.
I don't get how you turned this whole thing into a men vs women debate, because I never intended it to be one, seeing as how arguments like that are pointless and stupid. What I don't appreciate is you making assumptions about my private life, seeing as how I've done nothing of the sort to you, so I'd like to ask you to stop and continue the discussion.
You come accross as extremely bitter when you accuse women of using men as crutches because they can't help it, not to mention giving advice that you should disregard their feelings and be rude. I would continue with questions regarding your supposed good dating life but I will drop it, but everything else you said sounds severely bitter and quite prejudice that you want to justify with biology.
Post by: ShineGet887 on July 03, 2007, 03:37:47 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Originally posted by: ShineGet887Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Originally posted by: ShineGet887Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenixQuote
Thing about it is, you've solidified your position in her mind as a friend, which is damn near impossible to escape, and while she may -seem- interested, she's more or less using you as a crutch. Now, that's not to say that she's doing it on purpose, hell, women are built that way.
Sounds pretty sexist to me, and for your tips if any guy was rude to me that would be it, and I know I'm not the only one. Everyone is different and while there may be a tendency DO NOT generalize every guy or girl acting the same way. Also you want some advice, be yourself and don't be phony. If things are going to work you need be yourself, because you can't put up a fake facade forever if things continue. If after spending time with each other, and things don't click or she isn't impressed by your real self then I say move on. Personally I prefer things to go really slowly, I want to get to know the person well before I would even consider anything more, and that is why I like going to dinner or something where we can just talk. I'm sorry but movies don't cut it, especially in the beginning because you aren't getting to know each other and your attention is focused towards the movie.
Did I not exercise that to him at the end of my post? My attitude is an extension of my personality, and one that I left dormant due to society's ideas of how women should be treated. Don't get me wrong, I don't hit or verbally abuse anybody, but I'll be damned if I put anybody on a pedestal, especially just because of their gender.
As for what you quoted me on, I stand by that and I will continue to. Why? Because I have a lot of experience dating women, experience that you don't have, and I can view the gender from a non-biased perspective. Believe it or not, I've done a lot of research on this subject, and I recomend you do some aswell. If you'd like, I could write up a short list of books that you could pick up and read in your spare time, and I guarantee that none of them are " sexist ".
Another thing, when I spoke of women being " built that way ", I was talking about how they react on a subconscious level when faced with this sort of situation, because that reaction generally becomes what they feel.
Guess you know more than me right? I could find a short list of books that say the opposite, heck I could find cultures that roles for men and women are flipped. I get the impression you are very bitter and have had bad experiences, but don't insult us all because of it (maybe you've had too much dating experience).
What gives you the impression that I'm bitter or upset in the least? Let alone that I have a grudge against women? I'll be the first to tell you that I've had a very good dating life and that most of the girls I've seen for an extended period of time have been mature, intelligent, and well-rounded people. The only one who's taking what I'm saying the wrong way is you, and as noted before, I never said that men are any better. If you'd like me to start a thread or make a post here reflecting males in the same light I'd be happy to.
I don't get how you turned this whole thing into a men vs women debate, because I never intended it to be one, seeing as how arguments like that are pointless and stupid. What I don't appreciate is you making assumptions about my private life, seeing as how I've done nothing of the sort to you, so I'd like to ask you to stop and continue the discussion.
You come accross as extremely bitter when you accuse women of using men as crutches because they can't help it, not to mention giving advice that you should disregard their feelings and be rude. I would continue with questions regarding your supposed good dating life but I will drop it, but everything else you said sounds severely bitter and quite prejudice that you want to justify with biology.
What I was saying was that in this particular instance, yes, she most likely was. I never said all women do this to all men and that they're so helpless that they can't survive without them, you drew that conclusion.
My advice to him at the end, beyond all of my sarcastic comments and joking recomendations, was for him to be himself and organize the rest of his life, and that when he's least expecting it, availible women will become interested in him naturally.
I still recomend that you read up on the subject, and I say that honestly and not as a sign of disrespect, because I think you'd be really surprised at how inhumane and sadistic our subconscious thought processes can be. And before you even say it, " our " was in reference to both men and women.
Post by: GoldenPhoenix on July 03, 2007, 03:40:22 PM
Post by: ShineGet887 on July 03, 2007, 04:03:05 PM
Quote
Originally posted by: GoldenPhoenix
Ok fair enough, personally I love researching stuff like that. Also I apologize if I took your stuff out of contect. BTW in case you didn't know I am a female (I combative one! But still a female) though I may have misread your joke there.
I'm sorry for giving you the indication I did, and I'll try and make myself more clear from now on of what exactly I mean. As for the reading, I could recomend some books for you if you'd like, one of them in particular I think is a must-read for everybody.
Post by: Kairon on July 04, 2007, 08:20:12 AM
What's the title?
Post by: JonLeung on July 13, 2007, 03:46:59 PM
I've been gone for far too long...
Post by: Mashiro on July 13, 2007, 03:52:47 PM
Oh my take on things, if you like someone let them know how you feel but don't over do it. Telling people they "mean the world" to you and stuff can be a little heavy and sometimes turn girls off.
Though I don't know if I should be handing out relationship advice since I'm not really a veteran of relationships or anything.
