Topic: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?

[Oblivion]

you're young. You probably don't even know what real love it yet.

There are a few things to look for to know if she may be cheating on you though.
- Behavioral changes towards you (i.e. secret phone calls or messages, suddenly secretive with stuff she was previously open about, annoyed for no reason of minor things that used to not ever be a big deal, started wearing perfume, or different more revealing outfits)
- not around as often as usual or not returning calls/text/messages as promptly as before
- she doesn't want physical connection/activity anymore or nearly as often
- you catch her in the act giving it to another man/woman
- She says the dreaded "we need to talk..."

She's done the first three things.

[BlackNMild2k1]

you're young. You probably don't even know what real love it yet.

There are a few things to look for to know if she may be cheating on you though.
- Behavioral changes towards you (i.e. secret phone calls or messages, suddenly secretive with stuff she was previously open about, annoyed for no reason of minor things that used to not ever be a big deal, started wearing perfume, or different more revealing outfits)
- not around as often as usual or not returning calls/text/messages as promptly as before
- she doesn't want physical connection/activity anymore or nearly as often
- you catch her in the act giving it to another man/woman
- She says the dreaded "we need to talk..."

She's done the first three things.

+ Well, you can either start snooping and look for definitive evidence (in her phone, on her facebook, etc etc)
+ You can drop hints and/or just bring it up that you feel like she is being distant and give her an opportunity to be straight with you
or
+ You can do as you suspect her of doing and start auditioning her replacement.
_ I would start with her friends and do it right in front of her too (subtly of course) then when she tries to confront you about it, just play it off like it was nothing. Maybe she'll get jealous and start paying you more attention, if not.... well, you are auditioning her replacement afterall. [/highschool games]

[Oblivion]

I just looked at her Skype. She flirts with him a lot, but no physical cheating.

[BlackNMild2k1]

I just looked at her Skype. She flirts with him a lot, but no physical cheating.

2 can play at that game

but it sounds like it's either time to make a move or have that talk.
I wouldn't tell her you were snooping though, unless you are prepared for her to deflect the conversation back at you putting you on the defensive for not trusting her and going through her private conversations.

or, you can pretend like you never saw anything, go back to pretending it doesn't bother you and just let her carry on till she is ready to move on (or gets it out of her system)

^some people would prefer that.... but you are young. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and trust me when I say, that with a little confidence, and not too bold of an approach, if you cast you net wide, you will catch alot of fish. strap it up and dive in. There's a big world out there and she will be a faint memory in no time.

[Stratos]

Take control of the situation and leave. Or take control by trying to improve it. Trust me though, I am married now, but I LOVED the time I was single. Enjoy it while you have it. I think most guys should wait until close to 30 to get married. Your 20's are a time for determining who you are and who you want to become. Also a great time to go out and make your fortune.


I'm glad I waited until I was 28. I also never had any long periods of time I was with a girl before my wife. I wanted to enjoy my life and my singleness. Don't let a woman define you. Especially one who shows little interest in you.


As BnM said, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you could have your pick of them. Don't settle for less than you want. It's not shallow, its smart match-making. There are tens of thousands of girls like the one you are with now. If she truly is outstanding then there are still at least a thousand more of her.

[Ceric]

As someone who did get married in his 20's out of college I do say I regret not doing the whole single adult thing.  You lose a lot of control when you in a serious relationship.  Your not necessary seeding control to the otherside just as a couple your less flexible.

[Phil]

I'm sorry to read about your situation, Oblivion. I'm 28 and I've never had a girlfriend, so you've already bested me in that regard.


Anyway, Tuesday was a roundtable in the game developer group I'm in regarding takeaways from GDC. I felt absolutely horrible after the event. I thought this group I could feel like I belonged there, but I don't feel that way at all. That's not due to me actually not getting along with anyone or not sharing interests-- it's just my depression gets in the way and clouds my perception. After multiple suicidal thoughts, I had to have someone watch over me for the night so I didn't do anything.


So yeah...

[Oblivion]

Welp. We aren't together any longer. There's that.


Sorry about that Phil. That feeling is never ever fun. At least you are aware of your feelings and not completely blind to them.

[Ceric]

Welp. We aren't together any longer. There's that.
...

If you don't mind me asking.  What happened in the end?

...
Anyway, Tuesday was a roundtable in the game developer group I'm in regarding takeaways from GDC. I felt absolutely horrible after the event.
...

Do you feel like you weren't at their level for what the Take Away was?

Groups are funny things.  I've joined different groups that I thought I would really gel but didn't.  Then there other times where I just click in a group I never thought I would.  You just keep trying till something fits.

I decided to finally go to therapy again.  I'm trying a new doctor.  He says I should walk 30 minutes a day outdoors because studies have found the light exercise helps with Serotonin levels in the brain.  That doesn't seem like too big of a commitment.  I also need to learn to Properly breath.

Diaphragmatic Breathing (DP)
 (1) http://www.normalbreathing.com/learn-8-diaphragmatic-breathing.php
 (2) http://cmhc.utexas.edu/stressrecess/Level_Two/breathing.html

Then move on to Relaxation Guided Imagery and Progressive Muscle Relaxation.  Ultimately ending in Cued Relaxation.  We'll see how that all works.

[Oblivion]

A whole bunch of bullshit. I found out that she has sent nudes to people online and tells people she wants to sleep with them. When we finally discuss the problems we have, she comes to the conclusion that she doesn't love me anymore and that she will break up with me because of the "things she has done".


I don't even fucking know anymore.

[Ceric]

Well,
I guess thats a way of saying you deserve better.

Buck Up, take a little time.  You can get back on the horse a bit later.  No use dwelling on the past and regretting it.  I learned that one the hard way.

[Oblivion]

Three and a half years of being with this person and 5 and and a half years of knowing this person is very hard for me to just let go. I have to dwell on it.

[Ian Sane]

I very briefly had suicidal thoughts once.  It actually wasn't even in my most depressed moment but at the time it would have been and conquering that feeling then has kept it in check since.

I thought to myself this: if I kill myself, THEY win.  Who's "they"?  Could be someone specific, could be society, could be the whole universe, could be an abstract concept like fate or depression itself.  Doesn't really matter.  It plays on feelings of persecution and rejection.  Like I'm depressed because someone or something is jerking me around in life and if I kill myself then they got to me.  They accomplished their goal.  They won.  And **** that.  I will never give them that satisfaction.

I have no idea if that approach would work for anyone else but it has worked for me.

[Phil]

It wasn't really a "not being at anyone's level" feeling, it was a "mental-illness-gonna-distort-my-perception-of-my-place-in-this-group-for-the-worse" type deal.

[Caliban]

Phil, find an activity group that involves physical participation. Sometimes you have to distract your mind with the physical, as well as nurturing your physical instincts. Find a group where you can call it your second home, and take as long as needed to find it. A place that you can think of which will ease your mind, and makes you happy to come back to. Nurture your confidence.

[MysticGohan]

Depression has taken it's toll on me, I miss my angel so much, I OD on a weeks worth of topiramate and sumatriptan, as the thought of being alone and living without her is too much to bare. I love her with all my heart and I hate living one second without her. I'm still alive, just tired.

[Oblivion]

...****. Here I am complaining about my problems.

[Ceric]

...****. Here I am complaining about my problems.

Just because the catalyst for MysticGohan Problems are much worse doesn't make yours are less valid.

MysticGohan:  I know I shutdown if I was in your position.  Then I try to force myself through it because that is not what they would want.  It would take years by me best estimate.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Let's not OD on prescription drugs please. I just found out that an old friend of mine died of that very thing earlier this week. She left behind 2 children.

You have to think of those that you would leave behind. The difference in other people's lives you still have yet to make. There is plenty to live for, and things can always get better if you want them to. You gotta start seeing the forest for the trees.

[MysticGohan]

It's hard BnM I'm 34 going 35 this August, it'll be the first year I'll be celebrating alone. I have no family, no children, what siblings I do have, I am not real close to and live nowhere near, and my father hasn't been there for me.

My angel was my first and only love, I find myself alone and hurting, I enjoyed doing everything with her. I cannot drive, I'm on disability. Just unsure of life, i never felt as alone as I do now.

[Phil]

I'm hoping that we don't overstep our bounds in this topic (if we haven't already), and if we have, I'm to blame, and start recommending steps certain people should take that we're nowhere near qualified to do.


If for whatever reason one honestly feels like they want to end it all, I urge them to call a suicide hotline or head to the hospital. Afterwards, one can get a therapist or psychiatrist who can help in the process of healing both mind and body.

[BlackNMild2k1]

You have us, your internet family.

Things can get better, but only if you let them be. I'm sure you can walk, so go outside, go stroll the mall, do some shopping, sit at a Starbucks/Barnes&Noble and read. Strike up a conversation with a stranger, casually try to find out as much about them as you can without diving into any of your on going issues. Keep the conversation light.
Buy a dog, or rescue a dog from the pound and show it the love you wish to share with the world. Nurture it, make a new best friend. Take it for walks, and to the park and meet other dog owners.

There is a whole world out there, so sitting in your house feeling sorry for yourself day in and day out is not going to let you enjoy the rest of your life, which is exactly what I'm sure your recently passed loved one would want you to do.
So go take a shower, shave, put on a nice fit, and go out and do something that interest you.
There has to be something that you've been meaning to do or go see since forever and never got around to.
Sign up for some classes or workshops. Big Brother program. Try some volunteer work. anything that gets your mind off everything that is currently on your mind. You need to get out of your own head for a little while each day.

[MysticGohan]

Thanks BnM, where I live everything is so spread out, the nearest mall is 15miles away xD, so there's alot of serious walking and traffic. Yes I can walk, I have anxiety issues and learning disability. People tend to make you feel inadequate when you don't quite grasp things off the bat.

I have 3 dogs that belonged to my angel, I really miss her, greatest love in my life.

[Ceric]

Thanks BnM, where I live everything is so spread out, the nearest mall is 15miles away xD
...
I have anxiety issues and learning disability. People tend to make you feel inadequate when you don't quite grasp things off the bat.
...

I can relate to that.  I don't grasp things the way other people do.  I also live in Tennessee where everything is spread out for the most part.

Reading your posts over the years though I'm surprised you can't drive.

[MysticGohan]

Yeah, my dad never bothered to teach me to get beyond my learners permit, which has long long expired. So getting around is abit hard on my own. Just would be cool if we all could hang out together. My life's just not the same without her. I was always her little man, just miss her so much.

She was more there for me than my own family has been.