From a Dog's eye view:
The Master fed me a delicious meal this morning (though it was no different from any other meal), and promised me a cookie tomorrow at 5p.m.! Alas, I fear the wait will be unbearable in dog years.
But Master shouldn't have put the cookie bag on the shelf, because I scrambled up on my hind legs and did some "investigative reporting"! I am so proud of myself, though master will likely use the newspaper on me. My tail will droop between my legs.
I learned that the fucking fox in the backyard is still around, and might be bringing friends with him when he goes hunting for rabbits and frogs during his next appearance. I will sit at the back door and wait for him to arrive on schedule- right when the master is not around.
I hate that fucking fox.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Master plans to put a new toy in the living room soon! But, I already have that toy outside. Why do I need that toy inside, too? Master must consider buying the toy only once, and then letting me use it inside AND outside.
Master has called the veterinarian and scheduled my annual worms check. The process will be grueling, painful, and reward me little, but I must endure it because the veterinarian drops sweet materials to me when we are done. I will tell future Generations of this.
I hid under the sofa as Master paid exorbitant fees to watch zombies on television. Has he Lost his mind? He could watch zombie movies on cable, and use that money to buy new toys instead! We will see if this madness pans out.
Aunt Samus was supposed to come an babysit for me tomorrow, as well! But she called Master and said she was sick- I'll have to stay with the four bratty marines down the street instead. They don't play with my toys the way Aunt Samus does. DAMNATION!