Topic: Confession time: I am seriously depressed and I feel alone

[Ceric]

Thanks Guys.

[Sarail]

Ceric,

You can be ANYthing you want to be, my friend. Don't let some two-cent scrub tell you otherwise.

If only monster hunting could be a real, professional career...

[EasyCure]

Cleric should pitch a show to Discovery Channel

[Ceric]

Cleric should pitch a show to Discovery Channel

Lord knows I watch enough of their products at my house.

[EasyCure]

Cleric should pitch a show to Discovery Channel

Lord knows I watch enough of their products at my house.

haha I just realized my phone auto-corrected Ceric to "cleric" sorry bro!

[Minsc]

I don't claim to have ever been down to the point of others but, like anyone, I've had my rough times.  Something I do have which many younger people don't is experience which is something that only comes in time.  In order to gain experience you must have the willingness to venture into the scary unknown.  Here's a post I made on another forum, it'll help give a bit of backstory.

Hey there krambigmac,
Since you are you and have to find your own way I'll instead share my own story.  Well, parts of it.

I was the shy and loner type.  Back in school I did not participate in school events and sports if I didn't have to.  Avoided getting up in front of the class (terrified me) and never went to the prom.  After graduating high school (2000) I spent about five years on the fence before enrolling in a plumbing program at college.  Prior to this my only work experience was on the family farm.  So yeah, no real opportunities to work on my sociability.  Here I am 25 years old, virgin, and with no clue stepping out in "the world".  I had a lot of learning to do and a lot of self imposed pressure on how I was supposed to be.  Learning to think for my self was difficult.  Making the phone calls and doing what needed to be done to sign up to this plumbing program took a lot of courage on my part.  I suppose one has to start somewhere eh?

Fast forward to working out on the job plumbing, more learning.  Since I was not well traveled I did not know my way around.  As a result I'd find way to avoid having to take the van to get materials, coffee, etc.  Oh it was nerve wracking taking the van.  On the job I had to learn to take responsibility, by this I mean owning up to my mistakes.  Really, it was one of the most difficult things for me to learn to do.

Throughout this time I discovered Facebook.  There were positives and negatives to this.  We all know what the negatives are so I'll focus on the former.   Facebook allowed me to find avenues to "get out".  I wanted to go places and meet people but had no clue where to start.  The geek and nerd in me zeroed in on an Anime convention in Moncton, New Brunswick.  That was that, I went on to take my first solo trip off my home province of Prince Edward Island.  Definitely stressful but worth the experience and certainly needed.  The Facebook/anime convention combination lead to my first non-grade school crush.  Long story short it didn't work out the "way I planned".

The combination of the stresses at work, trying to "get" a girlfriend, finding places to belong, and not speaking of what I was bothered by left me mentally exhausted and beaten.  My breaking point was when she said no, my illusion of reality was finally shattered.  It was some rough times.  Not talking about my problems had become such an engrained habit I was physically unable to speak of them when the time came.

I went to the doctor followed by a psychiatrist and was prescribed a couple different low doses of medication over a period of two years.  Looking back I honestly can't if the medication helped.  Around April 2011 stopped taking the pills, without I noticed the absence of a certain "haze" on my mind.  What I found to work was dealing with my problems before things built up to the breaking point.  The last breaking point was late summer 2011, I haven't gotten close to that point since.  Barring a death in the in the immediate family I don't expect to.

Here's what I learned throughout my experiences.

-  The people around you are not as perfect as they seem.  They have their own problems, just like me.
-  It's going to be difficult venturing into something unfamiliar, no way around it.  Especially when you are just beginning.  The more experiences you have the easier life becomes.  You'd be surprised how a simple skill learned in one area of life can easily be applied to another.
- Being a 31 year old virgin isn't so bad.  I'm not stuck in a terrible marriage.   Now I just go out an learn the social skills I need to.  It's no longer a matter of if I meet her but a matter of when.
- Life gets better if you build on your successes.  Looking back over the past six years I can mentally plot an upward graph of things I can do now which I could not before.  For example, two years ago I could hardly walk in to a bar alone without being overly nervous.  Now I'm learning to sit myself down at random tables and strike up conversations. It's awesome.
- You are never done learning.  NEVER.

Am I where I want to be in life?  Nope, not by a long shot.  There are still so many things I restrain myself from doing and old habits do creep.  The worst is behind me though.  The best one can do is neither live in the past or the future, only the present.  One can look to the past for guidance or forward to the future however the choices one makes in the present are the most important.

Edit:



Quote from: krambigmac on June 04, 2013, 06:43:45 amWell I had my first session Saturday after weeks of searching.  Lots of paperwork that I wish I could have completed beforehand rather than on her clock but for a first appointment, I guess it wasn't bad.  Going again this Saturday and then who knows.  Another good weekend visiting my and my wife's family but I can't seem to shake the Sunday evening blues.  I feel a little better just having an outlet so hopefully this will get the ball rolling for me.




I believe this right there is the most important thing.

[MukiDA]

This one's a bit general, but I seriously hope it helps someone. Anyone.

GET HELP. This has probably been all over the place, but there's more to it than that.

Look at things analytically, if you need to. Depression is about on par with "my stomach hurts" as far as symptoms are concerned, in that it could be ANYTHING.

You might feel empty inside.
You might feel sadness.
You might feel an epitimal feeling as if your life has been a failure up to this point with NOTHING objective to back it up (good job, great time with family/friends, never feel physically sick, etc.)

And as a result, the cause could be anything:
You could have social issues
You could have a treatable chemical imbalance
You might be having a reaction from a recent, seemingly trivial dietary change
.... or environmental.

If you have ANY medical and therapeutic options, LOOK THEM UP. If you just feel like life is crappy, you can work on that. If you feel that you can't explain why you feel this way, HAVE IT LOOKED IT. The problem with attempting to diagnose a problem that may be in your brain is that it's in YOUR BRAIN. Your ability to ascertain the root cause IS NOT RELIABLE. Please, for the sake of yourself, and anyone close to you that you care about, get an independent opinion.

And, realistically, (especially if any of them spout silly fucking bullshit like "what do you have to be depressed about") not from fucking family or friends. Unless their training says otherwise, they're no more qualified to treat depression than they are to treat a fucking ulcer.

</PSA>

[Oblivion]

I cannot talk to those kinds of people though. Trust me, I've tried. All I can think about when talking to them is how they are psychoanalyzing me and how they getting paid to listen to me bitch about my life, and how they could easily say something out their ass and still get paid.

[EasyCure]

I cannot talk to those kinds of people though. Trust me, I've tried. All I can think about when talking to them is how they are psychoanalyzing me and how they getting paid to listen to me bitch about my life, and how they could easily say something out their ass and still get paid.

pretty much

There's something oddly comforting about spilling my guts to a complete stranger online than to any professional who will likely "mhm" me until I leave/pay.

[MukiDA]

Remember, I didn't just mean psychologists. If you have options to see a medical doctor, check with one as well. Just because you've had traumatic events doesn't mean you should rule out a condition that it's bringing out.

> I know this is just the stupid angst of an angry 18 year old who's problems are probably less severe than what you are facing, but it's all I know. Please understand that.

I hope it's just that. In any case like this we can all hope it's just that, because that one can be healed by time. I'm not the judging type, especially for depression. But please, make sure it's "just" that.

You're young. And I don't mean, "you're young, so what you're going through isn't important", or even "you're young, you'll think this is silly in a few years". You're young, and a lot of the things that can significant effect on your state of mind, even at 18, are still in development. You're at one of the most dangerous periods of life for anyone, statistically speaking. Talk to people, take care of yourself, do something. Don't ever let yourself fall into a lonely cycle of self-discussion. I'm sure there's plenty of people here who can speak from experience that this will not help your mental health.

Also, if it helps, so far as I've ascertained, psychologists don't psychoanalyze you unless they're dipshits still in college for psychology. If they're being paid by the hour, chances are they're looking for a cause. But again, I'm definitely in the "medical experience > psychological experience" by an order of magnitude, so please check with a medical doctor, first.

[shingi_70]

I'm not really depressed (though i am pretty self conscious), but sometimes I'm shy/Akward and a bit anti social. Anyone have any tips to help overcome these problems. I mean once I come out of my shell i'm a pretty friendly guy but i can be quiet/timid upon first meeting people.

[RABicle]

Alcohol and other drugs.

[Ian Sane]

I was much more shy and anti-social when I was younger and I made a conscious effort to address it.  Essentially I just made an effort to be more social.  Simple things like responding to "How are you?" with "Good. And how are you?" instead of just "Good." and cutting the conversation short made a huge difference.  At first I was very awkward and probably came across as weirdo a few times but with practice it just became easier and more comfortable.  You just need to practice, and that includes screwing up a few times, and unfortunately shyness can block you from trying in the first place.

[oohhboy]

Clubs. Clubs of any kind, social, S&M, sports, DND, it doesn't matter. Well, maybe not night clubs. Everyone going to a club has the same goal as you when you go to a club which you have an interest in. Unless you're a total dickbag, which from your posts are not, you will be just fine. There is a spot of caveat emptor, some clubs are run by egoistical nut jobs that operate one just so they can have their personal fiefdom. Just be on the look out for that and you should be fine.

[Oblivion]

Clubs. Clubs of any kind, social, S&M, sports, DND, it doesn't matter. Well, maybe not night clubs. Everyone going to a club has the same goal as you when you go to a club which you have an interest in. Unless you're a total dickbag, which from your posts are not, you will be just fine. There is a spot of caveat emptor, some clubs are run by egoistical nut jobs that operate one just so they can have their personal fiefdom. Just be on the look out for that and you should be fine.

A bondage club?

[oohhboy]

Half joke, half serious.

[Dasmos]

I'd recommend getting to know new people in situations you're comfortable in; like if you're meeting someone for the first time, but you're already with a bunch of friends, go and make an effort. If things get weird you can just fade back into your group of friends haha! But yeah like Ian said, make a conscious effort in all social situations, whether it's talking to a cashier, shop attendant what have you.

But if you really want to have no chance but to burst out of that shell; travel alone. You have to talk and get to know people, or you're gonna have a lousy time. Everybody on holiday is already in a really relaxed and positive mood so it's easy!

[EasyCure]

I'm not really depressed (though i am pretty self conscious), but sometimes I'm shy/Akward and a bit anti social. Anyone have any tips to help overcome these problems. I mean once I come out of my shell i'm a pretty friendly guy but i can be quiet/timid upon first meeting people.

Its OK guys, I've got this one.

First you need to go to Winters and ask Dr. Andonuts for the Skyrunner. You'll take this to Summers where you contact a local sailor to help you cross the sea into the foreign land of Scaraba. Hopefully his wife doesn't need you to snap her out of the stoic daze she's in or else you have to take a magic tart acid trip.

Anyhow, once in Scaraba locate the Dungeon Man and borrow his yellow submarine (the color is coincidental, so I've been told) to go further south to the Deep Darkness.

If you survive the swamps you'll arrive at Tenda village, just ask the Tenda chief, he should have the Book on Overcoming Shyness. Unless he doesn't. In that case find one of Talarama's monkeys, learn to teleport, head back to your home town and check the local library.

[Ceric]

I'm not really depressed (though i am pretty self conscious), but sometimes I'm shy/Akward and a bit anti social. Anyone have any tips to help overcome these problems. I mean once I come out of my shell i'm a pretty friendly guy but i can be quiet/timid upon first meeting people.

Its OK guys, I've got this one.

First you need to go to Winters and ask Dr. Andonuts for the Skyrunner. You'll take this to Summers where you contact a local sailor to help you cross the sea into the foreign land of Scaraba. Hopefully his wife doesn't need you to snap her out of the stoic daze she's in or else you have to take a magic tart acid trip.

Anyhow, once in Scaraba locate the Dungeon Man and borrow his yellow submarine (the color is coincidental, so I've been told) to go further south to the Deep Darkness.

If you survive the swamps you'll arrive at Tenda village, just ask the Tenda chief, he should have the Book on Overcoming Shyness. Unless he doesn't. In that case find one of Talarama's monkeys, learn to teleport, head back to your home town and check the local library.

Seriously Enough,
What helps me is being safe in the knowledge that the majority of people that I talk to I will never run across again.  Unfortunately while that makes me steadfast with random strangers I can possibly have an IBS attack in situations where their are strangers I know I'm going to have to interact with on a longer term basis.  I'm working through that.

[shingi_70]

So after class yesterday I met up with one of my friends and went to a BBQ with him and another guy. I was reluctant thinking it was going to be a big overwhelming party (not really a bad thing but I feel werid at big parties when i only know 1 person.)
Turns out the girl hosting the party had only invited about tweleve people and it was pretty small and we mostly in the basement playing videos games. I was still a bit shy not really wanting to play but after I started playing I got a bit better. I totally got my assed kicked at MVC3 losing every match though I did pretty well playing with MODOK. It wasn't till we started playing SOul Caliber 5 and I went beast mode from Mitsurugi. I probably got the best audible applause when playing with my friend I got a perfect despite walking over to play with the girl's dog with the TV behind me. Than we played some Nartuo while people filled me in on everything I miseed. (I haven't kept up with the series since the end of the first series.)
Hit it off with the girl  but I'm pretty sure my boy Brandon CB'd me.Despite that was pretty fun got some streetpasses and I'll probably be going with the ground to Youmacon the big anime Expo in my state.




I did find it funny are listening to last week's RFN and just general feeling toward Fable III from the harcore gamer. Everyone at the party really liked the game one guy even saying how awesome it was that the game was free. The girls really enjoyed the series being a WRPG that was one part Zelda and Skyrim. (I've read before that due to bundles Fable is actually pretty popular despite being pretty shallow gameplay wise, personally I think the charms of the setting and writing over shadow that.

[Oblivion]

What did Brandon do to cock block you?

[Ceric]

I don't know how I feel about that.  I only really have 1 real experience with that but, she was pretty high on the Hot/Crazy scale so in the long run I think I was better off.

Which was around long before How I Met Your Mother.

[Stogi]

Pretty much avoided this thread except to check it out every time Rabicle posted.

The most important question people need to ask themselves is how do you view yourself? You will meet people every single day in your life if you choose to, and if you don't understand yourself, you will crumble when a hint of insincerity wafts your way. For people talk; but people talk a lot and people talk a lot about themselves and others. If you were to actually look at them and listen, you could see that most people are as soft as cotton panties. If you slapped most people, it would sound like glass breaking. I don't care how "amazing" their facebook page is.

I've actually ran an experiment to see exactly how fake people can be. I've gone to the grocery story....nothing fancy, just the story in both a classy suit and warm ups. Both times I was cordial, charming, witty, and all around a nice person. Now why was it that my conversations were much shorter with random people or store clerks when I was wearing warm-ups compared to when I was wearing a suit? The answer is obvious and that's pretty much how most of the world works....if you let it.

[Ceric]

So Barney was right.  We should wear suits?

[Stogi]

ha "grocery story"

Every time I've seen someone who has mentioned Barney or "Suit up" while wearing a suit has looked desperate. Their suit didn't fit right; they were with someone else equally desperate in a suit; they were still drinking shitty beer.

I don't like to wear full suits, but I do like blazers. But even then, it's only because it gives me an advantage and not because it makes me feel better. I'm at my most comfortable in an Arabic robe, and while I do where it from time to time, you can see the distinct disadvantage in wearing it.

And I've finally read the OP and depression is exactly how you describe; slow and wave-like. The only cure that I know of is determination. You don't need to look deep into your life and determine your hopes and dreams. You simply need to look forward to the next day. Find those first two steps towards the rest of your life. You don't need to have it all figured out. Life isn't like that anyway. Just find those first few steps. Small or not they will help give you the determination to keep moving forward.

Life can be very satisfying when you start to accomplish in the most minuscule of goals.