Author Topic: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.  (Read 347908 times)

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Offline BranDonk Kong

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #350 on: August 18, 2013, 09:37:59 PM »
That's what fat goths eat.
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Offline pokepal148

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #351 on: August 18, 2013, 09:41:13 PM »
my friend was wondering, can u get one with just mayonnaise on top?

Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #352 on: September 20, 2013, 02:10:36 PM »
Man with Beer Belly Gets Drunk Without Drinking
http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1462216

Quote
A teetotalling Texan whose family thought he was addicted to booze was in fact suffering from a rare disease where his stomach turns the food he eats into beer.

Too much brewer's yeast in the 61-year-old's gut meant that whenever he ate starch, it sparked a chemical reaction leading to fermentation.

The man — dubbed "the human brewery" — ended up getting totally tanked without even touching a drop of alcohol.

His condition was discovered only after he stumbled into a hospital, complaining of dizziness.

Doctors initially laughed when he, despite clocking in at more than five times the drunken driving limit, said he hadn't drunk a thing.

Tests later revealed his stomach effectively brews beer.

The news stunned his wife, who thought he was sneaking drinks into his day.
"He would get drunk out of the blue,"
said Barbara
Cordell, dean of nursing at Panola College in Texas.

"On a Sunday morning after being at church, or really, just any time. His wife was so dismayed about it that she even bought a Breathalyzer," she added.

The man is now on a low-carb diet and antifungal drugs in a bid to keep his alcohol levels down.

Offline Shaymin

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #353 on: September 20, 2013, 09:55:13 PM »
"It's an ale! Nine kegs, eight bottles!"
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Offline pokepal148

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #354 on: September 25, 2013, 10:25:23 PM »
betabeat.com/2013/09/error-in-apple-maps-causes-motorists-to-drive-across-active-airport-runway/

 Error In Apple Maps Causes Motorists to
Drive Across Active Airport Runway

Just ignore that Boeing 737 in front of you,
Kathy.
Quote
It’s been roughly a year since Apple released
its botched Maps app and it’s still ruining
lives. Most recently, drivers in Alaska were
(mis)directed to drive across an active
runway at Fairbanks International Airport
as the app mistakes it for a regular road.
The BBC reports that the airport had to close
the road that had been accidentally used by
three motorists since the flaw was
discovered on the app. A complaint filed by
the airport to Apple says the app directs
people to drive across the runway, rather
than a nearby taxiway.
An airport spokeswoman said that
barricades were installed to block the
entrance to the portion of the taxiway that
the app directs people to. The airport
reported the error to Apple and won’t
reopen the surrounding roads until it’s
corrected.
In two of the incidents, the airport called
the drivers “persistent” for relying on their
phone and not their instinct that perhaps
bypassing a motion-activated gate,
disregarding the warning signs and seeing a
Boeing 737 crawl past them to not might
indicate some faulty mapping.
“They needed to drive over a mile with all
this before reaching the runway. But the
drivers disregarded all that because they
were following the directions given on their
iPhones,” said assistant manager Angie
Spear to the BBC.
An Apple spokesperson didn’t comment. In
the mean time, drivers in Fairbanks might
want to use Google Maps as it didn’t contain
the error.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2013, 10:39:08 PM by pokepal148 »

Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #355 on: October 02, 2013, 01:26:25 PM »
http://www.yourdailymedia.com/post/terrifying-lake-turns-birds-into-statues/

Gives new meaning to Living Statues

Quote
Lake Natron is an insidious ​trap for the birds of northern Tanzania: The terrifying lake turns to stone all birds that are foolish enough to immerse themselves or unlucky enough to fall into its deceptive water.

Volcanic ash from the nearby Great Rift Valley contaminated Lake Natron with sodium carbonate and baking soda to the point that only extremophile fish like the alkaline tilapia can survive there, while other animals that take a dip will soon thereafter feel their bodies begin to calcify and harden until they look as if they've had a run-in with the White Witch or Medusa.

Even trickier is that the combination of chemicals in the water makes the lake extremely reflective, which often confuses birds into diving into it.

If there are this many statues above the water, it must be an aquatic garden of statues at the lake's creepy bottom.

The effects and dead scenery of Lake Natron are both fantastic and morbid, inspiring associations with certain Tim Burton movies and other Edward Gorey-esque imagery.



More pics at the link. Taxidermy 2.0 will soon be a thing.

I want to go dip some Eagles and giant vultures in there and then make them final pose ontop of pillars for my collection. It would be perfect for the long driveway up to my castle...

I would also LOVE to see the Discovery Channel tour of the bottom of this lake. There needs to be some HD video of this somewhere.

Offline Stogi

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #356 on: October 02, 2013, 01:37:56 PM »
Yeah I remember reading this. If I recall, that second picture is a dove. Yeah...a fucking dove.
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Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #357 on: October 07, 2013, 05:34:49 PM »
Coconut detained on suspicion of potential Voter Manipulation
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/06/coconut-detained-maldives-vote-rigging

Quote
A coconut has been detained by Maldivian police on suspicion of vote-rigging in a key presidential election.

The coconut, described as "young", was found near a school that will be used as a polling station on Saturday on the remote Kaafu atoll, one of the hundreds of islands that comprise the Indian Ocean archipelago state.

Though the population of the Maldives is Sunni Muslim, continuing belief in magic is widespread in rural areas. Coconuts are often used in rituals and inscribed with spells.
[...]
The local Minivan news website reported that police "took the coconut into their possession" around 7.05am on Tuesday, after they received a complaint about the suspicious fruit near the school on the Guraidhoo Island, which lies 130 miles from the capital, Male, and has a population of around 2,000.

"The 4in coconut had a [Koranic verse] written in Arabic [on it] and was lying on the ground near the school, easy for the public to see. It seems like it was a joke, just a prank, so that people will become aware," Minivan quoted a source on Guraidhoo saying.

Minivan said its source had suggested the coconut "was a lesson for islanders not to practise black magic in an attempt to influence voting, and that the polling area would be closely monitored to prevent such activities from occurring".

Earlier this year, school authorities on Guraidhoo resisted using their buildings as a polling station, citing previous instances when problems had been caused by magic. Their fears were only partly allayed when the national election commission said it would accept responsibility "if anyone falls under a spell or comes down ill".
[...]
A magician summoned by police established that the coconut was innocent, local officials have said. No arrests have been made.

They should keep hitting this coconut with the hard questioning until they can crack this case wide open. Then milk that coconut for all it's worth until a proper arrest can be made.

Offline pokepal148

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #358 on: October 10, 2013, 09:48:28 PM »
I think that those birds got *puts on shades* STONED

Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #359 on: October 25, 2013, 05:37:06 PM »
Texas Mother Punishes Son By Grabbing His Santa Sack...
It Rips, She Panicks and Tries To Glue It Back.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/enraged-mom-tears-son-scrotum-glue-fix-cops-article-1.1496290

but don't forget to read the "Related Article" too

Man this world is fucked up.

Offline oohhboy

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #360 on: October 26, 2013, 01:55:39 AM »
What is wrong with you dude. That site just murdered my day.
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Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #361 on: October 26, 2013, 02:45:57 AM »
Man this world is fucked up.

That was the disclaimer.
My rhyming title may have been misleading, but the story is in the link text...

Offline BranDonk Kong

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #362 on: October 26, 2013, 08:38:14 AM »
Give that bitch the chair. **** that ****. God damn.
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Offline pokepal148

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #363 on: November 03, 2013, 09:45:05 PM »
New Dell Laptops Are Great Except For The Horrid Cat Urine Smell
Thursday, October 31 2013, 04:32 PM EDT
Story by Bree Fowler
Posted by Scott T. Smith

A noxious feline odor has some Dell customers caterwauling

Quote
People who own Dell Latitude 6430u laptops are complaining that their pricey new computers are emitting a smell similar to cat urine. Some of them said on the company's online customer forums that the odor seems to be coming from the keyboard or palm rest.

The Round Rock, Texas, company originally advised buyers through its forums to try cleaning their keyboards with a soft cloth or compressed air, but the smell persisted.

"The machine is great, but it smells as if it was assembled near a tomcat's litter box," wrote a customer using the handle "three west" on a Dell forum back in June. "It is truly awful!"

On Wednesday, another customer writing under the handle "passflips" said he felt terrible for repeatedly scolding his cat Jerry, because he thought the elderly cat kept spraying the computer. The poster also said he wasted money on veterinarian bills in an attempt to determine whether his cat had a medical problem.

Dell said Thursday that its investigation revealed strange scent is related to a manufacturing process, which the company has since fixed. But if your portable PC isn't purrfect, Dell recommends contacting the company's technical support team to have your laptop's palm rest assembly replaced.

Company spokesman David Frink said the odor isn't related to a "biological contamination" and doesn't present a health hazard. He added that newly assembled laptops that are currently in stores aren't affected.

The laptops in question are ultrabooks designed for business use. The base model starts at $900 on Dell's website, but Dell charges close to $1,300 for higher-end versions that include Windows 8 and Intel Core i5 processors.

While laptop users may find the smell of cat urine offensive, "cat's pee" is a term sometimes used by wine lovers to describe a wine's aroma.

And while the smell coming from the Dell computers is apparently unintentional, more than one group of engineers is working on "Smell-o-Vision" TV to engage viewers' olfactory senses. In addition, a host of recent smartphone add-ons make scents, too, including the Scentee, a Japanese smartphone attachment that plugs into a phone's earphone jack and dispenses scented vapors through dedicated cartridges.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2013, 09:50:29 PM by pokepal148 »

Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Uranus is in Question - Planet to be Explored
« Reply #364 on: November 05, 2013, 02:28:09 PM »
Abducted by aliens Police for Anal Probing Escapade or the Public Option: Free Goverment Healthcare

The Traffic Stop Nightmare: Uranus is in question - Planet to be explored

Quote
This 4 On Your Side investigation looks into the actions of police officers and doctors in Southern New Mexico.
 
 A review of medical records, police reports and a federal lawsuit show deputies with the Hidalgo County Sheriff's Office, police officers with the City of Deming and medical professionals at the Gila Regional Medical Center made some questionable decisions.
 
 The incident began January 2, 2013 after David Eckert finished shopping at the Wal-Mart in Deming.  According to a federal lawsuit, Eckert didn't make a complete stop at a stop sign coming out of the parking lot and was immediately stopped by law enforcement.
 
 Eckert's attorney, Shannon Kennedy, said in an interview with KOB that after law enforcement asked him to step out of the vehicle, he appeared to be clenching his buttocks.  Law enforcement thought that was probable cause to suspect that Eckert was hiding narcotics in his anal cavity.  While officers detained Eckert, they secured a search warrant from a judge that allowed for an anal cavity search
 
 The lawsuit claims that Deming Police tried taking Eckert to an emergency room in Deming, but a doctor there refused to perform the anal cavity search citing it was "unethical."
 But physicians at the Gila Regional Medical Center in Silver City agreed to perform the procedure and a few hours later, Eckert was admitted.
 
While there, Eckert was subjected to repeated and humiliating forced medical procedures.  A review of Eckert's medical records, which he released to KOB, and details in the lawsuit show the following happened:
 1. Eckert's abdominal area was x-rayed; no narcotics were found
 2. Doctors then performed an exam of Eckert's anus with their fingers; no narcotics were found.
 3. Doctors performed a second exam of Eckert's anus with their fingers; no narcotics were found
 4. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema.  Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers.  Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool.  No narcotics were found.
 5. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema a second time. Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers.  Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool.  No narcotics were found.
 6. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema a third time.  Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers.  Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool.  No narcotics were found.
 7. Doctors then x-rayed Eckert again; no narcotics were found
 8. Doctors prepared Eckert for surgery, sedated him, and then performed a colonoscopy where a scope with a camera was inserted into Eckert's anus, rectum, colon, and large intestines.  No narcotics were found.

Throughout this ordeal, Eckert protested and never gave doctors at the Gila Regional Medical Center consent to perform any of these medical procedures.
Quote
There are major concerns about the way the search warrant was carried out.  Kennedy argues that the search warrant was overly broad and lacked probable cause.  But beyond that, the warrant was only valid in Luna County, where Deming is located.  The Gila Regional Medical Center is in Grant County.  That means all of the medical procedures were performed illegally and the doctors who performed the procedures did so with no legal basis and no consent from the patient. 

In addition, even if the search warrant was executed in the correct New Mexico county, the warrant expired at 10 p.m.  Medical records show the prepping for the colonoscopy started at 1 a.m. the following day, three hours after the warrant expired.


"This is like something out of a science fiction film, anal probing by government officials and public employees," Kennedy said.

   
and apparently, he was also later billed for the procedure....
how much does it cost to get raped and humiliated by the police and the hospital staff?
« Last Edit: November 05, 2013, 02:59:36 PM by BlackNMild2k1 »

Offline oohhboy

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #365 on: November 05, 2013, 04:22:03 PM »
I really liked the part where "no narcotics were found". At this point I am trying to figure out how stupid these people are. It's a close choice between monumentally and astronomically. You can't make this **** up. ****, using stupid is an insult to legitimately stupid people. You might pass off a single illegal search as an "oh **** sorry", but 8 searches in increasing order of invasiveness over an extended number of hours? Were they all mad? Collective fetish? Alien control? The matrix inserting a homing device?

I bet if the second doctor said no, the cops would have driven this guy around until they found one to say yes.

Was the guy almost naked from the waist down? How do you tell a clench buttocks from and unclenched one without x-ray vision or looking right up the guy's ass. Maybe the guy has no ass like Hank Hill. Did the cop think he was so sort of Super Trooper?

Well he wouldn't have a shortage of people to probe(sue) back. Surely this person is going/getting to get some righteous justice because I couldn't possibly give up on America more than I could now. I mean, **** professionalism, where the humanity? Oh that's right, it's too busy getting probed.
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Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #366 on: November 12, 2013, 01:08:33 PM »
Behold the 2nd coming of Christ!!
No plans to change shape of Illinois church that looks like penis from the sky

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/plans-change-shape-church-penis-article-1.1513939

Quote
Officials at Christian Science Dixon say the church was designed to preserve a tree, and hope the Internet chatter dies down. However, they did make light of the controversy on the church's Facebook page: 'Giant fig leaf coming soon.'

 An Illinois church that looks like a penis from the sky will stay that way.

Officials at Christian Science Dixon are standing firm about the new structure, saying the church was designed to preserve a tree.

 â€śWe didn’t design it to be seen as what they’re seeing,” church officer Scott Shepherd told Sauk Valley Media. “And we didn’t design it to be seen from above.”

According to the Dixon church's Facebook page, the new structure was "intentionally designed around a beautiful oak tree." However, the shape of the church, as viewed on Google Earth, looks to many like a giant phallus.
Quote
The social media ribbing has been relentless.

"Check out this 'God's eye view' of a church in Dixon, Ill. Yeah, that's right, I said Dixon," read one Twitter post

"A church in Dixon, Illinois looks like a penis from up here. Of course, the church motto is 'Rising Up,'" tweeted user almightygod, who has more than 50,000 followers.

Quote
This Illinois church may want to rethink its motto of "Rising Up."

That's because the Christian Science Society's building — in the appropriately-named town of Dixon — looks like a giant phallus from space.

From street-level, there appears to be nothing comical about the edifice.

But a God's eye view transforms the erection into a dead ringer for an enormous member.

Images of the swollen-headed sanctuary have since gone viral.

I'm sure the jokes will continue to just write themselves.

But it is quite comical the the "House of God" isn't intended to be viewed from above...

Offline Stratos

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #367 on: November 12, 2013, 01:16:29 PM »
Did they not look at the blueprints?
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Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #368 on: November 12, 2013, 01:26:52 PM »
You know it's a bullshit excuse because they have plenty of plot left to have made a regular shaped building without even being right next to that tree.

Someone was just being a dick and wanted to be able to stroke God's.... ego on a daily basis.
The Pastor just wanted to **** with his congregation by having them dress in white robes and cum come out on the front steps every morning.

Offline Stratos

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #369 on: November 12, 2013, 02:00:08 PM »
Well, it is the pastors job to help his members grow.
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Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #370 on: November 12, 2013, 02:03:30 PM »
LOL

Offline Shaymin

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #371 on: November 12, 2013, 08:16:04 PM »
Install giant fig leaf: problem solved
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Offline BlackNMild2k1

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BREAKING NEWS: BatKid Saves Gotham - Read All About It!!!
« Reply #372 on: November 15, 2013, 09:07:07 PM »
Feel Good Story of the Month


San Francisco becomes Gotham for the Day so that 5 year old BatKid can save us all!!!
*Make-a-Wish* Foundation making a wish come true.
http://www.mercurynews.com/nation-world/ci_24525045/san-francisco-transforms-into-gotham-make-5-year

Quote
SAN FRANCISCO -- Trouble is brewing in Gotham City. The Riddler is on the loose. The Penguin is up to no good. A damsel is in distress.

But never fear. Batkid is coming to the rescue.

San Francisco will be transformed into Gotham on Friday as 5-year-old Miles, who has successfully battled leukemia, will get to save the day as the superhero Batkid. The event is the culmination of a youngster's fertile imagination, the efforts of the Make-A-Wish Foundation and the power of social media.

About 12,000 people have signed up to help make the boy's fantasy of being a caped crusader come true, thanks to the feel-good story going viral on the Internet. They will cheer on the pint-size champion as he foils elaborately staged, nefarious plots and captures evildoers throughout San Francisco, uh, Gotham.

......

Andrew Farago, curator of the Cartoon Art Museum in San Francisco, reached out to cartoonists and DC Comics, asking for Batman-related memorabilia and original artwork for the boy.

The first to respond was Graham Nolan, who drew the Batman series for much of the 1990s and is co-creator of the Bane villain character. "And the next day, he completed this amazing drawing for Miles that has Batkid versus Bane," Farago said.

Nolan signed it: "For Miles, a real superhero!"

"We certainly all were children who had dreams of being a superhero and being larger than life," Farago added. "But I think this has touched people because most of us have never had to overcome the obstacles that this boy has."

Miles, oops, we mean Batkid, has a full day of adventures scheduled to frustrate the bad guys.

It will begin at 10 a.m. with Suhr issuing the call that Batkid is needed. Traveling by Batmobile, the masked boy will rescue the distressed damsel -- is there any other kind of damsel? -- from the Hyde Street cable-car tracks.

Then, Batkid will apprehend the Riddler in the act of robbing a bank vault. Then a flash mob will alert Batkid that the incorrigible Penguin has kidnapped Giants mascot Lou Seal. Our hero, who will rescue the mascot at AT&T Park. Then it's on to City Hall where Mayor Ed Lee will present Batkid with a key to San Francisco/Gotham and most of the volunteers will be present to cheer for Batkid.
Pics: The Penguin   &    The Riddler

 

 

UPDATE 1: HEADLINE NEWS

http://blog.sfgate.com/stew/2013/11/15/chronicle-will-print-special-editions-for-batkid-flashmob/

UPDATE 2: Baby Bane makes an appearance on Twitter
Quote
When Gotham is in ashes #SFBatKid, then you have my permission to nap..."

UPDATE 3: The Criminal Indictment



UPDATE 4: Full Summary of the days events:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-make-a-wish-foundation



UPDATE 5: Obama Thanks Batkid
https://vine.co/v/htbdjZAPrAX


UPDATE 6: CNN Covers the Story
http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/us/2013/11/15/dnt-simon-batkid-dream-gotham-city-rescue.cnn.html


UPDATE 7: Arrow fans cry as Arrow cancels show now that there is no more crime to fight...
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=534920459926559&set=vb.146921975393078&type=2&theater




there was a live feed of this going on earlier, but I didn't feel like making the thread then, but here it is now ;) [/quote]

Offline nickmitch

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #373 on: November 15, 2013, 09:28:16 PM »
Man with Beer Belly Gets Drunk Without Drinking
http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1462216

Quote
A teetotalling Texan whose family thought he was addicted to booze was in fact suffering from a rare disease where his stomach turns the food he eats into beer.

Too much brewer's yeast in the 61-year-old's gut meant that whenever he ate starch, it sparked a chemical reaction leading to fermentation.

The man — dubbed "the human brewery" — ended up getting totally tanked without even touching a drop of alcohol.

His condition was discovered only after he stumbled into a hospital, complaining of dizziness.

Doctors initially laughed when he, despite clocking in at more than five times the drunken driving limit, said he hadn't drunk a thing.

Tests later revealed his stomach effectively brews beer.

The news stunned his wife, who thought he was sneaking drinks into his day.
"He would get drunk out of the blue,"
said Barbara
Cordell, dean of nursing at Panola College in Texas.

"On a Sunday morning after being at church, or really, just any time. His wife was so dismayed about it that she even bought a Breathalyzer," she added.

The man is now on a low-carb diet and antifungal drugs in a bid to keep his alcohol levels down.


I guess he does his Kegles.
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Offline BlackNMild2k1

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Re: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.
« Reply #374 on: November 17, 2013, 12:44:03 PM »
Rich Revenge: A **** You to his Cheating Ex-Wife

Rich Man Buys House Next to Ex-Wife, Erects Giant Middle Finger Outside
http://gawker.com/rich-man-buys-house-next-to-ex-wife-erects-giant-middl-1465406839


Quote
A Michigan man has reportedly gone to Internet-ready lengths in order to troll his ex-wife with a daily reminder of his feelings towards her.

According to a person claiming to be the ex-wife's daughter, the crazy-wealthy Bloomfield Hills man, identified only as "Alan," allegedly purchased the house next door to his ex, and proceeded to move in with his daughter Tiffany.

He then went a step further and purchased an expensive bronze statue of a middle finger, which he placed on the back porch and aimed at his ex-wife's house.

As if that weren't quite enough passive aggression, Alan ensured the statue was visible 24/7 by shining a spotlight on it after dark.


"Alan and Tiffany are the best neighbors," tweeted Lenka Tuohy, "but ew who does that lololol."

Apparently the statue has had the unintended effect of pissing Tuohy off as well.

"ts hard for me to enjoy my baths now because my fav tub is in my moms bathroom which faces out towards tif and alans house," she wrote, adding a frowny-face emoticon.

When a friend pointed out that Alan's gesture was making him "look like an idiot," Tuohy concurred: "Like lol someone's not over my momma!"