Topic: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.

[BranDonk Kong]

Epic win.

[Caliban]

hahaha that's awesome.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Man's Ego Only Thing Not Inflated After Freak Accident With Air Hose
Air pressure brake hose pieced his buttocks, inflated him like a balloon.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/man-survives-inflated-balloon-buttocks/story?id=13693534

A New Zealand truck driver has survived a freak accident with an air tank that inflated him like a balloon to twice his normal size and left him looking like the Michelin Man.

Steven McCormack, 48, ended up Saturday in the intensive care unit at a hospital in Whakatane, a town on the North Island's east coast.

As McCormack was standing on the rigging between his truck and trailer while working at Waiotahi Contractors, he slipped and fell onto a brass valve that was connecting the truck's brakes to the compressed air supply. The nozzle pierced his left buttock and air rushed into his body at 100 pounds per square inch.

"In a matter of minutes, my body blew to twice its size," McCormack told New Zealand's 3News.

His boss, Robbie Petersen, witnessed the accident and said, "He became more and more distressed and his whole body—his face, his eyes started to close—started to swell."

As the air pumped and he began to scream, co-workers struggled to pull him off of the nozzle. In a life-saving move, they managed to stop the air supply and put him on his side. It was an hour before paramedics arrived.

"I was blowing up like a football," recalled McCormack to 3News. "I had no choice but just to lie there, blowing up like a balloon."

When paramedics tried to insert a needle for a drip, the pressure from the air pushed the needle out. They were also unable to give him air through a tube in his nostrils.

Doctors say the air filled his abdomen and chest, as well as the space around his heart, lungs, and even behind his eyelids. The air separated his fat from his muscles and compressed his heart.

After being rushed to the hospital, a team of doctors put a hose through his ribs to get air to his lungs. Though doctors were able to get fluid out of him, the air had to come out the natural ways, resulting in an enormous case of flatulence. It took McCormack three days to go back to his normal size.

McCormack suffered no broken bones and no bruises, just a hole from where he was punctured. Leaving the hospital, he said, "I really feel like the Michelin Man."

not an actual pic of the incident, but I imagine it looked something like that.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Man Gives new Meaning To "Car Lover"
He claims to have had sex with over 1000 cars and a Helicopter.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-having-sex-with-1000-cars.html

Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.
[...]
"I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."

Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.

But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.
[...]
His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago - and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days.

Mr Smith, from Washington state in the US, kept quiet about his secret fetish for years, but agreed to be interviewed as part of a channel Five documentary into “mechaphilia”. He is shown meeting other enthusiasts at a rally in California

Just when I thought I've seen it all, they manage throw out another WTF moment to remind me that there is always gonna be something else.

[oohhboy]

Russian who buried himself alive dies by mistake
A Russian man has died after persuading a friend to bury him alive for a night, hoping it would bring him "good luck"

The victim dug a hole in a garden in the eastern city of Blagoveshchensk and climbed into an improvised coffin, with holes for air pipes, taking a mobile phone and a bottle of water with him. His friend covered the coffin with earth and then left, after the buried man phoned to say he was fine.

The next morning, he returned to find his friend dead, investigators said. The 35-year-old victim had believed that burying himself alive for a night would bring him luck the rest of his life.
"According to his friend, the man wanted to test his endurance and insistently asked his friend to help him spend the night buried," said Alexei Lubinsky, a senior aide to the region's chief investigator. "We know that the victim was a computer programmer and that he has a small child."
 Internet craze

The coffin was covered with soil to a depth of around 20cm (eight inches), Mr Lubinsky said. He speculated that heavy rainfall overnight could have blocked the air supply to the man trapped inside. The superstitious victim was probably influenced by reading stories about self-burial on the internet, investigators said.

In a bizarre trend, numerous Russian bloggers write of undergoing supervised self-burial. State newspaper Rossiiskaya Gazeta has even run a feature on the practice. The BBC's Steve Rosenberg, in Moscow, says it is not the first time this has happened in Russia.

Last summer a man in the north-western Vologda region persuaded his friend to bury him in the ground - to help him overcome his fear of death. He was found dead an hour and a half later, crushed by the weight of the earth

Irony and stupidity go hand in hand...

[BlackNMild2k1]

there is plenty of that to go around.... stupidity that is.

Chinese Students Sells Kidney For A Laptop & An iPad2
http://life.globaltimes.cn/life/2011-06/661408.html

A teenager in Huaishan, Anhui Province has sold one of his kidneys to buy an iPad2 tablet computer, as reported by SZTV on June 1.

The 17-year-old man surnamed Zheng, a freshman in high school, got connected with a kidney-selling agent through the internet, who pledged to pay him 20,000 yuan ($3,084.45 ) for one of his kidneys.

On April 28 of this year, Zheng went to Chenzhou, Hunan Province to have his kidney removed under the supervision of three so-called middlemen, and received 22,000 yuan ($3,392.97). Then he returned home with a laptop and an iPhone.

Zheng's mother discovered her son's new electronic products and forced him to reveal how he came to afford them. Then she took Zheng to Chenzhou and reported the matter to local police. The three agents' telephones have not been answered since that time.

Chenzhou 198 Hospital, where Zheng had his surgery, has no qualifications for kidney transplantation, according to SZTV reporters.

The hospital has denied any connection with the kidney removal operation, and has said that its urology department is contracted to a businessman in Fujian.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Tea Kettle Or Adolf Hitler? JCPenney Billboard Stirs Controversy
http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2013/05/28/tea-kettle-or-adolf-hitler-jcpenney-billboard-stirs-controversy/


The resemblance is uncanny.

can't just be a coincidence.

and JC Penny's responds to the accusations:

[BranDonk Kong]

How much does that kettle holocaust?

[BlackNMild2k1]

How much does that kettle holocaust?

I don't know, heil have to check.

[BlackNMild2k1]

This Man Has Had The SHITTIEST Day EVAR!!!!111
http://www.salon.com/2013/07/26/found_guilty_of_the_worst_bowel_movement_ever/

    The 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals last week upheld a conviction against a Maine man who served a seven-day jail sentence for willfully damaging and creating a hazard and nuisance in the federal courthouse in Portland. Specifically, he pooped his pants and then left a mess in the bathroom after attempting to clean himself up.

    And what a mess. The poor maintenance worker who had to deal with it said that “seventy-five percent of the floor was covered in feces” while more was “smeared more than two feet up on the walls” and “on the paper towel and toilet paper dispensers, on the toilet paper itself, and on part of the toilet seat and the left side of the toilet bowl,” according to the opinion.

    The outrageously graphic 57-page court document, written by distinguished judges who sit one level below the U.S. Supreme Court, includes vivid comparisons to spaghetti with meat sauce and chunky peanut butter. There are also photos of the bathroom where the crime took place, though mercifully after it had already been cleaned.

    So what went wrong? Ronald Strong, who said he was 50 at the time and had a heart condition that required medication that may have affected his bowel control, arrived at the courthouse on business for an unrelated civil case. As he was being screened by security, he informed the guard that he had to use the bathroom, and then that he was defecating in his pants. The guard escorted him to the restroom “with Strong intermittently trailing feces on the floor” which he later described as “liquid and there was pieces in it” that dripped down his leg “all the way to my ankles.”

    ]b\Once safe in the bathroom, he took his clothes off, cleaned up the best he could, throwing his boxers away because they were destroyed: “I mean, how could I carry them home?” he testified. “What was I going to put them in? I mean, it was covered in feces, there was — I mean, what was – I mean, I had my briefcase, I mean, what was I supposed to do with them? I threw them in the trash.”

    After washing up at the sink the best he could, he exited the bathroom, took care of his official business and left the building. It wasn’t until a law enforcement officer tried to use the restroom 15 minutes later that the disaster was discovered.

    When he was hauled back into court, Strong’s defense was two-fold — one, he didn’t mean to cause the mess, and two, there were no clearly visible signs warning that it was illegal to befoul the bathroom.

    The court rejected both, first noting that signs prohibiting damage, hazards and nuisance were posted clearly inside the building. As for intent, they held that he willfully made the mess, reasoning that it was so extensive that no mere accident could be that catastrophic.

OMG LAWL!!!  I wanted to bold the entire thing, but what would be the point, just read it. I did do selective bolding though.

[pokepal148]

probably nsfw

Is That Sanitary?! Justin Bieber Sticks Fan’s Phone Down His Pants, Then Gives It Back

When celebrities talk about “giving back” to the fans, this probably isn’t what they mean!

Justin Bieber left one Newark, N.J., fan with a unique memory and a little DNA when he stuffed the fan’s phones down his pants, pretended to walk away and then tossed it back.

Justin was chatting with the crowd during a July 30 concert at the Prudential Center when fans started tossing items on stage.

PHOTOS: Bieber Gets Stopped By The LAPD

“I don’t need a bandana, honestly,” he sniffed at one gift, before tossing it back into the crowd. Then, he kicked another item off of the stage before one fan managed to get his attention by tossing a phone.

“She’s throwing a phone? Look at this!” Justin said. “I say ‘Don’t throw things on stage!’ and this is what they throw. They throw a phone on stage.”

He laughed, “I mean, I do need a new iPhone.”

PHOTOS:  Selena Gomez & Justin Bieber Reunite For Her Birthday

Then, grinning, he pulled out his belt and slid it below his waistline into his pants. Pretending to walk away, and smoothing his shirt down over his belt, he broke out into laughter before digging down into his crotch again to retrieve the phone.

Justin tossed the phone back into the crowd — noticeably, in the opposite direction from where he picked it up — and continued his rant, saying, “For real, though, don’t throw things on the stage.”

[nickmitch]

That's actually pretty funny.

[Oblivion]

What a douche, he didn't even send it back to where it came from.

[BlackNMild2k1]

http://gawker.com/this-mans-response-to-his-amazon-package-being-stolen-1053336923

An Arizona man who had his Amazon package snatched from outside his door in broad daylight by an "Un-American" thief with a "shameful and super awkward running style" is refusing to take the slight sitting down.

So what if the box only contained a few K-cups and an ice cube tray.

Tim Lake told CBS5 he has a video camera outside his Phoenix home that sends him screenshots whenever someone approaches the residence.

When he first saw the robber, he figured it was just a new neighbor coming by to introduce herself, until he remembered he didn't live in Mayberry, and realized he was being robbed.

With the help of the screenshots and some identifying descriptors — "this is either a woman or Dog The Bounty Hunter has really let himself go" — Lake printed and posted a bunch of "Wanted" posters around his community to warn others.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But I will look for you. I will find you, and I will convict you," Lake said, doing his best Liam Neeson in Taken.

LOL.
I hope he finds her. she'll find out that Orange is the New Black ;)

[BranDonk Kong]

This guy needs his own TV show. Now.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Here's a 2 for one. Both out of Spain...

The Builders of This Spanish Skyscraper Forgot the Elevator
http://gizmodo.com/the-builders-of-this-spanish-skyscraper-forgot-the-elev-1065152844

The Intempo skyscraper in Benidorm, Spain—standing proud in this image—was designed to be a striking symbol of hope and prosperity, to signal to the rest of the world that the city was escaping the financial crisis. Sadly, the builders forgot to include a working elevator.

In fairness, the entire construction process has been plagued with problems, reports Ecnonomia. Initially funded by a bank called Caixa Galicia, the finances were recently taken over by Sareb – Spain’s so-called "bad bank" – when the mortgage was massively written down.

In part, that was a function of the greed surrounding the project. Initially designed to be a mere 20 storeys tall, the developers got over-excited and pushed the height way up: now it boasts 47 storeys, and will include 269 homes.

But that push for more accommodation came at a cost. The original design obviously included specifications for an elevator big enough for a 20-storey building. In the process of scaling things up, however, nobody thought to redesign the elevator system—and, naturally, a 47-storey building requires more space for its lifts and motor equipment. Sadly, that space doesn't exist.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the architects working on the project have resigned, and it remains unclear exactly how the developers will solve the problem. Can we recommend the stairs?

oh, but Spain isn't done making you face palm just yet.

Spainard Engineer put decimal point in wrong place...
$2.334Billion Submarine is now too heavy to float
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2336953/Spains-1-75bn-submarine-programme-torpedoed-realising-near-complete-vessel-70-tonnes-heavy.html

A ÂŁ1.75billion Spanish submarine project has run aground after officials realised that the vessel is more than 70 tonnes too heavy - because an engineer put a decimal point in the wrong place.

A former Spanish official has described the mistake, which has led to fears that the submarine might not resurface if sent to sea, as 'fatal'.

The Isaac Peral, the first in a new class of diesel electric submarines, was almost complete when the problem was noticed.

Spain will now pay US Navy contractor Electric Boat ÂŁ9million over three years to assess the issue and carry out the work required to correct it, according to the Spanish Defence Ministry.

Rafael Bardaji, former director of the Office of Strategic Assessment at Spain's Defense Ministry said that officials will review options suggested by Electric Boat.

Now lets see who can post the most appropriate face palming pic/gif

[BlackNMild2k1]

Chinese Zoo Caught Lion to the Public...
http://mobile.theverge.com/2013/8/15/4623644/china-zoo-faces-uproar-after-african-lion-revealed-to-be-a-dog

A zoo in China is facing an uproar of criticism this week, after it was revealed that its African lion is in fact a dog. The zoo, located in the People's Park of Luohe in the province of Henan, reportedly tried to disguise a Tibetan mastiff as a big cat, putting it on display in a cage marked "African lion", according to AFP. The Tibetan mastiff is a large, long-haired dog with a slightly lion-like mane, but the zoo's charade was exposed after visitors heard the animal bark.

According to the People's Daily, the zoo also tried to replace other exotic animals with even less congruous substitutes. The snake cage, for instance, contained two large rats and exactly zero snakes, while a leopard cage reportedly included fox-like creatures.

What will China not attempt to bootleg!?
image above not from story, it actually looks more like a lion than the dog used at the zoo

[pokepal148]

EDIT: guess you could say the dog was, -puts on shades- lion around

[Sarail]

Why does that bloke look like Richard Hammond? Haha.

[pokepal148]

Russian man accused of
stealing an entire road
By M. Alex Johnson, Staff Writer, NBC
News

A Russian man faces up to two years in
prison for stealing an entire road, the
Russian Interior Ministry said this week.
The man, a 40-year-old resident of
Syktyvkar, the capital of Komi Republic in
the Northwestern Federal District, admitted
having stolen 82 reinforced concrete slabs
that make up the roughly 1-mile road linking
the village of Parcheg with the Vychegda
River, the Russian news agency RIA Novosti
reported Thursday.
Police uncovered the highway robbery when
they pulled over a convoy of three heavy
trucks carrying the slabs, which they said
had been removed with a manipulator, an
industrial machine that combines a bulldozer
and a forklift.
The Interior Ministry valued the slabs at
200,000 rubles, or about $6,095.
While it's unusual for an entire road to
vanish, Russia's recent history is filled with
thefts of other infrastructure, especially
bridges, which are valued for their metal.
Most recently, a bridge over the Nozma
River in the village of Frolovo, northeast of
Vologda, was stolen in June — with a trail of
tractor tracks leading to the culprit's home,
the Interior Ministry reported.
The man, who authorities said painstakingly
dismantled the bridge with a welding torch,
could also face up to two years in prison.

You take the high road i'll take the low road

[BlackNMild2k1]

A Beautiful Black Cock is Going to Cost you $2500.00 EACH!!!
(i imagine it comes paired with a hen too, for a total of $5k for the pair)

The Indonesian Ayam Cemani is "my most requested bird, ever," says Paul Bradshaw of Florida's Greenfire Farms. Why is the chicken so special? It's partly aesthetic: The Ayam Cemani is black inside and out, from its feathers to its comb to its internal organs. "They're stunningly beautiful, like staring into a black hole," says Bradshaw. The bird is also incredibly rare: Bradshaw, the first US breeder, won't have chicks to sell until early 2014. He's pricing them to meet demand: $5,000 a pair.

It's Big!!

Come to the Dark Side.

The Indonesian chicken breed known as Ayam Cemani takes ‘dark’ into an entirely different realm. Their feathers are black. Their skin is black. Cut open an Ayam Cemani and you’ll find black muscle anchored to black bones. Even their organs are black. And what do you get for all this unrelenting blackness? One of the most beautiful chickens in the world. In Asia, Ayam Cemani are renowned as much for the mystical powers of their black meat as they are for their extraordinary ink-black feathers that shimmer with a metallic sheen of beetle green and purple.

It's Black!!

Greenfire Farms was able to locate and legally import pure specimens of this breed despite the current USDA export ban on importing live chickens from Indonesia. We have unrelated bloodlines of ayam cemani that should produce healthy and beautiful chicks for many generations. Ayam Cemani are friendly birds, and the hens lay about 60 cream-colored eggs their first year. A typical laying cycle lasts for about 20 to 30 eggs, then the hen will stop laying for three to six months. The eggs are unusually large in proportion to the size of the hen’s body.

And you now you can have a Big Black Cock of your own!!

The birds pictured here are our breeding stock, and they were selected from many birds for their exceptionally black features. However, we cannot guarantee the distribution of black pigment in their offspring. We intend to release the Ayam Cemani in the spring of 2014. The juvenile birds are difficult to sex, and juvenile pairs will probably be 8-12 weeks old. If you would like to be on the waiting list, a $100 deposit will hold your place in line to receive a pair.

And you know what they say:
Once you go black...  will you be able to go back!?


http://greenfirefarms.com/store/category/chickens/ayam-cemani/

[oohhboy]

They have absolutely no idea how to handle a big black cock. That last picture is easily the most unappealing cock ever presented of any color.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Gives whole new meaning to Dark Meat though.

[nickmitch]

www.instantrimshot.com

[BlackNMild2k1]

For all you Large Black Cock Lovers out there, this one is for you:
[Re: Black Cock is Beautiful, but Expensive!! (also the most requested...)]

The Japanese LOVE their Foot Long Black Sausages...
::cue the plane flying into the sunset.jpg::

http://www.odditycentral.com/foods/curious-eats-tokyos-legendary-black-hot-dog.html

apan is known for its selection of weird foods, and today we can add one more item to the ever-growing list. The Black Terra Hot-Dog is one of the most popular fast-food delicacies sold in the Akihabara district of Tokyo. It’s over 30 centimeters long and looks like it’s been cooked a few hours longer than necessary.

Black hamburgers have been around for about a year now, ever since Burger King launched its Premium Kuro Burger in Japan. It has black buns and dark ketchup, but the meat patty and vegetables retain their natural colors. But the people over at Vegas Premium Hot-Dogs, in Akihabara, Tokyo decided to one-up the giant fast-food chain by creating a food item that is entirely black as charcoal. Vegas was already famous for the size of its delicious hot-dogs, which span over 30 cm in length, but ever since they introduced the Black Terra Hot-Dog, in March, their popularity has grown even more. You would expect clients to be turned off by the rubber-like sausage, but apparently people who see this delicacy advertised on the billboards in front of the fast-food joint just can’t resist the urge to try it.

By now, you probably think the images have been manipulated in Photoshop, but I can assure you the Black Terra Dog is very real. So how is a food that looks like rubber safe for human consumption? Some people claim the buns and sausage are infused with squid ink for coloring, but according to a number of reports in the Japanese media, Vegas Premium Hot-Dogs actually uses edible bamboo charcoal powder, which is used as a food dye throughout Asia. I know it looks bad, but apparently it doesn’t alter the taste at all and it’s good for your health.

The Black Terra Hot-Dog costs „600 ($6) and is just one of the three delicious treats sold by Vegas Premium Hot-Dogs.

Who doesn't want to put their hands around a Meaty 12" Black Sausage!?


Slid between a warm Black Bun...


Go ahead, put it in your mouth... you know you want to...taste it.


Mmmmm, bet you could do that over and over again.

(not so hard though, take your time)

It's ALL Black Baby. The BBD (Big Black Dog)


Plenty of Dark meat to go around. tell a friend