Topic: B!tch, Don't Correct Me! - The Joke Thread

[BlackNMild2k1]

When Pigs Fly!

It was once said that the day there was was a Black President
 was gonna be the the day the Pigs Fly.

Well guess what, 100 Days in and its all over the news!
Swine Flu. Pass it on

[GoldenPhoenix]

When Pigs Fly!

It was once said that the day there was was a Black President
 was gonna be the the day the Pigs Fly.

Well guess what, 100 Days in and its all over the news!
Swine Flu. Pass it on

LOL.

[EasyCure]

When Pigs Fly!

It was once said that the day there was was a Black President
 was gonna be the the day the Pigs Fly.

Well guess what, 100 Days in and its all over the news!
Swine Flu. Pass it on

LOL.

[Smash_Brother]

Haha, awesome!

[nickmitch]

That joke has been EVERYWHERE today.  I swear, like 5 of my friends had it as their facebook statuses, and people are talking about it. 

Hilarious, nonetheless.

[Dasmos]

Ny mates have been passing this around emails for a day or two.

[BlackNMild2k1]

That joke has been EVERYWHERE today.  I swear, like 5 of my friends had it as their facebook statuses, and people are talking about it. 

Hilarious, nonetheless.

Just remember where you heard it first.

I actually meant to post it on wed. but i didn't want to post two jokes on the same day. gotta spread 'em out a little.

*is it ok to post a joke heavily referencing being gay?*

[EasyCure]

That joke has been EVERYWHERE today.  I swear, like 5 of my friends had it as their facebook statuses, and people are talking about it. 

Hilarious, nonetheless.

Just remember where you heard it first.

I actually meant to post it on wed. but i didn't want to post two jokes on the same day. gotta spread 'em out a little.

*is it ok to post a joke heavily referencing being gay?*

is it "offensive" at all?

[BlackNMild2k1]

Depends, are you gay?
are you offended if it is suggested that you are gay?


I personally think its harmless, but someone will always be over sensitive and take it the wrong way.
I'll just post a disclaimer to go along with it and then not worry about it anymore.
might post it over the weekend.

[EasyCure]

Depends, are you gay?
are you offended if it is suggested that you are gay?


I personally think its harmless, but someone will always be over sensitive and take it the wrong way.
I'll just post a disclaimer to go along with it and then not worry about it anymore.
might post it over the weekend.

No and if i was i probably wouldn't get offended unless it was something like "knock knock/whose there/got/got who/you're a f*ggot" or something lame. But you're right, some people are overly sensitive... even when they're not the ones that would normally be offended...

Anyway its your call, or run it by a mod or something.

[BlackNMild2k1]

They say its better to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission.
Besides its not that bad, I was just curious if any sensitive people would speak up.

[EasyCure]

They say its better to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission.
Besides its not that bad, I was just curious if any sensitive people would speak up.

Sensitive people only speak up when they want to cry foul.

or take the cowards way out and hit that "report to mods" button without ever trying to get a dialogue started and explain as to WHY they're offended

[bustin98]

Um, this IS the funhouse. Not just the funhouse, but Bill Aurion's Fun House! Nothing you can say that we all haven't thought... maybe...

[nickmitch]

That joke has been EVERYWHERE today.  I swear, like 5 of my friends had it as their facebook statuses, and people are talking about it. 

Hilarious, nonetheless.

Just remember where you heard it first.

Facebook, right.

[BlackNMild2k1]

The Day Peter Asked For A Raise

REQUEST
I, Peter Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.   
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

THE RESPONSE
Dear Peter:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina

[Djunknown]

*puts on lawyer suit*

You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods.

My client cannot afford to work 8 hours straight without suffering serious adverse health risks.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

My client tells me when he does ask for orders, management berates them for not able to figure it out himself.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations

No evidence has been presented to the court to prove this claim.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

My client is not a robot. Speaking of robots, I would to like to present to the court photographic and video evidence that management has been researching in creating a robotic version of my client, violating contractual agreements between my client and management.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

My client states that he leaves usually leaves a towel so that the janitor can clean up. yeah, I got nothing..

You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

It is management's job to enforce safety regulations. If management dictates that my client has not followed safety regulations, than management can either A)provide protective clothing B) assign him another work area C)Be sent home.

You will retire well before you are 65.

There are medications that allow my client to work well after 65, management is also fully aware of this. That is more than I can say for management however.

You are unable to work double shifts.

My client claims that on certain occasions, he can work double shifts, but productivity during the second shift will be less than the first.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

It has been documented that some tasks dictated by management cannot be completed in the allotted time, and there is no overtime policy. However, my client would like to discuss such policy..

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

These allegations are baseless and without merit. It is a well known fact that these 'suspicious' looking bags are in fact, a work-aid for my client, which is responsible for his success despite such dangerous conditions.

[BlackNMild2k1]

That reply makes the joke that much funnier.
but might i add

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

While that may sometimes be true[as previously stated] it is also a known fact that sometimes the assigned task gets completed multiple times within the allotted time frame.

You are unable to work double shifts.

see above.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

While my client admits that the workplace can sometimes get rather messy by the completion of his shift, but he would also like to point out that that is also a sign of a job well done. And when that job is done well, he is not solely to blame for said mess.

[EasyCure]

**** yeah Djunknown! Thats right, stick it to V. Gina! Show her whose in charge around here!!

[BlackNMild2k1]

Since the last picture aided joke went over well, I'll try another.

A Legal Question







Is this considered statutory rape?
or just another moosedemeaner?

[EasyCure]

that was pretty lame and juvenile.. i chuckled

[BlackNMild2k1]

Its just filler while I contemplate posting the next joke.
& I chuckled a little too.

[BlackNMild2k1]

*EXPLICIT LANGUAGE WARNING*
if you find yourself easily offended by the accusation of or the use of the word gay and/or any slang relating to that word, just skip this joke, it wasn't intended for you


Self Exam For Men... Am You Gay?
   
   1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
   
   2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except
when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.  And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat... 'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
   
   3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a ***.
     
   4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you
crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he   defecates and urinates where he pleases.
   
   5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte’. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
   
   6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real  man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay. And if you   can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious
 
   7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
   
   8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a fudge packer.

[BranDonk Kong]

#2 is funny, the rest...not so much.

[EasyCure]

#2 is funny, the rest...not so much.

I liked number 8 because i see alot of insecure guys hitting the FWD button if they did recieve this in an email. The rest were pretty lame.

[bustin98]

The person who orginally came up with this list...

Yup, he's gay.