Listen, I'm not the kind of person who likes to go on a account-ending rampage twice, you know. I like to think I'm reasonable, and often good natured. But I swear to his lord and savior Miyamoto, I just don't get you people anymore.
No NES Classics for you? No news of online features? No indie releases RIGHT NOW WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED THEM? Well, I better just say it's Nintendo and not me, right? Because a ASSASSINS CREED DONKEY KONG GAME is the logical choice in this day and age, RIGHT?! BECAUSE IF MY PARTY GAME HAS MORE THAN THREE MINIGAMES THAT COULD BE MISINTERPRETED AS JERKING OFF ITS NOT WORTH FIFTY SMACKERS, RIGHT?!?!?!?!??
Well, let me try to paint a picture for you all. A time when Nintendo wasn't doing well and the only people you heard complaining about it were named Ian Sane and broodwars. It was a simpler time. A time when all earthly frustrations regarding the discussion of video games could be neatly directed towards a handful of skeptics, rather than, oh, I don't know, the people risking their livelihood day in and day out to bring you the entertainment products that you incessantly bitch and moan about. BUT NOW, I struggle to pinpoint a single offender. Maybe it's the guy with the Prisma avatar who posts editorials all the time. Maybe it's the guy (maybe girl?) who can't get excited about ARMS with the Fire Emblem guy (maybe girl?) as his avatar. Maybe it's the dinosaur person who thinks a purposefully clunky action RPG is too purposefully clunky. Maybe it's the guy who thinks Guacamelee is a better Metroid game than Metroid. Do you see what I'm saying here?
And when I look to some grand-standing figurehead behind this all, the source of displeasure that I used to be able to rely on, I find him instead enjoying Breath of the Wild. Which, let's be honest, is an 8/10 at best and can't top the masterpiece that is Super Mario 3D Land. UP is DOWN! BLACK is WHITE! Sorry, no, black is blue and white is orange- now for only $149.99. But do you see my problem, here? Do you see why I'm upset?
I have but one recommendation for you all. CHEER THE **** UP. I already have to deal with misery and depression in the real world, I don't come on this friggin' online message board to indulge in sorrow any further. Having trouble with the wife that's causing you to be grumpy online? SUCK IT UP AND APOLOGIZE. Suffering from identity crisis because of too many name changes? STREAMLINE YOUR IMAGE. Accidentally popped in Shovel Knight and realized it's a shitty action platformer with a great soundtrack? PLAY A DIFFERENT GAME. Stop being a bunch of sad sacks on my MIYAMOTO-DAMN TURF.
Topic: I'm as IAN SANE as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore! (Read 1574 times)
