Author Topic: Unfounded Crackpot Theories for How Nintendo Can Return to Greatness (Read 8228 times)

NWR_insanolord · « **on:** January 19, 2014, 01:34:49 AM »

Nintendo's in a tough spot right now, and I figure this would be a great place for us, their biggest and most loyal fans, to come up with some ideas for how they weather this storm.

My first idea is that Nintendo should use their sizable war chest to purchase Sony and Microsoft's gaming divisions out from them so that they would by default have the best selling console on the NPDs.

Another way they could go about it would be to call in Yamauchi's old favors from the Japanese mob to force their competitors out of the business through threats and intimidation, while simultaneously blackmailing third parties into throwing their full support behind the Wii U.

My final idea would be for Nintendo to change the name of the Wii U to the Wii You as a means of trying to trick some of their loyal but less-attentive fans into buying the same thing over again.

NWR_insanolord · « **Reply #1 on:** January 19, 2014, 01:41:29 AM »

One more: move all their holdings into a new currency of their own invention that has an artificially very favorable exchange rate with all real world currencies.

Caliban · « **Reply #2 on:** January 19, 2014, 06:42:59 AM »

They should get back into the love hotel business. It's an uprising business.

UncleBob · « **Reply #3 on:** January 19, 2014, 10:29:42 AM »

Quote from: NWR_insanolord on January 19, 2014, 01:34:49 AM

My final idea would be for Nintendo to change the name of the Wii U to the Wii You as a means of trying to trick some of their loyal but less-attentive fans into buying the same thing over again.

New logo on the system? I'm in!

Stratos · « **Reply #4 on:** January 19, 2014, 10:43:56 AM »

Sacrifices to the great Mantorok.

BlackNMild2k1 · « **Reply #5 on:** January 19, 2014, 10:50:50 AM »

NIntendo should join the Church of Scientology by donating all their 3DS profits to raise the Theta levels of the Wii U. The low Theta levels are what make the system unappealing to the masses.

Shaymin · « **Reply #6 on:** January 19, 2014, 11:30:18 AM »

Stop DS production: add money printing capabilities to WiiU.

Stratos · « **Reply #7 on:** January 19, 2014, 11:48:06 AM »

Make a Pokemon themed Wii U with accompanying game.

"Wii U, Pickachu!"

nickmitch · « **Reply #8 on:** January 19, 2014, 07:24:37 PM »

Sacrifice a random executive, call Yamauchi's soul from the great beyond, place the soul in the executive's body, promote him to CEO.

BlackNMild2k1 · « **Reply #9 on:** January 19, 2014, 08:16:08 PM »

Quote from: nickmitch on January 19, 2014, 07:24:37 PM

Sacrifice a random executive, call Yamauchi's soul from the great beyond, place the soul in the executive's body, promote him to CEO.

That is calling upon the darkest of evil energy. Yamauchi would not be happy to be pulled back from his eternal Love Hotel in the sky. The Dark Cloudy Skies would rain fire and brimstone down on Nintendo till the earth opened up and swallowed the HQ whole.

Stratos · « **Reply #10 on:** January 19, 2014, 08:21:25 PM »

Then Chrono and his buddies could defeat Lavos and peace would reign in the world.

Shaymin · « **Reply #11 on:** January 19, 2014, 09:45:28 PM »

No, that would just make things worse. Right, Chrono Cross?

Sarail · « **Reply #12 on:** January 19, 2014, 10:58:32 PM »

You'd have to go through the middle ground first - Chrono Trigger: Crimson Echoes. Things actually get WAY worse in that one... it calms a bit in Cross.

NWR_insanolord · « **Reply #13 on:** January 20, 2014, 10:07:14 AM »

Spend billions on a massive Super Bowl ad blitz showing off the fact that Cranky Kong is in Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze.

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #14 on:** January 20, 2014, 10:39:14 AM »

F that - make the Super Bowl be the half time show of the DKC:TF extravaganza.

Ceric · « **Reply #15 on:** January 20, 2014, 11:58:34 AM »

Legalize Marijuana with an international law (really be a per country series of laws) that allows usage within Gamepad range of a WiiU. Call it a Chemical Enhancement Accessory.

Stratos · « **Reply #16 on:** January 20, 2014, 12:01:07 PM »

Just make the Gamepad out of hemp. Instant support for the system.

Pixelated Pixies · « **Reply #17 on:** January 20, 2014, 03:25:50 PM »

Remove the gamepad and replace it with an ipad. People seem to like those. Problem solved.

I don't see what the big deal is. This financial stuff is easy.

Stogi · « **Reply #18 on:** January 24, 2014, 09:30:18 PM »

Prostitute coupons

Sarail · « **Reply #19 on:** January 25, 2014, 12:36:20 AM »

Hey, in the early morning hours, I'm handing them out.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #20 on:** January 25, 2014, 01:04:23 AM »

I know and everyone keeps telling you to put them back in your bra. You aren't built for this line of work.

Sarail · « **Reply #21 on:** January 25, 2014, 10:48:50 AM »

Can a brother not dress in drag...without being criticised?!

I suppose not then. *puts pads back in bra*

UncleBob · « **Reply #22 on:** January 25, 2014, 11:05:12 AM »

Back to the original topic:

Free Wii U with every XBox One or PS4 purchase.

Stratos · « **Reply #23 on:** January 25, 2014, 11:17:12 AM »

Remember when Microsoft and Sony said every person should own their system AND a Wii? Too bad they aren't still saying that line.

Oblivion · « **Reply #24 on:** January 25, 2014, 12:25:12 PM »

Quote from: Stratos on January 25, 2014, 11:17:12 AM

Too bad they aren't still saying that line.

Sony is. I believe a few of their top execs said that exact line a few weeks ago on Twitter. It might have been Yoshida or someone else.

News:

Author Topic: Unfounded Crackpot Theories for How Nintendo Can Return to Greatness (Read 8228 times)