Messages

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TalkBack / Re: Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity Revealed, Releasing November 20

« on: September 09, 2020, 01:51:09 PM »

...Nintendo currently sits at 2 terrible Zelda games in a row (not counting the handheld games) with Skyward Sword & Breath of the Wild.

(Note: I'm not arguing so much as conversing here, so take my thoughts with the grainiest of salts.)

I understand and totally relate to the phenomenon of just not getting why a game is highly regarded, but calling BOTW "terrible" is pretty bonkers. Battlefield V is terrible - so terrible that (IMO) the word should only ever apply to it for all eternity.

I'm absolutely with you on Skyward Sword, however: I still feel like I was robbed of a Zelda milestone (first game in the timeline!) simply because the stupid gimmick controls made battle impossible. I don't use a shield. Ever. The thing might as well be a frisbee. I quit the second I realized you HAD to block in order to beat certain enemies. Man, I'm still p***ed about that.

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TalkBack / Re: Switch User Interface Revealed

« on: February 17, 2017, 09:23:42 AM »

I love it. Dude leaking the Switch UI while Treehouse lackeys are retweeting NoA's midnight launch tweet. I love it when companies still think they can control the marketing message.

I can be sympathetic when a paper towel manufacturer struggles to understand the realities of marketing and information control in the modern era, but that sympathy doesn't extend to universally-recognized brands whose entire business is technology. I share your lulz.

Every time Nintendo releases a new product these days, I feel like I'm watching The Producers.

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TalkBack / Re: Possible Details About Zelda Wii U Emerge?

« on: April 19, 2016, 02:17:11 PM »

And for those who care about gender, you realize Link is an elf right? For all you know Link is already a female and it's completely rational to think that Saria is a dude.

I can't figure out why everyone assumes that the characters in the Zelda universe are bound by the real world's standard gender structure. I can't use magic potions. I don't randomly find giant green crystals when I mow the grass. When I get sick or injured, I don't get better by picking up red heart-shaped blobs., I've never seen a game at the county fair where you get prizes for throwing powerful explosives into jars. So why do we assume that Hylians have normal genitals, or have genitals at all?

The fact that some dudes can't deal with the possibility of an optional female protagonist in a game that heavily features a species of characters that eats fucking rocks just goes to show what a bunch of sheltered, juvenile shitheels some gamers are. Here's a tip: if this story really gets your goat, you need to go the **** outside and talk to actual people about actual things. Now.

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TalkBack / Re: Club Nintendo to Be Discontinued

« on: January 20, 2015, 04:02:42 PM »

I've saved up more than 2000 coins thanks to the ridiculously limited reward choices, so I'm really, really hoping that the promised physical rewards are hum-dingers. And by "hum-dingers," I mean "Anything that isn't made of or meant to hold paper."


An irrational part of my brain is imagining a crate of mint-in-box original Zelda Game & Watches recently discovered under a tarp in the back of a warehouse. But realistically, I'd be stoked about a Yoshi plushy at this point.


Club Nintendo, you have five months left to disappoint me in new and original ways. Go!

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TalkBack / Re: Aonuma Teases Changes, New 3DS Support for The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 3D

« on: November 19, 2014, 02:31:35 PM »

For me, the game was special because of the way that that the world kept ending, over and over again. It only DIDN'T end one time out of dozens. That creepy-faced moon wound up with a pretty fantastic win/loss record by the end of it.

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TalkBack / Re: On Disagreement and Vilification

« on: October 16, 2014, 04:46:53 PM »

Umm... did you "honesty in gaming media" guys know that the backroom palm-greasing you're so gosh-darn concerned about is absolute child's play compared to our own government's relationship with big business? I think it's really sweet that you're so upset with the gaming press for not liking the same games as you BECAUSE OF CORRUPTION, but you might want to take a look at the world around you. Everyone has an agenda. The best an honest person can do is attempt to rise above the slop-throwing and reconsider any opinion you share with manifesto-writing sociopaths.

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TalkBack / Re: Super Smash Bros. Demo to be Released in North America on September 19

« on: September 12, 2014, 06:59:10 PM »

Adrock, I just sent you an IM.

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TalkBack / Re: Nintendo Downloads - February 14, 2013

« on: February 14, 2013, 05:02:36 PM »

Please, please tell me that Rabbis Travel in Time isn't a typo.

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TalkBack / Re: Nintendo Direct Coming on December 5

« on: December 04, 2012, 01:23:54 PM »

Exciting rumors are popping up all over the place:


For this month's Wii U firmware update:
• The Wii U's "sideways compatibility" functionality will be enabled, allowing users to play current-gen Wii U games on the system.
• A widget in the corner of the screen will acknowledge that the internet exists, and remind you that it's too dangerous to connect your console to it.
• The update will include Wii U Video, which will allow console owners to view the same five awesome three-minute videos over and over again.  This season's video: Darius Rucker plays Scribblenauts Unlimited!
• This update and all the features that were supposed to be available at launch will be available very soon, this June!  Ish.  Let's just say "September."  2014.  Ish.


For the 3DS:
• Animal Crossing, Fire Emblem and Luigi's Mansion are already out in Japan!  They have been for months, actually.  God, they are so awesome.  Oh, right: you don't have them yet!  They'll probably come out in your region sometime.
• In the meantime, why not play the games you have on the new 3DS Classic!  It's the original, classic 3DS, only the same!  Features include unimproved screen clarity, unchanged screen dimensions, and StreetPass!  Which will really come in handy when someone else in your state buys a 3DS.
• An exciting new firmware update was brutally rammed into all 3DS devices this morning.  This update includes background improvements, as well as the outright disabling of the cartridge slot to discourage R3 piracy.  YOU'RE WELCOME!


For Club Nintendo:
• Club Ninwhat?  We have no idea what y- OH MY GOD, WE TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT CLUB NINTENDO.

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TalkBack / Re: Brain Age Express: Sudoku is the Latest Club Nintendo Reward

« on: December 04, 2012, 12:56:08 PM »

When the hell are they gonna make Brain Age Mad Libs?  I'd actually consider letting go of 150 coins if I could make Professor Floating Head say things like "Homework is the poopy work that your vomit gives you at the end of the fart."

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TalkBack / Re: Aeroporter Review

« on: December 04, 2012, 12:43:02 PM »

Man, you were way more generous to this game than I'm willing to be.  I spent the better part of Sunday evening with Aero Porter, and I couldn't shake the feeling that someone in Japan was playing a practical joke on me. 


It doesn't start out fun, and it never gets fun. I'm a huge fun of puzzle games, and I don't see much of a puzzle in the harried sorting of colored luggage.  You're dead-on in your complaint about the immediate piling-on of increasingly complex tasks, too.  The player doesn't get the opportunity to become comfortable with the primary game mechanic before confusing variants are tossed in their lap.  And right when you're beginning to find a flow, you're jarringly interrupted by pop-up dialogue about how the TGI Friday's Express in Terminal F has run out of jalapeno maple ranch glaze, so now you have to move the ramps rhythmically to "flavor-fy" the food. 


Okay, that might be an exaggeration.  But only a slight one.


The bottom line for me was that this game doesn't feel like a game, it feels like work.  Worse than work, even.  And I spend a lot of time in PowerPoint at my job, so that should tell you something.

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TalkBack / Re: Mutant Mudds Deluxe Arriving on Wii U in Q1 2013

« on: November 28, 2012, 02:18:45 PM »

Those add-on levels rekindled my inner butthurt 11-year-old.  I haven't been so sure that a game was designed by nerd-hating sociopaths since my mighty struggles with the second Bald Bull in Mike Tyson's Punch Out.  "THIRD BOUNCE MY A**!  HOW THE F*** CAN YOU TELL WHICH ONE IS THE THIRD BOUNCE?  F***ING F***!"


Yeah, I was pretty foul-mouthed for 11.


Here's hoping the deluxe version of Mutant Mudds doesn't inspire me to chuck the gamepad at the wall.  It doesn't seem as resilient as the old indestructible NES controllers.  Also, f*** Bald Bull.

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TalkBack / Re: Staff Sez #8: Dream Club Nintendo Rewards

« on: August 31, 2012, 04:41:54 PM »

North America's Club Nintendo seems to be falling by the wayside.  I don't know if they're ramping up for the Wii U launch or what, but I'm not holding my breath.  Every time another milestone passes with no significant additions to the catalog (3DS launch, major game releases, anniversaries, new Elite year, 3DS XL launch), the situation looks more and more bleak. 


I've ordered nearly every major (by my own personal arithmetic) reward they've put up there with my ever-ebbing-and-flowing pile of coins, but I wouldn't say I've ever gotten anything really special or cool from CN, outside of the Game & Watch that everyone else apparently thought was lame or too expensive. 


I guess the lesson to be learned is this: if Club Nintendo was kinda lame when NOA was in full money-printing mode three years ago, it's not gonna be any better when they engage Omega Belt-Tightening Forme.  I mean, they didn't even make full packs of Kid Icarus AR cards available.  Instead, they gave them away at GameStop to the sorts of nimrods whose gaming is done exclusively with fake fishing rod controller add-ons, and will take anything free to further increase the size of the gigantic pile of garbage they maintain in their shanty. Nintendo isn't going to make anything cool available through their customer loyalty program; they can't even afford to think at this point.


For my own sanity, I should probably stop my habit of checking the site daily for hot, limited-edition runs of fanboy dream prizes.  Right.  OOH, WHAT IF THEY JUST ADDED THE OFFICIAL TWILIGHT PRINCESS ZELDA BLOW-UP DOLL (ONLY 15 AVAILABLE)?!  GOTTA GO CHECK!!!

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TalkBack / Re: North American Club Nintendo Prizes Revealed

« on: July 06, 2012, 12:15:59 PM »

I can't help but feel like NOA has wasted opportunity after opportunity to satisfy the fairly simple desires of its most ardent fans and reliable customers.  I know they don't have to offer Club Nintendo rewards, especially completely premium ones like the Platinum/Gold gifts, and I appreciate the gesture.  But playing cards?  I don't play card games, I play video games.  Like, for example, the "ambassador" games that Nintendo deftly gave away to preemptively placate butthurt early 3DS adopters, which also served as proof that the company is capable of getting these thing right when they really try. 


I was one of those early 3DS adopters, and I still love the idea that my loyalty earned me ten games that no one else will likely ever be able to play on that system.  And that's exactly where NOA should look if they're sick of ungrateful Club Nintendo members whining year after year about their annual freebies: LOYALTY EXCLUSIVITY. 


Whether it's add-on content to popular games, exclusive ports of old favorites, or simply dusting off an old copy of Tingle's Balloon Fight from Japan and letting me order it, this is the way to make us, the continent's Unrepentant Nintendo Fanboys, feel special.  It's also the way to make people who aren't CN members feel stupid for not having put more effort into self-reporting their feelings via survey.  And since I know they couldn't care less about us beyond our status as loyal customers, isn't that the whole point of this exercise?


-John "Getting the G.D. Cards, I Guess" Kreese

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Nintendo Gaming / Re: The Official 3DS System Friend Code Thread

« on: February 25, 2012, 04:31:51 PM »

I've taken the time to add all the FCs in the first post to my friend roster, so please add me! 

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TalkBack / Re: NWR Wi-Fi Night: Resident Evil Revelations - Saturday, February 25

« on: February 25, 2012, 11:25:34 AM »

My FC is: 5284-1409-2017

I already entered the FCs of everyone above me, and I'll do the same for everyone else who posts theirs here (assuming we don't get hit by 1000 different people).  I hope to see you all out there!

BTW, yes, I am the legendary sensei of the Cobra Kai dojo.  Yes, I get all kinds of trim.  And no, you can't share it with me.  MERCY IS FOR THE WEAK!