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Joja Mart Grand Reopening (The Dead/RP Thread)

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At Joja Mart, we pride ourselves in our wonderful selection of food for the whole family. These are just some of the wonderful items you can find on our shelves.

With such a wide selection of goods, who would wanna shop at Khushrenada's? Nobody! That's who!

Oh wow!! Perfect! Finally someone is making taco sauce for babies! I was going to cook a couple kids up tonight so this'll work out great. It can be real hard to find proper seasoning for that type of meat.

I'm sorry I took this thread in such a dark direction but I'm also not sorry if it makes it hard for Joja Mart to overcome this scandal.

You're saying that as if I wasn't planning to go even darker.

Have you signed up for Joja Prime? With Joja Prime, you can get two day shipping to your home for free! Talk about huge savings! You also get access to our movie streaming service, ad free viewing on Mixer, our livestreaming platform, and a lifetime* supply of kittens** bred right here in Shady Village.

*canceling your Joja Prime subscription for any reason will result in you no longer having access to our lifetime supply of kittens. Customers are limited to one free kitten per year. Once the kitten reaches 12 months of age, a Joja Mart representative will arrive to send the kitten to a Joja Mart Kitten Mill and a replacement kitten will be provided at an undetermined date.

**Some kittens may appear to be green and have a lettuce like texture on their fur. This is normal. Please keep these kittens away from predatory insects that feed on crops. All kittens are the property of the Joja Corporation. By accepting these kittens you also accept liability for any harm that occurs to them.

Take me to the emergency room sauce sounds like an amazing hot sauce name.

What kind of Black Friday specials are you planning there at JoJa Mart?


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