Exciting rumors are popping up all over the place:
For this month's Wii U firmware update:
• The Wii U's "sideways compatibility" functionality will be enabled, allowing users to play current-gen Wii U games on the system.
• A widget in the corner of the screen will acknowledge that the internet exists, and remind you that it's too dangerous to connect your console to it.
• The update will include Wii U Video, which will allow console owners to view the same five awesome three-minute videos over and over again. This season's video: Darius Rucker plays Scribblenauts Unlimited!
• This update and all the features that were supposed to be available at launch will be available very soon, this June! Ish. Let's just say "September." 2014. Ish.
For the 3DS:
• Animal Crossing, Fire Emblem and Luigi's Mansion are already out in Japan! They have been for months, actually. God, they are so awesome. Oh, right: you don't have them yet! They'll probably come out in your region sometime.
• In the meantime, why not play the games you have on the new 3DS Classic! It's the original, classic 3DS, only the same! Features include unimproved screen clarity, unchanged screen dimensions, and StreetPass! Which will really come in handy when someone else in your state buys a 3DS.
• An exciting new firmware update was brutally rammed into all 3DS devices this morning. This update includes background improvements, as well as the outright disabling of the cartridge slot to discourage R3 piracy. YOU'RE WELCOME!
For Club Nintendo:
• Club Ninwhat? We have no idea what y- OH MY GOD, WE TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT CLUB NINTENDO.