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Basic Driving Rules!
nitsu niflheim:
Just for Fun!
Basic Rules for Driving in Suburban Maryland
Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Marylander never uses them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you. If you do, the space will be filled by someone else who will flip you off.
In PG County, crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."
The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitable result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange and white barricades.
Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible, to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake petal pulsates. For those without ABS, this is a time to stretch the legs.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable in the DC area during rush hour.
Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that another driver flashing his high beams behind you shouldn't think that he can go faster from your position
Please remember that there is no such things as an alternate route during rush-hour traffic.
Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even someone changing a tire.
Learn to swerve abruptly. Maryland is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to DPT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers reflexes and keep them on their toes.
It is tradition here to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
Remember that the goal of every driver is to get their first, by whatever means necessary.
Real Maryland female drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
Real Maryland male drivers can remove their girlfriend's pantyhose and bra at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
Pick your nose while driving your car. You are invisible there.
In the Maryland area, flipping someone the bird is considered a friendly salute. The gesture should always be returned.
Never pay attention to a "Yield" sign. It is the responsibility of those who are already in the lane to watch for you and anticipate you gunning into traffic.
If you are an immigrant to the Unites States, you are allowed to drive wherever and however you please. We're just so darn happy to have you here, we'll be willing to stay out of your way.
If you come upon a car signaling for a left turn on a one-lane road: instead of driving around the stopped car, drive up really fast then break just inches from their bumper. Honk. Flip them off. Make a big production of having to drive around them. Flip them off one more time for good measure.
oohhboy:
If that is even remotely true I am so not ever going there. Ever.
ThePerm:
also...be scared oohboy..they drive on the right side of the road!!!!! OMFG accidents await!
Termin8Anakin:
Holy sh*t. Is this for real?
We were in the States like 7 years ago, and my dad was fined for not having an international licence.
You yanks and canucks drive on the wrong side of the road.
AdvancedGamer:
You actually think this is for real? It's just a joke. And a very funny one. HA HA HA. I was laughing so hard. Very good job nitsujdark.