Community Forums => General Chat => Topic started by: Phil on March 07, 2014, 08:45:53 PM
Title: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 07, 2014, 08:45:53 PM
You don't have to come forward if you don't want to, but I feel like this a close-knit community, which I've made a lot of friends in. Maybe you don't consider me to be your pal, and that's okay! :)
Anyway, I've dealt with bipolar depression for over a decade now. When symptoms first came, my mood was all over the place. When I got mad, I would snap and punch holes in walls, throw things, slam bang, etc. However, with the proper medication, I don't get manic symptoms anymore.
However, depression is a totally different beast. I get that a lot. It makes me not want to be social (which doesn't help my avoidant personality), it makes me lonely, etc., etc. All that "fun" stuff.
It also cost me my position here at NWR, which I was enjoying, although my continued work on my own site made it hard to write so much in a given week. I'll spare details as that is private, but it's something I regret to this day. It's just another thing that my mental illness has taken from me.
Thankfully I have pushed myself out into more social scenes. I got the Independent Game Developers' Association meet-ups and some events. I go out to lunch or dinner with the people I've met through the STL IGDA and college (which I started in 2004, but because of my illness, I'm STILL doing). And I've become a better person overall. I'm not the same person who would go on message boards trolling people and insulting them to make myself feel superior or to hide my feelings of inadequacy.
I have a few more semesters left to go, but I'm certain I can do it. The illness has made me call some semesters off, but I am hopeful finally. It's a wonderful feeling to have hope, and it's even more wonderful to have people who support me and are hopeful for me, too.
Anyone have any experience with depression or, god forbid, a mental illness?
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on March 07, 2014, 08:57:08 PM
It will be a wonderful day when you can hang that degree on your wall just so that you can say you did it. Hopefully you can put it to use one day.
As far as depression and things like that.... dont' think so. but I've become a more inwardly supressed person and withdrawn from public life as time has gone on. But I think that has more to do with no more drinking, smoking or going out in general (since that usually involves drinking and smoking). But I haven't been lonely or "alone" for as long as I can remember. There is always someone around to give me what I need, and honestly, I cherish the moments I have alone. the peace, the quiet. it's all taken for granted.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 07, 2014, 09:04:25 PM
I'm doing Interactive Digital Media, which is media for Internet, video, games, etc. (I probably didn't need to spell that out, so I'm not trying to talk down to anyone! :<)
Anyway, I'm hoping to go into game design/development. That's why I posted my demo here. Just to get more feedback and the like.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 07, 2014, 11:42:54 PM
Yes, I have, for quite some time. My depression makes me incredibly lazy and angry all the time. I never want to do anything productive until the last minute. I hate being alone, but I also don't feel like making friends so I just sit in a stew of loneliness and anger wondering why no one likes me.
The worst part is that sometimes, my lack of caring extends to my well-being, but I feel like that part of me is leaving.
My girlfriend suffers from depression worse than I do. You can guess what kind of relationship two depressed people have.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 08, 2014, 01:02:49 AM
I would think one "positive" about you both having depression, if there ever were such a thing, is that you can both know what it's like to have depression and have a better understanding. You can have empathy for one another. It won't be BS like when someone who doesn't have serious depression tries to make you feel better by saying "Yeah, I know how it feels..."
I'm 28, and I'm single. I got nothing in the way of romance, so I envy you in that regard.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 08, 2014, 01:10:19 AM
Well, the issue there is that we don't understand each other's depression. She feels worst about her weight, when I think she just needs to lower her caloric intake and walk for half an hour every day. I feel worst about my future and where I belong in the world, whereas she has known that she's wanted to be a music instructor since she was 10.
While we do understand that crushing sense of dread and sadness within each other, we don't understand each other's reasons for feeling that way, and that's where we have issues sometimes.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 08, 2014, 01:34:42 PM
Totally forgot about that. Yes, it's hard to understand why a person is depressed, not just how it feels to be depressed. Many can look at you and go, "You have a girlfriend, you're relatively healthy, why are you depressed? I'M the one that should be depressed."
I hope what I just wrote made sense! :Q
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on March 08, 2014, 01:47:23 PM
Welcome to the NHK.
I'm fairly sure I'm considered Depressed but, I also have a weird relationship with the RNG Saints, see Earthbound Discussion for a good snapshot and extend to real life.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on March 08, 2014, 09:25:20 PM
Totally forgot about that. Yes, it's hard to understand why a person is depressed, not just how it feels to be depressed. Many can look at you and go, "You have a girlfriend, you're relatively healthy, why are you depressed? I'M the one that should be depressed."
I hope what I just wrote made sense! :Q
I wanted to post and say that I don't get depression.Like is it a chemical imbalance or just a self-pity party, a mixture of both, something inbetween? But I really didn't want to sound ignorant and/or insensitive about it, I just don't understand it.
I see people from time to time fall into a spell of depression because they did something insignificant in the grand scheme of their life, but for some reason it holds a heavy weight on them and they can't seem to just get over it and move on. something stupid like (for example) crushing on a girl, finally talking to her, but saying something really stupid that makes her think you're a wierdo and then she disses you, so then they would slink into some shell of negative self worth for months because of this insignificant incident.
I don't know if that what is being discussed when you say that you depressed, but that's the kind of thing I think of
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 08, 2014, 10:16:11 PM
You can feel depressed when a negative event happens to you, but the type of depression I am talking about is yes, a chemical imbalance. There's usually no rhyme or reason. It just hits you, and you can't help but stay in a funk. Medication only goes so far. It can sometimes make things worse by making you apathetic towards everything.
Anyway, I don't get depressed because of an event. I get depressed because that's how I am wired.
It's the same way with bipolar disorder. Some might ignorantly say that a person is just very moody or has a bad temper, when it's so much more. My depression and bipolar disorder both showed up in my young adulthood. Since being on the right cocktail of meds, so to speak, I am a much better functioning person. I still can't work, but I'm at least able to go to school.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on March 08, 2014, 10:26:57 PM
I figured it was more of an imbalance that led to irrational/irregular feeling and behavior, but some of the people I know seem to claim it for attention or as an excuse. and that is an anecdotal case of the few shaping my perception of the whole.
I know it exist for some and is really serious if not treated, but I don't know any of those people.
My sister claims to be on meds for depression, but I honestly don't know why she would be depressed. She does have a personality disorder, but that's a topic for different discussion... or maybe not. Maybe this is the explanation after all.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Caterkiller on March 08, 2014, 11:37:05 PM
Phil have you ever tried martial arts? I don't know true depression but I have known physical activity to really help others out and in my opinion martial arts can't be beat. I've seen people completely change over the course of a few years, physically and mentally.
The life lessons one can gain from it are really nice. And I don't mean just a bunch of cool quotes read from a book, but actually practicing routines and learning the true value of persistence.
It makes people very physically and mentally strong. You imagine the constant repetitions to make your kicks lightning fast yeah it tones your legs and butt up but mentally that's where people really show their stuff. It takes so much mental strength to just keep going day after day and at some point you look in the mirror and you don't even recognize the guy in the mirror. I remember after my first 4 years I earned my 1st degree black belt and Jesus Christ the pain that I went through mentally and physically really shaped my thought process to what it is today. I'm not super man, but when I'm having a hard time with anything, money, job or family and it gets me down I just think back to how hard I used to think certain things used to be but ultimately I made it through and nothing has been as hard as earning that first black belt.
Having that confidence and discipline just helps make people happy. There is always going to be something jacking up a cool flow in life but I've seen Martial Arts do wonders for people.
You feel like you can help people and that's always good for the soul. Creating things are good for people to be happy as well. And when you are the creation, a person who has gained a fairly unique skill, it does feel great.
I just think it's something to look into.
You know I was actually trying to figure out how we could do some sort of martial arts together. Some sort of NWR get together but some sort of online Skype like thing. I'd stream live video of me to who ever decides to tune in then they follow along and I give you real time instruction and correction. I'm not entirely sure of the logistics but I think it could benefit some people here. I have been told I am 37th best teacher in Southern Los Angeles area. Just saying!
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on March 09, 2014, 12:57:33 AM
I've been seriously depressed, but most would know the reason why as stated in my thread below somewhere. I lost my angel whom I loved for 15yrs, metastasized breast cancer. Seems cancer has taken my two greatest loves in life my mom and my angel. It hurts as I feel alone, I have no family and no friends, I just have her sister who lives in NJ and a house who I share with her son.
It's hard, as she was the only person who's been there for me, my family just is never there.
Just leaves me lonely and severely depressed.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 09, 2014, 03:21:00 PM
@Caterkiller No, I haven't, but I do try to regularly go to the gym. I often get a walker's high (I don't run) after about an hour on the treadmill. I notice I get susceptible to feeling down when I don't work out for a good while.
@MysticGohan Two deaths of the two most important people in your life is definitely something to be depressed about. Do you find enjoyment in doing anything, or is the sadness just so overwhelming? I can imagine it's not easy at all to snap out of when it's caused by something like that kind of one-two punch. :/
Anyway, I'm sorry for your losses. Do you have online people you can talk to? Have you thought about therapy at all?
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Stratos on March 09, 2014, 06:09:32 PM
I read some articles about environmental causes for depression in people's lives. If I can find them again I will share.
I went through a period of depression when I was off at college in Portland. It was when I re-signed up for this forum as Stratos. Life was rough for me at that time. I was struggling in school and dealing with some personal loses.
A lot of elements were involved in creating this environment. I worked graveyard shifts and struggled to sleep during the day. I ate a very unhealthy diet that counteracted any exercise attempts I made and eventually I gave up on exercise completely and became more lethargic. I was without a steady job for over a year and could not even land an interview during that time. I also turned away from my 'happier' friends because I hated myself more when I was around them. One of my long-time roommates and good friends was clinically depressed and struggled with self mutilation. Two other good friends 'turned on me' in my mind and things went down between us that felt like betrayals to me. Sometimes I would just cry for no reason and anytime I failed at even the most minor of tasks I turned into a wreck.
So I was in a bad spot. In some ways I've healed, I've grown strong and overcome those dark times. But a part of that darkness still holds a place inside of me. I use it to remember the bad times as a motivation to do what I can to stay out of the pit. I a way I feel much like the Hobbits Frodo and Sam at the end of the Lord of the Rings when they are back at the Shire. I went through a great ordeal and it has forever changed me. Things can never quite go back to they way they were, nor should they.
Some things I have learned that help:
1) Get some outdoors time. We are always in the dark, in our rooms with our digital screens in front of us. I know that was me 90% of the time and when I was out I was on my phone, laptop or other digital device. Get out and get some air, even in the city. Work in an office? Go out for an 'air break'. Smokers get a double reason to go outside ;)
2) Get some sunlight. Similar to #1, but specifically this is a nutrient need. Our bodies use sunlight to synthesize vitamin D. No sun where you are? Supplement it!
3) Talk to people face-to-face. We are communal creatures and when we deprive ourselves too much of human contact. With forums and Facebook we trick our minds into thinking we are getting plenty of social time but without the end-game gratification. This goes for introverts too. I am one and I like my solitude but you still need to get out from time to time.
4) Sleep! Quality over quantity. I know I would sometimes sleep for 12-15 hours and still feel lethargic and tired. I then would get even more depressed because I wasted my off day not doing anything meaningful. Make sure the room is pitch dark because your body needs a dark place to produce the melatonin your body needs for a balanced brain chemistry. A lot of the drugs that doctors give people for clinical depression involve this and a few other brain chemicals that are out of balance in your brain to help them realign. Also, try to sync your sleep pattern with that of the sun. Not always easy but it sure does help the outlook of your day if you are up before noon. I always felt I had so little time in my day because of how late I would get up and then suddenly it was night in a few hours. I felt my existence on earth was a waste of air and space.
5) Eat a satisfying, limited number of meals a day. Sitting there grazing on snacks does not properly nourish your body. Eat good solid meals a few times a day. Do not be afraid of good tasty meat and fats. A lot of research is showing the value of what was once deemed unhealthy. You need good fats to support your body and without them you constantly get hungry and feel off balance. Get a good solid meal in your belly and limit your sugars, both real and fake. Diet change can play a big roll in recovering from depression and getting healthier can have the side benefit of getting you into better shape which leads to...
6) Improve your self image. You feel like a fat lazy slob? No wonder if you look in the mirror and see one like I did. I tried to work out but I ended up eating such a destructive diet that it was counterproductive and I eventually gave up or working out at all. As mentioned before, physical exertion can be great for the body as well as the mind and spirit. Don't focus on the outside alone though, but the inside. I was not bothered as much by my physical appearance as my mental one. I felt I was a nobody. Not having achieved anything of substantial merit or value. Read some books on a topic that interests you. Learn a new skill or pick up a new hobby. Take a community class on something like pottery or martial arts (hey, this also gets you in shape and gets you face-to-face with people! Mark a couple items off of this silly list I made at once). The important thing is to do something that makes you feel accomplished and of value. How do you do this...?
7) Set some goals and devise a plan to achieve those goals. Author and speaker Steven Covey speaks of how successful people write out 'to-do lists' and complete on average 70% or more of their tasks. Write what steps it will take to achieve your goals and plan how and when you will reach each milestone. Achieving personal milestones can greatly Improve Your Self-Image. Don't just make daily goals, but think broader. Where do you want to be in 5 years? 10 years? 20? then devise a plan to make sure you get there. Don't know how to get there or what steps to take? Google it!
8) Your attempts not working? See a professional. We are all human, and we all need help from time to time and there are instances where there is more going on than you realize. It may even be something like a chemical imbalance or serious medical condition where you need extra assistance from a professional. Go see a counselor, a therapist, doctor or pastor. There are places where you can go to get that stuff for free even if money is a concern. If you have health insurance some of those things are even covered by it. The important thing to know is that you are not alone.
So, that was a huge wall of text. I hope it was of help to those here who are in pain. I know what it was like for me to be in that dark place, but no one but yourself truly knows where you are.
Feel free to PM me if you need a listening ear (or...eye, since it is a forum we read).
The TL:DR 1) Get some outdoors time. 2) Get some sunlight. 3) Talk to people face-to-face. 4) Sleep! Quality over quantity. 5) Eat a satisfying, limited number of meals a day. 6) Improve your self image. 7) Set some goals and devise a plan to achieve those goals. 8) Your attempts not working? See a professional.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on March 09, 2014, 09:12:03 PM
It's hard sometimes I think about ending it all. I miss her very much, she was my life and I care about her so much. I had seen a counselor awhile over it, but it's one thing to talk about things but another when it's not someone who's in your life everyday.
I find myself alone, my family doesn't exist. no friends. Just her son and her sister who lives far away. It's emotionally draining. reason, I'm on disability, I don't drive and I live in a small area, not much around here. Mostly I lost the one person who was the closest to me.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: lolmonade on March 09, 2014, 09:49:09 PM
Hyperbole and a Half did a post on depression (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html). Can anyone comment as to if that's similar to how you feel?
There was a couple of years as a 19/20 year old I felt depressed all the time. I finally came out and told my parents how I was feeling, and how I felt I was losing it, and they took me to the doctor. I was fortunate enough to find out that it was largely because I was malnourished from eating far too little, and once I got back to a healthy diet, I eventually started feeling better. It was probably partially that and teen angst on my part.
Hope those of you who do have a sincere form of depression or psychological issues seek assistance. There's nothing worse than trying to handle these kinds of feelings alone.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Pixelated Pixies on March 10, 2014, 11:32:34 AM
Depression is very a strong trait on my father's side of the family. I won't go into details, but my father and both his brothers each died as a result of depression and/or alcoholism.
It is, therefore, something I'm very conscious of.
I am also prone to depression and am exceedingly introverted (not to be confused with being shy). I am, thankfully, an emotionally intelligent person, self-aware, and confident. Being so very introverted can be troubling (both for myself and those who know me), I'll probably never feel truly at ease with other people for example, but it has it's strengths too. While others might crave the reassurance, comfort and attention of those around them, I'm very much capable of doing my own thing, of having independence, of focusing on inward reflection rather than broadcasting outwardly to the world.
I'm not saying that the support of others isn't helpful, but there's also a certain strength to be found in understanding your own nature and of reconciling that with the type of life you wish to lead.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ian Sane on March 10, 2014, 06:12:35 PM
I've suffered depression but it wasn't a chemical imbalance or mental illness or at least I don't think it was. I've been depressed because of shitty things going down in my life, the sort of things that would make any rational person depressed. **** happened and it felt like my life was a train that had derailed. No problem. Get the train back on the tracks and move on. I only started feeling depressed after a couple failed attempts at getting my life back on track. Depression crept in when the thought of "maybe this train is just fucked for good" entered my head. My assumption was always that once my personal life turned around again for the better then I wouldn't be depressed anymore.
... and I still wonder that because things haven't turned around. I've just gotten more used to the situation so I'm not as depressed as I was. Most days I'm fine, I'll just occasionally have a bad day where something happens that "pokes" at me for lack of a better word (Imagine if you were depressed that your father died so Father's Day "pokes" you because it reminds you of it.) Cynicism has mostly replaced the depression which is not good but it certainly is easier to live with.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: marvel_moviefan_2012 on March 12, 2014, 10:40:48 PM
My sister says she is bipolar but I still don't understand what it means. I first though it was something her lawyer made up to get her off the hook but she swears its a real thing.
As for being alone, I think we all feel that, why else do we look for friends on the internet? I think that is a part of our modern society for all the connectivity we have online it just makes us more distant in person and I think it's going to lead us down a very dark path sooner rather than latter. You are right about a close knit family I got that from reading the post about the guy who lost his wife recently, sounds like the people here all care about each other and that is one reason why I signed up, I could use some of that in my life being more open to other peoples needs, being more social even if it is just online.
One good way to feel better is to get into a church, even if you do not share their beliefs its a good place to find real support, I used to go to a church that had an addictions outreach program and I saw a lot of people turn their lives around even if they didn't convert to the faith.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 24, 2014, 03:56:33 PM
I think my girlfriend is cheating on me or is about to. So I guess you could say I feel like **** and it isn't improving my depression.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on March 24, 2014, 04:23:07 PM
I think my girlfriend is cheating on me or is about to. So I guess you could say I feel like **** and it isn't improving my depression.
Oblivion let me shine some light on this. She has not evolved to Fiancée or Wife so if your going to get cheated on this would be the best time when its the easiest to move on.
If your in the think stage just give here the benefit of the doubt. If your still having fun I wouldn't dwell on it and let it eat you away. It doesn't help anyone. Especially not you.
If you must dwell on it. What makes you think she would cheat on you? Is that a quality you want in a life long partner? Is it worth the fall out if you get it wrong to confront her? Maybe it could be time to just move on before it gets more difficult.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 24, 2014, 04:28:41 PM
I don't fucking know anything right now. I don't know what to think or feel. I'm getting so tired of all this ****.
I've always thought she was the one for me...
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on March 24, 2014, 04:49:32 PM
you're young. You probably don't even know what real love it yet.
There are a few things to look for to know if she may be cheating on you though. - Behavioral changes towards you (i.e. secret phone calls or messages, suddenly secretive with stuff she was previously open about, annoyed for no reason of minor things that used to not ever be a big deal, started wearing perfume, or different more revealing outfits) - not around as often as usual or not returning calls/text/messages as promptly as before - she doesn't want physical connection/activity anymore or nearly as often - you catch her in the act giving it to another man/woman - She says the dreaded "we need to talk..."
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: marvel_moviefan_2012 on March 24, 2014, 04:57:23 PM
everyone is going to say something different so might as well chime in. Take a deep breath and don't stress about it man, go for a long walk alone with your thoughts and see where you end up. I lost my fiance right before we got married and it was the hardest thing to go through, but a few years latter I basically got over it. being cheated on is probably hard to deal with but it's not the end of the world, its just her way of moving on before she is ready to admit she is moving on.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 24, 2014, 05:14:00 PM
you're young. You probably don't even know what real love it yet.
There are a few things to look for to know if she may be cheating on you though. - Behavioral changes towards you (i.e. secret phone calls or messages, suddenly secretive with stuff she was previously open about, annoyed for no reason of minor things that used to not ever be a big deal, started wearing perfume, or different more revealing outfits) - not around as often as usual or not returning calls/text/messages as promptly as before - she doesn't want physical connection/activity anymore or nearly as often - you catch her in the act giving it to another man/woman - She says the dreaded "we need to talk..."
She's done the first three things.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on March 24, 2014, 06:40:14 PM
you're young. You probably don't even know what real love it yet.
There are a few things to look for to know if she may be cheating on you though. - Behavioral changes towards you (i.e. secret phone calls or messages, suddenly secretive with stuff she was previously open about, annoyed for no reason of minor things that used to not ever be a big deal, started wearing perfume, or different more revealing outfits) - not around as often as usual or not returning calls/text/messages as promptly as before - she doesn't want physical connection/activity anymore or nearly as often - you catch her in the act giving it to another man/woman - She says the dreaded "we need to talk..."
She's done the first three things.
+ Well, you can either start snooping and look for definitive evidence (in her phone, on her facebook, etc etc) + You can drop hints and/or just bring it up that you feel like she is being distant and give her an opportunity to be straight with you or + You can do as you suspect her of doing and start auditioning her replacement. _ I would start with her friends :P and do it right in front of her too (subtly of course) then when she tries to confront you about it, just play it off like it was nothing. Maybe she'll get jealous and start paying you more attention, if not.... well, you are auditioning her replacement afterall. [/highschool games]
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 24, 2014, 10:32:39 PM
I just looked at her Skype. She flirts with him a lot, but no physical cheating.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on March 24, 2014, 11:00:16 PM
I just looked at her Skype. She flirts with him a lot, but no physical cheating.
2 can play at that game ;)
but it sounds like it's either time to make a move or have that talk. I wouldn't tell her you were snooping though, unless you are prepared for her to deflect the conversation back at you putting you on the defensive for not trusting her and going through her private conversations.
or, you can pretend like you never saw anything, go back to pretending it doesn't bother you and just let her carry on till she is ready to move on (or gets it out of her system)
^some people would prefer that.... but you are young. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and trust me when I say, that with a little confidence, and not too bold of an approach, if you cast you net wide, you will catch alot of fish. strap it up and dive in. There's a big world out there and she will be a faint memory in no time.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Stratos on March 25, 2014, 11:02:45 AM
Take control of the situation and leave. Or take control by trying to improve it. Trust me though, I am married now, but I LOVED the time I was single. Enjoy it while you have it. I think most guys should wait until close to 30 to get married. Your 20's are a time for determining who you are and who you want to become. Also a great time to go out and make your fortune.
I'm glad I waited until I was 28. I also never had any long periods of time I was with a girl before my wife. I wanted to enjoy my life and my singleness. Don't let a woman define you. Especially one who shows little interest in you.
As BnM said, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you could have your pick of them. Don't settle for less than you want. It's not shallow, its smart match-making. There are tens of thousands of girls like the one you are with now. If she truly is outstanding then there are still at least a thousand more of her.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on March 25, 2014, 11:24:59 AM
As someone who did get married in his 20's out of college I do say I regret not doing the whole single adult thing. You lose a lot of control when you in a serious relationship. Your not necessary seeding control to the otherside just as a couple your less flexible.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 27, 2014, 03:28:13 PM
I'm sorry to read about your situation, Oblivion. I'm 28 and I've never had a girlfriend, so you've already bested me in that regard.
Anyway, Tuesday was a roundtable in the game developer group I'm in regarding takeaways from GDC. I felt absolutely horrible after the event. I thought this group I could feel like I belonged there, but I don't feel that way at all. That's not due to me actually not getting along with anyone or not sharing interests-- it's just my depression gets in the way and clouds my perception. After multiple suicidal thoughts, I had to have someone watch over me for the night so I didn't do anything.
So yeah...
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 27, 2014, 03:36:17 PM
Welp. We aren't together any longer. There's that.
Sorry about that Phil. That feeling is never ever fun. At least you are aware of your feelings and not completely blind to them.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on March 27, 2014, 04:02:22 PM
... Anyway, Tuesday was a roundtable in the game developer group I'm in regarding takeaways from GDC. I felt absolutely horrible after the event. ...
Do you feel like you weren't at their level for what the Take Away was?
Groups are funny things. I've joined different groups that I thought I would really gel but didn't. Then there other times where I just click in a group I never thought I would. You just keep trying till something fits.
I decided to finally go to therapy again. I'm trying a new doctor. He says I should walk 30 minutes a day outdoors because studies have found the light exercise helps with Serotonin levels in the brain. That doesn't seem like too big of a commitment. I also need to learn to Properly breath.
Then move on to Relaxation Guided Imagery and Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Ultimately ending in Cued Relaxation. We'll see how that all works.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 27, 2014, 04:06:04 PM
A whole bunch of bullshit. I found out that she has sent nudes to people online and tells people she wants to sleep with them. When we finally discuss the problems we have, she comes to the conclusion that she doesn't love me anymore and that she will break up with me because of the "things she has done".
I don't even fucking know anymore.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on March 27, 2014, 04:15:25 PM
Well, I guess thats a way of saying you deserve better.
Buck Up, take a little time. You can get back on the horse a bit later. No use dwelling on the past and regretting it. I learned that one the hard way.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 27, 2014, 04:36:15 PM
Three and a half years of being with this person and 5 and and a half years of knowing this person is very hard for me to just let go. I have to dwell on it.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ian Sane on March 27, 2014, 04:39:33 PM
I very briefly had suicidal thoughts once. It actually wasn't even in my most depressed moment but at the time it would have been and conquering that feeling then has kept it in check since.
I thought to myself this: if I kill myself, THEY win. Who's "they"? Could be someone specific, could be society, could be the whole universe, could be an abstract concept like fate or depression itself. Doesn't really matter. It plays on feelings of persecution and rejection. Like I'm depressed because someone or something is jerking me around in life and if I kill myself then they got to me. They accomplished their goal. They won. And **** that. I will never give them that satisfaction.
I have no idea if that approach would work for anyone else but it has worked for me.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 27, 2014, 06:00:36 PM
It wasn't really a "not being at anyone's level" feeling, it was a "mental-illness-gonna-distort-my-perception-of-my-place-in-this-group-for-the-worse" type deal.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Caliban on March 27, 2014, 11:23:34 PM
Phil, find an activity group that involves physical participation. Sometimes you have to distract your mind with the physical, as well as nurturing your physical instincts. Find a group where you can call it your second home, and take as long as needed to find it. A place that you can think of which will ease your mind, and makes you happy to come back to. Nurture your confidence.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on March 28, 2014, 06:08:30 AM
Depression has taken it's toll on me, I miss my angel so much, I OD on a weeks worth of topiramate and sumatriptan, as the thought of being alone and living without her is too much to bare. I love her with all my heart and I hate living one second without her. I'm still alive, just tired.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on March 28, 2014, 12:58:39 PM
...****. Here I am complaining about my problems. :(
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on March 28, 2014, 01:32:27 PM
...****. Here I am complaining about my problems. :(
Just because the catalyst for MysticGohan Problems are much worse doesn't make yours are less valid.
MysticGohan: I know I shutdown if I was in your position. Then I try to force myself through it because that is not what they would want. It would take years by me best estimate.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on March 28, 2014, 02:19:22 PM
Let's not OD on prescription drugs please. I just found out that an old friend of mine died of that very thing earlier this week. She left behind 2 children.
You have to think of those that you would leave behind. The difference in other people's lives you still have yet to make. There is plenty to live for, and things can always get better if you want them to. You gotta start seeing the forest for the trees.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on March 28, 2014, 02:40:14 PM
It's hard BnM I'm 34 going 35 this August, it'll be the first year I'll be celebrating alone. I have no family, no children, what siblings I do have, I am not real close to and live nowhere near, and my father hasn't been there for me.
My angel was my first and only love, I find myself alone and hurting, I enjoyed doing everything with her. I cannot drive, I'm on disability. Just unsure of life, i never felt as alone as I do now.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on March 28, 2014, 03:36:00 PM
I'm hoping that we don't overstep our bounds in this topic (if we haven't already), and if we have, I'm to blame, and start recommending steps certain people should take that we're nowhere near qualified to do.
If for whatever reason one honestly feels like they want to end it all, I urge them to call a suicide hotline or head to the hospital. Afterwards, one can get a therapist or psychiatrist who can help in the process of healing both mind and body.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on March 28, 2014, 03:43:34 PM
You have us, your internet family.
Things can get better, but only if you let them be. I'm sure you can walk, so go outside, go stroll the mall, do some shopping, sit at a Starbucks/Barnes&Noble and read. Strike up a conversation with a stranger, casually try to find out as much about them as you can without diving into any of your on going issues. Keep the conversation light. Buy a dog, or rescue a dog from the pound and show it the love you wish to share with the world. Nurture it, make a new best friend. Take it for walks, and to the park and meet other dog owners.
There is a whole world out there, so sitting in your house feeling sorry for yourself day in and day out is not going to let you enjoy the rest of your life, which is exactly what I'm sure your recently passed loved one would want you to do. So go take a shower, shave, put on a nice fit, and go out and do something that interest you. There has to be something that you've been meaning to do or go see since forever and never got around to. Sign up for some classes or workshops. Big Brother program. Try some volunteer work. anything that gets your mind off everything that is currently on your mind. You need to get out of your own head for a little while each day.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on March 28, 2014, 05:41:11 PM
Thanks BnM, where I live everything is so spread out, the nearest mall is 15miles away xD, so there's alot of serious walking and traffic. Yes I can walk, I have anxiety issues and learning disability. People tend to make you feel inadequate when you don't quite grasp things off the bat.
I have 3 dogs that belonged to my angel, I really miss her, greatest love in my life.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on March 28, 2014, 06:03:25 PM
Thanks BnM, where I live everything is so spread out, the nearest mall is 15miles away xD ... I have anxiety issues and learning disability. People tend to make you feel inadequate when you don't quite grasp things off the bat. ...
I can relate to that. I don't grasp things the way other people do. I also live in Tennessee where everything is spread out for the most part.
Reading your posts over the years though I'm surprised you can't drive.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on March 28, 2014, 06:26:38 PM
Yeah, my dad never bothered to teach me to get beyond my learners permit, which has long long expired. So getting around is abit hard on my own. Just would be cool if we all could hang out together. My life's just not the same without her. I was always her little man, just miss her so much.
She was more there for me than my own family has been.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on April 03, 2014, 04:25:26 PM
Well Counseling Session number 2 is out of the way. I was actually doing pretty good. Trying the breathing exercises. Work has actually been enjoyable for the last few days. Now I'm feeling more depressed then when I went in. Mired in the same junk as last time.
Yeah, my dad never bothered to teach me to get beyond my learners permit, which has long long expired. So getting around is abit hard on my own. Just would be cool if we all could hang out together. My life's just not the same without her. I was always her little man, just miss her so much.
She was more there for me than my own family has been.
I can't believe I missed this. You should learn. I think that be an excellent skill to try to acquire in its own way. I'm going to offer but from your profile we don't live close enough.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on April 04, 2014, 02:42:16 AM
Aww thanks Ceric, the main concern is with my reaction timing, I'm at times slow to react to things or process information, due to being born premature by 3 months.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: marvel_moviefan_2012 on April 04, 2014, 10:16:59 AM
I guess I can share my recent experience if it helps anyone. The short version is this, I moved to Nebraska to start a new life, get away from my old life and get into college, which I did. Some things from my past never would go away so I built up some anxiety and began experiencing some stress, so I started using the schools councelling center for help, talking to someone was nice for a while but then I got hooked on just wanting someone to talk to. So I kept going back even after we settled my anxiety. Then to make it worth going I dug up other stuff from my past and transferred things others went through into my own life to make it all sound more interesting. I also exaggerated some stuff because it's easy to do when you are trying to get a certain reaction. Anyways they wanted to put me on some medication, I tried different ones and they had negative side effects I won't bore anyone with.
Then I realized I was deteriorating, I was losing interest in everything, I changed my major/minor soo many times I lost count and I was dropping classes, adding classes, failing classes where before I was totally focused and getting mostly A's and B's. Going back to college after being out of school for ten years and having dropped out of high school meant I had some catching up to do anyways and for the first year it was just that, catch up. But I still maintained a decent enough GPA and kept going.
Last Halloween my counciler suggested I go to a Halloween party, anyways while there I realized some things that were wrong and I stopped taking the meds and canceled my appointments all. She panicked and sent me into a whirlwind of pain and misery that ended with me staying three days in a mental health clinic and ultimately getting banned from school and tresspassed from campus, including getting kicked out of my apartment and having to move in with my elderly aunt and uncle. Since then I got a proper full time job, transferred to a community college and began taking classes online through them to finish what I started.
it was a long road and I am not there yet but I am getting closer to stabalizing and getting things back the way they were. Well needless to say I had too much, I panicked and sold all my things, packed my van and moved to California, you know to go to Hollywood and get into film. I got there, realized I made a huge mistake and turned around came back and took another job. It was a wild ride, but in the end I think it was good for me to face my fears and realize that past is something we have to live with but we can't be haunted by it.
Do I suffer from depression, maybe I tend to have wild mood swings, but really I just need someplace to go to talk to someone. I began coming here because I have been reading this site's news forever and the forums are a place to vent. I think we all come here for similar reasons, to share ideas, to talk to like minded people with similar interests, and to get **** off our chest when we need to.
I have lost loved ones, friends, family, the woman I was engaged to, its hard to get over. Some to death, some to distance, and some to things that can't be explained. I am not entirely alone but I sometimes feel alone. That is what drew me to this forum, you guys act like people with real problems, some forums if you stray from the topic at hand they just ban you for going off topic. Some people act like their video games or toys or movies, whatever it happens to be is the world world. Yes we all want an escape but sometimes escaping can be bad sometimes you just need to talk it through.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on April 04, 2014, 10:28:59 AM
Aww thanks Ceric, the main concern is with my reaction timing, I'm at times slow to react to things or process information, due to being born premature by 3 months.
Practice. I personally find driving a more instinctual thing. In fact I'm rarely actually thinking about driving when I'm driving. Shoot I couldn't tell you most of the time what color the car is in front of me. Just an Object is in front of me moving as well must be a car.
Do I suffer from depression, maybe I tend to have wild mood swings, but really I just need someplace to go to talk to someone. I began coming here because I have been reading this site's news forever and the forums are a place to vent. I think we all come here for similar reasons, to share ideas, to talk to like minded people with similar interests, and to get **** off our chest when we need to.
...
Thats a big reason I'm here. It bleeds over into other aspects of my life. I have no one in the physical world that I can really just call up and shoot the breeze with. It takes its toll. I can see that in my son too. How he'll try to make himself relevant in a conversation when its clear he has no idea what we are actually talking about but, he's made a tangental connection that he thinks will get him an in.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 09, 2014, 08:22:00 PM
Thank you so much for sharing that. That goes for everyone in this topic.
Marvel, I'm glad you're doing better. I know all about mood swings, as I have a mood disorder in addition to mental illness. >_>
Anyway, if anyone likes to talk, I love to talk. Well, type. Well, you know what I mean. It doesn't have to be about depression, it doesn't have to be about games, it can be about anything that is healthful and helpful to each other. :)
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: marvel_moviefan_2012 on April 12, 2014, 10:23:26 PM
I am doing much better, I spent this week moving into a new house that I am finally ready to start living again. I also found some inspiration to get back into making music again and I am going to give painting another go.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on April 14, 2014, 09:49:55 AM
I am doing much better, I spent this week moving into a new house that I am finally ready to start living again. I also found some inspiration to get back into making music again and I am going to give painting another go.
What Instrument?
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: marvel_moviefan_2012 on April 14, 2014, 08:12:04 PM
keyboards
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 18, 2014, 03:06:45 PM
Feeling rather down today. Been thinking about how I'm 28 and am still stuck in college, have never had a girlfriend, and can't work because of my illness.
Stuff sucks.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on April 18, 2014, 03:08:31 PM
Feeling rather down today. Been thinking about how I'm 28 and am still stuck in college, have never had a girlfriend, and can't work because of my illness.
Stuff sucks.
Don't focus on the Negative. Which is hard to do. Your still in College. At least your someplace where its relatively easy to meet single interesting people.
What type of Illness?
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 18, 2014, 03:11:44 PM
Mental illness-- bipolar.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on April 18, 2014, 03:26:37 PM
Go to a college party, get drunk, get laid. Feel better.
I used to do it all the time. ;)
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 18, 2014, 03:42:16 PM
Go to a college party, get drunk, get laid. Feel better.
I used to do it all the time. ;)
I appreciate the humor.
I don't live on campus, so I don't know when college parties happen. I go to drink-ups for my local city chapter of the Independent Game Developers Association, but I often feel alone even in a group of people. Then, I get depressed and start getting distant sometimes.
As for drinking, I don't drink due to being on so many medications. Plus, I abhor the taste of alcohol.
As for getting laid, I don't do that sort of thing.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on April 18, 2014, 04:14:51 PM
You need to do that sort of thing.
The getting laid part that is. It's not going to solve your social problem, but you will find a new joy in life, and that should definitely help (especially if you turn out to be good at it).
Part 1 is making friends, then making friends with your friends friends. All sorts of social gatherings should become available to you then. and in those social gatherings will likely be women looking for attention and affection.
And you may feel that you are above that sort of thing, or not into that sort of thing, but really, that is just the fear of rejection telling you to stay quiet, get back in your corner and stay out of the way.
Your fear of rejection is likely the reason you've never had a girlfriend and why you feel alone even in a group situation. Lots of people suffer from it, some more than others, but at some point you need to take the risk to reap the rewards.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 18, 2014, 04:43:46 PM
I don't think "getting laid" will make me feel better. I think having and nurturing friendships and possibly turning one into a romance would be more to my liking and my personality.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on April 18, 2014, 04:54:03 PM
maybe, but even that ends in getting laid.
But who's to say you can't do both simultaneously. finding a friend that I can maybe eventually romance into bed is your fear of rejection talking again.
Sometime you need to get out of your comfort zone and realize that being turned down isn't the end of anyone's world. It can actually be empowering knowing that it doesn't affect you and you can move on to the next attempt.
So maybe you should just strike up a conversation with that girl you've been admiring from afar. Real casual like, and maybe ask her out for coffee. Something not too date like, even if you turn it into one. Or start a study group with some class mates and invite that cute girl across the room to join. Be her study partner and then ask her out to a movie or dinner or whatever comes up as a possible mutual interest.
Either way you need to make a move. It sounds like you've been standing still for far too long. Get out there and take a chance. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 18, 2014, 04:56:51 PM
I don't really have a fear of rejection. I simply don't want to **** someone who I don't love. I can masturbate on my own time and get pleasure from that and feel good both physically and emotionally.
I appreciate you trying to help, but you're not really helping right now.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on April 18, 2014, 05:20:55 PM
sex and love are not mutually exclusive.
friends and romance don't always work.
I'm just speaking from the POV of someone that has had lots of relationships and and had lots of one (sex) and little of the other (love)*. and have had some friendships turn into more, and others shut down because it's hard to be just friends with someone that you like more than that or vice versa.
*and trust me when I say that sex and masturbation may end with the same resulting (somewhat), but they are hardly the same experience.
So whether it's a fear of rejection (and that was an assumption on my part) or not, it sounds like you need to find a way to connect, and that may require you to get out of your normal routine and be a little more outgoing or bold in your approach and interactions.
And if after all that, nothing I've said is relating to your problem in any way, then I guess I'm just not understanding the issue.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 18, 2014, 07:23:52 PM
Thanks for the help.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on April 20, 2014, 01:46:23 AM
At least you got something going on, you're still young. I'm 34 going 35 and live alone for the most part, my angel was the only love I ever had, my family has never truly been there for me, I can only say between her and my mom, are the biggest things in my life.
I break down and cry everyday as I love her and miss her so much, she was my everything. I can relate to the sex and love, as she was my first and only.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Oblivion on April 20, 2014, 11:50:14 AM
...damn. Every time you talk about this, I am reminded of the fact that I can't even imagine how you feel. I can't imagine the depth of the suffering you feel.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 20, 2014, 03:48:38 PM
...damn. Every time you talk about this, I am reminded of the fact that I can't even imagine how you feel. I can't imagine the depth of the suffering you feel.
It always puts things in perspective for me.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on April 20, 2014, 04:40:16 PM
I love you guys, just at times I think life has it in for me, lost my mom, my grandparents and my angel. The only people who cared. Chris meant the world, she was the kindest person you've ever met, she loved platformers.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful Easter. Hate sounding depressed, I'd give anything if I could have her back.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on April 20, 2014, 05:06:18 PM
Have you looked into getting driving lessons so you can eventually get your license?
Doing so will open up so many more possibilities, and you'll be able to become much more social. The opportunities driving gives people are immense.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on April 20, 2014, 05:24:51 PM
it would be difficult, I have no car, and no one has the time, even if I could, I'd have a hard time paying for insurance and tags. Most of my money goes to rent and food, and only leaves me with little to spare.
fixed income really leaves little to do with.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Stratos on April 20, 2014, 06:21:37 PM
Is there nothing you could do to bring in a better income? You could start a business. Buy old games or golf clubs, fix them up and sell them online for a profit. There are a bunch of businesses you can do from your computer at home and even a little bit of extra cash would help, wouldn't it?
Maybe finding something like that you can pour into and receive a benefit from could help you in other ways. Finding a new purpose, passion or mission is a great way to bring vitality to your life.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on April 21, 2014, 06:46:50 AM
I suppose if it's under the table stuff, just ssi doesn't allow for much flexibility. Just getting around is an issue. I'm good with the latest gaming info, good with computers and electronics, nothing major, but I make due with what I know. I just don't know what to do or how to go about it, given my situation.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Stratos on April 21, 2014, 11:04:29 AM
I would read some books on starting a business. I started reading one by a financial coach, Dave Ramsey, called EntreLeadership (Entrepreneurial Leadershp). It talks about how he started his business in a living room on a card table and now it is a huge national company.
After reading some I would dabble around in it on a small scale to get an idea of how much you can bring in. Who knows, maybe you could become so successful that your income could surpass SSI?
Just make sure to only spend a set amount of money - if any - to start. That way you don't hurt your financial situation. I have an agreement with my wife I can turn "selling crap on craigslist/ebay" into a side job so long as I only use the money I make from selling our extra junk to start buying older games to resell and the money I make after that is all I can use to keep the business rolling. If it isn't sustainable then I'm stopped before I can get to our personal funds.
Another good reason is because studies show people (especially men it seems) are prone to depression when they do not work. Work give so much to a person and creates a lot of meaning in your life. Sitting around all day doing nothing makes you feel you are unsuccessful and that your life is worthless. Go out and find something to do. Work, volunteer, start a business, do something. Just make sure the work is something you can be passionate about so it can come as naturally as possible.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on April 21, 2014, 11:30:16 AM
Ironically I am literally sitting about 2 miles from Dave Ramsey Institution thing. Why I don't agree with a lot of his non-financial things his plan is relatively solid in most things.
Looking around the internet it looks like you can make $750 or $1040 a month pre-tax and still be disabled. Its a little fuzzy but, its clear on not logging more than 80 hours. That's not much to work with is it.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on April 23, 2014, 06:52:57 PM
I suppose if it's under the table stuff, just ssi doesn't allow for much flexibility. Just getting around is an issue. I'm good with the latest gaming info, good with computers and electronics, nothing major, but I make due with what I know. I just don't know what to do or how to go about it, given my situation.
I don't know what the income stipulations for SSI/Disability are, but some part time work from home shouldn't violate those terms should they?
This is for some AAA game testing from home. Supposedly $10.50hr a few hrs a week. https://www.vmc.com/games/Pages/Multiplayer-Gamers-for-AAA-Titles-EGGI.aspx (http://"https://www.vmc.com/games/Pages/Multiplayer-Gamers-for-AAA-Titles-EGGI.aspx")
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on May 09, 2014, 05:41:51 AM
I'm going to call my psychiatrist today.
I had my first manic episode in over seven years a few weeks ago. This past Wednesday night I had a mental breakdown, started crying uncontrollably, and was seriously considering ending it all.
I'm so sick of the pain, the sadness, and the loneliness.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Ceric on May 09, 2014, 09:36:00 AM
I had my first manic episode in over seven years a few weeks ago. This past Wednesday night I had a mental breakdown, started crying uncontrollably, and was seriously considering ending it all.
I'm so sick of the pain, the sadness, and the loneliness.
That would be a good thing.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Nile Boogie Returns on May 09, 2014, 10:47:54 AM
i just read through this entire thread, and while I don't have depression, I have dealt with it on a very personal scale.
You guys may or may not have heard of Dr. Wayne Dyer. Sometimes we just need a push to get started on the right path to a better place. I would highly recommend checking out some of his seminars .
You can check him out in your spare time and not have to pay the $$$ to go see him live. Not saying this will fix everything but I truly believe for some of you guys this is the type of encouragement you may like.
I really hope you guys find a path to peace and true freedom of mind. Universal mercy and love be with you all!
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on October 03, 2016, 03:46:52 AM
It's been sometime since I started this post, and in that time not much has change.
lately I'm feeling lost, depressed frustrated. I simply just miss her as she was the only person who understood me, and enjoyed everyday with her. I just feel such loneliness, and it's more than just words that can say just how I feel about her.
No woman has ever been this close to me other than Mom, who passed away when I was 15, and I never knew why until years later. And then I had a family to take care of and went on a road to depression to maintain everything.
My history is drenched is a lot of heartache, I was born pre-mature by 3 months, I've dealt with blood transfusions, to under developed lungs, going through therapy both physical and speech. I did not walk until 3 years old, I did not talk until 4. I weighed only 2lbs when born.
I had people who made promises, but never kept them. My parents had issues and thus other people would interfere in my world and cause harm, this was a constant theme.
I've dealt with bullies at school, I was always picked on as I was different. Wither it was at school or on the street.
All throughout school from elementary to highschool, and my own father never had patience with me as a child, and I would get yelled at, simply because I did not know what tool to bring him, as I did not know what a ratchet or socket sizes are at 6yrs old.
I tried helping my dad after almost nearly losing my brother in a car crash that left him brain damaged, but my father got remarried and decided I was no longer needed.
I feel hurt, I feel pain, I just love her and miss her. She was all I could ever asked for.
I try doing what I can to make others happy, but I'm finding I can't make myself happy. Just a lot reminds me of how much I miss her.
Last year I thought it was over, I nearly collapsed after going outside to take the pets outs, things just didn't feel right, I tried sitting down. But I started to feel queasy and dizzy, buzzing sounds where starting to ring in my ears, I knew I wasn't going to last long, I yelled at the dogs to get them in, I started to lose balance and everything started to go black, I tried getting inside to the house, walking was difficult, I was finding it hard to breathe.
I got in the house, barely had the energy to shut the door, climbed on the couch and went fetal position and tried to breathe. It was hell and scary, I thought it was game over.
I was too tired to do anything and I'm alone at that point.
I did went to the ER, but they couldn't find anything. The next several days I felt tired and sick.
I never want to go through that again...
Just so much throughout the years that just weighs on me and I've never felt as alone as I do.
I know there's been advice and support, I just find it very difficult.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Wah on October 03, 2016, 03:51:18 AM
I've had close friends that have dealt with depression but me myself? no. I'm to happy a guy to get bogged down.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on October 03, 2016, 12:12:38 PM
It's been sometime since I started this post, and in that time not much has change.
lately I'm feeling lost, depressed frustrated. I simply just miss her as she was the only person who understood me, and enjoyed everyday with her. I just feel such loneliness, and it's more than just words that can say just how I feel about her.
No woman has ever been this close to me other than Mom, who passed away when I was 15, and I never knew why until years later. And then I had a family to take care of and went on a road to depression to maintain everything.
My history is drenched is a lot of heartache, I was born pre-mature by 3 months, I've dealt with blood transfusions, to under developed lungs, going through therapy both physical and speech. I did not walk until 3 years old, I did not talk until 4. I weighed only 2lbs when born.
I had people who made promises, but never kept them. My parents had issues and thus other people would interfere in my world and cause harm, this was a constant theme.
I've dealt with bullies at school, I was always picked on as I was different. Wither it was at school or on the street.
All throughout school from elementary to highschool, and my own father never had patience with me as a child, and I would get yelled at, simply because I did not know what tool to bring him, as I did not know what a ratchet or socket sizes are at 6yrs old.
I tried helping my dad after almost nearly losing my brother in a car crash that left him brain damaged, but my father got remarried and decided I was no longer needed.
I feel hurt, I feel pain, I just love her and miss her. She was all I could ever asked for.
I try doing what I can to make others happy, but I'm finding I can't make myself happy. Just a lot reminds me of how much I miss her.
Last year I thought it was over, I nearly collapsed after going outside to take the pets outs, things just didn't feel right, I tried sitting down. But I started to feel queasy and dizzy, buzzing sounds where starting to ring in my ears, I knew I wasn't going to last long, I yelled at the dogs to get them in, I started to lose balance and everything started to go black, I tried getting inside to the house, walking was difficult, I was finding it hard to breathe.
I got in the house, barely had the energy to shut the door, climbed on the couch and went fetal position and tried to breathe. It was hell and scary, I thought it was game over.
I was too tired to do anything and I'm alone at that point.
I did went to the ER, but they couldn't find anything. The next several days I felt tired and sick.
I never want to go through that again...
Just so much throughout the years that just weighs on me and I've never felt as alone as I do.
I know there's been advice and support, I just find it very difficult.
Well, first of all, just ignore Lucario's inconsiderate, insensitive need to say he's never had depression and is a happy dude in a topic where people are sharing their struggles with depression. (Seriously, Lucario, what the hell?)
Secondly, I'm glad you wrote all this out and confided in us as a community. We're definitely here for you in case you don't feel that no one else in your life is. Do you have someone in your life that you can confide in as well, like a therapist? I think that would be extremely beneficial for you if you don't have someone like that already.
Otherwise, *bro hug*
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on October 03, 2016, 03:25:44 PM
It's been sometime since I started this post, and in that time not much has change.
lately I'm feeling lost, depressed frustrated. I simply just miss her as she was the only person who understood me, and enjoyed everyday with her. I just feel such loneliness, and it's more than just words that can say just how I feel about her.
No woman has ever been this close to me other than Mom, who passed away when I was 15, and I never knew why until years later. And then I had a family to take care of and went on a road to depression to maintain everything.
My history is drenched is a lot of heartache, I was born pre-mature by 3 months, I've dealt with blood transfusions, to under developed lungs, going through therapy both physical and speech. I did not walk until 3 years old, I did not talk until 4. I weighed only 2lbs when born.
I had people who made promises, but never kept them. My parents had issues and thus other people would interfere in my world and cause harm, this was a constant theme.
I've dealt with bullies at school, I was always picked on as I was different. Wither it was at school or on the street.
All throughout school from elementary to highschool, and my own father never had patience with me as a child, and I would get yelled at, simply because I did not know what tool to bring him, as I did not know what a ratchet or socket sizes are at 6yrs old.
I tried helping my dad after almost nearly losing my brother in a car crash that left him brain damaged, but my father got remarried and decided I was no longer needed.
I feel hurt, I feel pain, I just love her and miss her. She was all I could ever asked for.
I try doing what I can to make others happy, but I'm finding I can't make myself happy. Just a lot reminds me of how much I miss her.
Last year I thought it was over, I nearly collapsed after going outside to take the pets outs, things just didn't feel right, I tried sitting down. But I started to feel queasy and dizzy, buzzing sounds where starting to ring in my ears, I knew I wasn't going to last long, I yelled at the dogs to get them in, I started to lose balance and everything started to go black, I tried getting inside to the house, walking was difficult, I was finding it hard to breathe.
I got in the house, barely had the energy to shut the door, climbed on the couch and went fetal position and tried to breathe. It was hell and scary, I thought it was game over.
I was too tired to do anything and I'm alone at that point.
I did went to the ER, but they couldn't find anything. The next several days I felt tired and sick.
I never want to go through that again...
Just so much throughout the years that just weighs on me and I've never felt as alone as I do.
I know there's been advice and support, I just find it very difficult.
Well, first of all, just ignore Lucario's inconsiderate, insensitive need to say he's never had depression and is a happy dude in a topic where people are sharing their struggles with depression. (Seriously, Lucario, what the hell?)
Secondly, I'm glad you wrote all this out and confided in us as a community. We're definitely here for you in case you don't feel that no one else in your life is. Do you have someone in your life that you can confide in as well, like a therapist? I think that would be extremely beneficial for you if you don't have someone like that already.
Otherwise, *bro hug*
I've tried talking, but I sometimes feel that they do not care as much as they claim.
There's really been no one, I have trust issues and it's been really hard. Somethings are just too personal, and have a wish of somethings to remain low key instead of being just blurted out.
I wish I was more... comfortable, but I don't feel attach emotionally and it's hard to relate when speaking to them, as they couldn't imagine what it's like to be so emotionally and physically attached to someone who was your world in every sense of the word.
I tend to break down when he pictures slip out or if i'm somewhere we've been.
I've always been socially drawn, as everyone in my life has hurt me, doesn't help that I tend to have high anxiety.
I don't care much about therapist, as I had a few during traumatic events in my life growing up.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on October 03, 2016, 03:56:40 PM
Well, if you ever need someone you want to vent to or just want to talk out stuff, feel free to PM me.
(And I totally forgot I even made this topic. haha)
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: MysticGohan on October 03, 2016, 04:39:07 PM
Well, if you ever need someone you want to vent to or just want to talk out stuff, feel free to PM me.
(And I totally forgot I even made this topic. haha)
will do :)
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: TofuFury on October 04, 2016, 11:35:42 PM
I haven't read every post in this thread, but as someone who struggles with depression (and has for most of my life), I totally understand. Some days, I'm my normal, goofy self, then the littlest thing will send me down a dark path.
In 2014, I was in a pretty bad state. I felt like a failure, letting everyone down around me for no good reason, and was disappointed with where I was in life. I'd be at work, look over the edge of the huge stairwell that had a lengthy drop, and think what would happen if I just climbed over and jumped. It was never something I was serious about, but the fact that I had those thoughts at all spooked me into talking to my wife and deciding to see a counsellor every other week to talk about my problems. I was never taught how to deal with depression, and I'd let it simmer inside of me until it consumed me.
I'm glad I did that, too. Earlier this year, I was laid off from my job, and a week later my grandmother passed away from a difficult battle with cancer. We had her funeral on my birthday, and that was a rough experience.
However, through it all, I can say I have a good support system with my wife and some close friends. I went to counseling until my insurance for the sessions ran out two months later. I'm happy to say though that I'm one month into my new job, and things are doing better.
I definitely don't have all the answers. Everyone deals with depression differently, and needs different things to help overcoming it. But I do know that hearing stories about similar people who struggle with depression can encourage others, so I hope to do that with this.
If there is any way that I can help you, let me know. I know I'm just a stranger on here that posts on occasion, but if you need to talk to someone, let me know. I always look out for PMs from this forum, and I get back to anyone who messages me.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Wah on October 05, 2016, 09:02:27 PM
It's been sometime since I started this post, and in that time not much has change.
lately I'm feeling lost, depressed frustrated. I simply just miss her as she was the only person who understood me, and enjoyed everyday with her. I just feel such loneliness, and it's more than just words that can say just how I feel about her.
No woman has ever been this close to me other than Mom, who passed away when I was 15, and I never knew why until years later. And then I had a family to take care of and went on a road to depression to maintain everything.
My history is drenched is a lot of heartache, I was born pre-mature by 3 months, I've dealt with blood transfusions, to under developed lungs, going through therapy both physical and speech. I did not walk until 3 years old, I did not talk until 4. I weighed only 2lbs when born.
I had people who made promises, but never kept them. My parents had issues and thus other people would interfere in my world and cause harm, this was a constant theme.
I've dealt with bullies at school, I was always picked on as I was different. Wither it was at school or on the street.
All throughout school from elementary to highschool, and my own father never had patience with me as a child, and I would get yelled at, simply because I did not know what tool to bring him, as I did not know what a ratchet or socket sizes are at 6yrs old.
I tried helping my dad after almost nearly losing my brother in a car crash that left him brain damaged, but my father got remarried and decided I was no longer needed.
I feel hurt, I feel pain, I just love her and miss her. She was all I could ever asked for.
I try doing what I can to make others happy, but I'm finding I can't make myself happy. Just a lot reminds me of how much I miss her.
Last year I thought it was over, I nearly collapsed after going outside to take the pets outs, things just didn't feel right, I tried sitting down. But I started to feel queasy and dizzy, buzzing sounds where starting to ring in my ears, I knew I wasn't going to last long, I yelled at the dogs to get them in, I started to lose balance and everything started to go black, I tried getting inside to the house, walking was difficult, I was finding it hard to breathe.
I got in the house, barely had the energy to shut the door, climbed on the couch and went fetal position and tried to breathe. It was hell and scary, I thought it was game over.
I was too tired to do anything and I'm alone at that point.
I did went to the ER, but they couldn't find anything. The next several days I felt tired and sick.
I never want to go through that again...
Just so much throughout the years that just weighs on me and I've never felt as alone as I do.
I know there's been advice and support, I just find it very difficult.
Well, first of all, just ignore Lucario's inconsiderate, insensitive need to say he's never had depression and is a happy dude in a topic where people are sharing their struggles with depression. (Seriously, Lucario, what the hell?)
Secondly, I'm glad you wrote all this out and confided in us as a community. We're definitely here for you in case you don't feel that no one else in your life is. Do you have someone in your life that you can confide in as well, like a therapist? I think that would be extremely beneficial for you if you don't have someone like that already.
Otherwise, *bro hug*
no I just meant, ugh nevermind...
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: lolmonade on October 06, 2016, 10:22:42 AM
I don't have long term depression, but have been struggling with it over the last 4-6 months due to my wife and I separating, and the emotional fallout I've been reconciling since then.
The immediate thought a lot of people seem to think is that depression is defined as a deep, neverending sadness. Might be true for some, but for me, it's manifested as brief periods of that deep sadness or anger, along with a sustained loss of passion or interest of anything in life, with exception to my kids.
Food loses its taste, or more specifically, I stop caring about how good things taste.
Hobbies don't provide me with any joy or entertainment like they used to. Gaming has all but stopped with exception to a few rounds of Rocket League if just to keep my mind occupied from idle thought.
I pile all my expendable energy into necessities or project you need done, not because I'm motivated, but because I need to occupy every waking moment with something to keep me from having time alone with my thoughts. Mercifully, I've bought a fixer upper house to move me and my boys into, which has provided me with a healthy outlet in the evenings and weekends. When not doing that, I try to go running or exercising in some fashion and exert whatever excess energy I have left because I want to wear myself out completely and be able to just pass out on my pillow at night.
When that doesn't work, I find myself in bed at night lost in my thoughts and feelings of heartache, loss, anguish, resentment, etc. Music sometimes helps with sorting these all out, but just as often I find myself sinking into the floor, walls feeling like they're collapsing on me. It's hard to elaborate beyond that, but it's a horrible feeling that doesn't go away until I fall asleep and can start the routine the next day.
And yet, despite all that, I don't want to be around anyone. I want to be alone, am sick and tired of keeping the appearance of being an even tempered, rational adult who has their **** together. But I have responsibilities/commitments to keep, and an obligation to keep my kids as well taken care of as I can and limit the impact this all has on them, even though I know it is.
My therapist likens it to me going through the different stages of grief, as if there was a death i'm mourning. And in some ways, I am mourning the relationship I had with my wife. I just don't know if there's anything to salvage at the end of this mourning process.
Don't take this as me downplaying or likening my personal turmoil to the actual tragedy you've been dealt, MysticGohan, only another person's perspective. I know you've got the longer measuring stick, it's just that for me, all this pain and hurt is relative.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Wah on October 06, 2016, 11:04:11 PM
To all those peps who have friends with depression the best thing you can do is well smile, be there for them and be their councillor!
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Wah on October 06, 2016, 11:04:32 PM
^^^ is what I meant to say
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on October 06, 2016, 11:32:06 PM
Oh, you're fine, Lucario! :P:
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Wah on October 07, 2016, 06:01:43 AM
As fine as that sexy avatar? XD
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: supermario2k on October 07, 2016, 10:19:54 AM
To all those peps who have friends with depression the best thing you can do is well smile, be there for them and be their councillor!
Actually as someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety, that is the worst thing you can do. It patronizes them and makes them feel like you don't really care. Even if you are sincere just, smiling at someone and reminding them of how unhappy they are doesn't really help.
Also unless you are a fully trained, properly licensed counselor you should not even try to counsel someone with depression, you might do more harm than good. Be a good friend, listen to what they have to say, listen don't try to fix, and don't push them away when they come to you in need, that is better advice. Your heart was in the right place, I think, but your advice was not that sound, just FYI in case you actually do have friends with depression.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: Phil on October 07, 2016, 02:38:52 PM
Yeah, very much agreed, supermario2k.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: segagamersteph on May 25, 2018, 04:16:51 PM
Wow, okay so looking back on my past accounts made me realize just how much I did struggle with depression and anxiety. Ever since I found myself back in Nevada I have been fighting it off again. When I started telling people about the secret life I was hiding it was a weight off my shoulders. It felt like so much of what was eating me alive was because I couldn't be true to who I was inside. Then I moved back in with my parents. They live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. I can't tell them yet out of fear they would kick me out. I know they say they love and support me no matter what, but based on things they say while watching cable news makes me reluctant to share too much right now. This has put me in a weird position where I am not only living with my parents, a nightmare for anyone in their 30's that struggled to get out on their own in the first place. Its even worse knowing what they would think of me or do to me if they knew I was different than they raised me. It's even harder still being back in the town I went to high school. Where a lot of my problems began. I tried to make the most of it, being optimistic about starting a news site, talking to people about forming a Rotary Club, etc., then it hit me, all I am doing is planting my feet in a town I want desperately to leave again. Either I dig myself in and make this my home, which would push my depression beyond the point where I could ever get back out. Or I cut and run leaving the people behind with high hopes and nothing to show for all the work I am doing just to get out of bed each day. The job search has improved but again, every time I get good news something happens that pulls the rug out from under my feet. It was hard enough when I kept things secret and just dealt with the anxiety of hoping nobody would find out. Telling people has been a double edged sword. The relief of getting it off my chest was a stress release I needed. But it's such a small town, the more people who find out the harder it will be to keep from my parents. I've considered just rippng the band aid off but I feel like I would be wiser to wait till I have a job and get into my own place first. Or, I seek counseling and go back to living a lie.
Title: Re: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?
Post by: BeautifulShy on June 02, 2018, 04:52:44 AM
Hard situation to be in Stephanie. Not really an easy choice. If I was in your place and you felt that your safety was in jeopardy if you showed your true self then I would try and find a place to live independently. If that was the case then if you might consider moving. There are lots of protections and laws in these cities in Nevada. Enterprise, Las Vegas, Paradise. Reno is another option and it is pretty close to Northern California and the resources there.
If you do decide to rip the bandaid off it is a good idea to have a safety net under you. Like friends you can stay with, support groups and legal info if things turn bad and you have to leave. It really isn't an easy situation to be in I am afraid to say.
