Community Forums => General Chat => Topic started by: MysticGohan on November 27, 2013, 01:26:23 AM
Title: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on November 27, 2013, 01:26:23 AM
I know you guys have known me for awhile, I've been on and off again. I post mostly here, so forgive me if this is in the wrong board.
I just need all the emotional support I can get. My angel was in a fight against metastize breast cancer, she passed away yesterday. I loved her dearly, and now I'm at a lost. I've known her for 15 years. She meant the world to me.
I have so much sadness in my heart, I thought she could beat this.
I love her dearly.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Caterkiller on November 27, 2013, 01:32:43 AM
I'm sorry to hear that man. We were just miiversing about this earlier yesterday... I wish I had known years in advanced then maybe I could have been of some help.
You have my condolences.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: NWR_insanolord on November 27, 2013, 01:39:33 AM
Not to be offensive, but this really doesn't belong in Console Discussion. I'll move it over to General Chat.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on November 27, 2013, 01:53:15 AM
hence my apologies in advance. More people would see it here and I didn't know any better place than the one I post the most.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Khushrenada on November 27, 2013, 01:56:23 AM
I really am deeply sorry for you and for such awful news.
If I knew how to say something to take away your grief, I'd tell it to you but no one has found a way yet.
All I can tell you is from the times we played Mafia and you posted frequently on these boards, I've always liked you because you've always come across as a genuinely nice person. If you loved her dearly, then I'm sure she was someone also as friendly and warm-hearted as you. I'm truly sorry for such an outcome to have happened to her and for you and everyone else involved.
If you need an outlet and this forum can help in some small way, by all means, use it as you feel necessary. If you need to talk about it, we'll listen.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on November 27, 2013, 02:10:22 AM
Thanks Khush, I loved playing mafia with you guys, some crazy hijinx. I love her beyond words can express. Thanks so much. It hurts alot, and her family are in pain from the loss as well.
She truly was my angel.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Oblivion on November 27, 2013, 03:33:06 AM
Oh my gosh... I cannot even fathom what you are going through right now. I don't know you whatsoever but you have my condolences.
Damn. :(
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: mysticgohan on November 27, 2013, 04:17:37 AM
Thanks guys, I appreciate everyone here. Just so sad she's gone, she really started going down since late last month. I clinged on to the hope that cannabis oil would save her. chemo failed her, her doctors had poor bedside manner and her primary told her she was going to die because she was terminal. This is no way to treat someone who needs compassion.
I love her and have been with her every inch of the way. It hurts to see her go, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't an emotional mess.
She was my love and life, really miss her. She made me laugh and was always there when needed. She always tried to do the best she could. She was a very kind and sweet woman. I wish we could have more time together, she was more family to me than my own. She was my love and I could talk to her and vice versa.
I'm at a lost, I feel alone not having her around and having to go to a house without her.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Plugabugz on November 27, 2013, 06:30:53 AM
My dad died a few weeks ago. He went from "my foot hurts" to being gone in the space of 3 weeks. I know exactly what you're feeling right now. His funeral was only last week.
The most important thing to remember is to smile, they are always with you. Even if not physically.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: lolmonade on November 27, 2013, 10:19:24 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Me experiencing this with my wife is probably one of my worst fears. Just remember there's no 'wrong' way to greive a loss like this, so approach it the way that best lets you cope (other than self-harm, I hope).
I don't know you well, but you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: azeke on November 27, 2013, 01:05:49 PM
I, too, lost a family member just this last week. Really makes you think. Puts things into perspective.
In fact i was listening to telethon right after coming home from cemetery. I guess i needed it.
My condolences to everyone who lost their loved ones.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Fatty The Hutt on November 27, 2013, 01:45:45 PM
So awful. I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I can not imagine what you are going through. If I lost my wife (of 20 years) I would be devastated. I am glad you are reaching out to us, as a community centered around games, having fun and happier times. I hope all the goofiness around here makes you smile a bit, though it will be hard for a long time, I expect. I also hope you are getting counselling. You need it. Seeking therapy and counselling are additional tools to help combat your devastating grief. Also, try to stay healthy, get rest, exercise and eat. Trite reminders but likely important at this critical time. Lastly, if there's anything internet friends like us can do to help, say the word.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: mysticgohan on November 27, 2013, 02:42:15 PM
Thanks everyone, it means alot. Thanks Catakiller for your miiverse posts, really wish We could had more time together, but the surgery that was supposed to help her, really didn't nor did chemo.
Everyday hurts that she's not here, I'll miss making her coffee, playing games with her, just my everday life with her. She was looking forward to the new mario game. She was just so frail and in pain to do anything. God.... it hurts, I love her so much.
I wish we could've gotten married, I'll deeply miss her. It hurts so much, I lost my Mom when I was 15, I lost my love of 15 years.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: nickmitch on November 28, 2013, 01:19:00 PM
Sorry to hear about your loss. You my sincerest condolences. I know dealing with loss can be tough, but I'll keep you in my prayers.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: mysticgohan on November 28, 2013, 05:19:34 PM
Thanks guys, it's hard to bare the sadness. Just hurts so much, I'm completely lost without her. She's always on my mind and my heart breaks. She so wanted to go home with me, I wish we could've. She passed away on the 38th anniversary of her mom's passing.
God know's I'll miss her, I just can't get over that she's gone.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Khushrenada on November 28, 2013, 08:00:49 PM
Unfortunately, you may never get over that. It will probably be months before you even begin to feel like normal again. It's a rocky road to lose someone that close and it will really be one day at a time for awhile. You are mentioning a lot of regrets or things you would have like to have done. You'll probably think a lot about that for now but don't let it ruin you and forget to think about the things you were able to do together. In time, remembering more of those moments will help ease the pain of the loss and let you thoughts stay fondly about her.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: ShyGuy on November 28, 2013, 08:49:02 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Wah on November 28, 2013, 10:04:18 PM
May the Aura be with You Friend.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on November 29, 2013, 12:09:36 AM
Thanks guys, just can't express my sorrow enough. It's hard talking to people around me.
She meant alot, my heart just sunk. It was hard letting her go at the hospital, I did my best to help her recover.
I just don't feel right without her.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: nickmitch on November 29, 2013, 01:43:30 AM
I remember when my mom passed, and I felt a lot like what you're feeling now. It was so hard to just keep going, but at the end of the day, I knew I had to.
I know it seems hard, or near impossible, but you absolutely can move forward. It doesn't mean forgetting, it means continuing to live.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on November 29, 2013, 01:55:58 AM
I know, but it's never easy. She was legendary, she made me feel so much after so long of depression dealing with my mother's death and taking care of siblings. It was a very emotional time, and this just feels far worse, and I really loved my mom.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on December 30, 2013, 03:53:01 AM
Hey Guys, thanks for being supportive. I'm back at our home, it's been a rough month since her passing, I love her beyond words. It's been rough each day, everything just reminds me of her. I just got over the flu, with temperatures over 103.6, it was hell. But I'm back to feeling normal, what can be considered normal.
I've got an appointment on the 8Th of January to see a specialists for cancer, one which my primary doctor arranged to get done, as I'm approaching the age that cancer took my mom at. Can't lie and say I'm not nervous, of which I am.
I have a health directive and a Will just in case anything happens. I'm lost, I love my angel, a nick name she always had and one I've always been fond of. I know she's in a better place, I hope there's a heaven and that there's a place for me by her side.
Had a lot of bad things happen to me in my childhood life and left me feeling uncertain about church and religion. She was the same way, she believed in God, Jesus and Heaven, she was raised Catholic. Me, I've been Baptist, Methodists and Catholic, I've been to each church. I just believe in God, that there is a higher power.
I just want to be with her should anything happen to me. I miss her so much. I did my best to give her kids a good Christmas, I gave her son The Last of Us for PS3 and a FSU beanie hat, and her Daughter a plaque in a shape of a heart with butterflies with the words "Mom is another word for Love" and a 18" diamond sterling silver 3D heart pendant with the word Mom in the center. I gave her grandson a blutooth headset for his 360 and cellphone, and dragonball raging blast 2. Since he loves DBZ. I bought her daughter's boyfriend a saltwater fishing kit, I got one of her sister's 36 bars of kit kats, as she really loves them and the other I got a freshwater pearl necklace and silver sterling earrings. All from me and my angel, I got a couple Christmas presents. But all in all it just didn't feel much like Christmas without her. Everyone loved their gifts.
I hope She had a great Christmas in heaven, lord knows how much I love her and miss her.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Fatty The Hutt on December 30, 2013, 05:51:50 PM
Keep your chin up, man. It is nearly a new year! Nice you have an appointment with a specialist but I hope you also have an appointment with a therapist. You need counselling. I am not trying to be a jerk here or kid you with a sitcom punchline, you seriously need counselling. Don't delay on this or try to do the "guy" thing and think it is some sort of weakness. It's not. Go.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on December 30, 2013, 06:12:20 PM
I have counseling in place, however it's nice to talk to, at the end of the day it doesn't help with the pain. Everything reminds me of her and everything we did together. It's hard, I never had counseling when my mom passed away, I was 15 at the time, I had my siblings and dad to take care of. Not that I asked to, I just got put into that position and eventually felt I wasn't appreciated and dealt with my emotions and loss alone.
You're cool Fatty, I'm just lost and unsure what to do. I hate people pressuring me that it'll be ok, you'll find someone new. That is something I do not like hearing, I lost someone who was a big part of my life, I do not want to find a replacement, as no one can take her place. The thought irks me, I love her and I wouldn't feel right with anyone else.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Stratos on December 30, 2013, 06:32:37 PM
First of all, hang in there. I've been wrestling with how or even if I should respond to this, deleting multiple posts I've tried to make. Nothing sounded appropriate. Should I send words of comfort? Encouragement? I've been moved to a loss of words. I'm recently married myself and the thought of losing my other half is frightening and difficult to face. I can only imagine the pain and sorrow you face.
Don't let anyone pressure you to make any major decisions. Right now, you are hurting. It is your time to mourn and to process what has happened. The last thing you should do is make a major decision while your emotions are running high. And most likely there is nothing that can't wait for you to decide on for a bit. Granted, you don't want to become mired in your pain, but nothing is wrong taking it easy for several months to regain some form of footing. It's sure not going to 'get better' or 'become like it used to'.
My wife and I will keep you in our prayers.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on December 30, 2013, 07:39:30 PM
Thanks Stratos, it means a lot. There's a lot baring down my shoulders. She was my first and only love, We could've had a child but she miscarried 3 months in. Very few people know this, it hurt both of us. She's my angel, I love her and I miss her. I wish she was still here, she was a great woman. She was always close to my heart.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on January 20, 2014, 10:18:52 PM
Hey Guys, I got the results from an MRI I had it's bad news. I have abnormalities in the brain and fluid building up, the Doctor is concerned and their making an appointment with a neurologists.
I'm not sure what to do, it would explain most of the pain I'm having. Just not the news I was expecting, but had thought something was wrong and suggested and mri to my Doc. Here we are :(
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: UncleBob on January 20, 2014, 10:19:28 PM
:(
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on January 20, 2014, 10:35:26 PM
;_;
Sorry to hear that. But maybe it turns out to not be as bad as you think.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on January 20, 2014, 11:01:03 PM
Hopefully bnm, but to be honest I'm not sure what to think. I never been through anything like this, and I've been suffering pains for some time. I hope everything will be ok.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Fatty The Hutt on January 21, 2014, 02:45:36 PM
Not good news that you have an issue but very good news you are having it treated. Prognosis is good. Keep us posted. Your internet friends like you!
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Stratos on January 21, 2014, 07:32:06 PM
I wish I knew more of what those symptoms meant. I've become a bit of a health nut over the past two and a half years but I'm not terribly knowledgeable on the brain specifically. If I do come across anything I will pass it on to you if you are interested in suggestions.
The important thing is to hang in there and not give up hope. A large part of your fight will be psychological.
Still praying for you. If you ever want any extra encouragement you are always free to drop me a line.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on January 21, 2014, 09:13:36 PM
Thanks guys, much appreciated. It's been very hard these last few month. Losing my Angel was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I now know how she felt, the day she got the news she had cancer :(
I just hope they can explain more to me what this means and what it means to me and my life.
Would explain the pressure I've been feeling in my head, the shooting pains in my legs, left arm and breast, the coldness and numb tingling feelings, pains shooting down my back.
I had pains for years, but never thought that this could be the culprit, and it really showed it's head months before my angel passed away. I just hope it's not cancer, my mom's side seems to be cursed with getting cancer.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: nickmitch on January 21, 2014, 10:31:07 PM
Keeping you in my prayers, man.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on January 22, 2014, 01:12:11 AM
Thanks man, You guys are the best!
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on January 24, 2014, 06:26:10 PM
I have an appointment scheduled for the 10th of February with the neurologist. My primary doctor wants me to have a followup after the appointment and inform him what the neurologist tells me, and if I need anything to call them.
This has be a little worried from the sound of the medical assistant's voice. Hopefully all will go well, although I'm not sure what to expect. Hopefully while I'm there, I can get a copy of the MRI results.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on January 24, 2014, 06:55:27 PM
They don't seem to make this sound very urgent, more precautionary, so I wouldn't put too much thought into something I can't fix or change.
Just continue to live everyday to the fullest, and have no worries, because stress only makes matters worse, never better.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Khushrenada on January 24, 2014, 11:35:50 PM
Yeah, I'm hoping things go well for you. If anyone needs a break from bad news, it is you. It just seems like you are getting hit with nothing but stress, worry and sadness and just constantly be bombarded with that can be even worse than just having an illness. Keep us informed, MysticGohan.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on January 25, 2014, 12:15:16 AM
I will guys, it bothers me on alot of levels as what the cause is if any. I was born premature by 3months, I was physically man handled by my older cousin at 6 or 7 and thrown with my back against the wall. I fell 6 to 8 feet off the side of an apartment when the step rotted away and I fell off to the side and landed on the backside of my skull, my neck went crunch, I lost vision for a few mins and could not move. That was a decade ago. I just hope this doctor knows what he's doing. No offense but I dislike foreign doctors, they seem to want to know personal stuff like some kind of pedophile and you can't understand a thing they're saying as everything sounds like bad english being butchered with no pause in between sentences.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Khushrenada on January 25, 2014, 01:26:45 AM
I will guys, it bothers me on alot of levels as what the cause is if any. I was born premature by 3months, I was physically man handled by my older cousin at 6 or 7 and thrown with my back against the wall. I fell 6 to 8 feet off the side of an apartment when the step rotted away and I fell off to the side and landed on the backside of my skull, my neck went crunch, I lost vision for a few mins and could not move. That was a decade ago. I just hope this doctor knows what he's doing. No offense but I dislike foreign doctors, they seem to want to know personal stuff like some kind of pedophile and you can't understand a thing they're saying as everything sounds like bad english being butchered with no pause in between sentences.
Nah, I get it. If you have a regular physician to use for check-ups or other needs, you can have to talk about information that might be intimate about yourself and something you wouldn't normally share with other people. That's why there is doctor confidentiality. For me, if I'm going to talk to someone about these things, I'd like it to be someone I can understand and who probably has a similar background like me so that there isn't any culture confusion and you can just relate better with them.
For the most part, I've moved around a lot in life and then have never really had much in regards for poor health so I hadn't bothered in going to a doctor since school. Lately, I had been thinking that maybe I should just swallow the medicine and find a doctor and get some check-ups done and make sure of my health even if I have to suffer a few indignities in order to do that. Looking up doctors who were accepting new patients, I found one close by my area and gave him a shot. As it worked out, he was just who I was looking for and I am quite happy with his bedside manner and care and have full confidence in him from the few appointments I've had with him.
I think you need to have that relationship and trust with your physician because if you don't, then you are never going to be sure of anything he recommends or prescribes and always having doubt about things means you'll never be sure of your health and questioning what sort of shape you really are in. If it isn't working for you, then I think it is in your best interest to find a doctor who will work for you. If you are familiar with Star Trek, I'd say you sort of want to have the doctor relationship of a Kirk and McCoy. (Or if you are really fortunate, a Picard and Crusher doctor/patient/and other benefits relationship).
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on January 25, 2014, 03:01:27 AM
Oh it's not intimate, it's the question of what I do for a living, and feel like I'm being looked down upon as I'm on disability. And asking questions of where I'm from, it's just not what I'm accustomed to with a typical american doctor.
And questions regarding sex bothers me, especially when asked by a guy. Without getting into details, I've been abused in life so such things make me uncomfortable with those of the same gender. Only my angel ever made me feel comfortable, she relates to me more than anyone I know, even my own family. God knows I miss her.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on February 07, 2014, 01:50:50 AM
Ok I had my colonelcy and everything looks good, they want to followup in 2 weeks.
Now the bigger issue will be this Monday when I see the neurologist and see about getting a copy of the mri.
I miss her guys, not a day goes by that I don't breakdown and cry, she was so close to my heart. Like nobody has ever been. Trying to make the best of my days as well as I can, which can be hard being I'm alone the 85% of the time.
I hope she's doing well and she's happy, god knows I miss her and my heart aches.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Oblivion on February 07, 2014, 04:48:53 AM
...****. This whole thread makes me sad. My condolences for some of the fucked up **** that's been happening in your life, man. Hope you make it through alright.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on February 07, 2014, 05:03:10 AM
I will try my best Oblivion, it's what I've been doing my whole life. Just losing her has been the single hardest thing in my life. I loved her unconditionally, just hard going through this and not have her by my side. I miss my daily routine with her, it was a life to be around her.
There are days I question why I'm here and she's not? I'd give anything to have her back! I truly loved her more than life itself.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: nickmitch on February 07, 2014, 07:02:38 PM
Try and keep yourself busy, that helped me out a lot after my mom passed. Spending time with friends and family, while doing your best to keep a smile on and live in the moment can really help.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on February 08, 2014, 01:56:36 AM
I have a hard time there nick, I have no family around, none that are blood. I only have her family, and I find myself alone 85% of the time. I do the best I can, she was my life, she was there for me when my family wasn't. She loved and accepted me.
it's the most love I've ever had. She's an angel.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: BlackNMild2k1 on February 08, 2014, 02:06:16 AM
After my grandpa died, I started a new job, buried myself in work and worked as many hours as they would let me sit at my desk. Almost 1 year to the day later, I started a new better job and did the exact same thing well past my grieving period because it still motivated me to work hard (my grandpa was a very hard worker, up to near the end) and make him proud.
So I suggest you do something that she would know makes you happy, something that would make her proud, and do it to the best of your abilities, for yourself and in her honor. It will keep you occupied and hopefully productive and you can put yourself at ease because you know she is looking down, watching over you and smiling.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on February 11, 2014, 03:06:27 AM
Went to my appointment with the neurologist, who seemed oblivious of the mri I had done. Told me it's probably old and I have a pinch nerve in my neck, he asked the same questions, which were already answered. I get prescribed two different pain medications, which upon looking up have some serious side effects. Just great! They want me to come back next week so they can run a nerve test in my arm, by placing a needle in my muscle and send electric pulses. good times!
Both me and Lori think the guy's an idiot. I saw my primary today as well, he told me that the technician over seeing the mri subtly noted that there was an abnormal amount of fluid over the brain, while not an immediate threat, it's a cause for concern. They will go over the mri with the neurologist and get his expertise
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on March 01, 2014, 10:54:48 PM
Seen my Neurologist he did and EVG, nerve tests on both hand, my left arm and neck. Not the most pleasant experience I can tell you. My left hand had slower response to electrical currents than the right. The Doctor stuck needles into muscles and asked me to move up, it was painful due to the needle being right in the direction he was asking me to move.
Think I had a better time with an electric fence. He thinks I have a pinched nerve in my neck, or a bad vertebrae, so I had another MRI done on the neck, upper spine yesterday. Doctor dismisses the subtle Hydrocephalus that was shown in the MRI of the Brain, stating it's congenital and it has to be old from premature birth. Which is rather prude to assume, being there's nothing old to compare it to to make that statement correct.
He want's me to keep taking these pills that I have felt have no real effect, it's been 3+ weeks now. And still no answers on what's affecting me.
I still miss my angel, everyday. Just miss her.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: Stratos on March 01, 2014, 11:31:01 PM
If you don't feel that the pills are working, you could always stop taking them and see how your body reacts. Doctors tend to be very reactive and do a lot of (educated) guess work with it comes to medicating. I discovered this through a friend who was clinically depressed and the doctor basically admitted he tries one common med after another until the right one works. If you feel worse then go back onto the pills.
Or look up what are in the pills and then search for natural things that can have a similar effect. Wont work for some of the heavy chemical stuff, but if it is something found in nature then got for that in a type of food you can easily eat.
Do you talk to people about your beloved? You could also write letters to her. You never know if she is watching down from heaven and can read it from over your shoulder. Plus the act of writing down your feelings can be quite therapeutic and help ease a troubled heart.
Title: Re: Sad news
Post by: MysticGohan on March 01, 2014, 11:47:42 PM
I don't have many people to talk to, So only a few people I really talk to about her, mostly her sister, since she was there from the start.
I tried writing, but it gets hard everyday I just breakdown, I miss her and love her, being separated from her hurts. She was the only real love and family I ever had. I'd give anything for it all back!
