Post by: Halbred on May 08, 2010, 06:05:24 PM
My wife called me yesterday. I was at the office, not doing anything particularly important, at the time. She informed me that I'd received a package in the mail from "CTA Digital," a company I'd not heard of. I told her to open the package, which she did. Inside, she found the "2 in 1 Padded Puppet Pouch," a stuffed...thing that doubles as a DS holder. She thought it was cute. I recalled our site director, Jon "Manbeam" Lindemann telling me I'd be getting a Puppet Pouch to review. I got home that night eager to see what this Puppet Pouch was all about. Upon gazing into its necrotic eyes, I was instantly terrified.
What was this creature, begging for release? I cut open the box and out fell a creature that I instantly named "Zipperface" for reasons that will become obvious. In fact, Zipperface features two zippers: one that holds its giant mouth shut, and another that holds...things. I guess. Behold, Zipperface:
You caught 2 in 1 Puppet Pouch! Would you like to give a nickname to your newly caught 2 in 1 Puppet Pouch? Yes. Zipperface. Zipperface was sent to Box 1 in Bill's PC!
He likes bellyrubs. Notice the tiny, one might say "vestigal" limbs. There's also a loop for hanging him by his ass, I suppose. I think an actual tail would've worked better.
He's very eager to please, that Zipperface.
The "ventral" zipper opens to reveal a pouch for carrying...things. You could put DS games in there, your DS, or...you can put your weed in there.
You know how starfish (and other echinoderms) puke up their stomach to cover and eat prey? Maybe that's what Zipperface does. In this case, he's slowly consuming my DSi, which he's compatible with, by the way. That's a major selling point.
Keeping the DS in his ventral pouch actually gives some rigidity to his lower half and helps keep him standing up. Between the two zippers, there are velcro pads which split the poor creature in two, effectively breaking his neck. The reasons for this spinal separation are unclear.
Now he's a bearskin rug. So, you know, if you're too cheap to go on a hunt on Kodiak Island, kill and butcher a Grizzly bear, then have it skinned and make a rug from its coat and head, this is a viable alternative.
The inside of his mouth is bright red. Zipperface lacks teeth, though, so I still think he eats things via the echinoderm method (outlined above).
There's a pocket on Zipperface's hard palette that can hold a spare DS card. That's handy. Zipperface is full of useful crevices like that. Notice the white elastic bands. The unassuming naturalist may assume that they have to do with a venom delivery system. Well, you couldn't be more wrong:
In fact, the bands are used to secure the top half of the DS. You know, it strikes me that this may be an uncomfortable way to play my DSi.
Hypothesis confirmed. Frankly, Zipperface fails as a DS "wraparound" but works alright as a system/game carrier for the younger set. The packaging suggests that his padded interior may provide some peace of mind against dropping your DS. This only applies if you drop Zipperface on his dorsal side. There is no padding on his lower half, unless you fill that ventral pouch with something similarly padded, or a DS-shaped piece of styrofoam. Technically, you could hold two DS systems in Zipperface, one in his stomach and one in his mouth, so that's a plus. Surely, Zipperface must fill some niche that other, better products fail to fill. And indeed, he does.
Zipperface is an excellent game dog. Not only does he fetch objects with unbridled enthusiasm, but the fact that he doesn't have teeth (or jaw muscles) means that he won't damage the duck or duck that you just shot.
Good, Zipperface. Sit, boy!
Our primary dog, Ozzie, seems jealous. I didn't take pictures, lest little children become frightened, but Zipperface also makes an EXCELLENT chew toy.
HORRIFYING ADDENDUM
The purpose of the ventral zipper and velcro tabs now becomes clear. Zipperface really IS a puppet! His innards are hollowed out, and your thumb goes in the "lower jaw" while the rest of your hand rests comfortably above his hard palette. However, he's not the most comfortable puppet in the world, and his mouth is too wide. His limbs hang awkwardly from his back. It just looks strange, almost like an afterthought.
FINAL SCORES
As a DS Wraparound: FAIL
As a system/game carrier: 7
As a puppet: Creepy
As a loyal companion: 9
Post by: MegaByte on May 08, 2010, 05:50:55 PM
Post by: NWR_pap64 on May 08, 2010, 06:40:11 PM
Post by: ShyGuy on May 08, 2010, 06:42:29 PM
(http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k302/shyguy70/beartato-funnyfaces.png)
Post by: NWR_Lindy on May 08, 2010, 06:50:15 PM
<applause>
Post by: Stratos on May 08, 2010, 07:33:13 PM
I saw a little girl with a DS animal pouch in the store. It could be worn as a back pack. I don't know if it was designed to hold a DS, but I saw her put it in there. Pretty nifty for the younger crowd.
Post by: Crimm on May 08, 2010, 10:11:49 PM
Post by: Halbred on May 09, 2010, 02:47:43 AM
You have no idea, NO IDEA how much I long for that product.
Post by: Stratos on May 09, 2010, 05:13:00 AM
This was one of the best PR Emails we ever got. Good to see it went to good use, no way they ever contact us again.
What PR email are you referring to? Did they not like the review? I thought it was great.
We need a Zipperface smiley for the forums.
Post by: KDR_11k on May 09, 2010, 10:12:18 AM
Do you guys remember that bizarre Wii thing where you get a stuffed animal and stick the Remote up its ass, then shake it around to make the onscreen avatar do things?
WiiWaa? I believe they didn't have a publisher for that when they showed it and were still looking for one. I doubt they'll get one.
Post by: Halbred on May 09, 2010, 03:11:01 PM
Post by: Stratos on May 09, 2010, 04:20:27 PM
Post by: NWR_Karlie on May 09, 2010, 06:21:05 PM
Post by: Crimm on May 09, 2010, 10:47:32 PM
(https://www.nintendoworldreport.com/media/0/1/860.jpg)
Oh God...
Post by: vudu on May 10, 2010, 01:47:07 PM
"CTA Digital," a company I'd not heard of
The make cheap video game accessories. Wii remote accessories like golf clubs and tennis rackets. Mostly crap.
However, they also make the best DSi case I've ever found (http://www.amazon.com/Protective-Case-Cartridge-Holder-Nintendo-DS/dp/B002GDD72C/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=videogames&qid=1273513555&sr=8-9). Seriously, I can't recommend this case enough.
Post by: Crimm on May 10, 2010, 02:19:47 PM
Post by: Toruresu on May 10, 2010, 09:09:45 PM
Post by: UltimatePartyBear on May 11, 2010, 07:30:04 PM
There's a pocket on Zipperface's hard palette that can hold a spare DS card. That's handy. Zipperface is full of useful crevices like that.
Man, I wish my pets had useful crevices. The few crevices that could even hold DS games at all are far from ideal, to say the least.
