Community Forums => I'M BACK => Topic started by: RABicle on July 13, 2008, 09:28:01 PM
Title: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: RABicle on July 13, 2008, 09:28:01 PM
I was having coffee and arse with Reggie the other day and he seemed a bit more distracted than usual. He had a file with him and he seemed a bit agitated with it. I assumed that the contents were just a list of names he had taken or had to take or something. Anyway in the distance we heard some guy crapping on about Metal Gear Solid 4 and Reggie got mad. "Hey sorry I just gotta kick this guy's arse, been great catching up with ya RAB, smell ya later" and he picked up his file and flew off. He rushed off so quickly though that some paper slipped out as he went. At first I was gunna leave it alone because I know I shouldn't interfere with Reggie's list, that'd be like interfering with Santa's list of who's been bad or good. But I couldnt help myself and I needed to check if RawMeatCowboy's name had been taken yet so I grasped the paper and slipped off to read it, in case Reggie came storming back. What I found though was that it wasn't a list of names as I had suspect but infact the script for this years E3 presentation! Now I wouldn't normally divulge this information of course but me and Perrin Kaplan had a big breakup over the phone earlier tonight. Stupid bitch doesn't know how many syllables are in a haiku, so anyway I'm getting my revenge by telling you guys this ok?
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Nintendo will open the doors early this year, 8am, raising people's hopes that the show might actually start on time this year. Also in a nice nod to hardcore fans the pre show music playing will all be from Overclocked Remix with a few of the arrangements from Smash Bros. interspersed in the mix. Such music will only be used to lull the journalists into a false sense of security as this year the show will be all about laying waste to their pathetic doomsday predictions for Nintendo and it's products. 1up's crew had their seats allocated so that accessing them would have them trip over a rail line that has been built through the Kodak Theatre. As all the guests finish arriving at 9am, the giant projection screen will light up on time only to have a voice announce that "The Nintendo E3 Media and Business Summit conference will begin in twenty minutes". Snipers placed in the balconies of the theatre will shoot any member of the crowd who produces a PSP to pass this time. Meanwhile on the screen a large analoge clock will slowly tick away till the promised start time of 9:20
However, suddenly at 9:10 the screen flashes 'IWATA TIME' a siren playing Iwata's trademark LOLOLOLOLOLOL is heard and then an explosion to the side of stage near the back of the auditorium sees a wall collapse. From out of it, running on the train line comes Iwata riding atop the 'Success' train. It's an old school steam train except there's something different about the furnace. Instead of coal being burnt, the train runs off cash. Cash is being fursiously shoveled into the furnace by two men dressed as Mario and Luigi. Iwata, speaking though a megaphone announces "ARRWL ABROAD!!" as the train weaves through the theatre, blowing smoke in the faces of IGN journalists and knocking the chips out of GoHobo's greasy hands. With confusion still reigning the train exists stage right and the clock reappears on the screen.
With the clock at 9:15 the voice announces that the conference will start shortly but will add in an apologetic voice that the delay is because Reggie has been so busy taking names that he's late and the show might have to go on without him.
When the clock reaches 9:20 the screen fades out to black, fading in is K. K. Slider. "Oh hey hope you've been enjoying some of my tunes, I normally play on Saturday but Reggie said I had to play today of he'd kick my arse." "Anyway it's good too see you again Iwata, have fun today in Los Angeles"
It soon becomes apparent that Animal Crossing Wii is being played live for the audience. Iwata marches proudly around the outside of his house, checking the notice board. "LOLOL they still believe in that Metroid Dread **** hey? - Retro" is the only new message. Iwata's character, an Animal Crossing style deformed Mii appears to giggle as he moves off. Meanwhile in the audience NWR staff are crying.
Iwata walks along and finds a turtle standing around sadly by a house that looks both, in complete and partially collapsed. The turtle named Kaz laments, "Oh this is my HOME you see it's uh, it's not finished, my HOME that is. Do you think people will like my HOME? They didn't like Heavenly Sword will they like my HOME?" Iwata buries a pitfall and continues walking.
He comes to Tom Nook's store. Tom immediately hassles him about the mortgage on Iwata's house Iwata laughes and pays the full amount on the spot, with thousands of credits left over. "Oh hey! Well maybe you'd like to see some of my new products!" Tom introduces a piece of furniture that will "Not make your house's layout suck so much." It also adds a basement for additional storage. Iwata quickly purchases it.
Finally Iwata takes the stage in real life, first asking why none of the journos jumped about the success train, suggesting they might prefer their 'Ruse' seats. A handful of curious journos will check to confirm that yes, their seat has been labeled "Loser" the whole time. Iwata will talk about the firmware update. The firmware is designed to free up space by allowing the Wii to access the SD card slot for all save data, they'l hold off launching channels from SD cards because of piracy concerns. Firmware will be released not through download, rather included on selected new releases and available at retail, bundled with an SD card. New Wiis will be shipping with 4gig of flash memory on board and the latest firmware. Other changes will see the Wii message board and calender revamped to not suck so much cock.
Iwata leaves the stage for the video to carry on. His avatar moving about the village of Los Angeles, talking to other animals who all demo a new game. The biggest and most extensive demo will be for Wii Sports: Team Play, an online enabled Wii Sports sequel focusing on team sports allowing players to play as their Mii on a team comprised of other people online. Sports include; Netball, Volleyball, Hockey, Lacross and Polo. The demo reel displays a Lacross team of Reggies completely overwhelm a lame clan with [MT] preceding their names.
Other games showcased by animals include New Super Mario World, Megaman 9, Disaster: Day of Delay, PIkmin DS and 1080°
At one point Iwata visits the Able sisters who mention that Aonuma dropped off a new design. The design is naturally that of a triforce. Iwata also passes by Kaz again to find that he has fallen into the pitfall. Still though, no sign of Reggie.
Miyamoto comes out to introduce Wii Music after K. K. Slider runs a demo reel to Iwata in Animal Crossing. Miyamoto invites members of the audience on stage to join him in a live performance. Unlike weaker music gmaes out there, Wii Music turns out to be much more about music creation and jam sessions than memorisation of button combos and RSI. Of course the audience members have pretty much no talent whatsoever as Miyamoto selected Gamespot staff from the audience. Suddenly a Quitar Hero guitar comes flying in from offstage, clocking a Gamespotter on the head, knocking him to the ground. Reggie comes out and he's looking MAD. "ALOT OF PEOPLE ARE WONDERING WHY GUITAR HERO WORLD TOUR IS GUNNA SUCK ON WII AND THAT'S BECAUSE GUITAR HERO ALWAYS SUCKED. I DONT WANT THOSE WEAK GUITAR HERO MAGGOTS ON WII, WII IS FOR EVERYONE BUT LOSERS!" Reggie goes on to smash the rest of the guitar like some rockstar.
The LOLOLOLOLOL siren starts again and the Success train returns. Miyamoto and Reggie both jump on board, Reggie throwing any journalist who tries over his head. This time though the train is powered not by coal or cash, but photocopies of litigation and legal documents Nintendo is preparing to level against Microsoft for stealing the wii mote and Sony for sullying the video game industry so much. As the train leaves from the explosion created at the start of the morning. the Animal Crossing game saves up on screen and returns to the giant clock. Slowly but surely the shocked and frightened journalists realise the show is over and return to their miserable lives.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: BeautifulShy on July 13, 2008, 10:28:25 PM
Wow Rabicle that was awesome I can't stop laughing.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: EasyCure on July 13, 2008, 10:34:13 PM
However, suddenly at 9:10 the screen flashes 'IWATA TIME' a siren playing Iwata's trademark LOLOLOLOLOLOL is heard and then an explosion to the side of stage near the back of the auditorium sees a wall collapse. From out of it, running on the train line comes Iwata riding atop the 'Success' train.
Pure, unadulterated awesomeness.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: EasyCure on July 14, 2008, 11:13:59 AM
as nickmitch said you've set the bar pretty high on yourself. I like this one though because its a little more down to earth, more realistic. I feel like i could actually see this happening and that would make me pee my pants.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: NWR_insanolord on July 14, 2008, 05:07:52 PM
The idea that Nintendo's storage solution could just be the ability to read saves off the SD card is plausible enough to depress me to the point that I couldn't enjoy this much.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: Bill Aurion on July 14, 2008, 05:16:21 PM
as nickmitch said you've set the bar pretty high on yourself. I like this one though because its a little more down to earth, more realistic. I feel like i could actually see this happening and that would make me pee my pants.
It was actually Mario/Grubdog who suggested to me that Animal Crossing could be a medium through which the conference was conducted. I liked the idea and explored it a bit. It would be pretty abstract and a conference to remember but really difficult to pull off.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: Mario on July 15, 2008, 08:59:24 AM
Breaking news, Animal Crossing has been canceled, Reggie will come in swinging hammers and destroy the pathetic paper town they made, announcing Project Hammers triumphant return.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: RABicle on July 15, 2008, 01:26:17 PM
I am devastated. Seriously I may not even bother next year.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: Plugabugz on July 15, 2008, 01:57:20 PM
REGGIE MONTH IS CANCELLED.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: EasyCure on July 15, 2008, 04:56:52 PM
I cant find them either! **** they had better not be lost forever.
Here is last year's thread. (http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/forums/index.php?topic=21419.0)
I can't find any others.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: Khushrenada on July 18, 2008, 06:44:02 PM
Last year's thread also contains the E3 post 2 years ago. It's quoted by RAB further down. They are all good. I really loved last year's name taking idea. That's always stuck with me and I don't know why. This year it is the money train.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: BeautifulShy on July 18, 2008, 07:12:29 PM
Thanks Vudu. I think I remember reading last years when I was a lurker. Both last years and the year before that is hilarious.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: King of Twitch on July 26, 2008, 03:30:30 AM
In light of things, isn't it time to add 'Wii Music' to the forum filters?
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: Mario on July 27, 2008, 02:27:38 AM
Change it to Ocarina of Time
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: RABicle on December 18, 2008, 10:12:34 PM
Hey guys.
Found 05's conference. (http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/forums/index.php?topic=12444.msg164484#msg16448)
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: NinGurl69 *huggles on December 18, 2008, 10:51:01 PM
EPIC
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: NinGurl69 *huggles on May 19, 2009, 11:41:22 AM
I hope this year's RABicle-entry comes thru.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: ThePerm on May 19, 2009, 01:03:21 PM
2009?
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: EasyCure on May 19, 2009, 01:15:06 PM
Are you doing that thing again, where you quote the wrong post when responding to a direct question?
no, the question was if i bumped an old thread, so i quoted the person who actually bumped the thread, i suppose it would have been easily understood if i had quoted more posts, but i figured you all would be a little smarter. I was wrong.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: nickmitch on May 22, 2009, 12:44:25 PM
It would've made more sense if you quoted both the question and the post that signified the answer.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: vudu on May 22, 2009, 01:56:14 PM
no, the question was if i bumped an old thread, so i quoted the person who actually bumped the thread, i suppose it would have been easily understood if i had quoted more posts, but i figured you all would be a little smarter. I was wrong.
The question was
Are you doing that thing again, where you don't realize you're posting in an OLD thread?
not
Are you doing that thing again, where you don't realize you're bumping an OLD thread?
See the difference?
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: EasyCure on May 22, 2009, 02:28:00 PM
no, the question was if i bumped an old thread, so i quoted the person who actually bumped the thread, i suppose it would have been easily understood if i had quoted more posts, but i figured you all would be a little smarter. I was wrong.
The question was
Are you doing that thing again, where you don't realize you're posting in an OLD thread?
not
Are you doing that thing again, where you don't realize you're bumping an OLD thread?
See the difference?
"Reading comprehension FTW" right vudu? ;)
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: King of Twitch on May 22, 2009, 02:54:01 PM
So is Reggie going emerge this E3 from a smoldering pit on the stage (rising from the ashes) riding a canon-launching train (Spirit Trax), that blows up a PS3/360 pie chart? I think there may have already been a train in a past E3 script though. Facepalm, duh, last year
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: ThePerm on May 22, 2009, 04:10:11 PM
if i post in an old thread that hasn't been bumped, than it will be bumped. If i post in a thread that has already been bumped then it ceases to be an old thread.
Also "2009?" that sort of suggests i've read the old thread and am suggesting to Rabicle that he makes a 2009 version.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: NinGurl69 *huggles on May 22, 2009, 04:13:21 PM
"suggesting to Rabicle that he makes a 2009 version."
That is what I gathered from you.
But I figured everyone else would be a little smarter. I was wrong.
Title: Re: RABicle's annual E3 script. 2008
Post by: vudu on May 22, 2009, 04:15:40 PM
