Topic: I'm not making it up, it's in the NEWZ, DEWD.

[BranDonk Kong]

That story is for the birds.

[Stratos]

Betcha the guy's wife/gf taught the bird that phrase. "There he goes again, he's drunk!" And the bird just picked it up over time as the wife/gf bitched about it.

[BlackNMild2k1]

OMG SET HER ON FIRE!!!!

http://ktla.com/2012/10/30/spider-lives-inside-womans-ear-canal-for-five-days/#axzz32NySnYL5

HE"S LIVING IN HER EAR!!!! WTF!!!

Doctors made a nightmarish discovery in the ear of a woman complaining of an itchy sensation.

To the surprise, and no doubt, horror of all, doctor found that a spider had crawled inside the woman’s ear canal and lived there for five days.

GET IT OUT!!! GET IT OUT!!!
::screwdriver in ear:::
#DEAD

[BlackNMild2k1]

Sometimes you have to laugh hysterically, even when it's not funny at all.
http://www.scmp.com/news/china/article/1521835/two-die-cesspit-after-woman-accidentally-drops-her-phone-while-going

Two people died and three were injured in attempt to rescue woman's cell phone

Two people died and three were injured after wading into a cesspool's knee-deep filth in an attempt to retrieve a woman's mobile phone and rescue those who fainted.

The two fatalities were the woman's husband and mother-in-law, a local newspaper reported.

The tragedy unfolded after the young woman in Xinxiang city, Henan, accidentally dropped her brand new phone into a cesspit when she went to the open-pit toilet on Wednesday, according to local newspaper Dahe Daily.

Her husband jumped in to find the 2,000-yuan (HK$2,510) phone but he could not breathe and soon lost consciousness.

Then, the husband's mother jumped in to save him but she, too, soon lost consciousness. In panic, the young woman followed and suffered the same fate.

Seeing his family lying helpless in waste, her father-in-law called to neighbours for help.

When they arrived, the old man also entered the cesspit but could not get out while two neighbours who jumped inside fainted.

“The smell was too strong. I lost consciousness before I could see anything,” said a neighbour.

Other villagers found a rope and tied it on rescuers who, taking turns, pulled six people out of the pit.

The husband and mother-in-law died in hospital while the woman and a neighbour remained in the intensive care unit. The father-in-law was also injured.

The woman and her husband had a one-year-old son.

Villagers said the victims were in the pit – which was knee deep in waste –for no more than five minutes.

A hospital doctor said the victims suffocated.

Villagers said the dead victims had pulses after being pulled out but the ambulance did not arrive for more than an hour.

If you laughed, you are going to hell. But seriously, for a fucking cell phone....
I could have dropped my last set of car keys in there.... "I guess I better call a lock smith and then pony up a few hundred for some new keys, because I am not wading kneed deep in **** & piss at the bottom of a public septic toilet hole to find them.

p.s. HK $2510.00 = < US $325.00

[Oblivion]

Wait, the smell was so bad that they lost consciousness and drowned in **** and urine? That's a fucking shitty way to die.

[Sarail]

It's the pits.

[BranDonk Kong]

Kind of more "depressing and sad" than "funny."

[nickmitch]

Seriously, no cell phone is worth wading around in human **** for.  Even if you got it back, would it still work? Would you still want it?

[BlackNMild2k1]

and after all that, they didn't even mention if she actually got her phone back.
Because if she didn't, then they all died for nothing. This is such a stupidly tragic story.

But it's undeniable that he loved his wife, and that his mom loved him and that she loved him back...
a lot of Crazy, Stupid, Love going on.

[nickmitch]

I don't think I love anybody that much.

[King of Twitch]

Well that's one way to get rid of your mother in law

[pokepal148]

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/06/27/michigan-gop-candidate-ignore-my-arrests-for-publicly-masturbating-in-other-peoples-cars/#.U63DBKc546Q.twitter

A candidate running to represent Michigan’s 95th House district in the state legislature wants you to know that once you look past his bizarre sexual fetish and multiple felony convictions, he is a rock-ribbed conservative Republican, whose “stool of conservatism” is held up by “faith, family and freedom.”

[BranDonk Kong]

Yeah but who hasn't done that?


BTW you can put your hat in the ring for the "I'm moar liberal!" thread if you can find it, since you're using Raw Story (I think I have too)...

[Stratos]

So is Raw the liberal equivalent of the Blaze or something?

[BranDonk Kong]

No, nothing is the liberal equivalent of the Blaze (more like a counter to it). It has been getting rather petty lately though, and ironically it does have advertisements for the Blaze sometimes.

[Shaymin]

Losing primary candidate filing official challenge on the grounds his opponent died 3.5 years ago and was replaced with a duplicate:
http://www.mediaite.com/online/gop-candidate-insists-opponent-is-dead-and-was-replaced-with-lookalike/

His opponent is a sitting US congressman.

And to get the obvious response out of the way:

[nickmitch]

I want that to not be real so bad.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Here is a Darwin Award contender for 2014

Death Metal Band decides to Metal until Death
http://www.nme.com/news/various-artists/78249

Death metal band Unfathomable Ruination are to play in an air-tight, soundproof cube until they run out of oxygen – repeating the feat three nights a week from July 3 until August 1.

"The performance's duration is limited to the length of time in which oxygen is expended. Outside the cube, viewers observe its strange vibrations, only viewing the band’s entrance and exit to the performance space."

So they can't breathe...
we can't hear them...
and no one can see them...

What could possibly go wrong?
What do they possibly gain from this assuming it doesn't go all wrong?

[oohhboy]

That is metal as all ****.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Person Buys Brand New $70k Tesla Model S, Person Then Crashes Car Before Driving Off Lot....
http://jalopnik.com/person-buys-tesla-person-immediately-crashes-tesla-1604504660

Today's the big day. You're just bought a Tesla Model S. You've waited so long. Saved up all that money. You're going to be the hit of the board room. "So forward thinking, so progressive," they'll say about you. No one will notice your gray hairs now. Just ease it out of the lot. There we go.

BOOM.

That is so fucking hilarious. I would feel so stupid and embarrassed if I was that person.
I'm pretty sure I also would have had to be drunk of high on something at the time as well....

Maybe they will hand that person a different one, since technically it never left the lot.... HAHAHALOL yeah right. It might have still been under the Car Lot's insurance though. It was still on their property.

They are probably gonna start letting people get in their new cars on the street just off the property now.

[NWR_insanolord]

Former Panamanian Dictator Manuel Noriega is suing Activision over his portrayal in Call of Duty.

http://www.mcvuk.com/news/read/former-panama-dictator-noriega-suing-activision-over-call-of-duty-likeness/0135442

[Shaymin]

Ah, Noriega. The worst president since Tunney.

[NWR_insanolord]

A former Apple retail employee by the name of Sam Sung is auctioning business cards and uniforms with Apple branding and his name for charity.

http://www.macrumors.com/2014/08/06/apple-sam-sung-auction/

[BranDonk Kong]

BnM please explain how to post links for this newb.

[BranDonk Kong]

Remember that time NASCAR driver Tony Stewart murdered a guy? Really? It was last night...

http://deadspin.com/reports-tony-stewart-ran-over-opposing-driver-during-1618893708

Includes video - the guy was an idiot for getting out of his car...but it looks like he clearly hits him intentionally.