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Kingdom Hearts first impressions thread.

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pokepal148:
I'm playing Kingdom Hearts for the first time. Now I've heard great things about the storytelling in these games (such as "Just skip the cutscenes and enjoy the gameplay" and "This **** is more over complicated than Metal Gear Solid.") so I'm going to take notes to make understanding this more easy and dump them here. Let's get started with Birth By Sleep which is apparently the first game in the series chronologically. What could possibly go wrong?


So the bald guy is Xehanort, the masked guy is Vaniatis (who also goes by the name Edgey for a decent part of this because this game drags it's feet on giving names to it's characters,) the blue haired chick is Aqua, the big brown haired one is Terra, and the spikey haired one is named Ventus.


-Bad Anime opening with pop music is bad. It takes 30 seconds for anything actually disney related to show up amd it's stained glass windows with Disney Princesses on it. No sign of Mickey Mouse in this mess either.

-Some guy with grey hair claiming that this world is too small. Now guy with grey hair is replaced by guy in black cloak holding what appears to be a giant white body pillow.

-Body Pillow turns out to be a sleeping Anime boy in a white cloak. Now he's a shirtless anime boy floating around a void.

-apparently anime boy has merged his heart with another heart. No attempt at an explanation of what the hell is going on is made whatsoever.

-"and one day, you'll be strong enough to win back the part that already did." #qualitywriting

Anime boy summons a keyblade to the amazement of the old guy in a black cloak who started smiling for some reason. also stars.

Anime boy wakes up in a bed somewhere with a shirt on. He's apparently really happy because there's a meteor shower.

Apparently we are in a place called the land of departure which is useful, but we still don't know anime boy's name and that seems more important.

In the land of departure building architecture makes no sense.

-Gameplay begins at last! Combat tutorial.

-this is the worst meteor shower I've ever seen.

WE HAVE ANIME BOY'S NAME! HIS NAME IS VEN!

Supposedly Ven is friends with a girl named Aqua and a guy named Terra. I say supposedly because their interactions are robotic and unnatural as hell.

This Lip Sync is terrible.

Apparently each star is it's own world or something like that.

Apparently Terra and Aqua have a Mark of Mastery exam tomorrow.

Aqua made good luck charms. apparently they are modeled after a star shaped fruit that represents an unbreakable connection. If I was making a good luck charm I wouldn't model it after a fruit. Just saying.

Apparently they aren't even real good luck charms. I'm glad we're wasting time with this. They do have a gameplay thing though.

Supposedly this is the last night they ever spent under the same stars.

New Cutscene. Oh hey, Mickey Mouse finally showed up. He's surfing on a book for some reason.

some wizard guy tells mickey something terrible is about to happen. Cutscene ends. What a good, useful cutscene that was totally not a waste of time.

Apparently we're doing a character select now, ala Sonic Adventure. I chose "Ven" whose real name was apparently actually Ventus.

Ventus's story starts with Terra and Aqua's Mark of Mastery exam for reasons. Some old guy named Master Xehanort who is totally not evil, I swear, please ignore the evil looking stuff he was shown doing in the anime opening. It's not important

Apparently the mark of mastery exam is just "go beat up these balls of light." But Xehanort surrounds the balls of light with darkness so now they're evil balls of light.

Apparently keyblade master guy is voiced by Mark Hamill. Also Aqua and Terra are sparring for some reason

Terra apparently failed the keyblade test thing because darkness.

Xehanort talks to some evil looking dude about Ventus for some reason.

Evil looking dude tells Ventus that Terra is about to ditch him. Ventus responds by waving around a wooden sword. I'm not making this up. He than decides to believe evil dude after a flashback of him and terra being unnatural looking friends.

Terra dons what appears to be magic keyblade armor, turns his keyblade into a magic flying bike and flys away. Ventus turns his keyblade into a flying surfboard and follows suit. I can't make this **** up

Aqua tells Ventus to wait but he doesn't for some reason and follows terra into a portal. Apparently he listens to evil dude he just met but not his friend.


Ventus emerges in a new world and is utterly amazed to see the seven dwarves. He decides terra isn't that important and follows them. The dwarves call him a diamond thief and Ventus calls them out over this. After a little gameplay they tell him to go bug people in a castle.

On his way to the castle Ventus runs into Snow White. After an escort mission and some Disney fanservice she mentions seeing someone else with a keyblade.

Well that's it folks. That's the story of kingdom hearts so far. People seem to think this is some crazy, difficult ro follow narrative but it seems simple enough.

Khushrenada:

--- Quote from: pokepal148 on May 08, 2018, 11:16:34 PM ---What could possibly go wrong?

--- End quote ---

You could put everything in a quote box which has a smaller font making it tougher to read.

pokepal148:
Moar story!

after a boss battle It's revealed that someone pointed a keyblade at the villian of Snow White. Terra gives up on searching the castle for some reason and leaves for another world

-Cinderella world. "Castle of Dreams."


Roxas shrank for some reason and met Cinderella, who mistook him for a mouse.

Jaq (an actual mouse from Cinderella) informs Roxas that Cinderella has a dream, causing Roxas to think about how Terra dreams of being a keyblade master.

Roxas goes looking for pieces to make Cinderella's Dress, eventually culminating in a pretty neat boss fight with a cat.

With the dress completed Cinderella goes off to the ball.

Jaq asks Ventus about his dream, Ventus reveals that his dream is to become a keyblade master. He remarks that he just has to "keep on believing" throwing stuff like hard work and long hours of study and sword practice completely out the window.

-Sleeping Beauty world, "enchanted domain"-


Ventus encounters Sleeping Beauty and decides to help her out. Who cares about Terra anyways.

Apparently Aurora is sleeping because Maleficent stole her heart. The Three Good Fairies agree to help Ventus go after her.

Maleficent apparently put up a wall of fire to keep people away from her castle.

Maleficent also apparently realized that the unversed are freaking useless and hired her own henchmen

Ventus finds Aurora's heart and has a flashback of Prince Charming and Aurora.

Maleficent shows up and claims that Terra was the one who stole Aurora's Heart. Cue Boss Fight

Maleficent continues to claim that Terra stole Aurora's Heart but Aqua shows up and claims otherwise.

Aqua tries to talk some sense into Ventus but he flashes back to that dark boy from yesterday and chooses to once again believe evil looking dude over his """Friend"""

-somewhere-

Cut to Xehanort talking to some dude. We don't know what they're saying because Nomura is a horrible storyteller who thinks having people talk but we can't hear what they say at all is a good cinematic technique but the guy he's talking to smiles.

-in the sky between worlds.-

Edgy the dark boy shows up and leads Ventus to some other place and this is TOTALLY NOT A TRAP!


Edgey summons a keyblade and they fight. It's a boss fight that Ventus is rigged to lose because that's good game design. Also edgey breaks your lock on every half a second because good game design

Edgey blasts Ventus but he is saved by Mickey Mouse, who claims that Keyblades aren't supposed to be used "Just to bully somebody around"

 The game refers to Mickey as "the newcomer" and acts like we don't know who Mickey Mouse is. They go and bully edgey around two against one, proving Mickey to be a hypocrite.

Mickey is apparently training to use a keyblade under Yen Sid (whose name spelled backwards is Disney, just like Eraqus's name is Square spelled backwards with the Q and the U flipped.isn't that clever?)

Mickey decided that surfboards are lame and travels around with a magic rock, except he can't control his magic rock and it kind of just randomly warps him to places. Great job buddy.

The Rock sends Mickey away and Ventus decides to go to a place called Radiant Garden.

-Radiant Garden-


Ventus spots Mickey here. I guess the idea is that the rock sent them both here except it dropped me off at the world select over radiant garden. Like there is no explanation of

Ventus meets some guards at a castle after losing track of Mickey and they kick him out. Then some monster shows up and Ventus runs off to bully it around with his keyblade even though it hasn't done done anything yet.

Some guy named Even shows up and says that Ventus is a special case (I agree) and then starts talking about "A heart devoid of Darkness" or some **** before saying "very questionable" and walking off.

Ventus finds the monster attacking Scrooge Mcduck and throws his keyblade at it.

Scrooge reveals he came from another world and was brought here by a wizard named Merlin. He also gives Ventus 3 lifetime passports to a place called Disney Town as thanks for saving him.

While chasing the monster Ventus runs into a wizard named Merlin who tells him about a book. Rather than do anything useful to the plot the book just unlocks a command deck.

Terra and Aqua show up and two monsters they were chasing join up with Ventus's monster to form one big super monster that they all bully with their keyblades.

Aqua again tries to get Ventus to go home but Ventus claims that Edgey is history even though edgey walked away perfectly fine. Terra says that edgey's real name is Vaniatis and tries to get Ventus to go home.

Terra claims that he has a dangerous task ahead of him. Aqua questions what this dangerous task could be, claiming it doesn't sound like something the master told him to do.

Aqua questions Terra's claims that he's fighting the darkness, saying that she's been to the same worlds he has and has seen what Terra has done. She claims terra shouldn't put himself so close to the darkness.

After Ventus gives a line about how "Terra would never!" Terra calls out Aqua for spying on him and asks if that was what the master ordered him to do.

Terra basically tells everyone to **** off and claims he's on his own now. Ventus calls Aqua "awful" for no real reason but Aqua claims that the master still loves terra.

Ventus claims that Aqua has let being a keyblade master go to her head because he apparently doesn't like that of the three she is easily the most reasonable one here. He then claims that he's going to go find Terra.

Ventus runs into some boy in a labcoat who is being attacked by some unversed. The unversed are the pointless monsters you fight in this game btw. They're kind of useless and nobody seems to acknowledge that they exist.

Even shows up and claims the boy's name is Ienzo. He also claims that Ienzo's parents "are not here" to raise him. Gee Even, maybe if you didn't mention that his parents were gone to everyone you met he wouldn't have run away.

Even claims he saw Terra in the outer garden and that they are destined to cross paths again.

Ventus sees Terra and he starts whining at him about how Terra should take him with. Terra refuses but says that he believes Ventus "will be there" when he needs him.

Ventus reminds Terra that they're friends because apparently he needs to be reminded that because of how unnatural their interactions and then runs off to find Aqua.

Ventus is sad because Aqua tells him to go home again, as if that wasn't always the thing that was going to happen

Ventus flashes back to a scene of him sparring with terra using a wooden sword. Then they sit on a wall somewhere. Terra gives Ventus his wooden sword because the one Ventus was using is all beat up. Apparently Ventus had this wooden sword with him the whole time and starts brooding while looking at it.

We run into two new characters, Lea, and Isa. Lea makes fun of Ventus for having toy swords before pulling out a pair of frisbees. Lea challenges Ventus to a sparring match, which plays out in cutscene and it's implied that Ventus went on to bully him around with a keyblade. Actually, I'm just going to link the cutscene here because it's easily the best one in the game so far and I'm getting tired.


See how Isa and Lea are acting very clearly like they are friends with eachother? Because we never see that kind of thing out of Terra, Aqua, and Ventus, ever. Like I assumed that the writers just didn't know how to write people acting like they were friends with eachother but they clearly do, this cutscene is proof of that. Like it would be easier for me to get invested in this story if they had bothered to actually properly show Terra, Aqua, and Ventus being friends instead of just constantly telling us that they're friends and not showing that friendship in a way that gets us invested in the characters.

It's really fortunate that the gameplay in kingdom hearts is as solid as it is because the story is a fucking trainwreck so far. Like it isn't that complicated so far but it's just being told in the worst way possible.

ShyGuy:
I don't remember any of this. Isn't he named Sora?

Evan_B:
It’s true! Kingdom Hearts is an overrated action RPG series that is widely beloved by people who either A) Love Squaresoft RPGs B) Love Disney C) never played an action RPG before.

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