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Topics - Infernal Monkey

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1
NWR Forums Discord / Hey whoa
« on: March 19, 2015, 02:31:36 AM »
What's goin' on guys? I think it's been a few years!

I play with onaholes these days. Nintendo's still okay I guess. I downloaded that SG-1000 theme on my 3DS yesterday, 10/10 would look at again.

See you in 2049 for the San Francisco Rush race.

3
Nintendo Gaming / Again: Eye of Providence (new adventure game by Cing!)
« on: October 11, 2008, 03:15:36 AM »


The developers behind Another Code and Hotel Dusk present...







... some visual spew. I'm really not digging the art direction, but perhaps it looks better in motion. You play as special agent Johathan Weaver, who has the ability to see the past. Move around 3D environments on one screen, clicking some items will trigger flashback sequences that play on the other screen. These can uncover clues in the present and stuff! Automatic interest because of Cing.

Tecmo's publishing this one, seems like it might be a lot darker than Cing's previous work. Due out Q1 2009 in Japan and America. Probably sometime in 2014 for stinky Europe and stinky Ozzzztralia and stinky smells.





"Look, Smithers! Garbo is coming!"

TRAILER (no gameplay shown lolol)

4
General Gaming / 2008, PS2's last year of... PS2?
« on: August 10, 2008, 09:14:29 AM »
As much as Sony dribble on about not giving up on the system, it's pretty clear they already did like two years ago. But that doesn't really matter!

Shining Dragon
US: 29th of this month
PAL: LOL

Localized perverted beat 'em up, play as a number of school girls who beat the crap out of other students around the school grounds. Your uniform shreds apart for lol. Graphics look like something out of a public toilet but for $15, hey!





Yakuza 2
US: Next month
PAL: Also next month!

If you didn't play the first Yazuka you should... play... the first Yakuza. >=( Same thing, adventure-ish beat 'em up with a story that doesn't suck. Yakuza 2 will also leave the original Japanese voice acting in and only feature subs. Which is awesome, because the dub in the first game was SO HORRIBLE.



SEGA Ages: Fantasy Zone Complete Collection
Japan: 11th of September
US: LOL
PAL: LOL

The next in SEGA's amazing AGES line-up that for some reason never see the light of day outside Japan. Includes! Fantasy Zone (Arcade and SMS versions), Fantasy Zone II: The Tears of Opa-Opa (Arcade and SMS), Fantasy Zone Gear (Game Gear), Super Fantasy Zone (Mega Drive), Fantasy Zone: The Maze (SMS), Galactic Protector (SMS) and rumours of a beta of the unreleased Fantasy Zone/Space Harrier cross-over thing-a-jig. Oh, plus a remake of Fantasy Zone II using fancy high resolution sprites just for this collection.



Thunder Force VI
Japan: 30th of October
US: LOL
PAL: LOL!

The Genesis series is back! Looks incredible in motion, though the music seems like a bit of a downer. Tries too hard to be cheese. SEGA's publishing and have teased at the promise of reviving more dead shoot 'em up IP's if this does well. Which it probably won't.



Persona 4
US: December
PAL: LOL!!

Persona 3 surprised me, because it was an RPG I didn't hate. Persona 4 seems to play exactly the same, but they've swapped the busy busy city with a smaller town rural what'cha'macall it setting.



King of Fighters '98 Ultimate Match
US: December? Some sites say December, others have it as 2009. Mystery. December 2009? Oh my.
PAL: LOOOOOOOOL

IT'S KING OF FIGHTERS '98 WITH NEW STUFF. Including new sprites! No doubt they'll remove the online option for the US release.


IGN sure do take horrific screens, but they save a fair bit of time!

Samurai Shodown Anthology
US: October:
PAL: LOLSMCKENZIE

Seven Samurai Shodown games. On one disc! Blu-Ray owned.



Ferrari Challenge Trofeo Pirelli
US: Dunno, just have Q4 2008 listed everywhere
PAL: This month

PS3 version's already out, but PS2 and Wii are coming. It looks solid and the developers have kept all the features from the PS3 game. Seems like it'll be a pretty great racer!



Pipe Mania
US: Just came out
PAL: Next month

Do you remember the old Pipe Dream game? No? That's okay, nobody does. But it's been dug up and rebranded as Pipe Mania. The graphics are ****, but it looks to be a pretty good puzzle game. Only $15 US. :]



Wipeout Pulse
US: LOL
PAL: September

I'm not a fan of the series myself (though I loved the very first one on Saturn) but a lot of people are, and this got great reviews on PSP. Only PS2 screens I can find are tiny things trapped in flash, so here's a PSP screen.



Dokapon Kingdom
US: October
PAL: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL

Also due to hit Wii, but the PS2 version looks and plays exactly the same plus it's $20 cheaper. RPG/board game combination fried rice. What? Damn right.



Budget re-releases!
Okami, Maximo 2, Odin Sphere and Disgaea are all hitting the Greatest Hits line in September. Not because they sold well, but Sony's just desperate to give the illusion PS2 still matters.

WILL UPDATE WHEN MORE GAMES GET ANNOUNCED BECAUSE AT THE MOMENT IT'S LIKE PUBLISHERS JUST CHUCK STUFF ONTO RETAIL SHELVES WITH NO WARNING.

5
Nintendo Gaming / ATTN PLANET NON-GAMERS
« on: May 23, 2008, 01:51:42 AM »
Dear dead forum,

Buy Toki Tori on WiiWare. It is very awesome. You will get eight erections while playing it. Even if you're a girl.

Love,
Infernal  :-*

6
Reader Reviews / NiGHTS Journey of Fleas
« on: February 16, 2008, 01:34:24 PM »
Developer: Sonic Team
Publisher: Sonic

If the internet's anything to go by, everyone played the original NiGHTS game. I did, you did, your pregnant next door neighbors unborn child did. We all played NiGHTS. Which is a tad perplexing, considering the official worldwide sales of the Sega Saturn sit at somewhere around zero. I hope this phenomenon one day strikes the likes of F-Zero GX and ICO, that'd be great! 

Oh, but NiGHTS! Here comes the sequel, ten years later. Everyone on Earth has been waiting for this, a Christmas themed dog bone treat and not one, but TWO pinball tables could only tide us over for so long! If you've recently joined humanity from under that space rock located on the planet formally known as Pluto ie; Dogz McKenzie, here's a quick explanation of NiGHTS – you fly around, you smile.. yes, at the same time! Right, now that you're up to speed, let's go see if 'Journey of Dreams' isn't just false advertising.

Well, it starts off with two kids again. Perhaps this is a trap to make you think everything is okay, "oh! Two kids! Just like the first game, that had two kids! Sonic Team remembers! I can put my feet up and relax while giving out my credit card number to strangers". But watch out! William and Helen are about, and they just so happen to be our new er, heroes? One plays soccer all day, only to go to bed with his soccer ball, and dream about more soccer. The other spends her time alternating between the violin and running into the city to look at shop windows. I can relate to that.

Obviously both kids are on the verge of a mental breakdown, as their exciting dreams quickly twist into nightmares. Next thing you know the loading screen appears and you're dumped into the world of dreams, the Night Dimension, the something or other. See, the first NiGHTS game pretty much left it at that, but now we have a proper story and everything for whatever reason. NiGHTS has been given a voice of a burly British nanny wrapped in a blender to keep the gender a mystery, plus there's an owl that never shuts up. Practically every dialogue box that results from him opening his beak is accompanied by a "Visitor!" voice sample. Owl (yes, that's his name, creativity at its finest) truly is this generations very own Navi.



After Owl demands you to touch NiGHTS to 'dualize' (who gives off a suitably creepy smile in the process), you do a bit of basic flying about. Thankfully the game offers a variety of different control methods, I recommend staying away from using the actual Wii controller, pointing it to guide NiGHTS around is akin to driving a car with a flaccid penis at the wheel. So do yourself a favor and just use the nunchuck, or shove in a GameCube/Classic Controller. Now enter that door to Nightopia and away we gooooooo!

Tooo the next paragraaaaph! Okay, so you fly around. To the left or right. Sometimes even other directions, it's a complex mystery. The game features 3D environments, but you're restricted to 2D movement of sorts. Unless of course, you refuse to 'free' NiGHTS at the beginning of the stage (which is kind of recommended) and simply stroll around in glorious freedom as the kid. You can run, you can jump, you can throw stuff at enemies, intense. Eventually you'll waste all your precious beauty sleep and little alarm clocks will appear everywhere, latching onto you, until you die a horrible death. Or wake up. Either way, the game ends, so yeah, go free NiGHTS. The goal of these main stages is to essentially catch a bird, kill it and collect a key. Three times. What? Damn right. Collect blue orbs, fly through rings, try and catch the bird. That's NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, see you next ti-oh wait!


Tee hee this isn't even gameplay

Along with painfully awkward, unskippable cutscenes that deliver a story nobody wants, the sequel also introduces the deadly 'Sonic Adventure-itis' syndrome. Added side-missions, compulsory ones, that fumble around at delivering horrendous variety to the gameplay. Every world has five missions, the first being the proper fly-around-and-smile levels, the last is a boss fight, and the rest consist of nightmares, mostly. Rubbish such as NiGHTS turning into a bloody BOAT (why?) and saving mutant babies from drowning (why?!), or having a contest with Owl to see who can make the biggest blob of sticky water that floats in the sky. That's the stuff of dreams right there. They're terrible additions, and may even cause your bowels to cramp up in frustration. This will certainly be helped by the dreadful boss fights. They were a pain in the original, they're worse here. Who thought tilting a board to roll cats down holes would make for a good boss? Well actually, it could have been the best boss fight ever, but not here. No sir. But try not to let these drag you down too much, because the 'steak' part of this steak and brussel sprout meal is quite delicious.

The Saturn NiGHTS was pure arcade high score rampage bliss, allowing you to chain together your loops, spins, the rings you flew through and God knows what for big, dumb fun. The sequel is a worthy follow-up in this regard, although it's curiously lacking the special 'whatever fun bonus wow zoom' the original had that rewarded your combo stunts for a short amount of time. I sure hope that sentence can be linked together for points. Plus the levels themselves are an absolute joy to lose yourself in. Beautifully constructed, rich with detail and colour, they feel alive in a dead video game kind of way. You'll zip past fields littered with flowers and oddly placed windmills, giant neon cities featuring a very Sonic 2-ish slot machine sequence, crystal castles… there's not a single rundown warehouse or dripping sewer in sight! This all comes at a knee deep in maple syrup price though, the frame rate is quite low. Though if it helps, it's at a steady kind of low, there's no dropping to the level of a Powerpoint presentation. But maybe that would have been more amusing. The loading times are also atrocious. I thought I'd whack that in there, because I just remembered. Don't be surprised if a sentence about the location of my swipe card also ends up in here somewhere.



The music was another talking point of the original, and rightly so. Did you hear about the catchy tunes? They were great. I've also heard that Bort from accounting is dating Gertrude, oh ho, pass it on. Journey of Dreams offers another mixed bag here, while the quality and quantity is pretty mind boggling, a lot of the songs don't seem to actually go anywhere. The best tunes are arguably the new takes on the old ones. Although Delight City and Crystal Castle certainly got jammed in my head for a while. The music that plays in the hub/CHOOSE YA FLAMIN' LEVEL is also quite addictive.

Ah, there's also a rather pointless 'My Dream' mode crammed in here. When you brutally murder enemies in the game via doing gentle, playful loops around them, they're sent to your dream. Uh, I mean My Dream. What? Jesus. This is a free roaming little block of land that floats around, populated by the enemies and other freaks you've captured. Like a museum, except even more boring. It can connect to the Wii's weather channel if you like, so it'll rain in your dream as well as reality. That's depressing, Sega. They even give you the option of having other people come visit your disaster area online. The two of you can run around it and synchronize your yawns! Or perhaps you'd rather race each other in the levels? You can do that too.

I've carefully failed to explain NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, so my review is complete. I'm not going to demand you play it, that's stupid, and I lack a whip. But I sure had a fair bit of fun with it. There are moments in the game that'll probably stick with me for ten thousand years, too. Just like how whenever I close my eyes I see death from Shadowgate standing there because I decided to break a mirror which sent me hurling into space. Luckily once you've dragged yourself through the story mess, you can replay the levels without any drama getting in the way. Ignore the filler, and maybe you'll enjoy it too! It's just a damn shame it's there to begin with.



Oh what the hell at NWR resizing mah MS Paint. ;_;
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y13/Infernalcrap/bort/owlstinkfacemcgee.png

Final score:

(Out of five)

7
Nintendo Gaming / Cruis'n
« on: February 14, 2008, 01:01:36 PM »
China Town X: Yes, that's just one of the many exciting track names in this game.  So I went out and got the Wii's GOTY.



Homer's expressions are quite fitting. In this thread I'll chuck a review when I've put enough time into it, so far I've completed the game and unlocked everything within an hour! It even marks the return of a single still screen ending sequence! I love how you can crash through trees, forklifts, bridges, entire houses and more without losing speed, but clipping a CPU car will hurl you thousands of miles into the sky!

8
NWR Forums Discord / Next-gen giraffeics ain't got nothin' on this
« on: February 01, 2008, 11:03:46 PM »
IN HIS WOOOOOOOOORLD (HIS WORLD!) NEVER FEEL THE FALL, LIFE IS LIKE AN OPEN BOOK. IN HIS WORLD, EVERY STEP EATS THE BREAST. Come on, run away. You don't have to pizawooooaaaaaaahhhh cha! Feel the pace! Come on! Pace makers, come on! When you're super sonic racing, come on. Let the fire burn. Everybody (everyboffffy), everbody! Super sonic racing, trying to keep your eyes on the ground, Iwata time to look around. Let. The fire burn! Don't you know? Everyone's super sonic racing.

When you're strong, you can fly. You can reach the other side of the rainbaaaaaaazzaaoooooooooo. There is no circumcision you can't handle, when you use your mind. Sonic boom, sonic boom! Save the planet from this plaster! In the dark, to the light, it's a super sonic fat. Gotta keep it goin'! Sonic boom, sonic boom, sonic boom, sonic BLOOOOOOOOOM. Gotta hate you, sonic speed. I'm gonna hit you, sonic speed. Ridin' on the cave, sonic speeeed. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna show yooooooooou (my moves). GO TO GO TO GO GOTTA GO FAST. GOTTA GO FASTER. MOVIN' THE SPEED OF FLOUNDERS. WITHOUT ANY NEED FOR RELAXEXPLAINGOOOOOOOTOSONIC ON THE RUN, SONIC, NUMBER ONE. GOTTA GO FASTER! SONIC! SOOOONIC X!

Right there. Raffle on. Right there. Yeeeeeah! Rooooound?! Make believe the floor, listen to this door. Questions on the snow. Legends burning-ton. No such thing for paper for those that speed. So many things must baseball before they begin.



Scroll up and down this image slowly with your wheel mouse. Epyx does what Nextgendon't. What?  

9
Welcome to the ONLY review of this game on the internet! From a name you can trust!



Developer: Ivolgamus
Publisher: Oxygen Games

For some erotic reason, I kind of assumed the release of Metroid Prime Pinball back in 1937 would get the ball rolling (huurrr) for pinball games on the DS. It was pretty great despite its lack of actual tables, and the two screens worked wonders. But here we are several thousand years later with that and uh.. Flipper Critters, which is more of a back spasm simulator than a pinball game. But loud, audible genuine explosion of shock, here comes Powershot Pinball Constructor! The game that was originally due out last June, just now making it onto retail shelves. Why surely with such an impressive delay, it must be worth my fun bucks! I will consume it without delay!

First impressions on the way back? Oh! This woman next to me smells like month old yogurt, I regret the window seat. Oh! No English on the back of the box, that's nice. Perhaps I will glance at the manua-Oh! Nope, no English in there either. How awkward, what with it being sold in large retail chains here in Australia, where some form of English is rather popular. But it's only pinball, who needs instructions for that? Zombies? No, even zombies understand pinball.



The game starts off with some ear bleedingly good music, and one of the most frustrating touch screen menus ever. They make you spin everything around like a demented merry-go-round, until whatever option you want is at the very front. If it's just slightly off, it won't let you select it. You may have to train yourself on Trauma Center before tackling this game. Right, off we go, into the table selection. Uh.. hmm. There's a whopping one table on offer, with another two that have badly drawn padlocks on them. Fantastical. How you go about actually gaining access to these tables, I have no idea! But that's good, three tables is way too much choice. How will I ever decide? I'll be stressing out all night. Thank you Powershot Pinball, for making my life so much easier.

The same horrendous music that vomited into my ears on the title screen is back, we're off to a great start. It's a bit like a cat caught on a fence and a Game Boy Color in the process of being hit with a sledge hammer. The table is all pre-rendered, and nicely compressed to death to the point of looking like a grainy grain factory. There's one blinking light that shows you where a ramp is (very hard to tell since it only takes up half the top screen), that's all the thrills you're going to get as far as graphical effects. The ball physics capture the feeling of playing pinball on the moon very well, but what's more impressive is the fact that the ball can clip right through the flippers, or even get itself lodged into walls. Actually wait, going back to the whole flippers thing, sometimes hitting the ball will actually make it zoom down into the depths of hell instead of you know, up. Usually this means losing the ball, but oh no, not in Powershot Pinball! When this happens it'll bounce off an invisible barrier and hurl itself up at light speed! This is like stuff out of The Bible.

The game constantly feels the need to inform you that you're earning points. A 'BONUS SCORE' will scroll by on the top screen every now and then. Curiously, this simple text punches the frame rate in the crotch so hard it'll feel like you've just poured glue all over your DS. That's right, there are frame rate issues in a game where the only thing happening is a little grey circle bouncing about. Impressive! The fun doesn't stop there! If you've played Metroid Prime Pinball, you'll have seen how well the game handled the 'dead zone' between the two screens. Powershot Pinball does away with that nonsense and simply warps the ball across, as if there's nothing there. This is particularly fun to deal with when the ball spazzes out and goes screaming across the table because it's not sure what it's even doing. Merely LAUNCHING the ball to start in this game can cause eye rolling problems. If you launch too hard it often completely vanishes from the screen. Just like real pinball.

Right, so that was about as fun as bowel cancer, but wait! The game does have 'Constructor' in its title, might as well check this feature out. Creating your own tables is a nice idea, and the game even lets you save up to.. seven or something. Unfortunately this mode is just as half arsed, with a very limited amount of objects to place (bumpers, bumpers and more bumpers) and to top if all off, these Frankenstein's are limited to an overhead view. With a pinball the size of half a pixel. Oh dear. It's broccoli for dinner tonight.

The game offers a few other bags of diarrhea for you to smother all over your face, such as a high score table that often forgets to save high scores, and an option screen that thankfully lets you turn the music off. Also of note, all the sound effects are lifted directly from that Space Cadet pinball game that comes with Windows. Everyone enjoys those boops and blips! But what if you're strolling down the street one day, diarrhea all over your face, and you meet someone else that shares your poo passion? Why, you can play some multiplayer! Sadly I don't know of anyone else with this game to test out this action packed feature. It's almost as if Ivolgamus gave up shortly into development and just made some kind of hand motion when the publisher rocked up six months later asking where the hell the game was. It's so good the developer doesn't even list it on their own site!

Final score:

It gets half a Michael Jackson out of five for merely being a pinball game, I guess.  

10
Nintendo Gaming / MiniCopter: Adventure Flight
« on: December 27, 2007, 11:13:20 PM »
So Aksys is bringing over Petit Copter for the Wii, which is pretty exciting! Why is that Infernal, does it have three boobs? Yes. Yes it does. Also because there's been versions released on the PS2 and Xbox (a Japanese exclusive Xbox game, fancy that!) and they're pretty great. The second one for PS2 got a PAL release earlier this year under the name Radio Helicopter 2. It was relaxing and also one of the most frustrating experiences ever. Good times (no really!)

Basically, you goon around as a RC helicopter, search for stars, fly through rings, pick stuff up, spray water at cats, knock stuff down, crash into everything. Mix in some chillout music and you've got yourself some sort of video game.





Interested to see how they'll handle the controls, the PS2 one used both sticks, and it was a real pain to control at times. PAL release has also been confirmed, it'll be called just plain ol' Radio Helicopter.

No idea of release date or pricing yet, OUTSTANDING!  

11
Nintendo Gaming / Imagine.. Figure Skater?
« on: December 01, 2007, 10:29:48 PM »
I have to be honest, Ubisoft's Imagine Bowel Cancer series interests me. Not in the wow gotta play them kinda way (unless..), but how they tend to mix them up a bit. Some are developed especially for Ubisoft by the lowest of the low budget European developers, Imagine Master Chef was by a Korean developer (which rips off the look of Cooking Mama pretty well!) and others seem to simply be translated versions of existing Japanese games. So when Ubisoft announced IMAGINE FIGURE SKATER the other day with no supporting screenshots or anything, I had to dedicate a few minutes of my life to get a scoop. A SCOOP NWR.



Quote

Take a fun diversion into the world of competitive figure skating: using your stylus, you’ll be able to perform spins, jumps and impressive skating combinations. Wow the audience with salchows and other graceful moves.

Listen to your coach to learn new expert moves. Train hard but remember to balance your life by going to school and meeting up with friends. When it’s competition, be sure to choose the right song, costume and routine. And always try your best!

   * Choose from 3 different girls to play as and customize your character
   * Over 1000 patterns of customization with different clothes, hairstyles and accessories
   * Perform your figure skating moves and routine using the Nintendo DS stylus
   * Create your own figure skating routine including moves, music, costume and compete in the world cup
   * Play through a complete storyline that includes friends, rivals, training and schoolTake part in assortment of fun rhythm and matching mini-games]


Diving into my box art folder (1,164 jpegs don't mess), I pressed F. F for Fred, TOP DOLLAR! And yes, it turns out that Imagine Figure Skater is going to be a localized version of 2007 GOTY Figure de KiraKira Koori no Angel. Developed by Spike.



*Nods head*

12
Nintendo Gaming / Space Invaders Extreme (beach volleyball)
« on: November 15, 2007, 08:22:53 PM »
Hey NWR, my name is Infernal Monkey, and I like Space Invaders. I hated Space Invaders Revolution though. I really hated Space Invaders Revolution. It was the first IP revival Taito decided to hurl onto DS, which was followed by the equally terrible Bubble Bobble Revolution, Rainbow Islands Revolution, New Zea-wait, New Zealand Story Revolution was okay. And so forth. Well, it seems Taito got the hate mail in 256 shades of red, as their latest takes on DS are certainly an improvement. Bubble Bobble Double Shot? Pretty cool. Space Invaders Extreme?





Crazy! There's a video on the website (click PV on the right). Both this and the upcoming Arkanoid seem to share the same style.. which is going around a lot lately, but it works. Eye bleeding is a must! Sounds like it might also be taking a leaf out of Space Invaders Evolution (getting confused yet? Evolution was for the PSP!) by working music together with the blasting action. Evolution was awesome. :]  

13
Nintendo Gaming / Dream Pinball (not Pinball Dreams!)
« on: November 13, 2007, 07:24:19 PM »
Wii gets more balls of steel. (NSFW lolol)

Quote

Featuring six distinctive tables, Dream Pinball draws on the latest hardware features to provide visuals that easily surpass previous pinball titles. HDR lighting, motion blur and advanced particle systems generate a remarkable graphical sheen, with selectable cameras providing one fixed and six dynamic action-tracking camera angles. The tables themselves feature a wide range of designs and themes, each one complete with multiple areas, secrets, an array of special effects and spectacular three-way multiball.


I really don't think HDR lighting and other 1993 style Jurassic Park CGI golly-gosh wizz-bang silicon graphical technology is needed for a pinball game, but whatever! Due out early next year in America and Europe. If the developer just flat out copies the amazingly well done controls in Gottlieb Pinball Classics (the Wii version only ever got a PAL release~), then I'll be happy. In every area of my body, especially my kneecaps.





Pinball Hall of Fame: The Williams Collection (FEATURING PIN*BOT!) is also due out sometime next year on Wii, 2008 will be year of the year for sure. THINGS! Dream Pinball is headed to DS too, obviously lacking the.. uh.. Jurassic Park technology.



I can't believe how few pinball games there have been on DS.. THERE'S BEEN ONE. Metroid Pinball's all the poor thing has. Flipper Critters has been delayed over and over again for about two years now. Even the PSP has more pinball games than DS! GBA had like ten. Million.  

14


This was a rather large and apparently rather awesome adventure game released on the PC last year. The developers have crammed THE WHOLE THING onto a DS cartridge. All the FMV, all the speech, everything (THE WHOLE THING). There's a neat video with the developers explaining the horror of porting it all here.



DS is a beast (THE WHOLE THING). I like how Lucasarts still haven't ported over their adventure games for easy money. I'm eating custard, a lot of custard. Maybe my bowels will start frowning while folding their arms and shaking their hea-oh God bowels aren't supposed to have those!

15
Nintendo Gaming / Barnyard Blast (wait, come back!)
« on: October 23, 2007, 08:40:06 PM »


Developed by kind of (very) unknown Thai developer, Sunuk Software (Ubisoft hired them to make 2006 GOTY Dogz!), this umm.. came out of nowhere! Barnyard Blast is pretty much a Castlevania parody game by the looks of it, and it seems like it'll be a really fun old-school game! Closer than the recent Castlevania DS games! Take that, 1950's society! But this has guns too! Guns to shoot!



TRAILER~

My only concern is changing weapons with the touch screen, since I still wake up screaming about that thanks to Nanostray. GOOD LUCK TINY DEVELOPER AND YOUR ORIGINAL IP THAT'LL GET IGNORED FOR ALL THE STUPID USUAL REASONS! Apparently due out sometime in the next month or so by DSI in America, and Big Ben in Europe.  

16
Friends, countrymen, countrywomen, fiends, thongs, .sid.. tunes! Is it wrong to have interest in.. THE BEE GAME? The answer, is. This is the new Maya the Bee game, apparently based on some cartoon I guess they never showed over here. Most likely named THE BEE GAME to confuse parents when they set out to buy The Bee Movie: The Game. The GBA versions were developed by Shin'en. I have no idea who's behind this one, but the video gives the illusion that it's another fine 2D platformer. It almost reminds me of a *generic Amiga platformer* which is kinda good. I guess. I mean, it could have been a stinky 3D bogfest.



It's on DS and GBA, DS one seems to have some mini-gamesKIDDYINDUSTRYDESTROYINGWIISPORTSWHEREARETHEGAMESATMARIOBASKETBALL. Shock! I dunno, DS has been crying out for 2D platformers, and they're slowly rolling in! I might give this a crack if it ever gets released here (GBA ones never did~, but then again Midway didn't publish those) and if so, when it hits bargain bins.



Game of the year? Yep. I think it's due out next month in America, buy nine copies! Support cake fatalities! Isn't it awesome how I had to link to Amazon of all places for the video, this game is getting lots of attention on game sites! Tumbleweeds.



Simple DS Series: The Bee Game.

17
Got to play this today at the Nintendo Connection Tour. =3 In this thread I'll just retype my gurnal entry with different words. Fellow Aussie NWR'ers Mario and Hybrid Hunter were there too, they can confirm the awesomeness. Wait does Hybrid even post anymore?

It was a very (VERY) early beta version, whenever it crashed to the debug screen it had the build date as March 7, so hmm! Still, it's heaps fun in multiplayer. Ever played the awesome Summer Games from Epyx or Konami's Track & Field? No? Tsk! This captures the same amount of greatness, which is scary, because it's Sega. Only a few events were avaliable, 100 meter dash, hurdles, hop skip jump buttflop thing, long jump, swimming, javelin and fencing. Skeet shooting and hammer toss could be selected, but they'd crash the game. Best!

Controls are simple to learn (well except maybe javelin..), but WILL WEAR YOU THE HELL OUT. It's amazing stuff. Running involves pumping both the Wii controller and nunchuck up and down frantically, swimming mixes in different motions to keep you on your toes (in the water?) It's JUST like the old awesome button mashing Olympic games but with exciting 2007 motion controls! But this is just the running and swimming stuff, I'm PRETTY SURE you won't be having a fit with the controllers for other events. But that would be cool. All your favorite characters are here to play as such as Shadow and that croc from Knuckles Chaotix. The selection screen also had a Mii option, so you'll be able to use them. Seems like you'll be building up their stats in single player, as the default Mii's had NOTHING.

Fencing is outstanding, STAB STAB STAB. The Connection Tour staff kept whinging about everyone playing that event. "IT'LL CRASH THE SYSTEM!" lolololol no. Character animation is hilariously well done (Wario's gut jiggles around when he runs, take THAT Dead or Alive), but the backgrounds really needed work. No shock considering how early the beta is. There were really, really low res 2D sprites of Toad that looped along the side of the track in long jump, and they had some half done 'grass blowing in the wind' effect trying to happen in javelin. But recent videos already show how far it's come.


Shadow winning? Cute touch, Sonic wears a life vest in the swimming events.


FENCING!


Two Sonic's, uh oh! I don't think that was meant to happen.


Bupbow!

Basically, VERY excited about this game. Just saw the GameVideos video (which is a shock in itself considering nothing ever loads from that stinkfest lolol) showing off the 'Dream Events' such as sky diving and running while defeating enemies and WOW. It was really, REALLY fun in four player, it'll be great for multiplayer nights. Single player? Who knows!

18
General Gaming / After Burner: Captain Falcon
« on: October 04, 2007, 12:37:06 AM »
I'm (not really) playing this right now (because I'm typing). It's a lot of fun, it makes my hands cramp up. Also my vagina. I'm shocked actually, that it's as good as it is. A dug up Sega zombie for a sequel that isn't horrible? Unpossible. Basically, it's After Burner. Gameplay goes like this, ZOOOOOOM, MASH MASH MASH MASH LOCK-ON, ZOOOOOOOOOOM, YOU GOT BOOST POWER, ZOOOOOOOOOM, MASH MASH MA-CHECKPOINT LAND ON CARRIER. ZOOOOOOOOOOOM. It doesn't piss fart around with complicated garbage, because whoever developed it (Planet Moon?) knows the score. This is pure 80's style arcade awesome stuffed into the PSP. Which is a bit depressing, because it's exclusive to the system. So nobody is going to play it.

There are three pilots, umm.. fast guy (his name is Sonic wowowow), fat guy and tranny. They have different sort of styles, I'm playing as Sonic, and the goal is to beat the stages as fast as possible. Fat guys objective is to take down as many enemies as possible. Tranny's goal is to trick enemies. It only cost me $7 in a pawn shop, that's $3 cheaper than the Lynx games they had. They didn't even have boxes. How can you possibly charge $10 for Basketbrawl on Lynx in 2007 when it doesn't even have a box.



Pros of After Burner
- It's a video game

Cons of After Burner
- It pauses in the middle of the action to load the next music track

14/10  

19
NWR Forums Discord / Wow WHOA sexy (hot stuff warning)
« on: October 02, 2007, 10:19:40 PM »


Quote

Akai Vanguard-chan says:
FERNY YOU ****ER

20
NWR Forums Discord / IT'S SHIFTY'S BIRTHDAY
« on: September 28, 2007, 12:04:30 AM »
Hahuauhauhauhauha I've hidden the thread in a secret spot. Use the boost to get through!


21
Nintendo Gaming / Japanawananese-only games heading to Ramsey Street
« on: September 01, 2007, 05:45:03 PM »
The OFLC (that's our version of the ESRBERBSER.. thingy) have rated both Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (8-bit Master System version) and Mario's Super Picross for the Virtual Console.



Two games that have previously never seen the light of day outside of Japan unless you imported them and left them outside, but then that'd cause the low quality print to fade on the high quality 100% uncut cardboard, and you'd NEVER BE ABLE TO TELL WHAT THEY WERE THEN. So what does this mean? Well I dunno, maybe we'll get Sin & Punishment. MAYBE YOU WILL TOO. But maybe you won't, I don't really care. Maybe. <3  

22
LOOK AT THIS BOX.



1500! 1500! YEN. WACKY MONEY. According to my friend, Currency Converter, who lives on the internet, that's about $12 US. For Shogi! Yes, some legend (Tasuke?) has decided to finally do battle with D3's Simple Series games. A line of ultra budget games meant for impulse purchases. GOD DAMN THIS BLOODY PUZZLE PIRATE FLASH AD SLOWING MY BROWSER DOWN. NO I DON'T WANT TO PLAY NOW YOU HORRIBLE MAN. I mean hey, if you saw this sitting near the check outs of your favorite consumer whore food location, with a big sticker proclaiming TWELVE DOLLARS (the sticker would be bigger than the box itself), you'd buy it right? I know I would. I'd drop everything else, I'd push over my trolley of goods, I'd pick up an old person and throw them out a window. This Shogi, it is mine!


Doesn't that look exciting? The girl sure seems to be excited. You should too!

But the fun doesn't stop there, as Tasuke plans to launch this '150,000,000 DS Spirits' range with five titles! Five! More will probably follow! Keep in mind that the Simple DS series is currently up to like volume 20. It's a battle, a battle for sure. But the Simple DS games  are now trying decent attempts at point 'n' touch adventure games, side scrolling shooters and pool games that let you draw tits all over the table. Can Tasuke keep up?!




MAHJONG. LOOK AT THAT. DON'T MESS.




BLOCK BREAKER. Because the DS just doesn't have enough of these. Here's an EXCITING FACT, they released a game called Break 'Em All in America for DS, that was in fact a localized Simple DS game. Now you are THREE HUNDRED percent better off knowing this. When someone challenges you in Double Dragon now you can say "NAW IT'S CO-OP YA DICK LOL"




REVERSE, BACK UP. SMASH. CAPTAIN FALCON IS THE NEW F-ZERO QUEEN. YOU GOT A NEW MACHINE. This is also known as Othello which was so awesome on the original Game Boy, it was so awesome that people would pre-order haircuts.




CARDS MADE FROM FLOWERS. Hanafuda! Isn't that what Nintendo started on? I think Tasukeajkalakadkladl is stealing their girl.

Anyway, in this thread we discuss why American and European publishers haven't caught onto this sort of thing. Extremely simple impulse priced games MAKE SENSE on portable machines. I still see those stupid magnetic chess boards in shops, and they're like $20! People are buying these! What's wrong with them?! Digital is the future! If you want old grandpa style fun, buy a CACTUS and SIT ON IT instead. A lot of European publishers do indeed release these cheap Japaneseanpajapanease games, but they miss the point completely and charge stupid amounts of money for them. While over in America, as far as I can tell, only UFO and DSI know the score and release really cheap DS games. But DSI are horrible, and make games nobody would ever want to play in the first place.

ONIONS?!

23


The cover is off to a good start because it has original ORIGINAL Red Ranger CONSUMING the new goons. I haven't watched any of the Power Rangers since the origi-DUCK HUNT MUSIC JUST POPPED UP IN WINAMP.





See, it even has a space shooty bit. This game might make my monster grow, haha! Penis! Game of the year? "You bet, kid!" AGENTS GO!

24
Gottlieb Pinball Classics was one of two PAL launch titles for the Wii by System 3. The other being Super Fruit Fall, an $80 port of a flash game, programmed by one guy! Gottlieb had a bit more effort put into it. Although it's essentially a port of the same game found on PS2 and PSP. Also released in America under the title 'Pinball Hall of Fame' for PS2, Xbox, PSP AND GC. But that's okay, the developers, Farsight, spat on the Wii game to polish it up a lot. Farsight enjoy spitting! The graphics have been cleaned up (saliva does that), the loading times reduced to basically nothing and the best part, the ball physics improved. The PS2 version had some preeeetty dodgy balls, danglin' arou-wait. The pinball was kinda floaty, like jumping in the first Virtua Fighter game. It'd sometimes get stuck on the edge of things in a weird way. Not anymore!

Farsight absolutely nailed the controls, too. You use both the Wii controller and the Nunchuck, the Z button on each controls either the left or right flipper. It might sound a bit odd, but holding them like that really does bring it closer to feeling like a proper pinball machine. Also if you shake them left or right it'll nudge the table in that direction. Much more fun than just tapping the L or R buttons on a PS2 controller. TOP HAT GOLD. There's also a whopping eleven tables! You're lucky to get even three tables in the majority of what little pinball games come out these days, eleven is good value for money. Like nutmeg. They're all digital versions of real Gottlieb tables, going back to the early 1960's to the early 1990's. My favorite table is Victory, from 1987. You know why? Because VICTORY. Also it makes car noises.

Oh yeah and there's no craptastic music aside from the title screen, just the sounds of the tables and background noise to kinda make you feel like you're in an arcade. Each table has a number of goals to complete in order to earn credits. You need credits to play the tables in order to beat the goals. What what. Yeah, it works out though, and you feel all special in the pants when you unlock a new table. There are also a few other novelty things to check out, such as a Love Testers and the almighty Xolten, a fortune teller! Farsight have a new Wii pinball game in the works, featuring PINBOT! And this time it'll get an American release too. It's one of my favorite Wii games because VICTO-uh, PINBALL!  

25
NWR Forums Discord / Who rules?
« on: April 22, 2007, 02:48:24 AM »

"Hey kids, who rules?"


"O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!"


"O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!"


"O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!"


"O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!"

Discuss.

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