Let's get this game going already!
Wahhhhhhh! Waluigi here. Here to tell you about one of the most interesting capers in history.
It all started one day when I was walking down the street. I had just been kicked out of the dance hall for gesturing towards my crotch one too many times and had no where to go. As I walked along the street, I came upon the local motion picture hall and decided to go in and see one of those talkies Hollywood has been making. After I swiped some popcorn from a sleeping old man, I settled into my seat and got caught up on news around the world. I enjoyed catching up on what others in the business were doing. Al Capone, Bonnie & Clyde and John Dillinger. All of 'em living it up and putting the slip to the coppers.
It got me thinking. I've been resting on my laurels. Sure. Everyone knows there is no greater villain than Waluigi. Nothing can top the time I stole the Mushroom Kingdom's music keys or when I used a Chain Chomp orb and stole a star from Boo on the last turn which robbed him of victory and made me the superstar. Nothing can top that. Well, except for maybe this. Besides here about other gangster's deeds, the newsreel also had a story about a seaside town named Rogueport and a treasure that was rumored to be buried there from long ago.
Cop 1: Wait a minute. That's your story?! You're going to rip off Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door?
Waluigi: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said anything about a thousand year door? I didn't.
Cop 2: Surely you don't think we'd believe a story like this.
Waluigi: What would you believe? A star rod?
Cop 1: Nope.
Waluigi: A bio-form mutagen called Phazon?
Cop 2: No.
Waluigi: A crime syndicate involved in the selling of stolen pocket monsters?
Cop 1: We're not idiots.
Waluigi: Sacred Treasures stolen by the goddess of darkness? A princess kidnapped by a great evil? A triforce? A star road? A racing belt that combines the two great forces of the universe, light and dark?
Cop 2: Each of these is more unbelievable than the last.
Waluigi: What about a treasure buried under a seaside town the whereabouts of which have long been forgotten?
(Cops look at each other)
Waluigi: This story is different I swear.
Cop 1: All right. Proceed.
So, the newsreel says that this long forgotten treasure has just been found. And I begin thinking to myself about how this would be the perfect little caper for me to pull. The theft a thousand year... I mean, long ago ancient treasure. So, after making some money by selling an extra go-kart I had, I sailed to Rogueport. But when I got there, I learned the terrible truth. The treasure had just been stolen. Appearently, it was taken by a group of 5 thieves. Well, I was upset. How dare someone steal from me first.
It turns out, I wasn't the only one upset. Many other villains from the underword had gathered at this spot in the hopes of taking the treasure for themselves. And they were just as mad to learn someone had beaten them to it. I wondered what I should do next when I remembered my mantra: "Only cheaters mess up." And since this band of thieves had cheated me of this treasure, I knew it would only be a matter of time before they messed up. And I would soon be proven right.
Because the theft had just happened, Rogueport authorities shut down all shipping lanes. That meant the thieves would still be stuck in Rogueport. Reports soon went out that the thieves had gone into hiding in the sewers. Other thieves meanwhile had got it into their heads to track down this gang and steal the treasure from them. Even if that meant murder. Desperate to keep people from finding them out, the gang of thieves was just as ready to kill also. And so I embarked upon a strange journey of my own as I navigated the seedy underworld amidst the carnage that would soon unfold. You got that coppers?
Cop 1: We're getting it. Just continue with the testimony.
Well, it didn't take long for people to start accusing one another which set this whole powderkeg off. The first day went something like this: